Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
In order to understand, you have to know a little about human history, biology, and evolution. Just as women evolved traits and instincts that reinforced the role women play in having and raising children, so too did men. But the role men play in reproduction is very different from a woman’s. A woman can only have about one child per year (not counting twins and other multiple births), plus she and her child will be vulnerable and require care and protection for some period of time, and that was even more true before the era of modern medicine that began in the 1950s.
"Men desire variation- it assures diverse genetics."
Women also bond with and establish an emotional connection to the person they have sex with. For these reasons, women, where they had a choice, have always tried to find the best man they could to have sex with and to father their children, with strength, the ability to provide and to protect being major factors in who they chose.
Because a woman can only have one child per year, she looks for the best man she can find to have sex with that YEAR (at least).
Men work very differently. Biologically, a man’s job is to fertilize the woman’s egg with his sperm, and once that is completed, his job is done. A man can impregnate at least one woman per day, potentially, so his criteria for having sex is based on finding the best woman to have sex with that DAY. In addition, evolution and natural selection favored men who had sex with, and thus fathered children with, as many different women as possible, in particular women who were as different from him genetically as possible.
By having a large and varied genetic pool, he greatly increased the chances that at least SOME of his children would survive both illnesses and any recessive genetic conditions that might be in his family. Men who failed to father children with multiple women could have a disease or genetic abnormality take the lives of all of his children, and thus his genes would die out.
That’s Natural Selection at work!
This is why men developed the instinct and desire to have sex not only with many women, but with different TYPES of women; in other words, men desire VARIATION. It assures diverse genetics, collectively giving his children the best chance to survive.
As civilization developed, and rules and relationships were formalized and religion codified, most early religions allowed men to take multiple wives, though he was expected to provide and protect those that he took. As populations grew, and more fighting occurred from men looking to secure more wives, religion started to establish the concept of a single wife. If “god” allowed only one wife, the theory went, then men would be much less apt to start wars to acquire more, and to some degree, it worked.
But men’s desire for many and diverse women never went away, and brothels and prostitution were present in every group of humans of any notable size, from back before the beginnings of written history. With no birth control, pregnancies among prostitutes were common, and society created rules to protect “official wives” by preventing children born out of marriage from inheriting the man’s property, titles, or even his family name, ensuring the man’s primary focus was on his own family.
Eventually, society even formalized non-prostitute girlfriends as “mistresses”, and as the world recovered from the Dark Ages into the Renaissance and through the end of the 19th Century, mistresses were a common and even accepted part of society. Wives and legitimate children still retained all of the rights and privileges, and mistresses were of much lower stature in society, but the need for them was understood and accepted (though not always welcomed) universally.
"Porn allows a man to see women who look DIFFERENT from the woman he gets in bed with every night, and so his urge to go out and pursue other REAL women dissipates."Fast-forward to today: most men in relationships, whether a marriage or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, do NOT have mistresses or see prostitutes. Is that because men no longer feel compelled to have sex with numerous different women? Not at all; men still have those strong instinctual desires. But today, men have PORN, and the fantasies that they create in their heads based on viewing porn, that satisfy those urges to a great degree. Porn allows a man to see women who look DIFFERENT from the woman he gets in bed with every night, and so his urge to go out and pursue other REAL women dissipates.
This is a good time to address another issue women have with porn: assuming that the type of women your man looks at in porn is the type of women he wants to date/be with/marry. Women say “you can’t be attracted to ME, because those women you look at look nothing like me!”
That’s missing the point entirely: no matter what a man’s girl looks like, he’s driven to be sexually attracted to women who look different from her.
If she’s a tall, thin blonde with big breasts, he may look at tiny Asian women, or curvy Black women, or dark-haired Latina women, not because he isn’t attracted to his own girl, but simply because he desires VARIATION. It’s biological programming that he can’t control, just like women who get “baby fever” when all their friends start having children, or who panic when their “biological clock” starts ticking down.
The thing to realize and understand is that porn greatly reduces the urge to ACTUALLY CHEAT. Instead of your man hitting on the girl at work, or going to bars alone to meet women, or chatting with girls on Facebook in order to meet and have sex with them to satisfy his urges for variation, he watches porn. And unlike those other alternatives, porn requires no personal interactions. Your man isn’t talking to the girls in porn, has never met those girls, and probably has no desire to.
He won’t develop an emotional connection with them and leave you, because he’s just using their images to satisfy his biological needs. Porn is cheap, convenient and the least dangerous option to the relationship.
If you take porn away, something would take its place; we’d be back to girlfriends, mistresses, and prostitutes, and I think most women would agree that porn is a far better solution than that.
For women who say “men should just focus on their girlfriend/wife and forget about other girls completely”, remember this is a biological instinct that is deeply programmed into most men. It would be like telling women “just don’t get attached when having sex” or “ignore your biological clock”. Most people simply can’t do those things, because the instincts and desires are innate; they’re an integral part of what and who we are. Even men would like to be able to turn those instincts off sometimes, as many women would find it convenient to turn their own instincts off on occasion, but it’s not possible.
The best we can do is acknowledge those instincts and deal with them in the way that causes the least amount of problems. To date, porn is the best solution for dealing with men’s desire for sexual variation, and if more women understood that, and understood what the alternatives were, they would feel very differently about porn.
What Girls & Guys Said
88 63My b.f.was caught lying to me.I found his stash and he said he hadn't watched them in years.he sid he get rid of them. A few weeks later I found different ones.I was p.o. I told him if you want to watch them well watch them togeter.he said he d never watch them with me.he lied.if he doesn't have any why would he say I won't watch them with you.?
Thanks so much for opening my eyes with this article.. I've always had a problem with my man watching p*rn but never acted on it, this has made me feel more at ease now.
You put a lot of thought into why guys should watch p*rn. So, here is your challenge. Explain erectile dysfunction and correlate the effects of p*rn on this condition. I'm a medical professional so please be scientific using evedence base practice. I promise you guys will turn your computers, TV's, and cell phones off.
Can you elaborate on that? Are you saying too much masturbation causes erectile dysfunction?
Yes I can elaborate. There are physical brain changes that occur in individuals who watch p*rn and/or masturbate. I'm not saying this is the case for every person, however, when p*rn is used for stimulation, the ability to be stimulated by human touch is greatly reduced and/or absent therefore causing ED. What is too much masturbation? This is all an individual choice. My advise is for you to pay attention to your body and you will know what works for you. I would never recommend not masturbating, however, my concern is how you are stimulated. I hope I've answered your question.
My article was NOT about why guys SHOULD watch p*rn , but rather why they DO watch p*rn . The former is a moral debate - the latter is not.
I'm not going to re-read your LOOONNGG article to prove you wrong, it's a waist of good time. However, lets assume I used the incorrect word (should vs. Do); who cares! Are you going to take my challenge? Remember, I've asked for an evidence based response, not something pulled randomly off the internet. But I have a question for you. Did you write this article to rationalize your own behavior? If so, I'm sorry you struggle so terribly within your own mind. That was not sarcasm. I also want you to think about the influence you may have on younger people who may think everything they read on the internet is true. I wish you the best in your endeavors.
No, this wasn't about me at all. p*rn is a non-issue in my life. Rather, it was written after I'd answered about 2 dozen questions from girls in a month about "why is my guy watching porn?" I don't need any self-esteem boosting, but thanks for playing.
Why is there always somebody who just has to try and ruin or shit on EVERYTHING? Dr. or not, you aren't smart enough to understand this article. Waste of good time or not, you clearly need to read it again and again until you understand it. That being said, this guy didn't claim to be any kind of Dr. or expert. YOU did. I think YOU should take your own challenge and write your article yourself. You're asking for a medical article based on medical study and fact. As a Dr., you are more qualified to write that article than this guy. Although, anyone reading such an article written by either of you should take it with a n of salt because neither of you is a sex therapist, fertility Dr., OB/Gyn, or urologist. So technically speaking: Even though you could both do some good research and write good informative articles: You don't know wtf you're talking about. It's not your field of expertise.
Watching p*rn only has benifits. People say it makes it take longer to reach climax without p*rn ... I think thats fucking awesome, now we can last longer for our women. They would love that. You are dumb m8
@GreaseMonkey68 plus one to hater obliteration
@clark69 Does that ED effect of porn also work on girls?
2 years late... but thank you! Most professionals disregard it. I'm 20 years old... my penis only worked to porn... its gotten so bad it barely works to porn anymore.
@Jamesol1 See a doctor and then find a good therapist to help you find balance.
@AustinMan Doctors here (Especially the ones that are NHS funded)... do not recognize porn addiction as a thing yet. The woman i was assigned to through my GP literally spent 3 sessions contradicted what she said trying to convince me porn addiction is real.
So according to what I read it comes down to dopamine levels, and porn changes those levels in cases of excess masturbation. Causing ED, and other problems. His argument is that the urge to spread ones seed is a biological urge. Both are not mutually exclusive, in fact the one is probably the symptom of the other. Dopamine is the bodies "feel good" system to encourage behavior (sex is certainly a biological urge) as for too much of a good thing, yes, these systems can get over worked. Does that negate the urge? Of course not. Further masturbation can be a good thing, reducing chances of prostate cancer, and helping the body sleep. Also there is some therapy that encourages "edging" and holding orgasmic release, to encourage longer lasting performance in bed (I certainly believe in this, as I worked up to several HOURS before orgasm) So like any tool, masturbation is both potentially good AND bad.
GAG Grammar Police: Warning: It's WASTE, not WAIST. What were you, fixated on some girl's waist when you wrote it. To come on so high and mighty, we'd expect you to have a command of English.
@Jamesol1 You said contradicted. Did you mean contradicting?
@AustinMan Yeah sorry god my English is poor in those messages (worse than normal). She basically said stuff like ''as long as your still getting night/morning erections your penis is fine''... but I said i don't and when I stopped watching porn for 3 months they came back. She than began to say how after puberty men stop getting morning erections (which is completely bogus).
Oh and I should add when I relapsed after those successful 3 months the morning erections and every other kind dropped.
It's just to fulfill a sexual need, that's all, don't know why you have such a problem with it.
@Jamesol1 Ask this fool for her sources, where is her sources that says this is true, I can say the earth is flat, where is my sources? WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY SOURCES?
@clark69 To much of the good is also not good. I agree with that. And to much masturbation makes a male/female feel lonely. When I'm in a relationship, like now, I prefer to show it to her so she can learn from it. Simply because males are, like females, all different in hand-jobs (and oral, too!).
@clark69 And is it true in your view, that endorphins are killed during watching porn?
This blew my mind and it's 100% on point... Wow.
What I don't get is if a guy has a real girl who is open to sex, why do they need an imitation? That is like robbing Mary to pay Woody.
I guess you missed the point I was trying to make. It's not about an imitation. It's about fantasy fulfillment. Are there some things that your man loves to do that you're reluctant to do or refuse altogether? I'm not judging, just asking.
If I want to fulfill my fantasy, I ask her directly.
I'm a woman and I watch p*rn all the time lol. Maybe I'm an oddball but I totally understand why dudes like their p*rn. I'm bi so maybe that's a factor? Hmm
No, it is not. Also straight women watch porn.
So if a woman likes variation and p*rn...what about that?
but women like visual variation too, in fact what they find attractive varies with their cycle. The bigger difference is in how we view our roles and worth. For women we tend to think of ourselves as objects to sell to a potential partner in exchange for who know what. And so we are less likely in watching other because we would prefer other to be watching us.
Oh, fuck this. How about loyalty and only eyes for each other? It works for me, it works for my man, y'all just got no self control if you claim you can't live like this. This biological stuff is true but it's a load of bullshit to think you need to let that define your life!
Masturbation and sex completely differents. Masturbation is a practice for good sex.
Masturbation is healthy, sure, but who says you need to get off to the thought of other people
Blah blah blah, how many times have I heard this theory. Just be straight, they watch it because they f***ing like it. So do girls, and believe me when I say I don't have the deep psychological desire to f*** a variety of men.
I watch p*rn and masturbate, but only because my man doesn't give me enough (once a week and oh so goooood!) Thats why I desire it so much. Its a visual/senual experience with p*rn, but I don't have the desire to cheat. I do feel like I have though..
Can't you talk with him about it, that you want more? Or is that "oral sex on woman is gross" bias he has?
Actual I disagree only perverts watch p*rn those without morals values or goals those in fantasy world not reality its all in the mind its all an illusin which one can control if he really wanted to joseph is a great example many women wanted him he was drop dead gorgeous but he didn't want or touched any of them he lowered his gaze,a realistic man I tell u,
"When will society get over this bass ackward bullsh*t that men are more visual than women and women like to f***"
When will those political correctness-nutty anti-evolutionists stop pretending it's only society that makes men different from women, and biology has nothing to do with it.
It's still easier for the average man to disconnect sex from emotions than it is for the average woman.
just kill me now.
Well thought out and consistent with my experience. I have links and a collection of images and clips I often refer to (and always look for others that suit my appetites) and have an excellent exclusive relationship from which I have no inclination to stray. I will say that she is pretty much "on demand" and rarely says no either to timing or menu.
Ok, good points, but you missed something: WOMEN DON'T HAVE SEX ONLY TO HAVE CHILDREN. Men have sex drives, yes? Well, we do too. That's why we have dildos. But yeah, we do tend to get more attached, but make no mistake: it's only temporary. There was a study conducted recently in which it was proved that as months pass in a relationship, women's desire for their partner decreases, while men's is more stable. We like variety too, we're just not as vocal. A LOT of women lie.
And to finish... when my boyfriend switched from watching professional to amateur p*rn, I felt way less anxious. I know there are hot girls in amateur, too, but it just feels IDK, more "organic" so to speak. Girls, really, just don't ask about it and don't go snooping, it's not worth it. And guys, just think a bit about your girls' feelings, we'll never think and feel the same way you do, don't let a girl command you, but be a bit understanding and supportive, it helps LOTS.
Aside from that, for many women (which is what men fail to realize) we've been told since day one we have to look hot for men, like it's our job, so we care a lot about what the man we love thinks, and if he's masturbating to "perfect" women, it's almost impossible not to feel bad about it (trust me, I try to rationalize it as much as possible, but can't!). It's not just about you, guys. But to me, there are solutions: Don't ask don't tell, out of sight out of mind, etc.
I would be OK with p*rn if it didn't show such unrealistic scenarios and people. I know it's supposed to be fantasy, but more men than you realize fail at dissociating fantasy from reality, especially 13 year old boys who turn that fantasy into belief. In a way, p*rn is more harmful to men, it makes them insecure about penis size, how long they last, and their general ability to please women ('cause they can't tell that the orgasms are fake). Fantasy makes us feel real life is boring, p*rn sucks
recently my girlfriend told me that I HAVE to stop watching p*rn... I wouldn't really mind if I was with her every night but I only ever get to see her on weekends...and we don't always get the chance to have sex... I tried following her wishes, and it did not go too well... for one thing I never really noticed other girls, but from the day she said it my mind won't stop wandering, I end up having urges seeing even the ugliest girls. also I haven't wanted to have sex with as her much at all.