Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
In order to understand, you have to know a little about human history, biology, and evolution. Just as women evolved traits and instincts that reinforced the role women play in having and raising children, so too did men. But the role men play in reproduction is very different from a woman’s. A woman can only have about one child per year (not counting twins and other multiple births), plus she and her child will be vulnerable and require care and protection for some period of time, and that was even more true before the era of modern medicine that began in the 1950s.
"Men desire variation- it assures diverse genetics."
Women also bond with and establish an emotional connection to the person they have sex with. For these reasons, women, where they had a choice, have always tried to find the best man they could to have sex with and to father their children, with strength, the ability to provide and to protect being major factors in who they chose.
Because a woman can only have one child per year, she looks for the best man she can find to have sex with that YEAR (at least).
Men work very differently. Biologically, a man’s job is to fertilize the woman’s egg with his sperm, and once that is completed, his job is done. A man can impregnate at least one woman per day, potentially, so his criteria for having sex is based on finding the best woman to have sex with that DAY. In addition, evolution and natural selection favored men who had sex with, and thus fathered children with, as many different women as possible, in particular women who were as different from him genetically as possible.
By having a large and varied genetic pool, he greatly increased the chances that at least SOME of his children would survive both illnesses and any recessive genetic conditions that might be in his family. Men who failed to father children with multiple women could have a disease or genetic abnormality take the lives of all of his children, and thus his genes would die out.
That’s Natural Selection at work!
This is why men developed the instinct and desire to have sex not only with many women, but with different TYPES of women; in other words, men desire VARIATION. It assures diverse genetics, collectively giving his children the best chance to survive.
As civilization developed, and rules and relationships were formalized and religion codified, most early religions allowed men to take multiple wives, though he was expected to provide and protect those that he took. As populations grew, and more fighting occurred from men looking to secure more wives, religion started to establish the concept of a single wife. If “god” allowed only one wife, the theory went, then men would be much less apt to start wars to acquire more, and to some degree, it worked.
But men’s desire for many and diverse women never went away, and brothels and prostitution were present in every group of humans of any notable size, from back before the beginnings of written history. With no birth control, pregnancies among prostitutes were common, and society created rules to protect “official wives” by preventing children born out of marriage from inheriting the man’s property, titles, or even his family name, ensuring the man’s primary focus was on his own family.
Eventually, society even formalized non-prostitute girlfriends as “mistresses”, and as the world recovered from the Dark Ages into the Renaissance and through the end of the 19th Century, mistresses were a common and even accepted part of society. Wives and legitimate children still retained all of the rights and privileges, and mistresses were of much lower stature in society, but the need for them was understood and accepted (though not always welcomed) universally.
"Porn allows a man to see women who look DIFFERENT from the woman he gets in bed with every night, and so his urge to go out and pursue other REAL women dissipates."Fast-forward to today: most men in relationships, whether a marriage or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, do NOT have mistresses or see prostitutes. Is that because men no longer feel compelled to have sex with numerous different women? Not at all; men still have those strong instinctual desires. But today, men have PORN, and the fantasies that they create in their heads based on viewing porn, that satisfy those urges to a great degree. Porn allows a man to see women who look DIFFERENT from the woman he gets in bed with every night, and so his urge to go out and pursue other REAL women dissipates.
This is a good time to address another issue women have with porn: assuming that the type of women your man looks at in porn is the type of women he wants to date/be with/marry. Women say “you can’t be attracted to ME, because those women you look at look nothing like me!”
That’s missing the point entirely: no matter what a man’s girl looks like, he’s driven to be sexually attracted to women who look different from her.
If she’s a tall, thin blonde with big breasts, he may look at tiny Asian women, or curvy Black women, or dark-haired Latina women, not because he isn’t attracted to his own girl, but simply because he desires VARIATION. It’s biological programming that he can’t control, just like women who get “baby fever” when all their friends start having children, or who panic when their “biological clock” starts ticking down.
The thing to realize and understand is that porn greatly reduces the urge to ACTUALLY CHEAT. Instead of your man hitting on the girl at work, or going to bars alone to meet women, or chatting with girls on Facebook in order to meet and have sex with them to satisfy his urges for variation, he watches porn. And unlike those other alternatives, porn requires no personal interactions. Your man isn’t talking to the girls in porn, has never met those girls, and probably has no desire to.
He won’t develop an emotional connection with them and leave you, because he’s just using their images to satisfy his biological needs. Porn is cheap, convenient and the least dangerous option to the relationship.
If you take porn away, something would take its place; we’d be back to girlfriends, mistresses, and prostitutes, and I think most women would agree that porn is a far better solution than that.
For women who say “men should just focus on their girlfriend/wife and forget about other girls completely”, remember this is a biological instinct that is deeply programmed into most men. It would be like telling women “just don’t get attached when having sex” or “ignore your biological clock”. Most people simply can’t do those things, because the instincts and desires are innate; they’re an integral part of what and who we are. Even men would like to be able to turn those instincts off sometimes, as many women would find it convenient to turn their own instincts off on occasion, but it’s not possible.
The best we can do is acknowledge those instincts and deal with them in the way that causes the least amount of problems. To date, porn is the best solution for dealing with men’s desire for sexual variation, and if more women understood that, and understood what the alternatives were, they would feel very differently about porn.
What Girls & Guys Said
88 63I don't support the p*rn industry. I think that every person is unique and has so many capabilities to improve the society in which we live in and having sex as an occupation just shows how much some people lack dignity. P*rn warps a persons perceptionsand causes the viewer to look at women as sex objects which isn't right at all. Sure not all men are affected in that way, but paedolphiles certainly are. Plus, there are so manywomen with depression that resort to become p*rnstars and end up worse
Men watch p*rn because they're curious about positions, insecure about their ability to attract a woman, untrusting that a woman will ever really commit, and do it when they believe they won't get in trouble. Natural selection has nothing to do with that.
Unlike animals, promiscuity destroys human civilizations. It's a spiritual deficiency.
As for torture p*rn? Primarily two things motivate that: 1) Being sick in the head or 2) having a morbid sense of curiosity.
I've said this before, but never so patiently or lengthily. Well done. Excellent article.
The definitive answer for women who just don't get it.
to masturbate
umm watching p*rn should actually INCREASE his need to go outside the relationship. He will pressure her or at least want her to do the things he sees in p*rn. Sooner or later, it'll negatively affects the relationship. I'm guilty of watching it, but really it's not that satisfying and makes me feel like crap after.
okay first off this is the most ridiculous article ever. Where are the credits, the research done to back this paper? Have they looked at how p*rn hasn't been around for centuries? and that it is something that feminists started in hopes to stop men from cheating? or how about the fact that p*rn can become addicting by affecting the pleasure part of your brain and millions of divorces happen every year due to p*rn.There's no excuse why men should watch other naked woman, ever.
I don't mind if my guy watches p*rn as long as he has no issues with inviting me to join him.
I agree with the comment below me. My boyfriend watched live cam p*rn and I asked him what would the different be if I was the girl on there and other guys saw my body. It wouldn't be an emotional connection just physical. Would he like that? No, he said he wouldn't- so why is it okay for him to see other women's naked bodies? What is the difference between him looking at naked bodies and me being naked or me looking at a guy's naked body? Double standard I think.
@AmberChick @VALEN_tine_ANGEL People demonize p*rn stars because they are afraid of the unexplainable; i. e., that someone may enjoy acting on camera with their clothes off. The professionals in the industry have fun with it and don't have the same shame triggers that other people do, so the easiest way to explain it away is by vilifying them. Comparing watching to performing in it is an apples-and-oranges logical fallacy. Most p*rn is a one-way street. The audience is never identifiable to itself. Performing, however, runs up against those same triggers that would inevitably flow from friends, family, and possibly children when word got out. Compare guys going to a strip club and girls going to a Chippendales show, not going up on stage and making public what most people expect to be private in their relationships. The major difference is trust. It's the difference between looking out your window and seeing the chick next door undressing vs. standing in your own window nude.
What the shit? That makes absolutely no sense! I'm sure he wouldn't mind you watching porn, the same as you shouldn't mind him watching porn. How does that correlate? your body being naked in webcam to others guys, not as a job, compared to the woman's job to do live cam to make her money and build her fan base and his sexual need to get off? Complete difference.
@AmberChick He doesn't dare to look at your body, including pussy/boobs? That is not good, believe me. My girlfriend is always first choice to look at naked. :-) I can do that for hours, looking at her pussy, if she would be here now.
That's because girls don't watch p*rn as often as boys. Their outlet for things like this are Hollywood stars like Johnny Depp, who every woman seems to worship. From what I've seen, women talk about famous guys they think are sexy far more often than men will talk about famous women, or even p*rnstars.
Womeb don't do? LOL
I hate p*rn because guys get addicted to it, I get your point but when
It gets to the point were they HAVE to watch everyday no way that's not normal
And I agree with (uglyswan) girls want different d.. Too not just guys THATS FOR SURE lol but good point anyways ..
Wow, this is a ridiculous amount of bullocks. Blaming male over-sexualized thinking on biological factors will never be correct. I wish I could provide the exact answer to "why", though - but seeing sex done visually from the outside and experiencing it cause arousal in a different way.
I'm guessing it has something to do with the mirror-neurons, as seeing something done will still fire up the neurons responsible for it.
Note, this might be biological, but NOT for the desire to screw many.
We've heard this old, lame, tired treatise on men, p0rn, and s e x. We can try to make it like women are that selective and emotional, but the truth is that the real facts go against this. Women only care about meaningful s e x and emotional s e x when they want to care about it. Dude, don't you know there are more and more women going to male escorts and gigalos for s e x now? I could go on and on, but I don't have enough characters left. But just know your post is old and wishful.
I actually agree with you. Women are wayyy more sexual than men
@Warmapplecrumble You think MORE sexual?
Of course Mr Fire :-*
@Warmapplecrumble Lol. I remember that adorable name. Warm apple crumble😁
Would you like to eat some warm apple crumble :-)
@Warmapplecrumble Sounds like a plan 😉
Would you put cream on top of it :-)?
@Warmapplecrumble Oh you naughty girl, lol.
What's naughty about that :-p
@Warmapplecrumble Hahahaaa. Oh you're just too good 😉
Oh but you are my teacher :-* I learn from the best ♥
@Warmapplecrumble I'll teach you something alright 😆
You need to teach me a lesson :-p
@Warmapplecrumble Maybe with a trip over my knee, you naughty girl?
@AustinMan no Mr Fire I am not naughty
@Warmapplecrumble Then view it as a lesson in dominance and submission?
@AustinMan would you like a crumble too? :-)
@Warmapplecrumble Very much!!
@AustinMan would give a creampie in exchange?
@Warmapplecrumble For sure, among other things.
@Warmapplecrumble Oh I'm gonna give you something better than that 😆
@AustinMan ooo what other things? @ManOnFire what other things will you provide for me in this feast :-) You both sound so similar maybe you should try the crumble at once ;-)
@Warmapplecrumble Maybe a lesson in rough, passionate dominant sexual power that will show you just what joy can cum from sexual submission.
@Warmapplecrumble A blissful dessert. With a cherry on top 😉
@AustinMan don't you want to lick the crumble :-p @ManOnFire you can be the banana inside ♡
Own up to it: it's wrong, but you like doing it. It's in no way good for a relationship, but you like doing it. It's jerking off instead of fucking your girlfriend like you should want to, but you like doing it. At least if you manned up about it it wouldn't be so pathetic.
5 females seem to have problems with guys watching porn. May I know the reason? If it is lesser sex-drive of him, then talk with him!
What a crock of shit. p*rn has been proven to create distance in relationships, to strengthen men's objectification of women, to render men unable to get erections or orgasms with real women. Bringing up biology is nothing but a sad excuse.
I have no problem with men watching p*rn. I actually like watching p*rn with them. Well, it amuses me, not the p*rn, but the man getting off on the p*rn.
I agree, even without the background info...I LOVE my girlfriend and would never cheat. But since she has to work and sleep sometimes, I'm going to masturbate to p*rn. Theoretically, if we were both rich and retired I would never watch p*rn and just have sex with her 24/7.
Actually I think I would join him instead.
OK. so if many women finally choose to be p*rn stars, why do so many people demonize them ? and why do men call them b I t c h e s ? if men think its OK to watch p o are and o graphy then why do they think their girlfriends or wives who show off their bodies in front of other men are considered cheaters ?
if you think you are allowed to see other women's bodies, then why do you mind if other men see your girlfriend's or wife's body ? does payment or without payment make difference ?
Because...
Men watch porn, women watch porn - we are horny.
If he expects to do every thing like pornstars and look like them, he's stupid. Leave him.
If she expects you to have a horse dick, leave her too.
Yeah! Another excellent answer! BTW: Average penis size is 11-14cm, not 17cm as most porn sites hint. Thank you! Sex is relaxation and experiencing each other, not physical penetration in porn-style.
Lol, this is the same author I saw say "It is IMPOSSIBLE to cut your hair short and become MORE attractive. IMPOSSIBLE." ignoring that other people have different tastes. Ignore this dumbass with his stupid "biology" arguments that are total BS. Society has a lot more to do with it than any biological cause.
Different people, different tastes, different needs, different practices.
I know he does, and I don't mind. He also said he'd have a greater urge to cheat if it wasn't for p*rn . Is it an excuse or the truth? As long as he doesn't cheat on me, I don't fucking care.
I feel quite sad for you, actually.
@JessieAlizee thanks for reminding me of a comment I made without much thought. from the way I worded it, it does sound like he has a great urge to cheat despite p*rn consumption and it would be even greater without it lol that's not the case though, he has zero urge to cheat, but he thinks it wouldn't be zero if he didn't consume p*rn .
I'm sorry, my comment sounded quite rude haha I get that. But I also wonder if P*rn gives a man the urge to cheat. Quite frankly, if I found out my man had any urge to cheat I would hook him up with someone else and leave him straight away. But that's just me and it's probably why I'll end up alone with thirty cats. Yet, I also understand that everyone's sexual relationships are different and most of the time, P*rn poses no problems.
@JessieAlizee It depends on the guy. I think if he's never had another girlfriend before, he will always wonder what it's like with other women, with or without p*rn . The same goes for women. It's natural to be curious. It doesn't mean all people strongly desire to fulfill their curiosity. I don't think p*rn makes people go out and cheat as much as watching the notebook makes you want to cheat on your bf emotionally to find someone who behaves like Noah. If the notebook or any other chick flick has such power over you, it's because you've been wanting to do it anyway even before. The same goes for p*rn . Imagine how you would react if your female friend explained to you she cheated because she watched too many chick flicks.
Why do you put #cheating and watching #porn together? I cannot believe that some people are not opening up to their partners with all (!) their fantasies, like women wants to be licked when they go to bed with a guy (85% do want) but they mostly don't confess it to him but rather to female psychologists and sex therapists.
Good article, but it looks like it was a waste of time. So much butthurt.
I actually enjoy p*rn to be frank, is that weird? I'm in the position where I wonder if my future husband or boyfriend would get upset to how often I would wanna watch it. Just goes to show, even girls could be horny mofos.
My girlfriend watches porn, too but not unrealistic and I understand what she means with it, mainstream porn. So we are into private "porn", means done by ordinary people to watch together, to an extend. She is abroad and have to watch over my webcam with me, while I point it at my monitor.
The actual reason for us is curiosity into "new" things we might have in common and want to practice one day.
Rational thought will never surpass a woman's emotions. Just lie.
"Many women are bothered by the fact that their man watches p*rn."
HA! I watch p*rn just as much!
It is the differnt ways we see hear store and recall images and sound we are very visual.
Touch site orientated girls are more emotion thought and fantasy is more structure
Why how did they feel how did they go about it
And us visual instint gratification ladys up down middle up. And us uh uh ah
People who watch porn do it because they enjoy it. I don't really see the problem or the need to justify it, as long as it's not obsessively and as long as it does not distort or replace the real thing.
A lot of women read romance novels (aka mind porn). Again, there is nothing wrong with this as long as it does not distort or replace the real thing.
I think the biggest problem some people have with porn seems to stem from people who do not like their partner getting turned on by other people fucking. But I think that is just personal choice and is something that depends on the couple.
A bit like bringing toys into the bedroom. For some people its a harmless bit of fun, but for others its a knock to their ego or all a bit too pervy.
I'm a woman and I watch p*rn whenever I am in the mood to watch it. I even enjoy watching it with my boyfriend.
That is good! Some porn are good for inspirations but most (both genders) take wrong expectations from it.
Not all men watch porn and masturbation is unhealthy.
How is it unhealthy?
@pilot44 men who masturbate are at a higher risk of prostrate cancer.
@pilot44 also decrease sperm count.
Males produce millions of sperm per day. It only takes one to get a female pregnant. And it actually has no effect on prostate cancer.
Maybe you should read a book.
@pilot44 I have. Maybe you should. Studies have shown masturbation links to prostrate cancer.
Yes but they are neglegent because the older you get the better mastubation is for preventing prostate cancer
No lady lol.. it decreases the risk lol.
@Clearblueskye You have exactly NO idea what you talk about! Masturbating is healthy a lot, it keeps the sperms being refreshed, means new and healthy being produced. The prostate needs to be "flushed" to avoid cancer so the liquid inside it is removed, I mean a massage here on it.
nice article! but I'm surprised they feature it, since its about p*rn. yet I wrote one about p*rn myself last year and was never featured
@BrutalBritt22
Designed for? No, it's simpler than that: the men who found genetic diversity had more kids (and a less boring life). Because they had more offspring their kids became a majority, inspired by their fathers.
Good article!
I always compare men looking at p*rn to men looking at other cars than his car (usually much more expensive cars) buying 'Car and Driver' special issues: it's not because a man looks at a Porsche, a Lamborghini, Ferrari, a Humvee, that he'll sell his house to get one (really, very few men do but it's cheap day dreaming) A woman should be much more worried when her guy starts looking at some 'plain Jane' than when he looks at a p*rn model.
I'd just watch porn with him
Best answer so far! Find some inspiration (hint: search for privately made, not with porn stars, but regular people).
Why we watch p*rn the short version: Sexual stimulation is more visual for us. We're turned on by watching hot naked girls have sex.
Whatever...
I agree. It's a biological imperative. But there are things a woman can do about it. A woman I knew once put on a wig. I was totally turned on. She looked like a different woman.
Role play sex is the best sex I've ever had.
Hahaha! Look at all the butthurt, deluded and misinformed anti-porn women (and men). XD It's Ridiculous!
Nothing wrong with porn at all :) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I'd like to add that all of this is true. These are facts. Facts don't care about feelings as feelings won't change these facts. Great job writing all of this man!
People watch porn because they're horny.
Exactly plain and simple
@That1tallguy If only that were true. It's about fantasy and convenience.
@AustinMan well they wouldn't masturbate if they weren't horny so it's both reasons then convenience and being horny
Solution: Find a girl who isn't insecure and realizes that p*rn/masturbation is a healthy outlet.
Hope I didn't rustle your jimmies.
if we learn history and pre-history and also biology, we find that men knew sex by themselves and were aggressive without women's influences. the reason why men were already active and dominant was because of genetic factors.
someone below me, check your testosterone level, chick! xD
Women just don't understand. It's wrong for women to say this is wrong when every woman on the planet is reading 50 shades of grey, its the same thing as p*rn except you read it. justceasing, you clearly don't understand that man is literally constantly horny whereas a women has a short period every month where they feel horny just like men, except not ALL THE TIME. If ANY woman who disses p*rn reads erotic/romance stories then they are hypocrites, no exceptions
You're right to a certain extent that some women get horny as guys do. However, to say that ALL women read/watch erotica is stupid. So it is true that there is nothing wrong with watching porn in a relationship or in general, on certain occations, when it's ok for either man or woman to indulge in. But to say that a certain gender shouldn't have a right to feel the way they do because their SO chooses porn over them is wrong. And again, not every women reads erotica too...
Porn is as bad or good or nasty or sweeeeet as YOU make it. Just sayin'.
I watch p*rn cause I get caught up in it like a escape from reality.
I read to the point of 'men need variation, it gives genetic divirsity' then quit. That's not what men were 'designed' for, no matter how you dilute it.
Bull, smh.
@uglyswan,
Hell yes. Exactly what I would've said! Lol
men watch porn bc if availablility
your gf/ wife can't be 24/7 with u
I hate when my husband does this. When he watches p*rn he does not sleep with me but waste his time doing it with himself.
And he wastes his endorphins. That is why he doesn't want sex with you. Talk to him!
I watch p*rn because i want to.
One of the silliest articles I've ever read...biology this, biology that, whatever. Women watch p*rn too. Who has the right to care about that? And all the "info" you put is highly outdated.
True with women watch porn, too. Maybe you watch more blowjobs?
what about boyfriends who watch A LOT f p*rn but still cheat?
My wife and I both watch p*rn. It has spiced things up when we seemed to be in a rut. And it also turned out to be a great solution for us when my wife s sex drive slowed down. She encouraged me to watch p*rn and "play". I guess pron can be bad for some but for my wife and I it has done nothing more then make our marriage a strong one.
Everyone has seen a little part of p*rn before, but guys tend to go over the top.
Lots of good points in this article. I struggle daily with this issue. So what is the girl to do when she feels inferior to these "images" ? Women innately need to feel they are THE desired one in hr mans life. So if he's fulfilling his innate need for variance, I guess it's OK for the woman to get her emotional needs met by another man because let's face it...women have needs too.
Men are sexually all about quantity, women are about quality, that is responsible for are evolution this far. Women select the bigger, stronger, smarter good looking men advancing us over time. Men, well they will have sex with a goat, if no one is watching. P*rn is instance gratification, and feels like a reward ,humans like to be liked and desired by others. Watching a beautiful women performing sexual activity is arousing for both sexes. Women enjoy p*rn as much as men, they have been taught
Yes. I too am not discussing young girls posting their own videos.
Check out Demised of Guys with Philip Zimbardo and
Gary Wilson - The Great P*rn Experiment
Yes, you are correct. Parents should teach their children about real love, but they won't learn about sex from their parents other than talking about it openly, if they do. I know of many Men who get their first p*rno mags when they are the ripe age of 9/10 years old. Young girls sometimes too.
Well, I am in SF and I can tell you that you are wrong. It may be taken with "HUGE seriousness", but not in some cases! It still happens. Besides not all P*rn available is "PRO".
Also, most of the girls/Women I have worked with have been sexually abused at some point in their life. More of them have been sexually abused by a family member, neighbor, stranger than have been raped. But every one I work with has some negative correlation to sex with a history of abuse.
Porn perpetuates a problem within people and their sexuality because it teaches you nothing about REAL love, sex and being with someone, being present with the one you're with.