What's the difference between a racial fetish and preferences?

[Anonymous]

Preference: A feeling or liking of wanting one person more than another person. (Notice it doesn't exclude everyone else.) Fetish: An unusual strong desire, need or obsession for something, someone, etc. (Fetishes come in many forms.) I'll give an example and you let me know if it's a fetish or preference. My friend Joseph (a cool white guy) only chases black women. He has never had a white a gf nor is interested in one. Now as much as Joseph considers personality and other aspects, his love of chocolate always controls his decision making. If a white girl or Asian girl, etc approached Joseph and she had a personality he liked and good looks, he would still reject her SIMPLY for not being black. So with that in mind, I can easily say that my friend Joseph does not have preferences, he has a racial fetish. Now I don't care about what Joseph likes, but I appreciate the fact he doesn't play off his love of black women as a preference. He will straight up tell you he's obsessed with black women. So if a black guy only chases white women, is it really preferences or does he have a racial fetish? Is he any different than my friend Joseph? If a minority girl wants to only chase white men, is it really preferences or does she have a racial fetish? Is she any different than my friend Joseph? If someone only wants to date in their race and reject 90% of the other population, is it really preferences or a racial fetish? Yes you can have racial fetish for your own race. I'm black, but I'm not obsessed with or only want to date black women. I like everyone. All of you who claim to have "preferences", are you more open minded or exactly like Joseph?

[TheQueenofFoxes]

"My friend Joseph (a cool white guy) only chases black women. He has never had a white a gf nor is interested in one. Now as much as Joseph considers personality and other aspects, his love of chocolate always controls his decision making. If a white girl or Asian girl, etc approached Joseph and she had a personality he liked and good looks, he would still reject her SIMPLY for not being black. So with that in mind, I can easily say that my friend Joseph does not have preferences, he has a racial fetish."

Racial fetish. He will reject any and all other girls.

You my friend are open minded.

Here lets use me as an example. I am a tan skinned Russian. I like dark hair, tan skin, and bright eyes guys, correct? Well I got asked out by a light skinned, blonde hair, blue eyed, boy. Did I reject him? No. See I have a preference for tan skin guys BUT if I like a guy I can ignore that preference. I prefer to be with a tan skin but I got a light skin.

Joseph will reject any girl who is not black. Thus he has a racial fixation.

Preferences can change, racial fetishes can not.

-Fox

[carnix]

hehe...

[Yellowbone]

You know, I don't really put too much thought into the reason why someone is dating someone else, regardless of race, because it is really none of my or anyone else's business & I have more important things to do with my time. I would never walk up to an IR couple & ask or ponder why they are dating each other because that's kinda sad.

With that being said, the tricky thing about preferences is that there over 6(?) billion people in this world, so technically, if you have a preference, it's plausible as to why you'd only go after that because there's more than enough people that fit your preferred description that will date you.

Having a fetish would be something along the lines of DREAMING of dating/sexing a particular person. You have to remember that not everyone acts on their fetishes/obsessions.

A fetish is a LOT deeper than a preference. It's not even in the same ballpark as a preference. & most of the time, people with fetishes tend to brag about it A LOT to close friends, family, the internet, etc.

[Asker]

I don't really care who someone likes either, I just wanted to clarify their so called "preferences". I'm actually open minded and when someone tries to play the "preference" card when it's really a borderline fetish, it just seems ridiculous and annoying to me; I wish they just admitted what they like. And yes, Joseph will brag about what he likes and everyone knows lol. A fetish doesn't have to be deep, it just has to be an unsual obsession or need or desire for something/someone. If I purposely only want to date women with large breast regardless of their personalities, that's not a preference, I have an obsession with large breast which fits the definition of fetish. But yeah I understand what you're saying, I just wanted to clarify the differences because it seems to mean that people were just using that word to hide their superficiality.

[Yellowbone]

I agree with you.

[carnix]

Dating is about choice...

[Yellowbone]

I will say that I can't remember how many times I've gotten messages from white guys on dating sites basically asking me to break their black girl virginity. LMAO

[Yellowbone]

Thanks for MH

[realerthanreal]

You bring up something I've always noticed. People will straight up consider a white boy with a preference for black women as a fetishist. People never say that when they prefer Asian, Hispanic, Indian women... ok maybe Asian sometimes. But even then, people aren't saying it out of disgust for that particular preference. I firmly believe people would call them fetishists because it's black women we're talking about. We will forever carry a stigma, we will forever be considered a downgrade. So if a white boy is even remotely attracted to black women he has a problem lol. With some men it is unhealthy tho.

[Asker]

I included other fetish examples lol. Its unfortunate that some people see desiring black women as a fetish, for the most part it's a preferrence. But you have to admit that my friend Joseph is a true exception, he really has a fetish if he will reject everyone else.

[realerthanreal]

I understand what you're saying. I think for me, in order to consider someone as having a fetish it has to be sexual and only sexual. Like those with foot fetishes. Something like that. If a white guy prefers a black woman of any shade (even if he has a shade preference it doesn't matter) and sees himself settling down with one, marrying one, this isn't a fetish to me. You have no idea how many white guys are afraid of telling people they are attracted to black women, or afraid of being seen with one, or afraid of starting a relationship with one. They either hate us or we're only good for sexcapades. You gotta respect him for knowing what he wants. Unless it is only for sex lol... I don't know. And this applies to all races both men and women.

[Asker]

I only called it a fetish because he's literally obessesing over black women. I don't have a problem with what Joseph likes, I think it's interesting since I never see that many white men and black women couples. I only used him as an example to demonstrate to people the difference between fetish and preferences. I get that most people think of fetish as something sexual, but that's not it's definition. I guess I could use the words "exclusive preference" instead lol.

[realerthanreal]

Yes, it's definitely more of an exclusive preference than it is a fetish. At least to me. I know fetishes aren't always sexual, but that's what it would take for me to consider it that. If he only wanted us for sex. Other than that, he could prefer us for many other reasons outside of the exterior. Like another poster stated, this term is meant to be sort of an insult. A fetish isn't a good or healthy thing to have lol.

[Asker]

Guys obsess over large breasts and many tend to reject girls with small breasts, that's a common "fetish" right there that people have seen as acceptable. In fact, it's so acceptable that it's brainwashed many women into enlarging their breats to gain attention. But yeah I see your point.

[carnix]

What if "Joseph" knows the only type he likes is xyz women? What if he's dated other types in the past, but has gone back to xyz and felt the happiest? Seems to me you think we should date people out of pity, or should never turn anybody down...

[Asker]

For thé last time, I'm not telling people to date other people. I just wanted to understand the difference between a fetish and preferences. You're making this into something personal about me and you're wrong. I don't care who people like, I just wanted to understand the difference.

[carnix]

eh? Who people date is others' business... i don't get how it affects anybody, when dating is supposed to be discriminatory..

Is there a reason why it must offend you, or why we're "obligated" to date others?

[carnix]

And I have a "racial fetish" as you put it, and no I'm not butthurt about it. It's just that I like what I like, I cannot help it, it just is. I know i wouldn't be happy without it... so I must curb my happiness to suit the views of strangers lol..

[Asker]

I don't care who others like or who they date. That's not the point. The point was that I wanted to get opinions on the diferences between a fetish and preferences. People are free to date who they wanna date, I'm not telling them or obligating them to date outside, I just wanted to see the logic behind "preferences". It seems many people use that word to hide their superficiality.

[carnix]

If you don't care, why do you care about the "psychology" behind it? Seems to me you're offended of others' choices... if you don't get the point of dating, so be it, though you respect others' choices but call them superficial lololol..

[Asker]

It's just curiosity man lol. I can't be offended by others choice, I know I can't please everyone lol. I just felt that this "preference" thing sounded a little strange to me and I was curious on others opinions. I'm not offended or care who others like, I just wanted to know the difference lol.

[realerthanreal]

@carnix What the hell are you talking about? I couldn't care less if white guys want us or not. Most black women don't actually. My comment was directed towards the general public, society. How there's so much of a stigma when dating black women, people will find ways to place labels on it. I disagreed with the OP and said considered it a preference. Considering having a fetish is meant to be offensive, I would only consider this guy a fetishist if he only preferred black women for sex... which IS offensive. By all means, don't date black women out of pity, continue staying away from us. But if white boys want to come at us, come correct or don't come at all.

[aamy811]

A preference is like I walk into a part ( my preference is African men) and see each race. I'm most going to the African guy first and try to chat him up.
Fetish is, I won't date someone outside of my preference, and I'm more in love with the idea of that preference than them themselves. Like you don't like her personality you just like her because she's black, and just stay with her because she's black

[Asker]

I couldn't agree any better with that definition :)

[carnix]

OK... so why does or should it bother you if some are "excluded" from dating? Is it because you fear somebody wouldn't date you? erm... don't people hold that right?

[Asker]

Please read the update Carnix. You misunderstood the point of my question.

[aamy811]

Not that, but if you met an Asian girl and you liked her and she was everything you wanted, but not black, that's a bit of a problem. No one is exactly how you want but if they're nice and you like them then why not date them

[mutedaisy]

I think in the game of love and sex, racial fetishes and preferences don't matter and are no one's business. If that's what he likes than so be it, he'll ultimately be looking for someone to spend his life with. People have that right to be exclusive with there love lives and be called out for racial fetishes.

[Asker]

I don't care what people like, it's their choice. I just get annoyed when they claim preferences and it's really a fetish. They try to make themselves seem open minded when really they're very superficial.

[mutedaisy]

A fetish can mean different thing to a person... Most normal people don't associate a fetish with the positive. They will throw their hands up even if they have tendencies associated with fetishes. If hee only goes for skin tone, nothing else matters than that is a fetish. If he has preferences in general to the girl that is dark skinned than bam! Not a fetish lol He's just finding his ideal at this point.

[Asker]

It's cause society had brainwashed people to think that fetish itself is a negative word. It's simply an unsual strong obsession with something, I'm not going to look down on a person with a fetish: they're entitled to their own desires. If my friend Josef truly simply had a preference for dark skinned woman, he would not reject everyone else. As much as Joseph likes black girls, he also considers their personality and other aspects before choosing which "chocolate princess" he will ask out. If a girl whose not black or dark skinned and had a personslity that he liked, he would still reject her lol simply for not being dark skinned or black. I've seen it and I felt the girl's pain. I once was rejected by a girl simply because I'm not mixed or white, mind you she loved chilling and talking to me, but if I wasn't white then I wasn't right lol.

[mutedaisy]

I know their pain (T_T) I see what you are saying, but at the same time it's just hard for me to say that is strictly a fetish. I've been on dates with guys with hand fetishes and honestly, it is the creepiest thing ever. It was like he was worshiping my hands with each unwanted clasp... For me personally, I'd just have feel the hair raising on my neck to really just know that someone has a fetish. Otherwise, I guess I'm a just oblivious. Also, what if someone has a fetish for dating multiple races... They won't just stick to their own race, they want to date someone from every country. Would you call that a multi-racial fetish?

[Asker]

It's only a fetish is they're rejecting girls despite liking their personalities and other aspects. They have to be focused on one thing that the rejected girl didn't have. I date interracial, but it's not a fetish. I just find many people attractive and could never see myself limited to one race. So when people say they have preferences, it really makes me question them. I can't possibly be the only person that has no racial preference, but I found the amount that do to be terrifyingly high.