Why I Don't Feel Used At All When I Don't Orgasm

[Anonymous]

1. I love having my self control and him losing his

Orgasms can be amazing. But they can also put a lot of strain on my body. I'll be more than willing to let guys go down on me and do foreplay. But a lot of the time I'd also tell them to stop early so we can get to sex. I love the whole experience, but I also like to orgasm when I choose to instead of it always being a part of sex.

And I love how he loses all of his self control for me. Even if I get on top, when he cums he's showing me how much he wants me. And if he's on top he's putting all of this effort in...it's really sexy either way. I feel like I'm the one that has power. I can make him lose control whenever I want.

2. Sex can feel good, but it was not like how the rumors said which was very relieving to me

Sex can feel great! But the sensation isn't what it's been said to be. Even jackhammering/hard penetration doesn't feel that different from regular sex. It can hurt my cervix or be felt too deeply inside of me. But the sensation of sex, is like 90% the same as it is for regular sex. I can see now how lots of women can say that they can have sex and be thinking of other things or be totally relaxed.

I used to be so worried because people would say things like 'she has to take it' and 'pounding' and just all the dirty talk. I'm very happy now that I had nothing to be worried about. Sex isn't stressful for me to have at all. I swear it's the easiest thing for me to do and handle physically in bed.

3. I was so surprised, but short sex is one of my favorites

I love short sex. Long sex is really good sometimes, but short sex, it's just really easy. There's no soreness after a long time or me asking him to stop or waiting a long time. I was completely shocked, but I don't feel dissatisfied at all.

I wanted to give a different perspective. I love orgasming from foreplay and would also love to orgasm from sex one day, but for now I like things this way. Orgasms for women always seem to be a huge debate, so I wanted to say it's not the end all be all if you don't cum, not in my eyes. It can even be preferable. It could be that a few years from now, I could be sick of things being this way.

For now I honestly feel satisfied.

[Fathoms77]

I've been told by certain women that the idea that sex is only enjoyable if a woman has an orgasm is a myth. Of course, guys have a hard time believing that because they believe the woman is just pacifying the guy, and it's code for, "you can't make me orgasm but it's okay."

However, any guy who thinks his girl orgasms every single time they have sex over the span of a long-term relationship is just so naive, there may be no saving him. ;) And on the flip side, any woman who believes that sex is always good for a guy just because he always has an orgasm... well, equally naive.

[myTake Owner]

Happily agree, but how often can guys have weak orgasms? I have known this, but guys hate talking about it.

[Fathoms77]

Depends entirely on the situation. Length of time between sexual encounters is one factor, and while most women don't know it (or don't fully acknowledge it), the mental part is HUGE for guys, too.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah I thought so.

[feminismisnarcissism]

@myTakeOwner pretty hard to have a bad orgasm in the mouth. j/s

[Blonde401]

I orgasm every time. It's not difficult when you're in tune with your own body.

[Anonymous]

Don't give up on having them.

There's this myth perpetuated that it doesn't matter if a woman orgasms or not, which honestly makes interest in sex slowly decrease with time.

Women are pressured to do all they can do seem "cool" with whatever a guy wants sexually and otherwise, which leads to all sorts of complications down the road.

[Opinion Owner]

I guess what I'm saying is to be patient, but pragmatic about developing a sexuality that considers orgasm important. It's one of the top reasons females stay bonded to their partner and continually interested in his high sex drive.

[mwin2030]

You are truly confident in who you are. That is refreshing and wonderful. Thank you for sharing these feelings.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks!

[mwin2030]

Most welcome. Feel free to ask me anything. I'll always give you a straight and true answer to whatever you're curious about.

[myTake Owner]

Is Fathoms right that a lot of the time guys can have weak orgasms? or is that only rare? Guys say it's rare but...

[mwin2030]

For males, sex is 90% mental and 10% physical much of the time. Therefore, it is true males can have weak orgasms during sex. It is not as rare as it use to be. It is becoming more and more frequent that males are having weaker orgasms during sexual intercourse.

[myTake Owner]

I have heard of that! Do you think guys can enjoy sex without orgasm too?

[mwin2030]

Of course. Males are completely capable of enjoying sex without having an orgasm. Having an orgasm is like getting icing on your cake. It is good to have, but not always needed. Some males prefer sometimes NOT to orgasm.

[myTake Owner]

Oh so they can be like me? What makes a guy not prefer an orgasm too? It doesn't hurt to not orgasm?

[mwin2030]

No. It doesn't hurt to not orgasm. That's a myth. It doesn't hurt for a guy not to orgasm and like I said, some guys don't all the time want to orgasm. Some are more interested in getting the girl off.

[myTake Owner]

Blue balls aren't real?

[mwin2030]

Blue balls is real. Prolonged sexual erection can cause a male's balls to have a slightly blue tint to them, because of the oxygenation of the blood in the testicles.

[mwin2030]

It doesn't happen to all males. It can happen though.

[myTake Owner]

So blue balls is automatic if you don't orgasm right? But I'm happy there are guys like me. Orgasms are great but they can be overrated.

[LadyTerror]

@myTake Owner It's not automatic and it would take more than just not orgasming once to cause it. And it happens to women too. I had written a take about this on my old account: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a22149-women-get-blue-balls-too

[myTake Owner]

@LadyTerror I read it and loved how you wrote things. So if it takes an hour of not orgasming... then not orgasming just once, still couldn't cause them? Just asking since if he doesn't go soft I did really assume it was automatic.

[LadyTerror]

Well I can't speak for others because it's different for everyone, but it depends on how aroused you are. If it's just a little, it's really unlikely that it will happen. But if you've been brought close to orgasm many times and it still didn't happen, then maybe. At least that's how it is for me. And it could also happen if he goes soft. If he gets really close but then goes soft for other reasons, and this happens multiple times, then yes. It could happen.

[myTake Owner]

Interesting, I think it's so cool how people can be different.

[mwin2030]

I agree. I see the point.

[Bvroon]

I really enjoyed this take, and truth be told I feel very much the same way about sex, both my wife and I have wonderful sex, sometimes it's longer, sometimes it's not, more often than not we both orgasm, but sometimes we don't and it's all okay. I feel like if there is so much emphasis on the big orgasm that it takes something that is supposed to be pleasurable and turns it into work.

Thank you for sharing this with us, it is good to know that there are women out there who like you, are not all goal focused. :-)

[vishna]

It really is amazing to bring him over the edge and be more awake (not swimming in an orgasm) as he is losing his brains.

[3336PS]

i was not in a very mature relationship for a long time. and fell exactly what you wrote.
love making is a procees of knowing yourself, your mental energy, your body, your sense of senstivity and you, knowing your partner knowing his body and his mind.
to truly feel that kind of love as one, you have to have the feeling of love from him that you want him, desire him. and him for you to desire you to love you. you give all yourself to him. and him the same. he takes his time to understand how your body works.
when the two of you come together, the world stops. you look into ea others eyes. the love making, doest hurt, even after a long weekend of love making, its not rushed. you are free to express yourself. it may not happen the first time. but it gets closer ea. time. when it does happen, your body melts together.
take your time to get to know yourslef and your partner.
just sex can be fun. till you truly feel that love connection. and why its call love making. woman can have mulitple orgasm and men can going again and again with proper stimulation.

[myTake Owner]

You can make love without orgasming IMHO. Even guys can have trouble orgasming too but still love sex.

[LittleSally]

If you did feel used - that would be worrisome.

[Jxpxtxr]

Sorry to say this but it sounds like you're only giving while he doesn't give you anything back and sex just doesn't work - and shouldn't be like that. It's not about being satisfied with what you're getting so you can stagnate there, it's about constant improvement to eventually experience sex as it can get!

[Jxpxtxr]

*as good as it can get

[desidoll]

I agree with no.3 and enjoy this take!

[godfatherfan]

I was with my ex wife 25 years. I turned down prob 90% of the "quickies" she offered because I always felt bad that I got mine but she didn't get anything out of it. If a woman is ok with it, then that is great. Best to communicate that to your partner if there is hesitation on his part.
Since most women don't orgasm from intercourse, I would always eat her out and give her at least 1, sometimes more, before finishing myself.

[Ticxel]

"Since most women dont orgasm from intercourse..." "SINCE MOST WOMEN DON'T ORGASM FROM INTERCOURSE..." OMG I could kiss you right now. I've argued and debated with men online about how "up to 75% of women don't cum from penetration" that my phone offers it as predicted text. Once I put the 75%, Siri fills in the rest lmao. She's got my back. And now, I got yours. Kudos my good Sir. May you use your pussy powers only for good. ;)

[godfatherfan]

@Ticxel lol... I heard 70% but believed it was more like 90%. I only dated 2 women that could come every time with penetration. or so they said. But since I love eating pussy so much I told her she would just have to come twice.

[mikemx55]

It's nice to see this point of view about nr 1 :o
I had never thought of that before (and I think of a lot of stuff).

When you say: "For now I honestly feel satisfied."
Can I ask what is your current relationship status, and what age range you belong to? Feel free to not answer.

[Tamera952]

Bullshit.

[myTake Owner]

Nope. Although when I do like to get off, I ask for what I want... this isn't always.

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

Orgasms must feel different for women than men. Many women can take it or leave it. This Take describes sex as mildly pleasant, like having a nice orange juice on a Sunday morning. Casual, easy to do, leaves you free to think of other things, but not something you'd want to do for long. It's just sad to me how the most intimate thing males and females can do together is still a very different experience for each.

[myTake Owner]

No long sex can be great too, I personally just like it sometimes. And it's extremely intimate, why wouldn't it be? orgasms add to, but do you really feel more intimate just only if you orgasm as a guy?

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

I've heard a lot of women spend sex thinking about the laundry and other chores they have to do or watching the clock. If your guy admitted to doing that, you'd find it the most disappointing and unromantic thing ever! But for guys, they just have to accept this is how women are. I'd guess it's more intimate if you orgasm cause that's being seen in your most vulnerable state. So if the guy does but the girl purposely doesn't, it becomes a power imbalance as you've described, where you're the one with the power, who's never out of control. Doesn't seem ideal to me but do whatever works for you as a couple.

[myTake Owner]

Oh yeah, I don't tell bfs I could get distracted ever. I'm not looking to hurt anyone. I act really romantic in bed unless I'm already tired. So from the guy's perspective I'm really involved with sex...

[myTake Owner]

But for guys since I'm not one, curious does an orgasm increase intimacy?

[myTake Owner]

Curious...

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

Well, I already gave my opinion. It would increase intimacy, why wouldn't it? In that moment, you feel one with the universe and with the other person. lol. You should ask other guys this.

[myTake Owner]

You can't feel at one without orgasming?

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

Not as much. Think I read somewhere that chemicals released in the brain right after orgasm enhance bonding as well.

[myTake Owner]

Orgasms could help, but I feel very connected with or without personally.

[i1T2daty]

Are you sure you have been with a woman having on orgasm? The women with whom I've had the pleasure of co-creating her orgasm (s) sounded like they were sorta enjoying it- it certainly brought out a different vocabulary most of which sounded positive unless I mis-construed phrases like OMG keep doing that, or yeah, yeah that feels so good, and Oh fuck I'm going to come. Now they all could mean completely different things but in context they seemed to indicate it was pleasant,, at least. Maybe when she said, omg I can't even walk my legs are so shaky I should have taken her to ER

[uknaked]

Most women cannot orgasm from penis penetration alone, they need additional physical stimulus from their fingers in the clitoral area.
This of course means that the woman can choose when and whether she orgasms, and orgasms are very healthy at any time.
You cannot have too many orgasms, but the amount is obviously personal choice, many couples have different needs for frequency of orgasms, and masturbation should be normal for both.

[peterjones]

Too long to read it all - but chill out, I don't have one relatively often, she does, don't feel used myself, so what's wrong with that?

[ProbablyTooMature]

"But the sensation of sex, is like 90% the same as it is for regular sex."

... what?

[myTake Owner]

What? I'll answer anything.

[ProbablyTooMature]

I don't understand this. Sex feels like sex?'

[myTake Owner]

Uhm yeah?

[ProbablyTooMature]

... Very good then.

[myTake Owner]

What'd you mean?

[Ray-98]

There is nothing wrong with being there for someone and getting them off. But it should not be like that most of the time. And definitely not all of the time.

It sounds like you are new to sex. Try reading up on different positions and different techniques. Then test them out and see if any really hit a good spot for you.

If you just leave it like this, then you may end up seeing sex as a chore and that would be crap for both of you.

[reixun]

😬😬😬😬 Uh... are you trying to be okay with your man not being able to make you cum? Because you shouldn't be. Sex shouldn't end just because he got his orgasm. You should want it too.

[YourFutureEx]

What if she really loves him and could do anything for him? Is it bad?

[reixun]

@YourFutureEx If he loves her then he'd want her to be shaking and begging while he gives her orgasm after orgasm. She's settling.

[YourFutureEx]

She says she doesn't need them to be satisfied.

[reixun]

@YourFutureEx She's lying or she's never had a good enough orgasm to want more.

[LadyTerror]

Well you and I see sex very differently. Good take though!

[starryeyedkitten]

Couldnt agree with you more:)

[99percentangel]

If you like it that's fine.

[i1T2daty]

Who doesn't like an orgasm?

[99percentangel]

@i1T2daty apparently mytaker

[front2back]

So you don't orgasm from foreplay?

[myTake Owner]

Yes I do!

[johnmsk]

A great piece of writing :)
agree with you fully

[glock33sig357]

Men like this as well ( when a woman loses all control of her emotions and composure while climaxing ) your cheating yourself out of the experience he get from you by not totally enjoying it as it comes ( no pun intended ) .

[myTake Owner]

I ask for orgasms sometimes from foreplay... but self control is really nice to me also.

[worldscolide]

Thanks for this. My wife says much the same, And i am one of those guys that feels crappy if i dont make her cum..

[iCroissant]

But what if your woman is different from you? What if she wants to orgasm but is too nice because she knows Im doing my best? What if she finds someone who does make her orgasm?

I over think girls, but seriously, I won't rest until I'm the very best in the world at pleasing ladies. I won't let her out of bed until she cums. Your take is nice to read but I don't think it applies to all girls and I don't think my future girl deserves the excuse "it's OK, orgasm isn't always needed"

[myTake Owner]

Cheating? If she really like you she won't whether she regularly orgasms or not. Look how many guys cheat and they orgasm just fine.

[RemonsterMan]

What about extremely submissive sex, though? Ever dabbled in that? Regardless, nice take.

[anonman32]

sometimes i dont like orgasming either, but thats due to different reasons.

[WhaChaChaKing]

The guy should still try to get the girl there.

[Popo21]

I agree!

[PrettyAej]

I agree honestly... Let's you know that he really enjoys you

[armaniii17]

This is all reddit talks about is hoes fucking having sex and whatever dumb ass society.

[Anonymous]

This is interesting. So how do you know a woman likes you and loves the sex?

I like this take a lot.

Can you help me on my take then please? There are two guys who gave different experiences to this woman? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a30669-do-women-have-dirtier-sex-with-guys-who-don-t-care-about-them-what

[Anonymous]

If I'm not in a relationship with him, and he doesn't give me an orgasm, then yes I feel used because the whole point of having sex with him is getting off.

[Anonymous]

My wife says some of the same things as you when I tell her I want to make her come. She thinks it's an ego thing for me, but it's really not. Seeing her lose herself to pleasure is the absolute best thing about sex. I think I totally get what you're saying in point #1.

Now granted, it's extremely rare for a guy to say "I'm satisfied; I don't even need to come"—it's happened to me maybe 3 times in all the years we've been together. So when a guy says it's important to him for you to come, he's putting himself in your shoes. It's a golden rule thing.

Even better than treating someone how you want to be treated is treating someone how *they* want to be treated, so communication is paramount. But at least you're not with jerks who only care about themselves!

[myTake Owner]

I know guys can enjoy it! I make sure to act romantic and interested during sex ofc. But yes I've been lucky lol

[Anonymous]

I feel used.

[myTake Owner]

If that's the way you feel then talk to your partner. You can do foreplay or even orgasm after sex.

[Anonymous]

Sex without an orgasm is a complete waste of time. Just saying.

[Shiiz]

You are a guy with a pink account, just sayin

[Opinion Owner]

Don't know anything about you, but that's what it looks like. Why does someone's personal preference bother you so much? lol

[LadyTerror]

@Shiiz or here's a better answer... You just don't know anything about women.

[Opinion Owner]

@LadyTerror Lol, I am a woman. And yes, I own a vagina.

[LadyTerror]

I know. I was defending you here

[Opinion Owner]

@LadyTerror my apologies

[Anonymous]

I think this is true for some women not all because my girlfriend said she never really cums but loves to make me cum

[Anonymous]

i wouldn't be happy at all.. i would probably masturbate and watch porn or something since he won't get me off that's pretty shitty