"SELF-PROCLAIMED EXPERTS" On The Rise...

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Disclaimer: ***SARCASM ALERT***

If this take is more sarcastic satire take, well blame the people who mistake niceness for weakness or think you're a ❄️ snowflake ❄️.... To which I'd say ... No babe, I'm more of a winter storm....

There's a new Pandemic on the rise:

It's called:Internet Self-Proclaimed Experts......

How stupid of me to believe when I joined this site that it really was a place people could give, get helpful advice and opinions without hate or false assumptions...

And little did I know there were so many "experts" out there....

Seeing it seems to be their "calling" in life, I found the perfect jobs for those "experts":

Seeing people on here like to separate everything by gender ... I've listed available openings separately for men and women.....

Male Experts needed for the following areas of expertise:

Women's behavior

Need male experts that know how all females think and behave.... Why would we ask women when men know so much more about women than women themselves do... And we know all women are incapable of logical thoughts... Besides if we hire females, we're afraid all our male employees wallets may disappear as we know that's all women think about/are after, they even have the nerve to go after men with empty wallets-what nerve...

Women's sexual needs/desires

Oh wait, this position should really be listed as an oxymoron as any true male expert knows women hate sex, see sex as a chore and only put up with sex to get what they want from men. All the sex toys women buy are really just a ploy to further fool and trap men with their evil plans and intentions... We still have no explanation why if women use sex to trap men lesbian women have sex🤔

We would especially like to hire the man who said women haven't evolved enough for Masturbation as women view all sex as rape so see masturbation as self rape (omg wtf)

Before we move on to the positions available for women, a quick word from our sponsers:

And now back to the available openings.....

Women Experts needed for the following areas of expertise:

How to be a "Real man" trainers:

We need women experts who have more knowledge about what it takes to be a man seeing apparently men don't get that real men don't have or show emotion. They are only real men if they don't cry, are aggressive, don't cook or clean, order their women around... All while beating on there manly chests... The nerve of these fake imposter men to think they can be chefs or poets and be considered men ....

Men's sexual behavior:

We need women experts that know all men are creeps and pervs that think about sex 24/7 and that's all they really want from women....I mean the nerve of these men who think they have a right to look at a woman's ass hanging out of her shorts or dental floss up her ass when women know they do it for themselves and not for attention seeking ... The women that know if a guy pays too much attention to you he's a stalker and if he doesn't pay enough attention he's gay ...

The last position available is open for both men and women:

judgmental internet keyboard warrior:

Need men and women who are ready willing and able to bash, trash, insult and try to antagonize anyone who has the nerve to want to be themselves and not what you experts say they should be.... You must also enjoy the fake power you think this gives you, and must think of it as just sport or entertainment cuz hey anyone who disagrees are just overly sensitive snowflakes or whiny females, even men .... Only requirement is you must have an over inflated ego....

To wrap this up, if anything in this take "triggered" you (see I can use that word too 😅), or you think this take is about you, than you must think you are guilty of these behaviors otherwise why would a sarcastic satire really bother you.. And then be careful, cuz then you're behaving exactly the way you're accusing others of behaving (takes a snowflake to know a snowflake 😘)

I leave you with this final thought...I know, I know I'm just an overemotional, incapable or thinking logically female, but hey just maybe this idea might actually work and it's really quite simple... Ready for it?

Or

As always, thanks for reading💙💜

"Brainsbeforebeauty"😘

[TCredo]

Outstanding Toots! Funny as heck and smartly done! I hope all the so called self-proclaimed experts read this but... either they won't because they know everything already lol... or they will read it and either not realize it's about their type or they will rip it apart...

But no matter - this was really funny and well done! Thanks for the laughs and head nods!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thank you friend 🤗 and there won't be as much shit talk on this take cuz blocked Anons from replying to this post.. Now almost wish I hadn't of.. Would of been funny 😂 although still kinda is cuz I wonder how many keyboard warriors wanted to reply but couldn't 😂😂😂

[TCredo]

lol... funny to imagine them steaming mad when they saw no anon option... gonna be a long day in lots of parents basements lol :)

This gif starts out slow but just wait for it... lol

[TCredo]

@brainsbeforebeauty here is another good one... just happened in a basement somewhere from an angry guy reading this My Take and not able to comment as anon... lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂😂

[TCredo]

@brainsbeforebeauty Thanks for the MHO Toots! Great reminder to check out this awesome My Take again :)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lol thanks 🙂

[Citizenkirk]

I am a self proclaimed expert on the issue of self proclaimed experts. We're all full of ourselves, blowing 🔥 air, backing the hacks of loudmouth media hacks, and rubbing one off on all the morons dumb enough too take us seriously. Thank you for your misplaced support, suckers.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂 you're hired 👍👍😂😂😂 lololol

[Citizenkirk]

Thank you for your misplaced support. I went too school too learn too be a good B. S., er, I mean, ad man.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You must of been straight A student 😂😂

[Citizenkirk]

B student, actually. My conscience got in the way of a straight A. Ha, ha!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lololol funny

[Mithradath]

WHERES THE BUTTON TO PIN THIS?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂 lolol

[VIVANT]

lol I rarely say this to takes~~~ its nice to be able to!!

#WELLDONE 💗

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thank you!! Coming from you that means a lot!!

[MzAsh]

Hilarious! Love it.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂 thank you 💜💙

[purplepoppy]

As an expert on this very topic, among most others I must say it was well written.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂 you're hired lololol thank you 🙂

[Lliam]

This "triggered" me so much that I am now curled up in my "safe space".
Why are people so judgmental about people like me who know everything? It proves how stupid they are. Why can't they just take my word for the fact that I am always right? They are obviously ignorant, self-righteous, hateful, judgmental Nazi commies who should be locked up. 😭😭😭

LOL Now that I'm done with my attempt at biting sarcasm, I'm say that this was a good MyTake, bbb. It was funny and true. If not for the ability to hear from all kinds of people on social media, you would never believe how many fucked up people are out there in the world. They seem to come out of the woodwork. Finding out that they exist is quite an education. But on the bright side, we also meet some wonderful and amazing people because of social media.

What's nice is, when someone repeatedly demonstrates a mind boggling level of stupidity or mean-spiritedness, I have no problem cutting them out of my life. I dust off my hands and never give it another thought. I'm not talking about people who disagree with me on certain issues or have different points of view. I actually value different points of view and often learn from them. I don't surround myself with an echo chamber of like-minded people who reinforce the illusion that I am always right. Wait a minute, except I AM always right. If you don't always agree, then we can't be friends. LMAO (you know I'm teasing you, my friend. ❤️)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂 loved the sarcasm 😂😂 but was running to get you a tissue first sentence in lololol and I agree.. We haven't always agreed on everything but we've always kept it respectful and friendly and your answers are some of the ones I respect on here the most 💜💙

[19magic]

Good take and soo true, unfortunately. And when you say different you get told well you're just a small minority

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Right!!! But people say anything to justify their bs 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Jjpayne]

Thank you for this mytake! It's so true but I can't simply say I don't fall into these traps myself 😞 I think it's almost good to fail on girls ask guys as it helps you to be a better person in society. If you fall down enough eventually you remember something 😂😂😂
I hope I learn as much lessons as I can from girls ask guys and that will will stick with me and help me to be a better person

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You're a good person as far as I can tell on here 💜🙂

[Jjpayne]

I try to be 😞

[wankiam]

the saddest thing abaout all this is that real experts now get ignored as its easy to find someone who fits ones personal narative and says they are an expert themselves

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Right! People think their opinions our assumptions are fact.. It's just well, kinda sad... And potentially harmful to the younger people that stay to believe it

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

*start

[wankiam]

indeed... the world seems to go backwards as tech professes to push us all forward

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Right! When it's really just destroying so much... Relationships, family time, kids getting outside and just bring kids.. I have a friend that used to come over, but think she was just using my house for peace and quiet cuz the lives with her 5 grown kids, two grandkids, her brother and mom all in a house barely bigger than mine. But then she'd sit here and be on her phone the whole damn time playing games.. What happened to interacting, playing games together.. I like to have a drink and a card game..

[wankiam]

you need to run away to bulgaria with me lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Let's go.. Packing bags now 😅

[wankiam]

lol you aren't allowed to the uk from america right now and i can't drive through several european borders yet either but when covid permits, its a date ;)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🙂🙂😂

[TinCanJim]

I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a self proclaimed expert. Can I be a Grammer Nazi and a self proclaimed expert? If I was born before the internet, during the latter part of the 1900, can I still be a Know-It-All? If I were to become a self proclaimed expert would I still be able to blow my own horn? If I could blow my own horn, would I ever have to leave the couch?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂 blow away 😂😂😂 lololol

[TinCanJim]

Toot toot

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Hope that's coming from your mouth and not your...😂😂

[TinCanJim]

Oh... I can't tell you where it's coming from

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah that might fall under TMI 🤐 LOLOLOL

[Avicenna]

Brains strikes again! Hilarious!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lol thanks 🙃🙂

[Bhavin2184]

Nice Take..

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thank you 🙂

[sensible27]

Didn't read the whole thing but where do I apply?

When did I get my expertise? Last night.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You're hired 😂😂

[Samoht_Sirrom1]

Did you have anyone specify in mind (maybe me? 🤔😓)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

No what in there made you think it was bout you?

[Dargil]

I prefer to be as dumb as a stump and wow 'em with a nugget every once in a while. I came up with one last year. It just came out of my mouth and I don't recall reading or hearing it anywhere.
G0d doesn't call the qualified. G0d qualifies the called.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Like that 👍👍🙂

[t-8900]

funnily enough the real experts usually say they dont consider themselves experts on in their fields of study. Humility goes a long way, all I'm saying.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Right

[Gwenhwyfar]

Agreed!!!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Right lol thanks

[Nephilim000]

That was amusing too bad the only benefit gained from it is lots of laughter. But yeah some folks need to get a clue

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks and yeah I know and agree people do need to get a clue but they won't and that's on them then 🤷🏼‍♀️🙃🙂

[Nephilim000]

That is true unfortunately it creates a reality in which we must suffer

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Unless until more people wise up one can hope 🙏 lolol

[Nephilim000]

Yeah I've all but given up hope for humanity wising up unless there is some sort of intervention

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thinking caps 🤔😅

[Nephilim000]

They probably won't be stylish enough to be widely adopted 🤤

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂

[Nephilim000]

Sad but you know I'm right

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah 😒

[Nephilim000]

It's ok as long as you are around I can get my fix of intelligent and witty banter

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks 🙂💜

[Nephilim000]

Any time

[humanearth]

Only thing I'm a expert in is living my life and I don't do that so well sometimes myself.

As for my love life best advice I can give is. Listen, be compassionate, you don't always have to right all the time (my biggest fault), and always make time for each other. Yes sometimes that means doing shit you don't want to do.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Well said. Hope you're feeling better

[humanearth]

yes and no. I talk in private later about that.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Okay

[humanearth]

Experience expert in BS that's my new answer

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You or me?

[humanearth]

Now would I ever say that about you, your too good of a person to say that to. Basically I trying to be funny and it sucked like a vacuum cleaner

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah but did it suck like a Hoover 🤔😂😂

[humanearth]

That makes a better blow job joke then mine

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Aren't females supposed to be better at blow Jobs uhh jokes that is LOL

[humanearth]

Now this is getting out of control

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

What 🤷🏼‍♀️😇😇

[humanearth]

Huh? What? Now I am lost

[AndrewMG]

Great take! I'm still trying to work out myself and I've lived with myself for the entirety of my life ( I don't even get respite when I sleep... because guess who keeps popping up in my dreams! lol). So I'm very self conscious that my opinion is just that, it's a result of my education, my life experiences and the circumstances that I've lived through. So I'm always wary of these people who think there experience is enough to determine what other people think/feel. Whilst I'd love to have that level of self confidence/self arrogance I'm comfortable being me. I'm proud of the fact that my closest friends are people I have the same interests with but on occasion have different opinions than me, but we're always mature enough to realise without walking in someone else's shoes we can never call ourselves experts.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Exactly! Nice answer... Who you dreaming bout 🤔😂

[AndrewMG]

Haha, well I mean- (the smoothness of that call back from a previous question has to be admired lol), I was referring to the fact that even when I'm asleep I'm involved in my dreams and trust me I'm just as flawed in my subconsciousness as I am in my everyday life, so I don't even get a break from my natural awkwardness lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You're fine... I think you put yourself down too much as told me not to put myself down so... Practice what you preach 💙🙂

[AndrewMG]

I was brought up with 3 brothers, so we spent out entire childhood/growing up taking the piss out of each other as a sign of affection. I also played lots of sports where in the changing room there is a brutal sense of humour, so self deprecation might sound like I'm putting myself down but it's the exact opposite. If I've a friend who is comfortable taking the piss out of me rather than feeding my ego then I know they are genuine. That's not an invite to have a go by the way! lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Oh darn cuz... 🤐 lololol

[AndrewMG]

Haha I mean let's face it my answer was either a way of giving you a glimpse into my personality or a way of avoiding criticism... so more evidence is needed, ... I admitted to putting milk into my pint of lager. So thats just confused matters! So feel free to have a go! lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Haha funny you mentioned that cus when you answered the homemade alcohol post I was gonna say milk and lager don't count 😂😂

[AndrewMG]

So I spent a very, very, very, very, very, very small period of my life being friends with a stand up comedian and proof reading there material (trust me I wasn't funny enough to write my own material but I could tell them what I thought was funny), so the call back (referring to a past story is always a great tool to have in the locker lol).

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I should of been a comedian 😅

[AndrewMG]

You already are! Who cares if your audience is only one person! At least you have a 100% approval rate! lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Aww thanks 💙🙂 a lot of people tell me I'm funny.. Except my kids 🙄😂

[AndrewMG]

Hey that's a natural reaction! My Mum and Dad were so funny but it took me to reach adulthood to realise that! Give it a couple of years and I'm sure they'll know the score! lol Xx

[MannMitAntworten]

Yup :p ;)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😅 lolol