The Reality of Being a Side Chick

[Oxxymoron]

This is my very first MyTake, I hope you guys enjoy! I've decided to talk about something that I'm sure we're all a little too familiar with (unfortunately), side chicks.

More importantly, the reality of being a "side chick". There is no shame, I'll keep it real with y'all, I have been a side chick once myself and honestly it wasn't all that great! There was a lot of crying on my part and a lot of regret, followed by my constant necessity to have him please me one more time and of course there was the constant promise that he would leave her for me. I believed him of course. He was a beautiful man. Sad, what the fuck is wrong with you girl? I know, I know. Not one of my proudest moments. Lust is an evil bitch.

When we think of getting involved with these men, we know what comes with it for the most part. Good sex (maybe), a couple of crazy ex girlfriends (guaranteed), a crazy ass baby momma (bet your bottom dollar) and worst of all, unnecessary stress! That's what we don't think about when we decide to get involved with these men, all the stress and overthinking. How will this affect his child? How will this affect his girlfriend? Will I feel better after having sex with this guy or will I feel worse? Do you have good enough memory to keep up with all the lies? Can you fake a good Chinese accent for when his girl finally decides to call for "Takeout" in his contacts? It is too much!

The sex: It will be amazing the first few times. Clothes being ripped off, getting it on in the most spontaneous places (mostly because he can't actually take you home) but after a while it becomes routine and more about him than it ever was about you. He'd rather have you deep throat him for two minutes and nut in your mouth as opposed to enjoying your body and taking his time. They become sloppy and lazy. It's gross and very much the opposite of porn when the girlfriend would catch the adulterers in the act and join in. Trust me, you'll be driving back home a wet mess trying to steer while you finish yourself off anyways. Not fun. Not safe. Okay.. maybe a little fun, but definitely not safe.

The crazy exes and baby mommas: If they're crazy, they probably have a reason why they are that way. However, no one enjoys being chased through a park by some crazy chick with a paddle in her hand. I mean... unless, you're into that kind of stuff. Seriously though, it can become a very dangerous game very quickly if you aren't careful.

The unnecessary stress: As a "side chick" you have so much responsibility (lol stress, I meant STRESS GIRL) Actually shaving your legs, planning places to meet where you won't be seen or potentially caught, having to make time for him when he can't do that for you, having to low key spy on his girlfriend to make sure she isn't low key spying on you, keeping this man satisfied because after all, that is the only reason he comes to you.

The fact of the matter is, the side chick never wins. This man will not come to you forever. Eventually he will work things out with his girl and he will drop you as quickly as he picked you up. We do what we do to feel sexy, for the adrenaline rush, to feel wanted, to fill a certain void we have in our lives but at the end of the night, he gets to go home and lay in bed with someone who loves him while you're going home to nothing. A cold bed and even colder leftovers.

Let's learn to love, value and nurture ourselves, be happy and not mess with other peoples lives and most importantly not mess with other peoples men. xx

[redeyemindtricks]

Not snark, not sarcasm, totally straightforward serious question:

Once you get to the "two minutes of throating is all the attention you'll ever get" / "cold bed and colder leftovers" stage...
... what's at least stopping you from getting in touch with the girlfriend/wife, and joining up to put the dude through at least *some* hell?

__

Don't get me wrong here, but... if yr end-game is "just slink away and don't say a thing", then, you are STILL playing right into the dude's hands -- even after you've supposedly cleansed yrself of him.

In fact -- that's the single most important quality in a "good" side chick. Not good companionship, not stress relief... hell, not even good sex.
Nope.
The single most important thing that a good, docile little side chick can do is... tuck her tail between her legs and just *walk away* when it all goes south. And not tell a soul, and not rock the boat.

Fuck. That. Noise.

Girl you SHOULD rock the boat. You should **capsize** the fucking boat. Or at least you should try.

I know you're viewing a potential encounter with the gf/wife as an incredibly dreadful, Armageddon level nightmare, but... trust me... nope. It isn't, UNLESS you are the kind of woman who just doesn't bond well with other women.

If you make girlfriends easily *at all*, you can have the gf/wife on yr side in a matter of minutes -- or even seconds.
Because she's just discovered that the man she THOUGHT she could trust is actually her enemy... and, as we all know, there's a name for the enemy of yr enemy, and that name is "friend".

No matter how much time has passed since this incident... I would recommend that you consider contacting the gf/wife, letting her know what the fuck is actually up with her oh-so-perfect little relationship, and giving the dude some payback together.
This will probably work out even better if some time has passed, actually -- because then the gf/wife will know you aren't some crazy bitch who's just been scorned/rejected/turned down and who's just out to create trouble out of pure bitterness.

... Or you could just sit back, put a mark in the "L" column, and let the dude put YOU in the "W" column -- and let him keep on doing the same thing to his woman with the next side chick.

Yr choice.

[SovereignessofVamps]

Exactly, I feel like it's totally the cheater's fault. They're the one in the relationship... great answer.

[AleDeEurope]

You gotta be really fucked up to agree to be a side chick. The amount of issues a girl has to have to agree to that is insane. I feel like I wanna feel bad for her, but she's willingly participating in hurting a woman (the guy's "main" chick) who did nothing to her.

A guy who has side chicks is a piece of shit, but so is the girl who agrees to be a side chick.

[Kit_Kat88]

Well said. 👍🏻

[xPoison]

Exactly... just a cumulative dumpster. Wiped like a toilet paper and thrown to the trash... ehhh yeah.

[xPoison]

Cum dumpster*

[ThisDudeHere]

What he said.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I think it's 100% the cheater's fault really.

[AleDeEurope]

@SovereignessofVamps So the cheater forced her to accept becoming a side chick. As far as I know, she willingly do that. She should take responsibility for her actions, at least try to act like an adult for once.

[SovereignessofVamps]

No, but he would have cheated anyway with someone else... or even just had hookups.

[AleDeEurope]

@SovereignessofVamps I know, that's why I said he's also a piece of shit, but you can't just say she has no fault in this when she was the one who did it.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I feel like the cheater side partner... it is terrible if they know, but what the cheater does is their own responsibility. They chose to cheat, so they would have hurt their partner no matter what.

[AleDeEurope]

@SovereignessofVamps If the girl doesn't know he's taken, then I wouldn't blame her, but in this case, she did know, so she was ok with hurting the guy's girlfriend.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I think it's all a huge mess.

[AleDeEurope]

@SovereignessofVamps I agree with that. Poor girlfriend.

[NyomiMcClinton]

This was good read. I think that its also important to note that its best for the sidechick to not get attached. I have seen so may cases where the female gets attached thinking that its going to something more and the guy made it pretty clear that he didn't plan on leaving his wife or girlfriend. Then the sidechick is hurt, depressed, sad and confused. I also feel that if a female is going to do this why not get something of the deal: like trips, money, dinner dates, monthly allowance. I personally wouldn't be a sidechick and get nothing out of the deal.

[miamigirl1970]

Yes side chicks are real popular in the Marital Affair... All of your above bold statements are true. Chicks just aren't side chicks in uncommitted relationships, but are side chicks to married men to. Can you say relationships that turn toxic? Yep! Good MY TAKE- Good TOPIC- GREAT JOB

[vishna]

I can't even fathom how people are ok with that type of 'relationship'

[selmo93]

Hun talking from experience it's more mental than physical. You don't get into something knowing your a side chuck for a start. And if you do its generally as you feel you can provide something the other can't.

[navychick2006]

When I was 23 years old, a guy asked for my number and I gave it to him under the impression he was single. I later found out that he had a live in girlfriend I wasn't supposed to know about and told him not to call me again. Thankfully, I didn't even have one date with this guy and was smart enough to see through his nonsense.

I don't care how much you like the guy or how long you've been dating, if you have even an ounce of self respect you would dump the guy. Thing is some of these women really think they can get the guy to leave his girl and run to her, which is honestly quite stupid. And even if he does, who's to say he's not going to leave the new girl for somebody else. As for the girlfriend, if she knows he's cheating with someone else and she stays with him, she's stupid too. I'm sorry, but if you accept disrespect then that's what you get. Kick his ass to curb once you find out he's cheating. That goes for the girlfriend and the side chick because the only person benefiting from the situation is the guy.

[Blueeyes2016]

I remember hearing of a family friend when i was growing up, they said he dates a girl met with others in a double date and ended up interested in another woman so he cheated on the original woman and he ended up marrying the mistress having a family and stayed with her until her death 20 some years later. Madly in love

[navychick2006]

@Blueeyes2016 well I'm happy for them and sorry for the original woman but most cases most cases don't work out like this.

[Sara413]

I have never understood why anyone would ever put themselves in the position of being the other woman or the other man. That sounds so degrading and unfulfilling.

[arineunha]

there's some people who will.. wait on your even when you said that you're not interested in a committed relationship. a guy continued to pursue me even when i said that, the reason is that they're looking a relationship even if they say they don't care and refuse to let go

[arineunha]

a little bit is better than nothing (?)

[Sara413]

@arineunha a little bit is not better than nothing. I'd much rather not have a guy in my life at all than be his side chick... there is no dignity in that at all. I'd rather be alone with my dignity than a fuck toy.

[EmilyHi]

some side chicks aren't aware they are the side chick

[Sara413]

@EmilyHi well yeah, but this one was.

[BrileyCat]

Don't be hard on all Side Chicks . Some girls become side chicks accidently .
There's a moral to this story . When you find out you are, dump the guy .
Well written . Full of information and insight . + a couple of funnys!

[Relentless_Hippie]

The kind of person who cheats is an absolute scum bag. The kind of person who helps them cheat is even worse.

[TylerKuykendall]

I don't see how. If I turn down a girl who wanted to cheat with me because she had a boyfriend, she'd just find someone who's unaware of her relationship with her boyfriend. Cheaters are going to cheat anyway, so it's 100% their fault for cheating.

[redeyemindtricks]

So... people who **actually make promises**, and then ACTIVELY BREAK those promises... are somehow LESS guilty than the people who made no such promises in the first place? •_____________________• Not seeing this one, babe. This is like saying, "Murdering someone is bad, but, helping a murderer hide the body is even worse." Huh?

[Relentless_Hippie]

@redeyemindtricks I'm not dismissing what the cheater does, yeah you're a horrible human being for it, no doubt about that. But I'm talking about the men and women who know someone is taken, knows they have a family, a marriage a home. They know that person has built an entire life with someone else and they come by and want to take it all away. Sure if you didn't know they had someone then you're a victim too, but if you blatantly knew and still pursued them or it made you want them even more, well then I think you're worse. You're actively trying to destroy someone else's life. It's really not that hard to cut your losses and move on to someone single.

[redeyemindtricks]

I'm sorry, but, that's infantilizing the people who actually made the commitment. Temptation will come in all sorts of different forms. Human homewreckers, drugs, financial issues, lifestyle changes... you name it. At the end of the day, you have two people who actually MADE A PROMISE to each other... and 7 billion minus 2 who didn't. Breaking a promise... is worse. End of. It's the same thing when, say, crooked cops or public officials betray the public. The official has SWORN A DUTY to protect the public, so, that dereliction deserves a worse penalty than if a random civilian were to do the same. I mean There are all kinds of men who would LOVE to run off with me. I have clients worth > $100 million who would marry me in two seconds, if I ran off with them. There are also all kinds of women who would LOVE to run off with my husband, a lot of whom are just over half my age and could give him a whole second family. Buuuttt * At the end of the day, it's really not that damn hard to

[redeyemindtricks]

keep our PROMISES to each other (... and it's pretty sexy, too, if I might say). * If one of us DID run off with some random stranger -- YES, we would be MUCH more culpable than the stranger. That's THE WHOLE POINT OF SWEARING VOWS. The way you're thinking, vows have basically 0 meaning. The WHOLE POINT OF SWEARING VOWS is that the people swearing the vows have a GREATER DUTY to each other, and to protecting their OWN commitment, than random strangers do to protecting their commitment *for* them.

[Relentless_Hippie]

@redeyemindtricks I don't know how to explain what I mean without it sounding like I'm discrediting the importance of promises and remaining true. Every single thing you've said I agree with, and even still i think purposely being the homewrecker is worse. Sort of like a rapist. The rapist is an absolute piece of shit person, but if you're the one setting people up to get raped and have their lives destroyed just because you felt like it, well then that's a special kind of evil.

[redeyemindtricks]

Likewise, I'm with you on "It's two very special kinds of shitty". Ordinarily, this is where I would just say it's pointless to compare Hitler vs. Stalin, or famine vs. communicable disease, or any other 2 horribly shitty things that are different kinds of horribly shitty. The only reason I'm *not* doing that here, is that in my world, keeping yr word is literally THE number one most important thing in life. To me, promise breakers are worse than actual murderers and so on. In my world, breaking vows is a worse kind of shitty than ANYTHING else. That's the only reason I'm being kind of a dick about this. Otherwise, I think we're pretty much in agreement on, well, basically all the everythings.

[Relentless_Hippie]

@redeyemindtricks I know what you mean. People's word is super important to me too and there's nothing that gets under my skin quite like lying does. But this is also one of those things. Like you said, we view it differently but still generally agree. Both of those things suck.

[redeyemindtricks]

yep.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I think it's the cheater's fault, so they're the worst. they're the one with the commitment, so why blame the side one?

[Relentless_Hippie]

@SovereignessofVamps Because the side one still had a part to play in it. Even if someone wanted to cheat, the side piece doesn't have to help them. If you help them you're just as bad, if not worse. I'm not saying the cheater isn't to blame. Everyone is to blame, but people who are side pieces shouldn't feel like they aren't responsible. They're just as big of a piece of shit as the cheater themselves.

[SovereignessofVamps]

The cheater would have cheated anyway, and their side piece may not even know in other cases. It's terrible you would know and still help someone cheat, but I really feel like the cheater is still totally responsible.

[Relentless_Hippie]

@SovereignessofVamps I think both are responsible. If someone doesn't know then they're a victim too, but to knowingly do something like that is foul. Just as foul as the cheater.

[Relentless_Hippie]

In my opinion at least.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I think it's all just crazy! I don't agree, but it's still insane.

[SarahsSummer]

Really well written good first mytake. I agree 1000%. Save yourself the guaranteed heartache and dont mess with taken guys. <3

[MancGuyUK]

For me if you not happy in your current relationship simply end that relationship and don't play these games

[DramaFreeBri]

It's not always about not being happy in a current relationship. They may be happy, but also desire someone else. They may just like the thrill of being with another person and getting away with it. They may indeed care the person they are in a relationship with but that person may not fulfill all of their desires. My point is there are a load of other reasons a person may have a side chick, being in an unhappy relationship is not always a reason.

[TheDevilInside]

What the fuck made you agree to be a side chick? Seriously. Did you leave your brain somewhere else? The thought of a taken guy showing interest in me already disgusts me, I don't even want to be friends with someone like that. Won't even talk to them. How could you agree to knowingly be his side chick? Your issues must have been that severe, huh?

Anyway, everyone makes mistakes and good that you recognize this as a huge Mistake in your life. And consider yourself lucky that you didn't get pregnant from him cause then your life would have even been a lot more fucked up. This is why I don't want to get anywhere near fucked up people. They tend to fuck up other people's lives as well. Learn your lesson, and don't repeat. Next time you might not be as lucky. And good take. Hopefully this would deter any girl who is dumb enough to consider being some asshat's side whore

[EmilyHi]

not all side chicks are aware they are the side chick

[BubbleBoy69]

Do you know that a lot of girls are side chicks and aren't even aware? What i'm saying is that many girls boyfriend have more than 1 girlfriend (they just don't know each other).

[mutedaisy]

This just made me think of this video.

https://youtu.be/woOJydDd2vc

[Izzex3]

Is due that one chI know from bad Girls Club? Sara? I think?

[mutedaisy]

@Izzex3 I'm not sure. I've never watched the bad girls club.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I think it's 100% the cheater's fault not the sidechick's. Also of course he won't commit to the side chick. He's cheating to be with her so why would he ever stay with her...

[DBAOracle]

Meh, I disagree. Being an accessory of a crime is no bueno as well...

[SovereignessofVamps]

@DBAOracle He's the one with the relationship and responsibility.

[DBAOracle]

"He's the one with the relationship and responsibility." True, that makes him the one committing the "crime". But, being a side chick, you're helping him cheat. You've contributed directly to having a woman cheated on. That's being an accessory of a crime... you didn't commit a crime but you directly helped someone else do it.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@DBAOracle I don't agree, but I do agree this is insane!

[DBAOracle]

Sure, you have the right to disagree. I would just like to note that in something like cheating, without the accessory, it can't be committed. Theoretically, if we all rejected a cheater's attempts, they wouldn't be able to cheat.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@DBAOracle He could have lied and pretended to be single, or had multiple random hookups...

[DBAOracle]

In that situation, there's no accessory of a crime because the other party didn't know. These random hookups the cheater had are not an accessory either unless they knew. This question is about a side chick. A side chick who knows that she's a side chick is also at fault.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@DBAOracle I still disagree... I would hate my boyfriend but not the side chick. I would be shocked she knew, but I would 100% hate him. The side girl is irrelevant... since she's irrelevant.

[Tony1974]

That's what killed me about Tiger Woods. Nobody was giving the women he cheated with any shit. They all knew he was married! Homewrecker as as bad as the cheaters... especially if they keep going once they know!

[DBAOracle]

@Tony1974 Yeah, she's determined to be in disagreement about it, it's her choice. But, I'll still stand that an accessory of cheating is also bad.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@Tony1974 @DBAOracle The only ones determined to disagree are you 2. You're choosing to not agree with me, but you don't have to.

[Tony1974]

We disagree because you're wrong. This is a major issue most men have with women; most of you can't admit when you are wrong or own admit to your failings. it must nice to go through life never having to take responsibility for your actions.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@Tony1974 I'm talking about any cheater, and we're talking about a different girl, not me. If a woman was the cheater I'd feel the same way. You sound a bit sexist.

[Tony1974]

So.. even though she knows he's got a SO... she not wrong for fucking him? That makes no sense. You're giving her a free pass. She should go to the girlfriend and tell her about whats going on IF she has an integrity. I've in such a situation except if was my former "friend" and my cousin's wife. I was the guy who found out about them and had to spill the beans. People are such scumbags these days; my former friend helped destroy their 10 year marriage (with 3 kids). Till this day, they continue to try and re-write the narrative of how things went down. They both scum to me.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@Tony1974 I'm saying, the cheater would have cheated no matter what. So ofc the situation is insane and she probably should tell their partner... but he would have cheated no matter what, so I think the people he cheated with, weren't the main problem at all. And it's not always easy telling... the wife/SO could have thought another woman was trying to get her guy and lying about his cheating. So if were a guy telling another guy, then it's much easier and different.

[Tony1974]

Yes. It's always easier for the guy... from the woman's POV. But wasn't; it sucked ass. You think it was easy to spill the beans and contribute to the immediate destruction of my cousin's family? Those kids are suffering but the two cheaters could care less. It's all about them and their needs. I shouldn't be surprised at your steadfast absolution for the woman; it's always 100% the guys fault. And no.. if there's nobody willing to hook up with him, he can't cheat. See how easy that was fixed? The problem you have is you "ladies" see a guy you want and just fuck him. You don't care if he's got a partner or not. It's just about you getting off. Good sex is all that matters to you. The fact that he has a partner is added spice for a lot of you. You view it as a challenge and feel "empowered" that you can make him stray.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@Tony1974 No no no. I meant, not as threatening., If another woman told a wife she was fucking her husband, the wife might assume she's just saying that out of jealousy and making the whole thing up, since she's another female. If a woman told a guy, that his wife was cheating on him, he could also think she was making it up to ruin their relationship, since she's a female and could want him. That's why everyone knows, you only believe people when they tell you this, when it's a friend who has nothing to do with the situation, or you have to say you were approached by the potential cheater; not that you already fucked them. That could work sometimes, but most times I doubt it. I'm not talking about male and female, but straight relationship dynamics... you can't believe the other female, since she could just be jealous. And good sex is apparently all that matters to the cheater, who chose to cheat, male or female. Like I said you come off as really sexist and totally focused on women.

[SovereignessofVamps]

Otherwise hell, maybe sidechicks and sideguys do feel empowered, I don't know.

[Tony1974]

I'm not sexist; they're both POS in my view. It's asshats like him that give all guys a bad rap. If fact, I wanted to give my "friend" a beat down but my cousin asked me not to. I focus on the woman a bit because I wanted to settled down and have a family some day. I'm astounded at what I've witness over my 42 years of existence.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@Tony1974 Oh.. no, I don't think illegally hitting someone is a good idea. But I was basically saying the one who's cheated on, might not believe the side person after the fucking. Yeah, you focused on women a lot!

[flypaper]

Yeah, I personally feel like all responsibility falls on the cheater. He (in this case) is the one in charge of keeping himself faithful... it's no one else's job to police his relationship.

[Luci92]

Interesting read. Honestly though, I still think that the cheater is ultimately in the wrong, as he/she is breaking a commitment made between two people.

[Cosytoasty]

I love sidechicks👍👍👍adds spice to a relationship

[likitb4istickit]

Eh practically everyone is everyone else's side order, most just aren't aware of it due to the fact that humans tend to get jealous so need to keep it secret. Monogamy is a silly concept anyway, humans were never meant to be monogamous (certainly not for the males).

[goldfinch23]

Amazing MyTake. I enjoyed it a lot. And truthful. Thank you ☺

[EmilyHi]

not all girls / woman are aware they are the side chick