Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Pink Anon, 25-29: Men do you really NEED sex?
BarryLiverstone: "We need sex to feel intimacy and emotions, much like you need intimacy and emotions to enjoy sex.
Understand?"
Asker: "I really pondered on that being so. So sex for men is the same as “cuddling” feels for women?"
BarryLiverstone: " You got it. That’s how we really know she loves us and when we feel connected to her. Now you may understand when someone refuses sex in a relationship how it hurts us."
_____________
I know the answer, but many females seem to not. I think it's important this is understood.
Let's also see the proportion/breakdown of male votes and opinions.
What Girls & Guys Said
4 58I said no vote, because it's a yes and no for me. I identify as poly, and understand clearly that I need sex in my primary relationship, for instance I'd likely choose someone who has a sex drive similar to mine, who wants marriage and a family. But with my Secondary partners, I wouldn't need sex at all. Not like I'd be opposed to it, but it's not a requirement in those cases
Men and woman need to feel appreciated to be intimate and loved to feel happiness and completion. Giving a pretty girl a flower is a potent form of intimacy expressed and desired. A kiss anywhere can express a world of appreciation in return.
I can't speak for other men, but I find sex to be something very emotional. I think sex with someone with whom I did not feel a close emotional connection would be awkward and hollow.
Every single time I have ever had sex has been a powerful and intimate moment with the woman I was with. "Meaningless" sex makes no sense to me. It has always been emotional. Just because they did not all result in exclusive, "I want to be with you forever" relationships does not mean they were not special, or that it was purely physical.
I voted true, though it's... more nuanced then that. But it's "Trueish".
It's not true for all men, but true for most.
It's not actually sex, it's being sexually desired, but if you're not having sex or sexual contact then the reasons WHY need to emotionally resonate. The reasons need to be good enough for the length of rejection.
It's not necessarily true instantly (which ties a little into the 'desired unless good reasons' piece) but is more true in the longer term.
It's not untrue for all women, or maybe even most, if they are persistently sexually rejected in a relationship.
"It's not actually sex, it's being sexually desired, but if you're not having sex or sexual contact then the reasons WHY need to emotionally resonate. The reasons need to be good enough for the length of rejection." 🎯 wise man.
Intimacy and emotion is irrevocably tied to sex of us yes. Maybe I wouldn't go as far as to say that it is a need that surpasses other acts of love, but it is *a* need for a good marriage.
Well said 🤛.
Thank you kindly!
False, I want a Woman who wants sex with me and if she says no
then that would be fine, no Man should pressure or force himself
on a Woman who doesn't want sex
I don't have sex with my friends, and we can still get pretty close. For lovers though for that total intimacy you would need to eventually have sex or something to, remove that last physical boundary.
I love the sex before cuddling and affection... I'll cuddle and feel more intimate after the sex... but I need the sex to really enjoy and get to my intimate feelings of affection.
Just MHO
Yeah pretty much. I personally find it hard to fully be vulnerable and deeply bond with a girl until we've had sex. If you think about it biochemically, sex for men is like opening the floodgates on oxytocin release. This is purely speculative on my part, but I think men have much fewer triggers for oxytocin release into the body compared to women. Women can get a flood of oxytocin from flowers, chocolates, compliments, longing stares over a candlelit dinner, etc. And of course from sex too. So I'd make the case that "seduction" is really a process of gradually turning the release valve on the woman's oxytocin production. So that she ultimately feels warm and fuzzy enough to let things move to the bedroom, and it's only after having sex that the man is "rewarded" with a similar release of oxytocin. So men can go long periods without that warm fuzzy feeling, but we can get a sudden rush of it after having sex with the girl we fancy/are dating.
Thanks for adding the science as I also had to discover this a while ago. It’s why Steve Harvey’s 90 day rule is valid.
Interesting theory, Tom. Guys do crush, and fall in love too, though, and so each gender can get floods of hormones. But maybe you are talking past the initial phase, and when the two people are well into a relationship?
I'm talking more about the initial phase. So to your point about guys crushing and falling in love (even setting aside sex), of course we can and do feel things very deeply without the necessity of sex being on the cards at a given moment. But speaking just for myself, whether it's hormones or something else, I do feel that my connection with a girl takes on a deeper and richer quality after sex. Maybe part of it is that we both see a softer, more vulnerable side in each other, and something intensely private that's now being shared. I'm not sure I have the right way of explaining it, without falling into flowery clichés. But men generally feel so little true intimacy in our daily lives, whereas through sex we have an instant access to that heightened feeling of intimacy, or connection, or whatever you call it. Maybe just the process of courting and flirting can steer us in that direction, but even still, I've never had first time sex with a new partner and NOT felt significantly more bonded to her than I'd felt beforehand.
I think sex for men is a great clarifier of our feelings; putting into physical, tangible expression all the indefinite, abstract feelings you might call 'infatuation'. Whereas for women it's almost the reverse. So after sex she's wandering "now we've had sex, what does that mean? Will he still want me now? Can I ca him my boyfriend? What does he want? Does he think I'm a slut?" Whereas he's just lying in bed with her thinking "wow that was amazing, she's amazing, I don't want this moment to end, this is good and I want more lf whatever is good"
Whereas before having sex, it's the guy who's generally juggling all the complications and confusion, coz he's trying to make a good impression, impress her, make her feel attracted, present himself as a high value dating prospect, creating a great date experience for her, asking her out in the first place, approaching her for the first time etc. Whereas in the beginning, if a girl is halfway pretty, she can pretty much sit back and relax knowing that the guy is the one working double time to try and win her affections. It's only after sex that things simplify for the guy, and complicate for the girl.
Chicken/egg... can I just start with cuddling and work from there?
I kinda agree that sex is what causes men and women to join together.
i need sex cause i have natural sexual urges and i don't like to not act on them all the time. i don't enjoy sex a lot without intimacy and emotions. but i can feel intimacy and emotions without sex also.
I'd say generally, yes, but with more nuance. If you wanted to broaden it up, you could say "men have sex to feel desirable and wanted, women have sex because they feel desirable and wanted".
What's the biggest complaint by women on here? That they're not getting asked out by men.
What's the biggest complaint by men on here? That they can't get any girls in the sack.
Both problems are just the gender-specific manifestation of wanting to feel desired. It's an emotional need that both men and women have. The only difference is how that need is met. For women, it's met through romance. For men, it's sex. This will ruffle some women's feathers, but that's why sex is a need for men. Without it, he feels unwanted, unloved, or undesirable, and he may very well go seek it out from another woman. Just like some women might cheat when a guy no longer does romantic stuff for her. How many times has a woman said "he doesn't pay attention to me anymore," "we never go out on dates," "he doesn't touch me the way he used to". That's the romance valve being shut off and she feels the same way as a guy would if the sex supply dried up.
Yes. It is true. There are exceptions, of several different categories. But they remain exceptions as it is true the vast majority of the time.
Care to elaborate on the exceptions and different categories? I think you're right. The topic is broader, and more layered, than I first thought. (For one thing, timing, right. Beginning of a relationship/meeting is very different from later, when they're really immersed and have been together a while. And maybe we should rule out health problems as being the reason why sex may happen less, but intimacy could still exist. ?)
From an evolutionary biology perspective, men do not have a emotional connection between sex and love intrinsically. Because they need to be able to take advantage of women who offer sex without any responsibility, as it allows them to spread their offspring. It's a good reproductive strategy. Therefore, outside of a committed relationship men can have sex without any emotional feelings whatsoever. If a man is able to have sex with many women in a casual way, he can train his brain to disconnect sex and emotions entirely. And would therefore not look for emotional connection through sex if he was in a committed relationship. However this is a stunted brain and a stunted relationship ability. It can certainly be healed if he stays in a committed relationship without being sexual with other people. Then the brain and body are working in synergy. And he will be surprised by the level of connection he can form with one woman. Another exception is if a woman has lots of sex. With lots of men. It will do the same thing to her brain, except it's even more profound than the effect on the man's. Her ability to emotionally connect will be severely damaged, and it shows up differently in different women. This isn't popular in today's hookup culture, yet the inability of so many people today to stay in a committed relationship is good evidence of its effects.
I think those would be the basic exceptions. For men, this emotional aspect of sex does not kick in until we commit to a woman. This is why he can have sex with the same girl for weeks or even months without emotional attachment. But once he commits, the chemical cocktail released from sex changes for him. It is now directly tied into emotions, even though he might not be aware of it. After all, men are notorious for not realizing their own feelings. But once he does commit then sex becomes an emotional need for him. It's one of his primary ways of expressing his love, of connecting to his woman, and even emotionally resetting. When things are stressed or difficult, sex is great for him to feel grounded and in control again. And one of the men's primary sexual needs is to be desired by his wife. So if she is not showing sexual desire for him, it can be very difficult. Even worse, if she makes sex a condition on her mood or actions he takes, like getting the milk or cleaning the dishes, then he is feeling like she is telling him that his emotions, his emotional state, and even his ability to express love for her come s lower on the priority list for her than a clean house and how she's feeling in the moment. He feels relegated to a position that is as good as a servant. Even though he might not have the words to express this
Commitment is the key for the timing issue you raise. As time pass it will change, but the most important factor is his commitment. And yeah, we can rule out the health problems. If they are both trying to be intimate and connect but they know they have to wait for some health issue, then that does not inherently stop the intimacy. It's a challenge, but it's one many couples have overcome
I love to cuddle and I love sex for me they both go together for what i need in a relationship.
Of course not! Do women just not like sex tho'? Seems like some nuanced way of just coping out.
You're seeing something that isn't there. My goal - if there is one at all - is to do the opposite - remind women how some men see sex, and it is a rejection on an intimate level.
Well please remember, these rules of thumb are just that. I feel like a lot of women are doing this "women are equal but different" and I'm actually of the opinion that, aside from their obvious physical and energetic differences, there is zero difference between men and women. The ugly truth is that people who are different, will never get along. What I'm seeing from a lot of younger people is that they're defining the genders more rigidly than ever before in human history, they just dont attach it to a body. In other words, there's man things and women things, and anyone can do any of it, but every thing in life is sorted into a gender stereotype, more than ever before. As a man I do not care to have any sex with a woman I do not have emotional intimacy with! This is not a woman thing! Do you see how your trying to steal this attribute. I'm not accepting it. Hard disagree.
Well, I mean, eventually, yeah. I'm personally waiting for marriage, but the concept still applies. It's just a much longer period of anticipation. But I still want to have sex. And while I'm waiting, I feel that the knowledge that she desires me will be what makes me feel close to her and which will grow our bond of intimacy. ... But I also want her to desire me for my personality and my character, not just my cute face. I want someone to love me for who I am.
Beautifully said.
Aww; thank you! ☺️
I'm not sure if sex is the right word for it because it kinda implies that I need to put my dick in a girl to feel connected. And that's not necessarily true.
But I'll tell you one thing. I've never felt romantic attraction twords a woman I haven't touched.
Hugs, cuddles, playful roughhousing, dancing doesn't matter but I've never really developed a crush on a girl that I haven't held in my arms at least a few times.
It's only half true. But opening up and being intimate does not always mean sexual intercourse.
Mostly true.
I can feel intimacy through cuddling but sex will bring us much closer together :)
If us guys don't feel sexy or desired we feel like platonic friends.