I can't masturbate or get sexually aroused- what's wrong?

[Anonymous]

Pretty much the above. I don't get really excited, out of control or turned on. I'm a virgin, but me and mt girlfriend do alot, we get naked, I jsut never go in. Mainly becuase I jut don't feel like I want to. I've never masturbted, and when I've tried, I feel nothing and ust go soft. When I'm with my girlfriend I like it, I just don't go mental like I always dreamt it would be like. Yes, I wa inexperienced with girls before her. I think being a virgin, I don't miss what I've never had, hence m lack of libido. Any thoughts, suggestion? My girlfriend says I should try to masturbate- that way I will feel some sexual pleassure and perhaps that will trigger things off.

[Middleman]

I think I know what your problem is...you're getting old lol! You've 'travelled the world and the Seven Seas' and a part of you maybe thinks in the back of your mind 'I've seen everything that life has to offer' and it might feel a little boring.

Actually, you haven't...you're still only in your late 20s and barely begun your long road in life. What I think you should be thinking about is not 'I don't miss what I've never had' but instead think 'I'm a spirit residing in a temporal human body having a human experience. Life is precious, relationships are hard to come by and I'm not always going to be here. This is beginning of the next phase of my life so I should enjoy it'. And part of that joy of being intimate is also knowing how difficult it is to have come so far (for you) to have this experience of a relationship.

Relationships are supposed to be unique (and they are, as no two relationships in our world are the same(. But part of your problem of 'lack of libido' seems to be you don't feel the relationship you have with the girl is unique or special. Maybe that's why you don't feel anything when you are with her. If you change that thought or feeling you have with her and see she is unique (and in need of YOUR love both physical and emotional), perhaps it will help...

[Asker]

hmm, interesting. But I do think she's special and so is our relationship.

[Belgie]

If you have been able to masturbate or get hard a year ago, then you should talk to a doctor about it. There are several illnesses which can affect the libido. You could have something wrong with you which has been undiagnosed for that year.

[Asker]

i can get erections. I've never masturbated. I'm 27, I know, but I just haven't masturbated.

[Anonymous]

Theres such a thing as being asexual- someone devoid of sexual feelings or impulses? If it bothers you that much, you may want to see a therapist or doctor?...Also, I think there's an unfair social expectation for all men to be raging horndogs 24/7 and a ot of guys I think, honeslty just aren't like that, so don;t feel bad about it

[Asker]

thanks for answering. I did once have sexual eurges- so that makes me think somethng is "wrong" or has "happened". Plus is haven't felt honry for over a year

[MrWizard]

Stress, low or unbalanced hormone levels, medication interactions, emotional issues, etc. can all impact your drive. Consider seeing a doctor and have some blood tests done to see if you have any physiological reasons.

[Asker]

all the blood tests are normal

[MrWizard]

Then I'd suggest seeing a family counselor next.

[l-hedoniste]

Have you considered the possibility that you're asexual? It's impossible to manufacture a libido you don't have, so if sex isn't for you, it's useless to whip yourself into a froth trying.

[Asker]

it just makes me sad. I want to feel sexual eurges. I used to get horny ( although I didn't have a girlfriend then)