Sexual Relationships
+1 y

The Value of My V Card

Apologies for the title, I don't actually specify the value of my virginity in this take, instead I'm talking about my experiences and how I've justified it.

Now, let's get right into this.

Disclaimers can get annoying, so I'll try to keep this short: This is written from my own personal perspective and is based upon my own values and beliefs. I don't expect everyone to agree, but I would like for you to be respectful of this, as I will be of you.

Ahh, the age old topic of virginity. It's brought up here on G@G so frequently that I'm surprised it doesn't have its own topic (along with a few other popular questions about boob size and dick size).

The Value of My V Card

I was raised in a household with fairly conservitive parents (who do have their liberal moments, mind you) but when it came to virginity, it was always instilled in me to:

a) only have sex with someone you love and care about deeply

b) it was implied that it should only happen within a relationship

c) only do what you're comfortable with

d) and always use a condom

I thought this was fair, and I didn't have any qualms against these terms.

However, recently I'd been questioning the importance of sex and the value I placed on my virginity. I came to a few conclusions, one of these being that I'd never seen it as something particularly special, and that I didn't really understand how it could be special. I also knew that while I respected my parent's views, ultimately it was a personal choice that was up to me to decide for. This also brought up another key topic for me to give some thought to, about whether I choose to subscribe to my parents values or not, which is something I'm only beginning to explore.

In prep for this take, and also as a way of trying to better understand why other people do or don't place value on virginity, I asked a question about it.

Check it out here: Why is/isn't virginity so important to you?

Even though I'd been giving this some thought (as I tend to do with most things, I'm an overthinker) I didn't think it was really relevant to me, there were no boys on 'the tune', I wasn't dating anyone, let alone even interested in someone (in my own country, may I add).

But things have changed recently for me, (hence why I'm writing this, duh) so don't give up yet, here's the actual story of what went down, not that the details are relevant, but it gives you an honest picture as to what happened.

What Went Down

Myself and 6 other school mates had been invited to the 18th Birthday party of a mutual friend who goes to another school. None of us knew anyone else at the party, so for the first hour or so, we stood in an awkward circle as we took in our surroundings. Eventually, we started to talk to a few other party goers, and after I had had a few ciders, I was in full swing. [By that, I mean I was back to being bubbly and loud, and that I had shaken off that little bit of social anxiety].

I started talking and having 'good banter' with a really awesome guy, we spend an hour or so having light conversation with other people and then eventually just us two, until he asked me if I wanted to see the downstairs of the house, as he's the best mate of the guy holding the party. Eventually we moved to a bedroom, all the important questions were asked and he was a gentleman, but I'll leave it at that because I don't kiss and tell.

My quick mental checklist I did looked something like this:

* do I feel comfortable with him?

* do I believe he will be respectful and a gentleman about it all?

* do I have a form of contraception? (condom, the pill etc)

* and lastly but most importantly, do I want to do this?

One thing I will mention, neither of us were dead sober, we were a tad tipsy, but I don't believe it really had much of an impact on the circumstances, and it wouldn't have changed either of our decisions.

I did do a really good job at becoming '*that* girl who lost her virginity to some guy at a party', lmao.

The Value of My V Card

The Aftermath

The biggest concern for me, in the 48h after it, was that my friends would judge me, and that news would spread at my own school of what had happened.

However my friends were, and are still extremely supportive and have gone above and beyond expecatations, so no complaints there at all. They're the only ones that know what happened and I trust them, so I do not believe it will become common knowledge at school.

Do I regret it?

I've had people ask me this a few times, in fact this was one of the major concerns from some of my closer friends. Ultimately at this stage, I don't regret it though, because it wasn't an unpleasant experience, and I am still the same person, it hasn't changed me. One act does not define me as a person, nor will I let it.

What have I learnt?

It's still relatively taboo in the sense that some people still find it a very big deal, and obviously this won't change, nor do I expect it to, but next time, I'd like to be more cautious of the when and where, because in all honesty, a party full of nosy teenagers, half of whom have no idea about sex themselves, was not the ideal location for me.

It's also important to distinguish the difference between losing my virginity, and having casual sex. While I don't regret my previous choice, I don't know if casual sex is for me, simply because I don't want to take the risk of STI's or developing an emotions for someone as a result, and I believe it can be more fun to explore and try new things with someone I know well and feel extremely comfortable and safe with.

The most important thing, at least in my mind, is that I didn't give into peer pressure of any sort, I was 100% comfortable with what I was doing at the time, and I think that's also what a few people in my life are struggling to accept right now. In their words, they didn't think 'I was capable of doing this sort of thing'. But people can think and say what they like, and if this is the consequence of my actions, then so be it.

Anyways, this is mostly my thoughts put into writing, but hopefully I sort of got my point or POV across and it made sense.

My attitude to this topic may very well be too blaze for some, but I am honestly interested in what all of you think, as long as it's kept respectful. Thanks for reading!

10 6

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

14 40
Show Popular Opinions(20)

  • It has no value.

  • This is a great take, I'm glad you managed to take it your own way.

    • Thank you, that means a lot <3

  • Congrats on losing it and welcome to the club. Very interesting take

    • Thanks :)

  • Lol you so obviously regret it. I am 2 years older than you, been asked out by plenty of boys, but still keeping my virginity and haven't been kissed (although boys have tried I quickly reject them). I think you would like to still be in that position too, if you were honest with yourself. Secondhand goods aren't as good as something shiny and brand new in the hands of a good owner.

    And if losing your virginity this way didn't actually bother you, you wouldn't write a huge rambling article about it on this website.

    • lmaoooo girl no regrets

  • Welcome to the club but this sint the guy you are seeing? 😮

  • Very interesting read! Thanks for sharing 😊

    • Thank you :)

  • The important thing is, that you were more or less responsible (which in my opinion lies to be a little more desired) and watched with who you associate yourself with.
    More responsible as in having the birth controls ready.

    Plenty of times we see girls being stoned-out drunk, wasted (they think they can take on very many glasses but the alcohol kicks in after like 30 minutes and on women the effects are doubled) and being used to have a quick round of sex by anybody (like a thug or a badboy) regardless of their wills. And after that they are unable to move on and will dwell in that moment like forever and only proceed to the worse. Shit happens but that doesn't mean it's life over.

    It's good to see, that you do not fit into this category above.

    As for me, I'm still a virgin. Still waiting to get sex at least once or better find a super sexually-driven girlfriend :(

    • Thanks :) Good luck to you!

    • Don't worry about losing it, worry about finding someone who treats you as an equal.

    • @goaded That's the issue mate! I wrote a mytake about why I believe love is beyond my grasp and one of those reasons included, that many girls are not relationship material and as such as either entitled, have high standards (christian grey minimum), are self destructive, are not serious, want special privileges as soon as you just met them etc. I want an equal partner (not quite literally as in you = me), not a master or a servant. But those have to be found. They are rare indeed.

  • I wonder what your parents said about this. 😛 Did they ground you? How are you not dead yet? 😋

    Got to second base with my boyfriend after homecoming. That's the closest I've been to having full on intercourse. Hope to go all the way with him soon but I'm nervous because what if he doesn't like my body? All these thoughts swirl around my head and offput me from having sex with him. :/

    • Also I know it was cheesy, but it was fun. I wanted to fuck him right then and there but I was always taught to have safe sex.

    • Hahah my mum was so upset, didn't speak to me for the rest of Sunday or Monday, but by Wednesday it was business as usual. She knows I was safe and I told her about my mental checklist, but there's not much she can do otherwise, I guess. We can chat some more on kik about yr insecurities and how I dealt with mine if you'd like? <3 Also, congrats for homecoming! ;)

    • Thanks. 🙂 Isn't he gorgeous? Chat with me on kik when you have time I'm glad your first time was good as not many were as lucky as you. Were you on birth control or anything? My boyfriend keeps telling me to get on it so he can creampie me lmao

    • Show All

  • media.giphy.com/media/ClcWrARkrq1GM/giphy.gif

    Your virginity is your choice, shouldn't let anyone judge you on what you do with it. Virginity is completely a social construct, people made virginity a big deal. I haven't lost mine yet but I don't judge anyone else on how they lost theirs.

    • Good for you!

  • I really loved this take
    It's good that you don't give a "whatever" about what people think
    Your choices are yours only
    Never feel pressured by anyone ❤

    • *waits for Triss' mytake *

    • @Thisperson98 hahaha nahh I'm not planning anything for now

    • T'was gonna make one but I'd making it graphic and detailed lmfao

    • Show All

  • I'm gonna say $400. Am I closest without going over? I'm a doctor!

    • lmao

  • You prepared yourself properly mentally & don't feel " used " , so you willstart with a mature attitude. The double standards such as " slut shaming " & other social conditioning are crap for BOTH genders , it just represses women into borderline asexuals , also men are bashed these days for the " crime " of having a normal male libido.

    • totally agree with you.

  • "Sorry, it's been a little while since I've posted, I've been kept busy with school, work and personal matters, but hopefully I can share some more takes in the near future."

    Really? you're apologising? For what?

    Did someone die coz you didn't post?

    Lol you shouldn't apologise for this

    • Okay lol any thoughts on the take?

    • Didn't read after that sentence lmao

  • a) only have sex with someone you don't care about
    b) it was implied that it should only happen outside a relationship
    c) only do what you're uncomfortable with
    d) never use a condom

    • ? uh what?

  • I agree with your folks philosophy; this is what I will be telling my progeny IF I ever have any. Sadly, you failed to heed you parents advice; your choice. Loosing your virginity to some random dude speaks volumes about the value you placed on your V-card. (none) It's not my place to judge though; you have to live your life. Good luck and be safe!

    In the future, remember, just because you can doesn't mean you should.

  • i2.kym-cdn.com/.../3f4.png

    • Sure was, shame his personality didn't match his looks.

  • Unless you're like 12 I don't think people really care much one way or the other.

    • not everyone does see it this way unfortunately

    • Fortunately as I get older I find I less and less give a shit about what other people think. By the time I get to my Dad's age I'll probably be walking around naked.

    • Haha good for you

  • good topic,

  • I'd say you did it the best way you could barring having a boyfriend. You gotta be careful, though you were. I'm glad you had fun and remember how awesome of a person you are! Your own worth and how lucky any guy would be to have you. Love yourself and others will love you 😀

    • Thank you :)

  • Sounds like you had the "it just didn't happen yet" mindset in the past.

    • sorry?

    • Meaning that you weren't in either of the "save myself till marriage" camp nor the "I can't wait to loose the card. *prepares to duck*

    • True

  • Show More (14)
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > The Value of My V Card