Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I read a myTake today that placed a heavy emphasis on a guy losing his virginity (I'm sure most of you know which one) but I was just suddenly struck with the irony of how different and comically opposing the views are in what's "expected" of men and women (by some) in regards to virginity. This Take is written in regards to heterosexual relationships.
Now, I know that most of us live and abide by a much more progressive view of society, myself included, so this is more a discussion for those who I believe do not. Below are two points, one for men and one for women, that I have seen quite often on this site, usually from the same types of people, that are at contrast enough for me to struggle to see how they exist within the same mind.
THESE ARE NOT MY OWN PERSONAL OPINIONS.
1. Male virgins suck and guys need to have had sex to be cool and seen as masculine and attractive. Society looks down on guys who are virgins and no woman wants to be with one.
2. All females need to be virgins and pure or only have had sex with very few people. Society looks down on women who have had sex with too many men and no guy wants to be with a "sloot" at the end of the day.
Wut.
Can someone explain to me, how a man is supposed to have a high number of sexual partners while women are supposed to NOT? Who.. who?? Who do you expect to be having sex with? Or is it that a certain group of women are supposed to be the ones that every guy fucks so they can get their number up, and the rest of us just stand by until we are selected by a great provider to sow their seed in? I am not following this train of logic.
Why is it that a man without experience has something wrong with them? And a woman with experience has something wrong with them?
Now, in case anyone brings this up, because I would in this discussion, a man who has previously dated or had sex is sometimes seen as more desirable to a female because it basically means that another female has given this guy the stamp of approval and chosen to engage in said activities with said man. WHICH I do not agree with because to write someone off for that is just being close minded. As a guy I don't know why you'd look at another dude who was a virgin and call them lame because that's just shit talking with no basis really. And really I can't find a justifiable reason for men OR women to devalue a sexually active female either. But that's just me.
Honestly, I could not give less of a fuck. (And am of the opinion that no one else should give a fuck about your sexual life, nor should you give a fuck IF they actually do give a fuck)
Guys - You a virgin? Ok cool, might be a learning curve but that means I get to teach you how to please me without any previous habits you might have picked up. And if you have some beginners luck, even better for me. You fucked 50 other girls in the past? You clean? No STDs, diseases, treat me with respect? We good to go. Will I be curious as to why you have 0 or 50? Sure, but that's because I'm a nosy bitch, not because I actually care about the number.
Girls - You a virgin? Not a bitch and not pushing abstinence and repentance on me? Of course we can be friends! You go home with a different dude every night we go out? Do you know what you're doing? Are you being safe? Do you not cry to me at 3am every night about a different guy not calling you back? I STILL LUH YOU.
Do you booboo. All of you. Or do whoever else your little heart desires, whenever it desires.
What Girls & Guys Said
33 68man virginity sucks it's true:)
Oh... My... God. As a 28 year old virgin myself, I consider myself physically attractive but have a shy, kind personality. Every would be relationship I've been in ended up with me being virgin shamed. Albeit, they probably weren't the right women for, but they WANTED to have sex, but once I told them I was a virgin, they went from happy to disgusted real quick. I've been publicly shamed repeatedly because of it. Im told "Your a really great guy, but you just dont have experience." Im crushed when I hear it. Exactly HOW am I supposed to get experience when i can't even try? Its a 'Catch 22' that is devastating. Public opinion of male virgins is pretty horrible. We are subhuman trash that should just wander off and die alone. We need to leave women alone. Its super frustrating when non virgins say crap like "Sex is overrated," or "Dont worry, you'll make a lucky women a great husband one day" Must be awesome sitting on the high ground, never having had to worry about it, because it just comes naturally to you # Rant
Really? I'm so sorry about that. My boyfriend only had one sexual encounter before me, and I thought nothing of it other than I was proud and felt special with being on of his "first." I would never look down on a guy who was still a virgin; I see guys who stay virgins as very in control of himself and his life who doesn't let brainless social norms control him and doesn't just run away with his impulses in a childish way. Pretty much, a guy who is fully himself and doesn't bow down and act like everyone else to fit in. That's actually how my boyfriend is, now that I think about it. Plus, I see guys who have had lots of sexual encounters as more likely to be players, which turns me off. What if they have STDs, and they'll probably drop me the second they're done with me like they've have with so many girls. It might be because I put off dating myself for a long time in order to better myself and life, so I was a virgin well past the "average" age. Anyway, that sucks.
Yea it's like the whole job issue "must have 5+ years experience for entry level" HOW WOULD I GET THAT EXPERIENCE? I'm sorry you've had to go through that, but I can assure you, there are women out there, myself included, and a few in the female comments that really don't see it as an issue.
I absolutely love your way of wording it. The job analogy is perfect. And yes, I believe there are women out there who won't treat me like I have in the past. But I have yet to have any experiences to suggest otherwise. a lot of women on this site say the same thing, but from my standpoint Im like ok... where is this dimension in which you speak lol
I'm in the same boat. 29 and a virgin with a kind and genuine personality. I am not bound by the "rules of society" and neither do I care much about people's opinions on my virginity. Don't let those few women dictate who you are based on not having sexual experience, trust me "THEY" weren't the ones for you. There were many instances where I told women that I had no experience and they still seemed interested in getting with me... until I ruined it either by becoming disinterested or not giving enough attention. There are women that don't care, trust me! I know that this sounds cliched but, the right one will def come along one day.
I am virgin, but I am asexual so I could not care less. Before I found out about my asexuality, I hated the fact that I was a Virgin and thought that if I had sex It might "fix" me. I was super insecure about my masculinity, and especially my virginity. I also felt like the older I got, the harder it was going to be to find a partner; and the more convinced a grow that I was going to kill myself one day.
It is a huge double standard. A man's value increases when he has sex, and a women's value decreases. no more slut Shaming, and Player praising.
I'm glad you were able to break out of that mindset and know that your worth is not tied to virginity. I agree with you, both need to stop.
You said it right out. Men are to have sex early with those low value women and then eventually settle with a woman of style class and beauty. I don't really agree with this and trust me guys spend a loooong time being insecure about their virginity.
Generally the point is that each sex gets societal value from doing what is hard for them. Its easy for a woman to lose her virginity... At any moment essentially a woman can have sex within the hour, pretty much just by willing it to happen. Men have to work hard, employ tactics and skills to have sex. Because men are seen as constantly looking for sex a woman who has lots of sex isn't special... It wasn't hard. But a man who can constantly have sex is a real pro.
There is always value in the unobtainable. If most women were virgins, sexually confident woman with actual skills in bed would be sought after. Now that most men have found their softer side... Women are looking for more traditionally manly men. Humans assign value by virtue of scarcity. Of a resource is scarce it is valuable. That's what fads are... That's what business cycles are... That's what trends are...
Right, that totally makes sense, value is determined by supply and demand.
Biologically, men would like to know that a woman is faithfull and has not have sex with a lot of guys, preferably none, so that he's sure he doesn't raise another mans kids.
Women would like men to stay with them to raise the kids, but it doesn't really have anything to do with his sexuality unless he doesn't have a lot of money / muscels to get food for all the children he make. The more food a man is able to make, the more women he can have sex with, because then it won't matter if he is raising another womans children too.
Also a man can easily leave a woman with the children, so women should biologically be more protective of their genetals, to not end up with a lot of children without father. A woman who can't do that is probably not worth having children with, since they might end up in a grave with all the other children who died of starvation -waste of sperm
I have never ever heard about "vaginal approval" as people talk about here in the comments, but if that was to be true, Im just asking, then what about "penisic approval"?
In our western culture we took these instincts with us. As it has probably always been and will always be: it's hard to know if a human is lying. That's why we need our instincts to tell us, if this person is worth having kids with. So we can choose to overlook these natural instincts that most listen to and have the sexlife we really desire.
The most important weapon to remember in fighting the preasure from these instincts and the light that society and media might project on it, is understanding.
We have to remember that some people choose to listen to their instincts and some overcome that need, out of love, respect, fairness feeling or whatever helps people control their own toughts.
There is a reason it's more common with people living according to these "double standards" in less developed, less educated areas. But we can only try to explain why it hurts both sexes and try to understand their sexuality.
I think women already understand that they are being subjected to such expectations, but it's the men that need to understand that it is okay to have sex regardless of gender. Great take! my favorite part was "Do you booboo". cute :)
Haha thanks! :)
I don't mind the gal that pushes repentance. It's the one who dismisses me out of hand, after jumping to conclusions, preaching, and then continuing to push me aside even after I remove whatever it is she misunderstood and then got so uppity and offended about. Those are the gals I can't stand.
What'd they misunderstand and what conclusion did they jump to?
@bloodmountain1990 : I was developing a comic. I released a concept panel on Facebook, and the gal took offense to the fact that the spies fleeing the party with their stolen goods were wearing dresses that showed a little cleavage. (But nothing ridiculous.) She gave me crap until I re-rendered the entire panel until the dresses were 100% modest. And then threw me under the bus anyway.
LOL that sounds so dumb.. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Bad ass mytake! 😀
Thank you!! Appreciate the read and comment :)
From religion point of view, male virgins gets almost the same respect as female virgins, especially in christianity, sex until marriage considered as an bad thing, so young men are expected to stay virgins as well, there are some religious people that use loopholes, in forms of intentionally temporary marriage or technical virginity, but those people can be seen as hypocrites and not true believers. As for why female virginity is appreciated more, I can see two main reasons for that, one is that female virginity is both physical and mental, thank to the hymen, while male virginity is "only" mental. Two is the 'Mama's Baby, Papa's Maybe' reason that effects males much more then females. In any case I prefer first hand to an used goods. As for the "Paradox", well it's hardly based on the 'Madonna–Whore' concept, so yes men are using sluts for easy sex (if there is any around), while wanting to marry only an good woman.
tvtropes.org/.../MadonnaWhoreComplex
tvtropes.org/.../MamasBabyPapasMaybe
Thanks for sharing! Yea I see what you're saying with the religion piece, but most people who I'm trying to describe here I don't think follow Christianity that closely. I think the fixation on the hymen is overdone as well though because hymens can be torn from a variety of reasons outside of sex. Physical activity, tampons, some women are born without one.. it doesn't actually "break" it just tears, and often is actually mostly worn away by adolescence.
Glad to add my knowledge on the matter, they might not be religious, but religious societies tends to put more importance on virginity then non-religious societies, and it's important to know about it from the source. Yes hymen might be reasons torn from other reasons outside of sex, but still the lack of hymen is very suspicious, and usually girls who claim that they lost their hymen from other reasons, are lying. In any case a girl should do all she can to keep her hymen intacted, as it's serve as an proof for her purity, and it's an huge part of her physical virginity.
Guys honestly deep down inside don't want used vagina. Guys like conquests. A used vagina and high mileage girl is a dime a dozen and not exciting to pursue.
Getting used vagina is insulting and telling a guy he wasn't good enough to be first. How would you feel if someone was giving you used body and telling you are second best? I would be pissed and probably mentally abuse the shit out of her.
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Thank you so much.
Hahaha thank YOU!! Appreciate the read and comment :)
You're welcome! Love it!
I've only seen people say this online, like I think only jelly people say stuff like this so I totally agree with you.
Haha yea very likely. Thanks for the read girl!
Yeah like IRL you might get insulted sometimes but for the most part no one cares enough to insult this much... they have their own problems.
Never underestimate the stupidity of hormonal teenagers. That's where most of this BS starts to appear. (Whether or not it still does suck, I'm not a hormonal teenager anymore, I'm a rational thinking adult.)
*idfk not sucks
@jarofawesome Yeah... I have seen lots of adults say worse, like adults know how to be underhanded more usually.
"Or is it that a certain group of women are supposed to be the ones that every guy fucks so they can get their number up, and the rest of us just stand by until we are selected by a great provider to sow their seed in?"
I think that basically sums it all up.
There are also more women than men on the planet. So if all men screwed their own girl, there would still be female virgins. And if every girl found a guy to take her virginity, she would have to share him with another girl.
@Idonthaveausername this depends on individual countries I think.
True. Due to Japan's one child rule, they are overpopulated with young men, and don't have enough young women to go around.
@Idonthaveausername And from what I read and watched, the women there have ridiculously high standards and demands that Japanese men can not meet in that economy.
That's a supply Vs demand thing. Minors in California paid over $100 for a cup of water during the gold rush. Somebody charged it and others paid it. Having a shortage of women allows for them to raise their prices for men. And guys in America complain about being rejected.
Good take, it's nice to see soem acceptance and tolerance to this, i mean, i'm a Virgin, i'm 18, and in this country, sex seems terrifying, with our very British attitudes to everything, i always feel awkward when it comes to love, don't get me wrong i've gotten better at talking to girls, and actually initiating physical contact, but i've never kissed a girl, let alone had sex with one, and it seems incredible daunting to me the whole prospect, i can understand why some people may choose not to try sex, as i get older year by year, the amount of virgin girls my age goes down, and to me, it's important for me to lose my virginity to someone who hasn't yet either, that might stem from the idea that they'll have no idea what they're doing, and i'll have no idea either, and i do wonder if it'd be best to just go balls to the wall with it and just go out with anyone i want, but that fear of being judged for not knowing how to perform is a huge fear of mine, and i'd be curious as to how you'd overcome something like that, maybe through just doing it, or maybe through learning it first, either way, it's incredibly daunting. but i will say your take is very good, you've outlined some clear points i always try and get across to people having these problems, just because it's common sense, but you've made my job so much easier now, gg for the post, and thanks.
Bro, don't worry about it. I honestly respect people who have little to no experience because they still have their "innocence", if you will. This is coming from a girl who has kissed many people and has had sex with one person (I was 17). Don't get me wrong, there's nothing bad at all about enjoying sex and kissing and whatnot as much as you want! If I were you, I'd just cherish keeping my virginity until I meet someone I have a very special connection with. <3
Maybe this is not the best way to look at it, but age is actually your friend. Do you NOT have to get with a woman your age. You can save your virginity well into your 40s and still acquire a younger virgin girl provided she is of legal age. Women like older men anyway. For every year, a new generation of virgin girls become legal.
Thank YOU for reading and commenting. I'm glad I was able to help. As for your question about how to go about it, honestly I'm a fan of just going balls to the wall with it. Like I said, some girls are happy to teach guys. There are some women here who have commented about how they PREFER virgin guys. And lastly, I can tell you that previous experience in bed doesn't always translate to every partner. Every single person you sleep with will have different experiences, different likes and dislikes, etc. What you might have learned through sex with one person might be completely different than what the next person enjoys. Sex gets better the more you are with the same person because you learn about each other's bodies and learn what gets THEM off. And you kinda start over again with someone new. Now obviously there's always some base experiences, but it's actually not as big of a deal as you may think in my opinion.
My only problem with this is: "Guys - You a virgin? Ok cool, might be a learning curve but that means I get to teach you how to please me without any previous habits you might have picked up."
- Seems to be that a man's virginity almost always has to revolve around what he can "learn," while we never talk about what a virgin woman can learn. We seem to think women will already know it or get the hang of it.
Well this was told from the perspective of a woman. I'm assuming from the way she is speaking that she is only interested in sexual encounters with men rather than women so it makes sense that she would teach the men how to please her rather than the women.
Are you kidding? Lol just open up a cosmo magazine once and see all the weird ass sexual tips and tricks they give to women all the time.
@jollymolly098 So since she's a woman she should also know that she too was once inexperienced and had to learn something. @lumos Stop living by the magazines and college bologna and get out in the real world. Just cuz a publication writes about sex tips and trips doesn't mean women are really using them.
Who said anything about using sex tips? Your point was that we "never talk about what a virgin woman can learn" yet I see sex tips all the time for girls pretty much everywhere, about what to do, how to talk dirty, how to give a blowjob, how to incorporate sex toys into your fun time with your partber, what to wear etc. In fact I've seen more stuff about giving a guy a blowjob versus how to go down on a girl 😐
Partner*
@lumos You were the one who mentioned sex tips: "Are you kidding? Lol just open up a cosmo magazine once and see all the weird ass sexual tips and tricks they give to women all the time." Broaden your horizons and intake of information. I'm a man and I see lots of stuff about how to eat pussy for men, mostly online. Drop what the magazines say. That's making your world too small.
Yeah because you said that we never talk about what a woman can learn, and I disagreed by bringing up that we DO, in the form of sex tips. I'm not even talking *just* about magazines, I brought it up as an example. You're getting your panties in a twist over nothing.
@lumos Actually you are. I'm simply telling you what you said. You're not important enough for me to get my panties bunched up over.
Ok :D
@jollymolly098 got it right lol.. it wasn't phrased that way because I was specifically speaking for myself and that would be the attitude I have towards virgin men. Nothing about what women need to learn, both parties regardless of gender have things to learn if they're inexperienced.
@jesshkah So my point is, you as a female should know that you too had to learn something, but you outline the situation as if learning is more of a necessary thing for a virgin guy than a virgin girl. Was my point.
This was really good. You highlighted this double standard about virginity that no one can deny exists. And you did that using humor so it didn't come off as butthurt or anything. I have to admit I laughed out loud when I read:
"Guys - You a virgin? Ok cool, might be a learning curve but that means I get to teach you how to please me without any previous habits you might have picked up. And if you have some beginners luck, even better for me. You fucked 50 other girls in the past? You clean? No STDs, diseases, treat me with respect? We good to go. Will I be curious as to why you have 0 or 50? Sure, but that's because I'm a nosy bitch, not because I actually care about the number."
Well done, Jesshkah!
Thank you so much! Glad I was able to make you laugh 😁
Bae is back!
I think the thinking that men are supposed to have smashed 100 honeys by the time he is 30 of comes from the fact that there is ONE guy who does manage to do it. Every guy then wants to be this guy and girls are supposed to save themselves to try and win this high value male. From a biology standpoint, this is roughly how humans operate.
However, both genders forget that this is ONE guy out of 10,000 who could possibly have the looks/charm/money etc. to pull it off. We both know the internet does loves to swing to the extreme ends of any spectrum.
Hi boo 😁 Right but that's the thing. Where is the guy gonna smash 100 hunnies if all of them are saving themselves? And nowadays women don't even want the 100 hunnies man cuz he's a little hoe bag too. NOTHING MAKES SENSE.
There is a rap singer called snoop dog who has had a lot of sex with different women.
"Or is it that a certain group of women are supposed to be the ones that every guy fucks so they can get their number up, and the rest of us just stand by until we are selected by a great provider to sow their seed in?"
Well it's mating, there's nothing fair about it. All is fair in love and war, as they say... People are continually trying to edge out others trying to get the "best deal" and this does leave some men and women on the sidelines as "undateable". It's sad but this is how it works.
Personally I prefer a middle road. I don't want a virgin girl but a girl who has slept with another guy every other week for the past couple of years might not be emotionally stable or capable of monogamy enough for me to want a relationship with her (sometimes people say promiscuous women can just suddenly "change" into loyal partners without ulterior motives, but I think that's a tad naive). But my life's goal isn't to sleep with as many girls as possible either and I think it's understandable if a girl doesn't trust a promiscuous guy either.
Yea I see what you're saying, and I get your preference as well. I just have trouble equating multiple sex partners as a measure of value. I also feel like sometimes people with higher numbers have those from a particular time in their lives so it's not uncommon to have "changed". Attitude is a huge part of it.
@jesshkah There are women (and men) who have genuinely changed without ulterior motives, but I think it's not that common. I guess if I met a 27-year old (so still plenty of time before she has to pop out babies or gets old and wrinkled), stable (including financially) woman today who used to be very promiscuous when she was 20-22 and then decided that life wasn't for her then I could believe she's genuine and won't cuck me first chance she gets. But how realistic is that in reality? Most of the time they seem a bit emotionally unstable and conveniently claim to have "changed" and want a monogamous serious relationship (with a guy they wouldn't have given the light of day five years earlier because he doesn't have that perfectly chiseled jawline) right at the age where the biological clock starts ticking and the studs they used to prefer have started moving on to younger girls. They may believe they're genuine themselves but they can't be trusted in the long term.
Women with nasty mouths and lots of sexual partners are not just unattractive but disgusting. Femininity has left women in America. Lots of women subconsciously have masculine traits nowadays. They want to be 'over' the man and the men let them. It's almost cliche to hear a couple admit the woman is in charge. Hence, you see women wanting to sleep around now and want to normalize it. Another product of female destructive behavior.
While as a female you may always be able to sleep with a man, once you step into the realm of sexual promiscuity you are inadvertently killing your chances of ever having a long term relationship with a decent person. But women don't even look for decent men anymore. They want the slave man who is also the jerk and will spend his money on them without hesitation. And once she's 'bored' its time to move on for her. I call them the monkey branch generation.
"Who do you expect to be having sex with? Or is it that a certain group of women are supposed to be the ones that every guy fucks so they can get their number up"
It's funny how you say that when the reality is actually the opposite. The majority of promiscuous women actually end up only sleeping with a select group of men who people like to call players or fuckboys, etc. while the average guys don't participate in that as much. And obviously that makes some of the guys bitter based on simply the fact how much easier it is for women to get laid over all.
I think the false assumption you make in this take is that you think that it's the same group of people who say "men need to fuck a lot of girls, but girls need to be virgins" when that is definitely not usually the case. If a person is actually like that then they are a fucking hypocrite and you are absolutely right.
"Or do whoever else your little heart desires, whenever it desires."
This is honestly terrible fucking advice. "Follow your heart, listen to your brain" is much more sensible and in general will lead to a much better life than just doing whatever the fuck you want whenever the fuck you want.
Lol thanks for the read, and yea your first point is definitely true. What it referenced was more the attitude men have sometimes, regardless of the reality which you described. And that last bit was definitely exaggerated, noted.