Men, would you consider spending the rest of your life with a woman who doesn't have sex with you?

[Anonymous]

I'm 24 and none of my past relationships worked out because I couldn't have sex (due to a health issue). My most recent relationship lasted for 3 years (almost 4), but it was not without pressure & coercion to have sex with him. In the end he realized the reality of my health issue and said he could wait, but I could always sense his frustration with me. It's not like we didn't do anything, we would do everything except for penetration, but I guess that's not enough for some people.

I plan to see a doctor to fix my issue once COVID settles down because I know I need surgery. However, I also expect sex to be painful even after my attempt to fix my health issue.

I know that sex is not a huge part of the relationship, and it's definitely something that I can live without since it has caused me so much pain. I would much rather enjoy other aspects of life with a long-term partner, without the pressures and anxieties around having sex. With that said, do you guys think there's anyone out there who is willing to wait (a VERY long time) to have penetrative sex or who doesn't care about sex at all?

[Markm3212]

sorry to hear about your health problems and i hope that it gets sorted as soon as possible. please do not wait for COVID to pass as this could be a long time. you have a health condition that needs treating and you should be chasing your local doctor to get this sorted. COVID is just an excuse these days. the rest of the world is back up and running.

to answer your question and i am sorry to say this, but i do not think that i would be able to stay with someone without having penetrative sex for a long time. unless i was allowed to have sex with another person e. g. escort girl once in a while, just meaningless sex.

i get where you are coming from, sex is only a small part of a relationship, but it is also an important part for me. it ranks up there with the tenderness, partnership, support, knowing someone has your back, friendship etc which are all parts of being in a relationship.

my question would also be, would this effect you having kids as this will be high on peoples list for relationships?

[pinkfluffyunicorn13]

Depends on the person your dating...

As relationships are not always just about having to be sexually active with your partner. There are many other aspects to a relationship. Such as;

Personality,
Interests,
Kindness
Empathy,
Visions,
Values
Education,
Family,
Hobbies,

Sex shouldn't be a deal breaker for a relationship, but what you should be looking at is the other qualities your partner brings to the relationship. What attracted you to this person in the first place. That's what you should be considering when you weigh up whether not having sex with them occassionally is a deal breaker or not.

It should be more about the person than the act...

[Asker]

Couldn’t agree more! Now I just need to find someone who believes in the same

[NamerOfStars]

No PIV I could live with if other options were on the table- it sounds like with you they are, which is good. If that was the only limitation, and she was willing to do what she could, and try new things to find what worked for us, I could deal with that.

If it was more complicated- well, it all depends. It's important to remember that pleasing your partner is also an important part of sex; perhaps not of a given specific encounter (those are generally okay to be one-sided, at least for a while), but eventually, you're going to want to do things TO them as well as WITH them.

[vapido]

Maybe not, but read on...

If she's physically unable to "have sex" does that mean only penetrative intercourse? There are other sexual activities that are pleasurable. If I were in love with someone who physically couldn't have intercourse, but is happy to satisfy me in other ways - HJs, BJs come to mind, but there are other possibilities, I could envision living a life with that person. I'd also like to be able to satisfy her, perhaps orally, or whatever way she wants from me.

[ohshee]

One if the hottest things ever
Is when you're with someone you really like. Or let's day she's a virgin. But anyway you make s deal we can do anything and everything would want to each other but just no penetration that is one of the hottest sexiest moments ever sometimes it's even better than sex
I like it because I like to make it all about the girl and no matter what I do I'm going to try to make her want to have sex but I won't give in LOL but it is one of the hardest things ever it also sounds like you have a beautiful heart and you even like to come too and that's one of the best parts would be is giving you 1.2.3 hottest orgasms ever just to make you want more and more can I ask you what's wrong that you can't have sex it's not a big deal it's really none of my business I was just curious

[Asker]

Haha first time I've heard of looking at it this way. And no worries, thank you for being considerate, I will tell you why. It started when I was 18, I had my first boyfriend and he wanted to finger me, I was anxious because he was my first but he ended up forcing his pinky in just to try, and it was so painful that I never wanted to do it again. Penetrative sex was just a no until I could figure out what was happening to me down there. I ended up breaking up with him 6 months later for reasons unrelated to sex (he was abusive). Then came my relationship with my most recent ex, let's call him Kai. He knew about my traumatic past and was willing to wait for me to become comfortable with sex. This is the relationship where I learned how to pleasure men, Kai taught me everything. We waited 8 months into our relationship to try penetration, and it didn't work. For some reason, he couldn't even get the tip in no matter how hard he tried, and the force that he used actually really hurt me too. We both thought that I just had a really small entrance due to my hymen blocking, but there was a point where we decided to stop trying because he was hurting me a lot. At this time, I also never figured out what was wrong because I've never seen or touched myself down there. I ended up breaking up with Kai because I knew I couldn't give him what he wanted and was waiting patiently for.

[Asker]

I'm 24 now, and earlier this year, I looked at my vag (spread out and all) for the first time in my life... haha is that late? Anyway, sorry for typing all of this but I'll get to the point. There's a thick tissue that grows longitudinal in my vag, imagine a thick wall that separates my vag canal. And imagine a penis trying to ram into that wall. Sorry for the tmi, this is just my situation. It doesn't affect my period, which is why my case is not considered as urgent (for cases that affect the period, it leads to blockages where the period blood gets trapped and people end up in the ER). I do see myself getting surgery to remove it in the future, but I'd hope to meet a guy who is willing to wait with me until then and take care of me when it happens. Let me know if you have any further questions :)

[Berethor]

A sexless relationship is pointless to most men, so you better fix it.

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ImAManICantHelpIt

[Billlewis]

Sounds perfect to me, as long as she dates other guys occasionally.

[DonkeyDan]

Honestly no, I have enough companionship with friends, one of the things I'm in a relationship for is sex, not the only thing but it is important.

[Sixgunsound]

If you could find an asexual male in the west (rare but they do exist) then sex wouldn’t matter. Look up Herbivore culture in Japan.

[Dragonstarterplus]

No that would be pointless and torture

[UniquelyBasic]

Im sure theirs men out there willing to wait but not very many at all. Personally, I dont think I could be with someone that can't have penis in vagina sex at all or at least for a very long time but then again I haven't had sex so maybe I can depending on how much I love the woman as long as we are doing other sexual acts. Seems like a tough situation you're in and I hope you can find someone who understands and is willing to be on the same level as you regarding sex.

[Asker]

Thank you for your transparency! I really do hope I find the one. Thinking about it now, being in relationships with men who wanted sex from me has been way more taxing and stressful than being by myself. I understand that it will be a difficult journey in finding someone who will have the patience for me, but I’m content that at least you, some random on the internet, can sympathize with me.

[oldawg]

Yes I would spend the rest of my life with her depending on if we connected of course. In my younger days it was all about sex but as I got older... (I'm not sure how to say this without sounding like a jerk)... here goes this is the only way I know how to say it But I have had the quantity and now all that I would like is quality. Any situation depends on the relationship and I have had so much sex and I thought it was the biggest part of a relationship and I think you know what I mean. And yes there are guys out there who will wait. I hope that everything works out for you and you find that special person

[exitseven]

No, I think that would be a deal breaker.

[genericname85]

nope. i'm not saying that to make you feel bad. but i don't see a reason to call a woman "more than a friend", if nothing more than friendship stuff is happening. i don't see the point of having a sexually exclusive relationship without the actual sex.

[Asker]

No worries, thank you for your honest opinion :) Then would you say that only PIV is considered as sex? Would you consider being with a woman who could do everything but penetration?

[genericname85]

that's a tough one. i need some elaboration on her situation. like can i reciprocate? like to be very bland: can she cum? and does she have a sex drive that compells her to have sex, granted she can't do piv stuff?

[Asker]

It would be mutual. She has a sex drive and would do as much as she can to make you cum, and you can reciprocate without PIV

[genericname85]

yeah to me it's not so much about what she's "willing to do for me in order to make it work". because i'm not a slave master who expects their obedient slave to do everything xD for me, it's important that she likes and enjoys that stuff and that i can do something for her to that she enjoy at least somewhat as much as i enjoy what she can do for me. so yeah. having said that: this is of course still not "optimal" by any means and i wouldn't prefer this if i had a choice but if i thought she was such a special person to me that i really wanna be with, i'd at least try to make it work. can't promise that it would work for me but i would try.

[genericname85]

can i ask why it doesn't work? does she have MRKH or something?

[Asker]

Thank you for your honest answer. Haha I didn’t mean to come off as “she would do anything to satisfy you even if she doesn’t enjoy it,” of course she’d enjoy it :) well I explained a little bit about my condition in response to someone below, but to summarize it, I have extra tissue growth (separate from my hymen) that stretches longitudinally into my vagina. I’ve had normal periods but PIV has always been impossible because it’s like a wall that separates my vagina in half, and I already have a narrow one so the wall essentially takes up almost all of the space down there. I plan to get surgery eventually, but I’m not sure when.

[genericname85]

that's great tho :D sounds like you could have regular sex at some point then.

[Asker]

:D yes!! I guess with my question I just really wanted to know “if I didn’t get the surgery,” or “if I got the surgery but PIV sex was still too painful for me,” would a guy be willing to look past it

[genericname85]

well there's no point in being delusional. it's not gonna be very easy. and finding a partner is already not easy. i do think it's possible. and i think easier than for someone who's just asexual on of it.

[itsvmsingh]

Sorry to hear that. But i would spend my life with a person without having sex. Sex plays a little role in a relationship. There are other things that are important to work a good relationship.

[Iron_Man]

That just makes a friend

[kellytheman]

I believe there are some men but very few that could wait for very long time and like you said you did other stuff to sastify the sexual tension but sex is part of a serious relationship. I waited for over 4 years with one girl but she wanted to wait to have sex till she graduated college or get married.

[Zenit93]

I don't think so. As long as you can please him and show him that sexual connection in other ways, it could work.

[Baylay]

I'm sorry I haven't read your entire post. But I don't mind spending my lifevwith someone who doesn't want to have sex cause of health issues

[Asker]

Ah, sorry if my post was wordy. And thank you, I feel a little safer knowing at least there’s 1 person out there :)

[Baylay]

It's okay. You don't have to apologise for that ☺️

[Hanrej]

Yes, there are plenty of ways to stimulate eachother without penetration. I would consider it.

[Asker]

Love to hear that :)

[Nahid1707]

You explained good and you will hopefully find love 😊

[darkseid1998]

Im your case it seems you want a guy who can live with u without ever having sex. It's the most difficult job i guess. at least you should be considering him getting sexual pleasure outside of your relationship. Sometimes a blowjob could do the magic. But without sex for the entire life is a curse i guess..