Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Ever since the Twilight and Fifty Shades books and films came out, there has always been this simmering debate over whether both Edward Cullen and Christian Grey were abusive towards their respective partners, Bella Swan and Anastasia Steele. I think for one of them, it's hard to argue against the abuse, but for the other, it's much harder to make a clear cut case for abuse.
So what is domestic abuse? Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence. Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.
The 15 common signs of a partner who is abusive are that:
1. He pushes for quick involvement. You get pressured for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. There's constant jealousy.
3. He's controlling.
4. He has very unrealistic expectations.
5. There's isolation. He tries to cut you off from family and friends, deprives you of a phone or car, or tries to prevent you from holding a job.
6. He blames others for his own mistakes.
7. He's hypersensitive.
8. He's cruel to animals and children.
9. He makes everyone else responsible for their feelings. The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of "I'm angry."
10. His uses "playful" force during sex. He enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will; he finds the idea of rape exciting. He intimidates, manipulates or forces you to engage in unwanted sex acts.
11. There's verbal abuse.
12. There are rigid gender roles in the relationship. He expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.
13. He has sudden mood swings.
14. He has a past of battering.
15. He threatens violence.
The whole idea of someone dominating someone else is very much in line with what an abuser does. They seek ultimate control and submission of another person through acts of violence, fear, and emotional and physical abuse. However, nothing Christian did with Ana was without her express consent. Every act of violence or aggression towards her was first and foremost, spelled out to her verbally and/or literally in writing. Anna was sometimes shown what Christian was going to do to her and/or warned ahead of time before any hand was ever laid on her verbally and then behind it with the written stipulation that anything she didn't want to do with him, she was to inform him and he of course either never attempted the banned written items with her or would stop in the act if she requested it---all of which he did in the film.
Abusers don't stop. They don't ask permission. They don't have rules on what they will or won't do to their victims. They act without any restraint or care for their victims. There was never a moment in the film where Ana was tied up, or hit, or not allowed to leave the premises, or forced to go or stay anywhere with the Christian character against her permission or her free will. Even in the belt scene near the end, he told her, "I'm going to hit you five times," and she willingly allows him to do so, literally prostrates before him. He didn't hold her or tie her down or force her to get hit in the scene. I don't know what to tell you. If you're a person who gets pleasure from pain, and its given and received between two consenting legal adults, that's their freaky business just as what you willingly do in the bedroom is your own freaky business.
If you think about it, we could say in the case of Christian, that he is no different than two boxers in the ring. Both tell each other and/or know that the other is going to hit them and that it may very much hurt or result in scars, bruising, bleeding, etc., but both agree to the action, sign the paperwork, and then knowingly and willingly proceed. There is a reason we do not call this assault! The fine line is drawn when someone is forced into that situation and gets beat up against their will without permission given which was never the case in Fifty Shades of Grey.
Although there were many things he did in the film that would lightly suggest the actions of an abuser like showing up on her family trip unannounced, or perhaps his jealousy of other men, or trying to dictate what she wore, again most of the actions were spelled out for her quite literally in writing and he gave her several opportunities to turn them down and to say she would not willingly submit to what he was asking of her. If someone literally tells you what they want and what they are going to do and you sign up and agree to it, really that's on you. Like you can't sue the boxer after he punches you in the face and you have a black eye if you agreed to box in the first place knowing the risks.
In the case of Edward Cullen, I would have to say between the two characters, they both had massive issues. In the films prior to their marriage, Edward spent quite a bit of time trying to unsuccessfully reject Bella outright. She learned of his vampirism and the danger surrounding him and the dangers of sex with him due to his superior to human strength, which she witnessed on more than one occasion, but she still stayed with him.
He did later on become somewhat possessive of her, but one could make the argument that his possessive acts, trying to shield her from family and friends were literally for her protection because they had some psycho vampires after them who had proven to be deadly to everyone involved in their sadistic games. Still, rather than divorce herself from someone clearly a danger to herself and her family, she chose to be there despite his family disappearing, his family warnings, Edwards warnings...I mean how much can someone tell you to leave them alone or you'll possibly die before you go, hmm, yeah, sounds like a great plan???
When the two do have sex, Bella of course wakes up all bruised up. It would be very difficult to argue that that was not abuse. She somehow doesn't feel like it hurt her, which from his reaction, he clearly knows it did. He knew from his prior knowledge that he would indeed hurt her as a human who could not handle vampire strength, but he still went ahead.
From that point on Edward spends a long while trying to avoid her physically to protect her from his strength (abuse) rather than to just keep pursuing sex with her and in turn causing more injury. That's not really in league with abusers who tend to want to take control physically, emotionally, and sexually of another person regardless of their pain or desire to stop, but when you know someone didn't ask to be hurt and they end up being all bruised up--sounds like the making of a solid court case against them.
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