How to be comfortable with husband watching films with nudity?

We have been married 15 years and have 2 children. Early in our relationship I was comfortable having porn in the house. I even had my own Penthouse subscription and purchased Maxim for him. I don't know where or when the switch flipped, but I can't tolerate it anymore. It bothers me knowing he is ogling another woman on screen nude. I don't think I look bad. I could certainly look better. I'm not thrilled with my breast size... it used to not bother me at all. I know everyone keeps saying it's your self-esteem, blah blah blah, but really, the more analyzing I do, and I feel like my husband is to blame. I have been called nasty things in arguments such as old hag, been told I'm not a looker, names, etc., and there just have been enough nice things said about me to counter all the bad. I don't feel like he finds me attractive; therefore, it angers me that he sits back and ogles all these perfect looking women right in front of me. I tell him some compliments from time-to-time would be nice, but he just blows me off and says that he doesn't want to be with a woman who needs complimenting. How do women deal with this with their husbands? How do you guys not have a problem watching your husband drool over some woman with huge breast? My man barely notices mine even during sex, so how am I not supposed to feel inadequate?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • The Problem Is YOU, Not Him... You Cannot Expect Him To Change When You Supported Porn, And You Yourself Had Your Own Subscription To Penthouse, Just Because You Now Disagree, Doesn’t Give You The Right To Expect Him To Agree With You And Stop Looking At Porn...
    Getting Upset Over Mainstream Movies That Have More Pussy & Tits Than Dick Is Just The Most Ridiculous Thing I Have Ever Heard... It’s Not His Fault You Became A Prude, You Started The Acceptance Of Porn In Your House, You Need To Continue To Support Porn... And Get Over All The Pussy & Tits And Lack Of Dick In Mainstream Movies, That Is The Way It Has Always Been And Will Never Change...
    In Fact Many Polls In The Industry Have Asked Women If They Would Enjoy Seeing Full Frontal Male Nudity In Mainstream Movies And The Majority Said, They Do Not Want To See Male Full Frontal In Movies, They Prefer It Left To The Imagination...
    Is There A Reason He No Longer Finds You Attractive? Did You Once Have A Smokin’ Hot Body, Did You Let Yourself Go After Kids?
    I Do Agree With You 100% On The Way He Treats You, The Name Calling, The Insults, That Is Beyond Wrong On Every Level...
    That Kind Of Behavior Is Uncalled For Towards Your Wife, Or Anyone For That Matter...
    Maybe He Resents You For Trying To Take Porn Away After Years Of Supporting Porn, He May Feel You’re A Hypocrite...
    Without Before & After Pics Of You, It Is Really Hard To Say Why He Finds You Unattractive Now... Everyone’s Body Changes With Age, When You Love Someone You Love Them For Who They Are, Accept The Changes Their Body Is Going Through...
    Have You Tried Getting Yourself Back To The Body You Had? I Know You Will Never Have The Body You Had At 20, But As Close As Possible Might Work, You Shouldn’t Have To Change Your Body For Him, How About For Yourself? And He Will Notice...
    Did Your Pussy Go From Shaved To Hairy? He Might Not Like Hairy Pussy... Hairy Pussy Is A Turn Off And A Game Changer For Me And A Lot Of Men, Completely Smooth And Hairless Is The Only Acceptable Way...
    Has Sex Changed, Where You More Open Sexually With Him In Your Younger Years?
    Try And Look At Yourself, Other Than The Things That Change Naturally, What Changes Have You Made Consciously?
    Communicate With Him, Be Open To Suggestions, Ask Him Why He Now Finds You Unattractive...

    • I'm just wondering why every word you wrote starts with a capital letter.

    • @confused_soul BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO, IS THIS A PROBLEM FOR YOU?

    • Oh wow he hasn't said he finds me unattractive... just some insults during arguments... not a looker, nasty titties, name calling etc. Im a runner so I'm honestly in better shape than I was years ago. My boobs not as perky lol but I breastfed two children and I'm not into surgery. Honestly he is the one that let him self go. I do the lingerie new things into the bedroom but any effort on his part is lacking. If I didn't initiate it just wouldn't happen and he's so lazy I don't get much out of it if ya know what I mean.

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  • When someone tries to stop their partner from having natural human fantasy is wrong and abusive.

    Female fantasy is generally mental and based on emotion, romance, and sex. So women fantasize by stimulating thought, by reading a book or watching a movie about romance, love, and even sex. This is how women fantasize and how women get off.

    Males fantasy is visual and based on sex. So porn is the same for males as a female watching a chick flick or reading a steamy novel.

    YOU trying to force him to stop something he can not stop because it makes YOU feel bad is wrong and abusive. If he gave you an ultimatum and tried to force you to stop having mental fantasy you know you couldn't do it. You can't simply shut off the brain. It would be wrong for him to even suggest it.

    The major difference between female fantasy and male fantasy is that when a male looks at porn he does NOT compare his partner to the person in the video. We focus on small aspects of the video we like, for example, the way a body part moves or looks. It has nothing to do with the girl even. Sometimes it's even the way the guy's penis throbs as it's unloading inside a vagina.
    We don't take our fantasy and put false expectations onto you. We don't compare. YOU assume we do because as a female you compare yourself to other females constantly. We do NOT.

    Female fantasy does actually push false expectations onto your partner. Women watch romance movies, make their partner watch them with her, then say shit like "You should be more like that" or "I wish you did those things for me" etc. Putting bullshit expectations from your fantasy onto us.

    SO leave him alone with his fantasy, stop trying to shame it and stop it. It has NOTHING to do with you. If he knew what it was you thought about to get yourself off, he would likely cringe at the thought. (Especially since the most common female fantasy is the forced by a stranger "rape" fantasy)

    • I appreciate your thoughts; however, I feel like we have drifted far off topic. I don’t so much have an issue with porn. In fact, I would enjoy watching it with him, as the intent would be to both get something out of it. Romance movies do shit for me, so I reckon I am not the norm. I rather get turned on viewing porn. My issue, is that when viewing the movie, tv series, Netflix etc., there is always the token nude woman. It angers me that he is always getting visually pleasured, and then can’t extend the occasional kind comment towards me. I reckon it could be coined as jealous but at times it just makes me mad. I’m not trying to suppress his fantasy etc., I just think that if you are going to constantly see a fully nude woman, often right in front of your significant other, perhaps it would be nice to tell her that you love her breasts, she’s hot, gorgeous etc. Of course I got all kinds of attention for my breasts while breast feeding my infant…cause they were bigger. Now I cannot ev

    • Female nakedness sells, which is why 90% of females in society wear clothes to expose as much of themselves as possible. It's all about getting the most attention from men. But in comparison, women's mental fantasy is always being stimulated because women fantasize about love, romance, emotions, and sex. Society is constantly pushing female emotional fantasy. This is why Valentine's day is what it is. It's why little girls grow up dreaming of their big wedding. The random sight of a soft dick isn't generally pleasing to women, even if some like yourself like it. Studies show that women are more interested in the "idea" of the penis. (*Note that tits and ass are not "nudity" they are equivalent to a topless male and male ass, and vagina is shown in movies as rarely as male genitals. If it is shown it is a power bush which is essentially a built-in censor bar. While the male penis protrudes and couldn't be "hidden". We don't compare you to other women.

    • I'm sorry I disagree... women's breasts have been sexualized and are not the same as a man walking around with his shirt off. Case in point, if my husband mows the lawn with his shirt off no biggie, now if I went out there with boobs out it would be indecent. Breasts are sexual and thrown in film for the male gaze. I think it's sexist to constantly bombard film with objectified women and no men.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • OMG I'm guessing that your husband doesn't get much from you in the bedroom and it's not your fault.
    he should be making you feel like the sexiest woman alive but instead he insults you by calling you names during arguments, name calling is never right.
    your husband doesn't know how to fight fair and it's getting to the point where his apologies mean nothing.
    I've had to tell my husband that if he wants to ogle at other women to do it more discreetly because it makes me feel insecure about my body. This is understandable because I'm an almost 40 mother of three.
    I'm with you on this and your husband needs to be so much more understanding than he is.
    My husband has since changed for the better and I hope yours does too.

  • Seems like you’re putting your insecurities on him. People on the screen he will never meet. I don’t understand the problem with tits and ass beings shown and you feeling uncomfortable about. I think you need to work on whatever insecurity you have. If you love yourself enough none of that would be a problem. It’s also about trustin your partner as well. How do you feel when you see a topless guy or a guys ass on tv?

    • Honestly I prefer to look at the topless female. I'm just sick of the bias and him not having a dick thrown in his face when he sits down to watch tv. I know it's insecurities. I have come to the conclusion that It likely stems from verbal abuse over the course of many years.

  • Tbh your relationship seems like the issue here. You are insecure and your husband no longer appreciates you. I’d take a break, send him away for a few weeks or so so you guys can seperately work out things and see if you even want to be together.

    • You know that that NEVER works, right?

    • @lord_chilled I have to say I disagree. Thinking space is sometimes nesaccery to see an issue and think about what you want to do with it. Also, absence makes the heart grow fonder. You realise how much something means to you only when it’s gone. This is especially true for men, who tend to follow an unhealthy pattern when “breaking up” or whatever. Men tend to indulge in nights out, fun etc for the first few days and then start missing what they had. So, by taking a break the guy will eaither realise this and be more appreciative, or he’ll want to split up for real.

    • " Men tend to indulge in nights out, fun etc for the first few days and then start missing what they had" And if he cheats, doesn't that make it worse? Also, in cases like this, i doubt he would miss her, rather, he would enjoy the solitude. And in cases were the couples woupd miss each other, they didn't need a breqk anyway, because their relationship is fine

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Your self esteem has taken a knock, and so you are equating nude pictures with competition. This has been caused by your husband attacking your looks and insecurities when you argue and fight.

    The only way to fix this, is for you both to learn how to argue constructively, for HIM to apologise for words spoken in anger, for HIM to repair the damage done to your self esteem. And for YOU to forgive him.

    That said, people are creatures of habit and after this long being shitty arguers, I can't see either of you doing the necessary.

  • He's addicted to porn and he's turned into a pure jerk. Threaten divorce and tell him to get his stuff together.

    • He's not addicted to porn. It's not porn watching that he does in front of me.

  • He says doesn't want to be in a "relationship with a woman who needs compliments," is something like saying he doesn't want a relationship where he has to put anything into the relationship. He sounds like a selfish jerk.

    • You are exactly right. We got into an argument last night and I was told... u r married to a man who doesn't like anything about you, now how does that make you feel? Why say something like that and then ask how I feel?

    • He obviously doesn't have much understanding of what a relationship is, or how to interact with people you care about.

  • I would suggest looking into some kind of marriage counseling to get to the bottom of why he started treating you this way. Did it just happen suddenly? Was there an inciting incident? Was he always like this? by the way, I love small breasts.

  • I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through! That sounds terrible. Honestly, I think porn is damaging to marriages. It will always give you an impossible bar to live up to. Everyone (men and women) need encouragement and compliments. Spouses have to constantly pursue each other's hearts and protect the marriage against influences that pull each other apart. My wife and I never watch porn - not because I am not tempted to do so - but rather, because it hurts her and it gives me a twisted view of other people. You two need to see a marriage counselor and begin to head in a better direction. Or divorce is right around the corner.