Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I have 2 really close friends and for whatever reason, I just can't bring myself to finally admit that I went all the way with my boyfriend.
We had sex for the first time 3 months ago, but I'm still having a hard time admitting to myself that that happened, I somehow feel unclean.
I grew up in a cult that banned premarital sex, he respected my wishes, but at some point, I just wanted to do it and I like sex.
Still, it's so uncomfortable for me to admit to others that I had sex... Although it's not a big deal.
I've told them that he's gone down on me, that I love performing oral sex on him, and that we've basically done everything BUT vaginal penetration - why am I having such a hard time admitting it? I really want to be as free as I feel, but something is holding me back.
What Girls & Guys Said
22 49Interesting my friends and I talk about sex all the time 🤷🏽♀️
Didn't know other girls do that... We rarely talk about sex tbh
lol yea we’re grown we talk about a lot of stuff
Thats hor.. hmu
You must first accept that is not dirty and forgive yourself.
My girlfriend and I waited haf a year before admitting we had sex. We actually told our parents that we started then as opposed to having already been in a sexual relationship for 6 months. They knew it would eventually happen and accepted it. Your friend seem to be the types that would be okay with it if you told them. If they asked why you waited to tell them you can just say that talking about it is uncomfortable for you.
Thank you for sharing this :)
@mytake owner is that u in the pic?
It is no one else’s business but you and your lover.
Handle things as you see fit. Most likely your friends can already tell without being told.
That last sentence is certainly true lol.
You dont have to tell them hun, also if you do tell them and they dont support you and hype you tf up, then you need new friends. Nah but fr, talk to you S/O ask for his advice and just send it
Marry him?
4 dislikes, because i told her to marry her boyfriend? 🤔🤔😂😂
What does that have to with anything?
Why do you want admit it?
To whom?
It is very personal act, decision.
Inspite of culture you are born and bought up into, once you are natured you are shouldering responsibility of your act.
I don't think you should admit it and I don't think you should have guilt.
Keep holding back
Fuck that. I'd brag about it.
You grew up in that environment. It's hard to break out of something that was drilled into us as children. In this case the idea that premarital sex is shameful.
100% agree. People like @btbc92 are exactly like my parents (who waited until after getting married with having sex). I get it, I'd like to have waited too, but I'm engaged, why tf would I care about shit like that anymore? I spent 20 years in a fckng cult, I deserve to feel good about my sexuality.
Yes you do. Do you love the man you had sex with? Are you committed to him? If so, I don't see the difference between marriage and engagement. Just my opinion. Committment is commitment. Nor would i judge you for having sex just for fun, but at this phase of my life I don't want that. Your body. Your choice. I just advise that you make choices that lift you up rather than push you down.
I love him, I'm committed to him, and I think we have a very unique relationship in that we know we could also stomach being separated for a while, but we also love being together all the time lol. I've never met anyone like him.
That's great. I'm happy for you both.
You don't have to kiss and tell
Your friends approval and stupid moral supporteers that you have around you thats lacking and held you back
They aren't your friends if they have a problem with you having sex.
They 100% don't, they'd fully support it, but I'm extremely sexually repressed and I'm having a hard time telling them.
Good luck
Don't tell them it's not their business anyway
Hi, I have a question. Are your friends virgins? Or are they super judgmental? I'm trying to think of what consequences you would face. Otherwise, tell them when you're ready. Even though they're your friends, it's your private life. You're under no obligation to tell anyone. Sorry so long. Cheers love!
One of them is a virgin, the other one had sex about 3 months before me I'd say, so they're all really new to the whole thing. They're not judgmental :) they're the only people I can talk to about sex because my parents would be required to break off all contact with me if they found out about me having sex, so there's that.
Ok. Well, maybe since you mentioned feeling awkward about it. Maybe the whole thing needs some time to sink in. And when you are comfortable with it, you can just tell them and enjoy the moment. Cheers darling!
Thanks!
Sex isn't a bad thing, don't worry so much
i don't think you owe them anything
Sex is good tell all your friends who cares.
What kind of cult did you grow up in? I assume that you've left it by now? If you've left it, so you still have other family members involved in it? Just curious because I was involved in a cult when I was a teenager, but I left when I was 19.
I'm working on leaving. I was born and raised a Jehovah's Witness - I consider them a cult because they ban blood transfusions based on very weak arguments and enforce your family having to break up with you if you break the rules. I was VERY involved with the group for all my life, I'm changing that now, but leaving this group without losing your family is very, very difficult. I know that my siblings will be mad at me for several years and my parents won't ever be ableto forgive me. It's sad. What cult where you involed in? What was it like for you when you left?
It was just a single facility cult that had about 200 members at its peak, but it is defunct now. My family didn't belong to it. When I left, as most cults do, they tell the members not to socialize with you. They don't want you telling them why you left. So I had to find new friends, etc. Luckily I had a friend who had left the cult who was supportive and helped me transition to a more normal life. I still had friends who I grew up with, who I knew before I got involved with the cult. So I hung out with them. Then I focused on making new friends also. I do have a friend who grew up a Johovah's Witness who didn't pursue it as an adult, although his parents were still involved with it. I think his parents were "OK" with him not staying with it but they just didn't talk about it much. They are both gone now though. So how disappointed your parents will be? I guess it is all individual.
I can imagine that it's even more difficult to leave a cult that has one facility only - especially when they tell you they're the chosen, special ones. Glad to read that you made it though :) I'm currently in the process of transitioning to a normal life, meaning that I don't go to the meetings anymore and I ignore members of my congregation/church texting me. I told the elders that I'm depressed so that they'd leave me alone (I'm not, but I think that in a situation like this, lying about your mental health is acceptable), it kinda worked. Since I made the stupid decision to get baptised, my parents will be very disappointed, but I think they'll get over it once I have kids. Hopefully. Other than that, as much as I love them, I'm not too big of a family person anyways, so not having too much contact wouldn't change much about the status quo to be honest. I don't live with them.
So your friend's parents left too? Interesting.
Oh, by "gone" I meant that my friend's parents are both passed on now. They stayed with the Jehovah's Witnesses. Yeah my friend didn't stay with it but I don't think it was a major issue with his parents. With my being involved in that cult, you're right that it was a bit difficult leaving it since it was small. I couldn't just tell them I was "going to another location" and just leave it... LOL... Yeah these cults use "social exclusion" to try to keep you from leaving. They instruct their members to not socialize with you after you leave. Not sure about the JW's as to how much they use that tactic. I was 19 and in community college when I left it. Every now and then I'd run into an old friend from it, and they'd be real friendly at first. Then they'd get this fearful look on their face once they realize that "they weren't supposed to talk to me", and then walk away. It was kind of comical... LOL... That was so long ago that the cult is now defunct. Every now and then I'd talk to an old friend from it and it is fun to talk about how strict it was and how seriously the "leaders" took it... LOL
JW's take social exclusion to a whole other level lol. If you come out as gay, some parents will kick you out without any money. If you tell your parents you don't believe in the religion anymore, some will be moderate, but once you commit a "sin" like premarital sex or even just staying in the same house with your partner, you will be "disfellowshipped" and then people have to shun you, including your family. So I think that's highly problematic and laeaving is only possible when you're young... Unless you're fine with building an entire social circle past your 20s. What you said with the being friendly when you run into them but then them running away is something I'm painfully familiar with. Luckily, my parents have disfellowshipped family members already, so at least I won't be the first to leave.
Wow so your parents have "disfellowshipped" other family members already? In your immediate family, or relatives? How sad actually... Yeah what I was involved with was real strict and overboard but I was the only person in my family into it, so when I left I only had to deal with the exclusion from the people still in the cult. (When I left, I think my family was kind of glad that I left it, but they didn't say anything because I think they could tell that I didn't want to talk about it at that point.) Good thing I was at that stage in life where I was in college and I was able to make new friends. It was a quite liberating time in my life! Sorry to hear that you are going through this.
That friend of mine whose parents were JW's, perhaps they weren't as strict. His mom died when he was about 28, and after that he lived with his girlfriend. His dad didn't really have an issue with it. Then that didn't work out and he lived with his next girlfriend before getting married. I don't recall the dad complaining. But it sounds like you are in a more serious predicament. Their reaction to family members who leave seems to be contrary to what religion "should" be. Hopefully you can come to some sort of common ground with them so they won't shun you. I feel bad for your situation.