Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
(Some) Men allegedly want women who are virgins or at least haven't had casual sex. Women who have low "head count" so to speak
And you know what, I get it!! I'm a virgin myself and I've turned away many offers for sex because I want it to be special. I want it to be with someone special. And I don't want that man to think of sex as a sport. I don't want to be one of many.
So really, I get it! And I don't think most women in general are really keen on casual sex. In my experience most women do not have hook ups. Certainly not on a regular basis. So I find it quite annoying when guys act like all women are sluts who sleep around and women who don't are impossible to find.
In fact I find it quite offensive. Especially when it's mixed in with entitlement and objectification. Like saying a woman who has had sex loses her value or comparing women to locks or whatnot, to somehow justify their unfair preference
I would never reduce a guy to the sum of his sexual experience. It's one factor, not the defining factor and I would never suggest that men lose or gain value based on how many women they slept with.
And men who do this to women need a reality check!
I know this isn't what a lot of you want to hear, so bring on the downvotes!
You're the problem!
If you've ever complained that you only meet "sluts" and never women who are virgins, guess what? You're the problem! Obviously !
Again, I don't think most women want or have causal sex, but it doesn't matter what you believe the percentage here is. Statistics mean nothing to the individual! If there were only 20 women in the world who haven't had casual sex it probably wouldn't matter to you, as long as they're the only women you happen to date. Realistically though there are millions of virgins in every country, thousands in every city. And even more women who never had casual sex, if that's what you're after. But you're not dating them. You consistently go for the ones that DID sleep around
It might be because the kind of women you want, doesn't want you. Or alternatively because you approach the wrong kind of woman. Either way you need to work on that, because it's YOUR failure not women's in general. And this true for both genders and all preferences! Don't try to pin your bad taste in men/women onto someone else!
You can't have your cake and eat it too
Sounds like common sense, right? But apparently a lot of guys (and girls too) think this is a completely reasonable approach. Ideally they themselves sleep with plenty of women while they're in their 20s ,even 30s, then when they are older, they marry a gorgeous young girl, who was a virgin before, but had sex with them right away. And she also doesn't care about money or looks.
When reality inevitably doesn't confirm their worldview, they get upset, angry and bitter.
If that's your approach to dating you're setting yourself up for failure. This is wishful thinking at best, it's far from reality (And no men don't get more attractive as they age. They might, arguably get unattractive at a slower pace than women but they certainly do NOT get more attractive). Dating and Relationships in many ways are a negotiation in which every party tries to get the best deal for themselves. So in the words of Donald Tusk: "There will be no cakes on the table. For anyone. There will be only salt and vinegar"
I'm sure a lot of guys will say women don't care about virginity as much in men and that's true and that's ok. But why do you want to be with a girl who has not had casual sex? Some guys will say it's about her vagina being lose or some vague idea about STDs, maybe even insecurity.
But the most common response will be "values" . They want the woman who they share their life with to be loyal, somewhat conservative, pure and think of sex something special.
Well guess what, so do women! If you want a girl that values intimacy as something special between two people, then she is likely to want the same in a guy. You can't say on the one hand you want a woman that has certain values and then not adhere to those values yourself. You get what you give !
Walk the Walk
Men and Women are different, so I'm not saying that you always have to provide exactly what you want in every detail. But if you have a long laundry list of things you want and you can't give any of them, then that's a problem. In both men and women.
And while I think details are different, overall values are normally mutual. If you want loyalty, provide loyalty. If you want respect, give respect...
Should go without saying, right? Well I've seen it so many times that guys want their girlfriends to respect them, which is completely normal. But then they fail to respect her needs and decisions. Since we're talking about sex, if you google "How to get your girlfriend to do anal/oral/whatever" you get millions of results. It's a common question on here and I hear it from a lot of girls that their boyfriends pressure them to do something they don't want in the bedroom. That is not respecting her! And what's worse often those guys don't feel they did anything wrong.
Think honestly about what a girl that you want, would want in a man and try your best to provide it. If you can't, well maybe you're punching outside of your league
Where to meet such women
One of the most often asked question on here is where do you meet girls that have not slept around.....
Well... everywhere!
If you think that having casual sex or not is such a defining character trait that you will be able to tell by a girls favorite hangouts, you're wrong ! The idea that all women who do have casual sex flock together at a certain place and those who don't, meet at a different place is absurd. You can't tell someones number by their favorite coffee shop. You will be able to meet women who have and have not had casual sex virtually everywhere. With some obvious exceptions such as an sex addicts meeting.
I do think some places are more suited than others to start a long lasting relationship but that's another story all together.
What Girls & Guys Said
43 80The guy who has had sex with dozens of women and still wants (or better demands) a virgin is a hypocrite on some level.
The girl who has slept around and says the virgin man who wants a virgin woman is objectifying women is missing the point.
Some of us don't want to settle for a non-virgin, just like some don't want to settle for a girl who is 20 lbs. overweight or has crooked teeth.
Personally, I'd rather have a virgin "5", than a non-virgin "10".
(That's how important it was to me.)
Virginity was important to me, thus I kept myself a virgin until marriage. I was a virgin who wanted a virgin. I found one and it's worked out wonderfully.
Woo hoo!
I didn't say wanting a virgin is objectifying
Men who date only virgins are misogynists. I want someone open minded.
Ohh a virgin hunter down voted me. It's okay down vote as much as you wish you will never get a girl like me.
Open your mind first sweet girl hahahaha
I could never understand why people are so hung up on how many people their partner has or hasn't been with. They're with you now so the past doesn't matter.
Sure it always matters. Ones sexual past says a lot about ones sexual values. I dont want a guy who can do sex as a sport or game or as just sex because sex is very intimate for me and a guy who dont see sex the same way as i do isn't worth touching my body. Even if they changed their values over the years and have now values as me i still wouldn't give them any chance.
@Actress78 fair enough, I can understand that.
@Actress78 except the part where you won't give him a chance if he's hanged his ways, that seems unfair,. People can change.
People can change, yes, but they do it rarely. I could omly give a guy another chance if his last casual sexual activity was about 5-7 years ago, before that i ain't gonna believe him. Unfair? Maybe but he should be mature enough to understand that everything he ever did has consequences for his future and they could be either good or bad. The moment he choose to have casual sex he has to accept that not everyone will like it and many people might not want to do anything with him.
@Actress78 I'm sure he wouldn't want to be with you either.
@pretty-kitty everything matter
@Jamesbound only if you let it.
This is mostly a high school mentality, and even then it's only common for adolescent men to prefer virgins because they are told that women are supposed to be virgins.
Guys generally figure out how silly it all is sometime after high school, though the transition could take a while. But after that, men start developing a taste for what they think is actually important - particularly sexual behavior. The allure of a virgin is still there, but not so much a 'territorial' thing, rather an opportunity to teach a girl what to like. However, most men understand that's a pretty far-fetched goal, and instead make some attempt to look for a girl who already meets their preferences. Like anal, for example. I don't know about girls, but for men the interest in anal sex has gone a little nuts as of late. Finding a girl who likes anal would be much preferred over finding a virgin who probably won't.
If a girl gives you her virginity, it's a 'gift,' sure, but a girl who is sexually compatible with you is the 'gift that keeps on giving.' Virgins are only interesting once, and then they aren't a virgin anymore. It doesn't take long to realize how superfluous the whole concept is - like a drinking age of 21. Nothing magical happens on your 21st birthday. You aren't really any different than you were when you were 20, just one day ago. The same is true of losing one's virginity.
I took a 25 year old girl's virginity so I digress
It's funny when guys say they want a girl that is a virgin or not a hoe and at the same time sleep with or have slept with tons of women casually
Disclaimer: This comment was not meant with hostility towards you OP, but rather to prove a point.
The problem with all of these arguments is that they are seldom used by women to force men to adhere to their own standards, but rather as an excuse for women to engage in the same behavior that men do.
Why do I say that? Well according to you, demanding a virgin partner is justified as long as a man meets the following requirements:
- Do not blow your preferences out of proportion and demonize women who don't meet your standards.
- Avoid hypocrisy by remaining a virgin yourself.
- Adhere to your values and treat sex like it is as sacred as you claim it is.
- Don't blame everyone else when you pursue the wrong women.
Well... check, check, check, and check - yet the incessant criticism persists. Do you, by any chance, have an explanation?
This wasn't a take about avoiding judgment. People judge. You just gotta learn how to live with it I also didn't say it was justified. What does justified even mean in this context? What I was saying was that all those things will greatly improve your odds of getting a virgin But I did not mean at all to deal with whether or not it's justified/reasonable or stupid to want a virgin partner to begin with. That's a different topic and I DO think that a lot of people consider wanting a virgin partner to be preference blown out of proportion
Sorry if I sounded antagonistic. Again, that wasn't my intention. In fact, I really do appreciate the message of this take, I'm just personally frustrated. I didn't mean to put words into your mouth either, I just assumed that was what you were implying. My bad.
you weren't antagonistic. This take is mostly about being realistic with what you have to offer and what you can get in return, instead of blaming the state of the world in general
It seems to me that virgins are the only ones making a big deal about virginity. Nobody I know ever talks about the subject or thinks it's a big deal.
I get that it's hard for virgins because the underlying assumption is that basically anyone 18 or older has had sex, so you aren't part of the club so to speak and are missing out on a key life experience that many have had, but yet has eluded you.
Anyone who has had sex knows it really isn't that big of a deal that all the virgin folk make it out to be. Sure, it's great, but don't delude yourself into thinking it is something "magical". It is just sweaty bodies contacting each other
Don't get me wrong here, each person has to decide what they want to do with their body and I respect that choice. I just feel like a lot of these people are using their virginity to shield themselves from the fact that they can't get laid or aren't able to get dates with the people they want.
Me fucking a virgin? I'd rather fuck a girl who knew what she was doing.
You are really ignorant.
Your biggest problem is observatonal bias. You erroneously project your own experience and opinions onto the world at large in order to justify those opinions. That is incorrect.
"most women do not have hook ups"
But they do. Not necessarily constantly, but sufficiently so that if a guy is looking for a girl that does, he will find one quickly.
"never women who are virgins"
In the US, the median age of first sexual intercourse for women is 17 and the percent of women who have not had sex decreases dramatically from 16 to 19. If one dates women over 20, then it is rare indeed to find a virgin in the US. I have personally never "known" a virgin who wasn't Asian in my dating life, which is more years than you've been alive I'm sure.
"there are millions of virgins in every country"
Not over the age of 18 and who will eventually have sex with a man before they die, there are not.
"Ideally they themselves sleep with plenty of women while they're in their 20s , even 30s"
I have slept with more women since I have been in my 40's than I ever did in my 20's. By dating across decades, I discovered a few things about how women's attitudes about sex have changed. Used to be, say 15 years ago, the women most eager to hop into bed were Asians, even virgin ones. Now, white girls are just as easy. Since I was 25 years old, the average age of women I have dated is 23, and that had not changed.
"And no men don't get more attractive as they age."
Sure they do, they get richer, and richer is more attractive. Women who have known me since high school have said I am far more attractive now than then. And the kind of women who never would have given me a second look when I was 20 will hop into bed with me within hours of meeting.
"where do you meet girls that have not slept around... Well... everywhere!"
Um, no. One might try 16 year old girls in Saudi Arabia or Iran and chances are she hasn't slept around.
You are not just ignorant, but truly clueless.
Like I said statistics means nothing to the individual. Let's assume 70% of women DO hook up that still means there are MILLIONS of women who don't. Is that not enough? Do you really need every single woman to behave the way you want to be happy? And Yes there are literally millions of virgins over 18 also. Maybe not so much around your age in their 40s. But certainly over 18 " I have personally never "known" a virgin who wasn't Asian in my dating life" which is supporting my point that the problem is you. I mean if you've been dating for a quarter century and you want a virgin, yet have never met one, the problem is obviously you ! Money can make up a little bit, for most women it's a bonus to being a good match otherwise. And I don't for a second believe that women in their 20s are throwing themselves at you (strippers and prostitutes aside)
"Yes there are literally millions of virgins over 18 also" Of women who will have sex before they die in the US, there is not. There are hundreds of thousands in total, and the distribution of that virgins by age plummets between 16 and 19. There was an excellent academic study done on the sexual habits of Americans. I wish I could remember the name of the report so you could read it and learn something, but I do remember the curves of the graphs. Only about 2.5% of American women who marry are virgins, but the average age of a virgin wedding is 19, not 27 like for everyone else; meaning virgins til marriage don't significantly postpone sex, they do significantly accelerate marriage. And by doing so, end up with very high divorce rates.
"I mean if you've been dating for a quarter century and you want a virgin, yet have never met one, the problem is obviously you !" Um, no. I have had sex with several virgins and it is not something I prefer. It is something to just get her through it so she can enjoy sex like everyone else. I have never dated a white, black, or Hispanic girl who was a virgin since I was about 19 myself. The reason is simple: The few that exist are (A) Pure lesbians, (B) Religious fanatics, or (C) Seriously handicapped. The (B)'s tend to want to jump from Hello to I Do and that means they have a very small dating pool of which I do not belong.
"for most women it's a bonus to being a good match" You are thinking immaturely. A mature woman (in thinking, not age) understands the practicalities of a relationship. That means being able to afford the standard of living one wishes to live. Your mistake is in not recognizing that a good match with mature thinking necessarily relates to income of that match. You won't see a doctor marrying a grass cutter.
"I don't for a second believe that women in their 20s are throwing themselves at you" I don't personally like strippers and I can't stand the low class of bargirls and have never dated either one. But just today, a 20 year old girl I had never met and was standing next to in line was coming on to me. The reason is that I immediately stand out as one with extreme intelligence, financial success, being worldly, and charm. It is actually pretty easy to get pretty, smart, young women into bed because the competition of younger guys is so pitiful. I already have a 20 year old girlfriend, but this one seems easy, so I may ask her out. My claim stands. You are suffering from observational bias.
So basically be a man but a gentlemen. Personally I only like and only really try with the innocent ones. flirting and casual sex I'm okay with. When I do I focus on the cute ones, because they intreague me, and I know sex with them is so much more a rush, especially personality wise when I'm with them.
Good tips. I married a virgin doe
well you married her, and you are only 20 so I am sure you were not a slut yourself. you did not go fcking around for years and then demand a virgin like so many men do. well maybe you did haha, I don't know how early you started having sex
@Porcelaine I was never a slut
Reality Check: Mostly virgin guys want virgin girls.
More like guys don't want sluts, its not like we're out for virgin blood.
Lulz, didn't Hiddleston date Taylor Swift? Just saying, if you wanna quote someone he might not be the best example after all actions do speak louder than words.
totally agree with you, i prefer a virgin girl because im also a virgin, if i wasn't a virgin, i wouldn't care about it
For all we know he treat Taylor Swift great, what's your point?
Anon, People can say whatever they want about relationships and it might sound like some Gospel. But its the example that counts. What sane guy would date that shipwreck? I don't know the woman personally and I ain't judging her but if I see smoke, I will yell fire. Some women you just stay away from.
... unless you've always wanted a song written about you.
@zagor yeah, that too. Lol.
I agree with this absolutely. Yes, some women are sluts, but only because there are men who will have sex with them.
and for a man it is casual sex, while for a woman many times in her mind she imagines it to be something way more meaningful than it was for a guy. a guy to get sex is willing to fake a relationship, so girl falls for it and there goes one more name on her sex partners list. if this happens a few times she is considered a slut. she is not a slut just naive and trusts men too much.
Overall I agree, but this one line " I would never reduce a guy to the sum of his sexual experience. It's one factor, not the defining factor and I would never suggest that men lose or gain value based on how many women they slept with.".
You don't know how you'd act or feel about it. There are a lot of girls that can't come to grips being with a guy who has slept with a lot of girls and broke up. Essentially reducing him to the sum of his sexual experience. So if you've never been with a guy like that you don't really know for sure. There have even been girls on here that made takes on it.
Girls typically lose their virginity at 14, if not younger.
Good luck with that, gents...
Lmao if you're talking about girls like Daniel Bregoli. Typically, girls lose it at 16. 😏 personally, sleeping around is not my thing, I wouldn't wait for marriage but I'd need to be w a guy for at least a year to have a possibility for that to happen.
@SassyLils Yes, supposedly this new generation is much more conservative and traditional. And no one can explain why.
People still care about getting with virgins?
if u r a virgin or not i won't even care about you, damn !!!
sorry but they do lol
I get where you're coming from but it came across as a bit of a rant. If you don't like men generalizing women, then why generalize male virgins?
I recently asked a troubled young man, why did he hook up with this woman (pump and dump type) said she was so easy and it was reasonably good. Moved in together made her pregnant now married and getting divorced because his pump and dump is still active. Going to have a paternity test as he now doubts being the father. I REST MY CASE
where did she generalize male virgins? perhaps she is ranting, but is it not true? have you not noticed this hypocricy happening in men? both men and women have their faults. this one is of men, and it's totally true, sorry if you took it personally.
I think it's unrealistic to want a virgin, or to not want a virgin. Find your partner first and then you find out their sexual history if you wish to - not the other way around, in my opinion.
I would agree that most don't hookup regularly, but I definitely think most women (60%+) have will have had casual sex at least a few (2-5) times before settling down. Sure, virgins are not impossible to find, but they are a minority in most places, especially when it comes to the 20+ age bracket.
"I would never reduce a guy to the sum of his sexual experience..."
Well, that's just you. It's pretty common for people in general to view virgin men as having less value just as promiscuous women are often viewed that way. In some ways it could also be looked at as a reflection of value rather than just the source of value. Also, I don't see why refusing to date someone based on their sexual history is any worse than any of the other reasons people often reject others for (looks, height, wealth, religion, political views, humor etc...).
Does rejecting people based on looks mean that people gain/lose value depending on how they look or that their looks are what defines them in you eyes?
in my opinion everyone has a list of qualities they want in a person that they view as necessary in order for them to feel happy/satisfied the relationship and if someone is missing one of those qualities (regardless of which one) they will reject them. But that doesn't mean it is the only measure you use to judge a person.
Rejecting someone on one quality does not mean the others are unimportant or that the quality you rejected them for is the only one you care about. It's like an "and statement", it only returns true if all the conditions are met.
Is it really that common in your experience for guys who have slept around to want virgin women?
From what I can tell, the promiscuous guys are generally more accepting of women with higher numbers. Sure, they won't typically end up with a girl who slept around more than theh did, but they usually don't seek out virgins exclusively.
"that you will be able to tell by a girls favorite hangouts, you're wrong !"
I know there's no rule that applies to every single person but I do think there are trends. Sorry, but I do believe girls who are extroverted and like to drink and go clubbing will have higher partner counts on average than women who are introverted and don't drink or party. To say their is no correlation seems ridiculous to me.
"most women (60%+) have will have had casual sex at least a few (2-5) times before settling down" first of all you pulled that out of your ass and you have no idea what the real numbers here are. But more importantly : Excuses, excuses, excuses... Like I said no matter what you believe those numbers are, there are thousands in every city. If you can't attract them, that's your problem. Work on it ! And I'm not sure if many guys want to sleep around themselves but marry a virgin, they're not insignificant though "I do believe girls who are extroverted and like to drink and go clubbing will have higher partner counts on average than women who are introverted and don't drink or party" Again you pulled that out of your ass. I go clubbing all the time. And again statistics mean nothing to the individual. maybe the average is higher, so what?
Well yeah, I was giving a rough estimate. I never claimed that those were in fact the exact figures.
However, after a quick search I did find:
kinseyinstitute.org/research/publications/faq.php
Click the “Love and Relationship” tab and you will see this:
“Over 50% of respondents ages 18-24 indicated that their most recent sexual partner was a casual or dating partner."
And there’s also this, but since it is a survey by a sextoy site I am guessing you will say it is a biased sample :D
www.adameve.com/.../...l-sex-facts-64583-1914.aspx
And I am not saying those necessarily count as the "real figures". The point is just that I don’t think it is unreasonable to say most women have had casual sex at least a couple times. It’s not like I am saying that the average woman has been with 30 men and is getting gang-banged on a monthly basis
Ok, maybe I “pulled that out of my ass” too, but that doesn’t mean it is wrong. I am not aware of any studies that examine the link between introversion/extroversion and promiscuity or preferred hobbies and promiscuity, but that doesn’t mean my theory can’t be plausible. “ maybe the average is higher, so what? “ Time is limited and women aren’t exactly going to advertise their sexual history when you are just getting to know them. Some may not be open about it even after you have been together for a while. So, yeah making assumptions based on perceived behavioral patterns is sometimes the best method. Assuming every person you meet is completely unique and equally as likely to have slept around as any other person will increase the likelihood of a guy wasting time on girls that are not right for him.
Making assumptions based on patterns is not meant to be 100% accurate. Nothing is. However, if a guy wants to improve his odds of meeting a woman who is a virgin or has a low count, then it seems reasonable to avoid women who frequently put themselves in scenarios where casual sex is most likely to occur ( parties/clubs where everyone is drunk). Sure, maybe he will filter out some individuals who are not actually promiscuous, but I believe a guy who goes for introverted girls who don’t drink or like clubbing would find a modest girl quicker than a guy who doesn’t’ look for any behavioral patterns. I mean one of your points was that guys who complain about not being able to find women who aren’t sluts are “approaching the wrong kind of woman”, but then you also say that you can’t accurately estimate how promiscuous a girl is by her hobbies or where she hangs out. So how exactly are guys supposed to improve their odds of meeting the right women and avoid wasting time on the wrong ones?
Again, I said it a few times now, it doesn't matter what the actual numbers are because statistics mean nothing to the individual "Time is limited " you know what else is limited? People you're compatible with. And by block excluding people who go clubbing you're actually reducing your odds of finding someone, because you're block rejecting a huge set of people based on likely false assumption Irregardless whether there is a pattern or not. Location is not the best indicator of whether someone is a virgin or, why don't you make judgment based on how a girl behaves in a bar or club? So sure do what you want but if you want to be all like "all women in clubs are sluts so I'm dating anyone who does that " then you need to shut up about how virgins are so impossible to find. You're making excuses for yourself
But the numbers indicate how rare the individuals you want will be. Women who have not had casual sex are potentially a minority and women who a virgins are definitely a minority. Then the dating pool is limited even further when you add in other factors of basic compatibility. Sure, once you find what you're looking for, it doesn't matter anymore what the percentages are, but before that they kinda do. Eh, if I were to assume that women who like to drink/go clubbing have had casual sex while introverted women who dont drink or party have not, I think I would be correct more often than not. Well I don't go clubbing so I wouldn't observe behavior but I am curious, what kind of behavior at the club do you think would reliably indicate whether or not a girl has had casual sex?
You made a point to criticize guys who complain about not finding modest women and accusing them going for the wrong women. Ok, if that is true then how are guys supposed to identify the wrong women and avoid them? =.= and I never said they were impossible to find and I am not trying to complain or come across like I am making excuses. I am just saying that realistically, they are harder to come by.
You can't reliably tell by behaviour, I made that point. However if you see a girl in a club making out with and letting a guy touch her in intimate places, then there's a good chance she's gonna sleep with him later. Not reliably but a much better indicator than saying "people who go to clubs" And you're asking how men should choose the right women (where right means virgins) well I also made that point in the take, you can't. Not reliably anyway because virginity is not that much of a defining character traint