Is anyone else here a fat virgin? Or virgin because you're fat?

[Anonymous]

It's not fun is it? It's worse for women, but I guess guys suffer from this too. Or are you sexually active AND fat? How did you get to the point of being confident enough to be that way? Idk this is such a blah question but I'm having one of my depressed days :/

[Anonymous]

I'm a 26 year old male virgin. I lost weight but still look fat. For me being fat, skinny or muscular makes no difference. The only thing that went up are my testosterone levels. But my depression, OCD, ADD, social anxiety and approach anxiety got worse. Some guys barely workout, eat whatever they want and can look amazing. Some guys view their super intelligence as being their own, when in reality it's pure luck that they are intelligent. Some guys believe they're good with girls, but the truth is it is all luck. I've worked out and completely fixed my diet, nope I still look like dump. All girls hate me without ever even talking to me. They have complete disgust when they see me. People have called me retarded, ugly, and even a monkey. It hurt really bad, but I always kept a blank face and moved on. I've seen the ugliest, poorest, dumbest guys with garbage personalities getting any girl they want all the time. Am I jealous? Before yes, now I'm just angry. I believe everything depends on luck. What people mistake as their own skills is just extremely good luck. I don't believe in skills. My dreams even serve as markers for my existence. My dreams often show me that my life has already been predetermined. Many times events occurred in life that I have already foreseen in my dreams. So far, my life has been nothing but complete failure. I can't make anyone happy. Everyone hates my existence. Everyone I meet thinks they are superior to me. If that's the case, I give up on humanity. If just one girl accepted me, I would've saved this world. I'm going to let this planet get destroyed. In 2 months, those from Nibiru will finish off humans for good. I'm not saving anyone. I'm not evil because I chose to be evil. I turned evil because no one showed me mercy. People tortured me everyday. In the past, when I went outside, I faked my smiles and laughs around people. In 26 years of my existence, my true self has always been in absolute despair, anger, and sorrow. Humans don't want the truth. Every human I know worships false gods. Not one human worships the real God. The real God doesn't even want to be worshiped. Every religion is false. The real God wants humans to use their freedom to do what is good, not destroy each other. It doesn't matter what I say though because no one will listen to the truth. Based on my experiences in life, humans closed their minds off from the truth and what is good. I am ready to face the destruction of humanity.

[Anonymous]

No. I am normal weight ... I am just not really that attractive to be honest.

[ALNMAY]

Oh Girl, I read all of your comments and I'm so astonished at there being another me out there. I'm an over weight virgin with like, no self-esteem whatsoever. I've always been fat. I was actually a 10lbs baby. So I was literally born this way and I feel like I've been on a diet my entire life. I've always been made to feel like I'm inadequate as I am. So naturally, as I got older I had no confidence in school to even try to put myself out there. I was the only girl of 4 kids and the youngest. All I ever heard was them all just dissecting women on the tv, my father would as well. And I'd just be there loling at these jokes they'd come up with. But suddenly it would dawn on me their describing me. This all from as far back as I can remember. I was never told I was pretty either. The only ways I ever heard a pretty comment was "oh you were such a cute baby, what happen?" That is so funny when you're like in your 20's, but not when it started happening when you're 7 continuing on through to your 20's. It's like Geez guys, I know I look like a spitfire full of confidence here, but do you think you could pull it back a little while I patch up my crumbling mental state. Being depressed for your entire life really sucks. What sucks even more so, is looking back from this point to when you were really young and realizing that you were actually depressed and you just didn't know any better cause it's just always been that way. I actually fell for a guy not long ago online, and I always lie about what I look like, and I did with this guy. Even topped it off with a picture of a really skinny friend of mine. I fell for him after showing him the picture wished I didn't. I couldn't handle the lie anymore so I told him the truth. He made it seem like I was crazy to have thought he'd think it was a big deal. I went all out told him everything that I was a virgin at my age and all. He said he didn't care. He spent that whole day telling me there was no way I'd be ugly enough..

[ALNMAY]

he'd stop loving me, he joked about putting a bag over my head, to which I thought was funny cause that wasn't even the problem. By the end of the day he asked.. "so what do you look like" I said you pretty much know, then I gave my features and nothing more. then of course he asked what my body looked like. I just wanted to die. I said I was "thick" even now thinking about my having the nerve to say thick instead of fat LOL! he said well I like thick girls.. I was like well I'm really thick. to which the tone changed and he said he wouldn't wanna be with an obese girl. So all I said was I'll get you a picture. All this and I'd never even seen a picture of him either. But I knew what I felt for him. I didn't care what he looked like. Anyway, after I said I'd get him a picture he never said another word. He went off and played video games. So I finally worked the nerve up to show him the photo I have on here now, and with in 14 minutes of him seeing me, any post with my name in it...

[ALNMAY]

Twitter was removed. He basically removed any link tying us romantically. He also sent me a message saying something like "well you are pretty, but you were right, you aren't my type at all." and just like that this guy I cared enough for to show my real self to just took back every I love you and every conversation because of my weight. I told him I didn't want his pity pretty and deleted him from my stuff. To which he for some reason was all broken up about. Anyway. That's a great example of how guys have it easier, cause if he was super fat I wouldn't have gave a shit. I always had it in my head that this image he described was a lie. Because who in this day and age has the means to get online, but not to get a picture of yourself online? Give me a break. He had his flaws and I was more than willing to accept them. He lost out as far as I'm concerened at this point. But it all still hurts and is a mental blow.

[ALNMAY]

But it all still hurts and is a mental blow. Because it's like saying I can have the best personality in the world and be as kind and as caring as all, and it still won't be enough in the end.

[pdxgirl]

I am sexually active and chubby. I'm currently 5'3" and a size 16. At my largest I was a 18/19 and at my smallest I was an 11/12 but on average I was a 14 for the longest time. I feel like one of the most important things being a chubby gal is dress for your body type. No outfit is going to make you look skinny or perfect. Your body is what it is unfortunately but you can always work it it. For me, I am overall proportionate but I do tend to carry my weight a little more around my tummy. So because of that I try to wear clothes that aren't as tight around my middle, same goes for jeans. Even if they are a little loose on your legs its still better than having a huge muffin top. Plus in my opinion it just looks like you care about yourself more when you take those things into consideration. I also try to play up my eyes and hair to draw attention away from my body and more towards my face.

As far as the guys go, every guy has a different preference. There are of course tons of guys out there that won't even glance at a chubby girl because they only like slim or fit girls and thats fine. You don't want to be with a guy that doesn't want to be with you right? I know its wrong to assume but I can kind of tell what guys seem more shallow and I wouldn't even both batting an eye at them.

As far as sex goes if a guy is talking to you and flirting with you, he's not blind. I mean he can see what size you are and if he's still talking to you then he doesn't care. Once a guy is turned on, unless he's like a solely visual guy he's gonna be happy he's getting laid regardless of your body type. And if you're really self conscious you can always turn off the lights so there's less to see.

I don't really feel overly confident, and I have chronic resting bitch face so I don't really get approached but when I have flirted with guys its usually reciprocated. Sometimes with confidence "fake it till you make it" is a good motto to follow too.

[Anonymous]

This questiom discusts me...I'm fat...a size 18actually and guess what I lost my virginty at 18 to my boyfriend who was hot...like actually hot...my second guy at 21 average guy...and my fiancee now he's seriously gorgeous. Just because your fat isntt why your a virgin...there are other reasons. if you are a good person with a good personality and attractive you will find someone...and I'm pissed people are saying fat chicks will take anyone...uk what some will but so will some gorgeous little sluts. There an equal amount of hungru for sex skinmy chicks as fat seeking attention.Have confidence in your self...take care of your self health wise...fix what YOU don't like about you and then ull find him.

[Asker]

Well I mean my fat as a whole issue. I don't like my body so as much as I want to have sex with everyone lol I won't do it because I haven't gotten to the point where I am comfortable with my body. That's probably a bigge issue than my fat itself but the way I feel about myself has a lot to do with being fat. I'm trying to lose weight, and I am, but it's taking so long and I can't stop feeling things until I'm skinny. I'm a fat virgin still regardless of what attempts I'm making at losing weight

[Asker]

And I'm sorry if my question upsets you, but it's how I feel. I'm trying to be more body positive but I'm still not confident enough to be naked with anyone and I'm still trying to lose weight. I know fat girls with attractive men as well but that doesn't stop me from being insecure. Sorry.

[Opinion Owner]

No hun I should have worded my answer differently your question does not offend me...some of the answers do but that's not there problem either its there opinion. You want to have sex with everyone? or your just sexually frustrated hahah hoping option two girl! hahah havimg a friend who qill support you is a big help...keep working on what you domt like hun but I will tell you its deeper than weight sometimes...u have to love yourself as a whole...its not easy but in the end it will do wonders for

[Asker]

haha no, not everyone... its the sexually frustrated part. SO sexually frustrated! I'm always horny! wth lol I agree with you. I am working on my weight but I also want to be comfortable with myself even at this weight. I'm getting better at it, I'm just venting. My real friends are always supportive, they push me to socialize more, go on dates, do stuff when I'm depressed, and work out. Anyway, I've complained enough today. Time to go work out and handle my sh*t.

[Sovereign1979]

When I was a virgin, I was fat. I lost the weight and lost my virginity. It was amazing. One day I was a porker, the next I was walking high. No, not really, but that is what it felt like. Yes, I was a porker, but the other part, no, lol. But that was 17 years ago.

[Coffinspire]

I know plenty of overweight people that are sexually active. Some even more than me. It's really not that big of a deal for some people I think confidence has a lot to do with it.

[unleashedsavage]

Nothing to be ashamed of. well I'm not fat but I did lose it at a later age. Surely its not fun, but think of it this way At least you won't be used & thrown around like a toy for any1 sexual gratification purpose. You definitely meet the right guy, there are guys who are interested in a woman with curves & flesh

[Goldie757]

My friend is obese and she was the first one out of my groups of friends who lost their virginity aged 14. Too be fair she is the most confident person I have ever met.

[Alonso14]

Being fat is a result of choices you have made.

Try being rejected for being ugly, its much worse.

[Asker]

How is it worse? A lot of people think fat = ugly by default, FYI.

[Alonso14]

I would agree with those people. Being ugly is worse because you can't change it, its part of who you are. If you are rejected for being overweight you should change your diet and exercise more.

[Asker]

But if you agree that fat is ugly, aren't we both ugly then? I know ugly people who are having sex or in relationships. I'm still not. I think more people would excuse being mildly ugly than being fat woman, don't you?

[Alonso14]

The difference is you are unattractive because you your lifestyle. I am unattractive because of my genetics. You have the potential to change yourself and become attractive, lots of people don't. If I could obtain Brad Pitts face by eating vegetables and going to the gym do you think I would be sat here talking to you right now? The truth is that with some self-discipline and effort you can fix the problem you are having.

[Alonso14]

I know both ugly and fat people who are in relationships. The problem is they have to settle for ugly or fat partners. I would agree most men prefer an ugly woman to a fat woman, but I think with women choosing men its the other way around.

[Asker]

Well according to my doctor, my genetics play a pretty big role in why I'm fat. So it's you vs the doc. I'm afraid my body and the doc win this round, my friend. I know both too, but I do think people who are not so attractive in the face are not suffering as much as fat women. Are you working out yourself? I know guys who I personally don't think are cute who have what some think are great bodies and they get a lot of girls, if that's your goal.

[Asker]

Aha! You do agree with me, that most guys prefer ugly over fat. I knew we'd see eye to eye on something ;)

[Alonso14]

Genetics can give you a predisposition to storing weight as fat. They don't make you fat. If you caloric intake is lower than your caloric output you will lose weight. Your body cannot defy the laws of physics no matter what your doctor says. Sure a better body will help me but it won't fix the problem. I'm working on that anyway though, it might help somewhat. In reality though my main hope is that a surgeon can alter the way I look, that is the solution I'm looking at atm.

[Asker]

That's not really true. I have friends who are very thin and underweight because of their genetics and don't gain weight no matter how lazy they are and how much they eat. Are they "defying the laws of physics" too or does that only apply to fat people? Just curious.

[Asker]

So it's okay for you not to change your lifestyle to improve your attractiveness, but you can make uneducated judgments about my lifestyle and how I should improve it to improve my attractiveness? Hm, that's logically consistent. How do you know I'm not ugly? If you becoming fit and sculpted won't solve your problems, the. How do you know I won't be a hideous beast even after I lose weight? Can I still complain then?

[Alonso14]

No. They have a higher metabolic rate meaning they have a higher calorie output than you. This means they can get away with having a high calorie input without gaining weight. Like I said your genetics can make you more likely to be fat, the can't make you fat, only your lifestyle can do that.

[Alonso14]

If you are fat changing your lifestyle can change this. Eating less calories and using more calories by exercising will allow you to lose weight. This is fact. I don't know whether you are ugly. But even you said that ugly women are treated better than fat women so how can you claim it won't improve your situation?

[Asker]

No my point was that you're being a hypocrite lol

[Alonso14]

No, I'm not. I'm a healthy weight, so its not as if my weight is the problem in my appearance. Furthermore I've already said that I've started working out anyway to see if I get any benefits from it... How is that being a hypocrite?

[Asker]

Oh well I missed that part. I was mainly talking about 1. Contradictory statement, saying my lifestyle is the problem but your genetics, but then accepting that my genetics do play a role in a predisposition to be fat, even though you somehow don't understand how at some point in your life that is likely to make you fatter than others Even with a healthy diet and lifestyle. 2. The hypocrite comment was about your "you need to workout to be attractive but I don't, I just need plastic surgery."

[Asker]

But if you are pumping iron and hitting the gym and watching what you eat, then disregard that comment.

[Alonso14]

Working out is f*** load simpler and a completely different situation that having a surgeon saw of your jaw bones and realign them in a more aesthetically pleasing way. There is a risk of death or losing all feeling in the lower third of my face. Oh and it might go wrong and make me look even worse. Surely you can see why people complaining nobody wants them because they are fat might rile me a bit?

[Alonso14]

Genetics can give you a predisposition to being fat. I've said this many times. It doesn't mean your genetics are the reason your fat. Nobody is fat because of their genetics. The cause is your lifestyle. Why is this so difficult to comprehend.

[Asker]

I still don't get the "your lifestyle makes you fat not genetics," if you just admitted that in the case of thin people who are naturally thin or underweight, an unhealthy lifestyle doesn't matter, their genetic predisposition to be thin and their body chemistry override. Essentially what your saying is partly true but for sake of argument, it could basically mean a very difficult lifestyle to manage and not just a healthy one.

[Asker]

By that logic, it's very easy to see how a fat person may work out regularly and eat healthily and still be overweight. Their genetics override lifestyle as well, no matter how healthy that lifestyle may be. It's also way beyond calories. Insulin resistance is my problem, and some other things. I just think that statement is so short sighted an not well thought out but it's just my opinion.

[Alonso14]

The point is your friends who eat a lot and don't get fat might be able to eat 2.5k calories and stay thin. You might need to eat 1.5k calories to stay thin. If your friends were to eat 10k calories and not exercise they would get fat. Its lifestyle not genetics.

[Asker]

No I can't see that because you don't know anything about my health or lifestyle or why I look like. If I'm ugly, which you have already said I am, based on the act that people think fat =ugly by default, then I have it 2x worse than you do. What solutions could fix that problem are irrelevant to my current frustration and experiences or how I feel about myself. It may take yeas for me to lose weight. An I supposed to shut up and be happy until then? Ate you crazy? I think you might be

[Alonso14]

Way beyond calories? So you could have a higher calorie output than input and still be fat? Tell me where does your body get the energy to create this mass from?

[Asker]

Lmao how can you first say that someone's genetics influences what kind Of lifestyle they can get away with in the first place, without becoming fat, and then in the same breath say genetics matter less or "it's not genetics, is lifestyle!" You just said your genetics determine what kind of lifestyle you can get away with. You don't see how that means genetics matter at least as much if not more than whatever lifestyle you are born in or choose? Lol lets just agree to disagree then. I guess.

[Alonso14]

Yes genetics determine what lifestyle you can get away with, YOU ARE CHOOSING to live a lifestyle that you cannot get away with. Therefore it is because of your lifestyle that you are overweight. We are going to have to disagree because you don't even understand that the mass of your body has a relationship with the amount of energy you consume, yet I'm the crazy one. I'm sure the USA has higher obesity rates than Ethiopia because of genetics. The amount of food consumed is irrelevant.

[Asker]

No, I just mean my weight is not simply the result of consuming too many calories. Insulin resistance makes weight loss a big more complicated. Hormones matter a lot more than calories for some people. And the calories only approach is also problematic if certain types of foods or elements are triggers for weight gain/loss. Not to say that fewer calories doesn't help but I've been eating an average of 1500 calories for a while and weight loss is still a struggle.

[Asker]

You're missing the mark on so many levels. I gained most of my weight in childhood/as a teenager when my parents fed me mostly and when I had no understanding of diet and nutrition at all. So the element of choice is arguable first of all, but you also seem to have this ignornant "calories calories calories" understanding of fat and weight loss. You don't seem to get that not everyone's body follows a standard model to lose weight. I could be wrong but it seems that way. Eh.

[Noodlenoodle]

I'm going to have to side with Alonso on this one, guys. If you were working out enough to use more calories than you were taking in, then you would lose weight. Being fat is not a physical trait you are born with. Some people are just born with faster metabolisms than others, and the people with slower metabolisms have to watch what they eat more, or guess what? They get fat. I won't necessarily say that it's a result of your choices, but scientifically, Alonso is correct.

[Marrryyyyy]

good point.

[Asker]

fat is not a trait you're born with? that doesn't make sense, technically. everyone is born with fat, and some babies are born heavier than others. so depending on how you measure or judge what fat is, you can very well be born that way. my new baby cousin is a ton heavier than I was at birth. could estimate that she may be heavier than babies who are born at smaller weights, etc. he is not completely correct but I've already explained why that is. but we all have different opinions.

[Alonso14]

*sigh* Just realize this basic idea. Your body stores energy as mass. If you absorb less energy into your body than you use to power your body you will lose weight. This is 100% fact. You can claim body chemistry, metabolism, previous events, your parents, genetics, God, hormones, Michael Jackson, the Japanese government or anything else as much as you like it will not change this fact. Consume less energy than you use and you will lose weight. Its your lifestyle and diet. Accept it.

[Asker]

I never thought about it that way. I think the death of MJ did deal me a serious blow. That in its most basic, simplest point is true. I don't think I said it wasnt. I'm arguing whether or not that becomes more complicated for some because of genetics or psychology, which it does. the argument was about how significant genetics are. which you agreed determines the lifestyle you should lead, but then said it doesn't matter as much. this is a contradiction. its okay, its whatever at this point.

[Alonso14]

I said genetics didn't make you fat because they didn't, consuming more energy than your body used made you fat. How else did you body create the mass?

[Asker]

you said repeatedly "its not genetics, its lifestyle" and tried to drill in the point that genetics doesn't matter compared to lifestyle, did you not? and did you not then say well, genetics will determine what is a lifestyle that you can "get away with" ? and yes, you did say that. I never said you didn't. you said that too. this doesn't dispute my point. you're disregarding the complex picture to repeat one basic fact. we won't see eye to eye, its okay, dude.

[Alonso14]

The basic fact is fundamental to the discussion. Your genetics might give you less lifestyle options but you still have lifestyle options and you chose the ones that made you fat. It was your choice. This is my whole point from the beginning. Fat people had lifestyle options, ugly people didn't. It was your choice to be fat. Nobody had a choice about being ugly.

[Asker]

but my point was that ugly people make lifestyle choices that improve their attractiveness all the time. you could be super fit and buff and attract more girls. to not do that and then make an argument against fat people, who in your opinion are also not doing that (which is often true, but not always), is another contradiction. and yes, it does give you fewer options. again, I gained most of my weight as a kid. I don't think most kids make healthy choices or choose in the first place.

[Asker]

blah blah f***ing blah. I've attracted nothing but people I disagree with on this question. lol well, not completely but mostly. where are all the fat virgins?! and fat sexually active people? lol they didn't want to answer my question. are they hiding or am I the only one? boo.

[Alonso14]

Its because the answer to your problem is so obvious. Just lose weight and it won't matter. You will feel more confident, you will get more interest. I'm beginning to think that you are more content to say you are fat because of everyone and everything else rather than to take responsibility for your actions. You might have got fat before you realized or had control over your diet but you're 23, its hardly like you haven't had any chance to reverse it.

[Asker]

you came in here with your own preconceived notions and arguments. no one here said anything about losing weight. I'm talking about my reality right now as a fat person. nothing you have said has anything to do with my question or helps with the situation at hand which is my confidence, being too horny to function, and frustrated with my virginity. nothing, absolutely nothing. I won't wake up thin tomorrow, or even within the next few months, so I can't see how that addresses my current issue

[Alonso14]

So losing weight won't make you more confident or get more interest from men leading to you losing your virginity?

[Asker]

I don't have to go into detail about the not so pretty reality of losing a lot of weight, do i? its not always pretty sight when you lose weight after skin has expanded so much...im not delusional. I already know what will happen. :/ it will make me more confident, but that won't be until a year from now, at least. again, that doesn't help me now in being comfortable and confident in myself now. and not being a virgin, now!

[bruvleigh]

its not worse for women don't ever believe that ever lol

and no you've not lost your virginity because by the looks of things that isn't even what your after anyway you want a boyfriend.

i was a right porker when I lost mine, and I lost it right at the moment I decided I wanted sex for sex's own sake and stopped trying to find a girlfriend to do it.

its got nothing to do with looks really just how you put yourself out there

[Asker]

i never said I *only* want a boyfriend but even if I did - if the guys I like don't want to date fat girls, then...problem. lol i still think women are judged more for their looks, sorry. but thanks for answering and sharing your experience. good for you! that makes one of us I guess haha

[bruvleigh]

not true about the looks, I find girls to be a lot more judgmental on that than guys lol we don't even get a chat if we don't come up to par lol

[Asker]

well as with many things, we agree to disagree. women are prized more for beauty in society in general, so I don't see how you could disagree with that. its just a part of our society, but okay. you are entitled to your opinions :) all I know is that not as many people ask me out as those who don't lol and I see it happening all the time - guy likes personality, probably thinks I'm pretty, but doesn't want to get with fat chick so he doesn't go there. c'est la vie.

[bruvleigh]

nah women are prized for being women. that's it lol if he thinks your pretty then that's it fat doesn't come into it, perhaps your sending the signals saying your not interested or like so many girls just don't tell him straight up that you like them

[Asker]

oookaayy, but I disagreeeeee lol its possible. I don't know what those signals may be, but a lot of guys make it pretty well known they aren't interested in fat women. like, a lot of them. I'm surprised that you don't know this, as a guy. O.o oh well, everyone is entitled to their preferences, I can't get upset about that. its just a fat girl sad face moment sometimes. its okay, I get over it.

[bruvleigh]

since when have they? "i like something to hold on to" is just one of MANY sayings that say the opposite, honestly stop resigning your weight to be the reason that your single cause it really isn't I promise you

[Asker]

Yeah... at least you're trying to be nice, so thanks for that I guess.

[ziva123]

This is awfully black and white.

I think it also is a lot about confidence.

BUT, as someone said previously in this debate: The fact that you're fat, is a lifestyle choice, NO MATTER what "fat-gene" the doc might say you have. There are meds for that, FYI. But most people don't need them. It sucks that you might have a condition (congrats, by the way, only 4% of the obese has that), but a lifestyle change (directed by a doc and a nutritionist, NOT the internet) will be able to change that.

Stop whining about it, and get out there and do it!

(sorry for being a bit harsch, but nothing will get you out of your obesity and depression if you don't open your eyes, consult professionals and DO SOMETHING! Only you can change this. )

[Asker]

congrats? for a doctor to tell me that all my weight loss efforts haven't succeeded as much as I would like in part because of my body chemistry and that I will always struggle with weight because of that is not a "congrats" situation. that's f***ing depressing lol I would rather it be all my fault instead of my body fighting me. doc has suggested medication, but the biggest thing pushed isn't about my weight, its to prevent me from getting diabetes, insulin resistance = prone to diabetes :/

[Asker]

and just as I addressed the ignorance in his comments above, ill repeat it here. I got fat as a kid, most kids don't choose what they eat or understand diet and nutrition. my parents chose that. and choice is such a simple description of the problem that doesn't account for hormonal problems, not just with diet, but "mental" issues. childhood depression was something I dealt with, was never diagnosed, but I was definitely depressed. still am somewhat, but much better now.

[ziva123]

and also congrats for not understanding sarcasm :) I'd say your issue is more that you don't realize how LITTLE that means for your system. You just need to ajust your diet, because you can't really stuff your face with fattening foods and go "it's OK, I have a disease" now can you? Stop blaming it on everything else, and start changing your attitude towards this. Either that, or stop whining about it. I'm studying this right now (dietetics&nutrition) and I see changes like this every day!

[ziva123]

Listen: this is something you can easily do something with. But if you are going to sit around, whining about it and blaming it on anything else, you're not going to get anywhere with that attitude. My best friend has hormonal problems, and guess what- she lost a hell of a lot of weight last year and she looks amazing. How? Medication, diet and exersize. You can do this! you just need a change of attitude :)

[Asker]

its better to have a more complete understanding of psychology and the many conditions that can make you fat. even some medications for other illnesses that you are dealing with can cause weight gain. genetics play a huge role, which was my problem with the guys argument above. they determine the kind of lifestyle best for you, and also the best method of weight loss. but you're probably going to end up gaining weight before you realize there's something off with your body chemistry. just saying.

[Asker]

oh, no problem. you may want to make better attempts at sarcasm, especially online? my diet is healthier most peoples diets in America, that's for sure. you're resting on ignorance, as I mentioned before. you haven't asked what I eat, you just assume that I eat a certain way because I'm fat. prejudice and ignorance. the usual, I guess.

[Asker]

and no offense but this whole site is filled with people whining about stuff. why should I not complain about something because I'm fat? if you're supposedly studying something, shouldn't you be educated enough to know that its not about "blaming it on anything else" and more about being intelligent and informed about your own body? isn't that the point? geez, good luck in your career.

[ziva123]

1) Excuses, excuses, excuses. That's what it is. 2) no, but when you keep hiding behind excuses, it's obvious you're neither dieting properly, nor exercising. Had you been doing that, you wouldn't be complaining. And having a "healthier diet than most people in America" doesn't really say much. 3) So, if everybody else were jumping off a cliff, you'd do the same? Supposedly, you're trying to question my competence, which I offered voluntary, because you asked a question.

[ziva123]

Anyhoo: To really answer your question: I think the whole you-not-getting-laid thing has more to do with you having somewhat of an obnoxious way of dealing with criticism, instead of taking the advice you obviously shouldn't have asked for. Stop asking questions if you don't like the help you're getting. :) grow up :)

[Asker]

*sigh* okay, obviously you haven't listened to a word I've said, but that's okay. lol you're right, I'm only making excuses. I have no problem with criticism. but if I feel you are incorrect or see a flaw in what you're saying, do you expect no one to comment back? that's productive. And I don't think I actually asked for health advice, just for the record. I originally just asked if others were fat virgins or not lol You should grow up as well, and also maybe pick a different career path? I don't know :)

[Asker]

So now, not only competence, but literacy and reading comprehension. I don't know girl, just saying. We all have things to work on though. Its all good. ;)

[ziva123]

No, not only have I read how you've been acting towards me, but also how you've been writing anyone else having an opinion you don't approve of. Ever stopped to think that it's not the rest of the world that has issues, but you? Obviously, you do have issues with criticism- up to a point where you're willing to question my future choice of career (for the record- according to exams, I'm very good at it), and shove the problem onto anyone but yourself. Now, THAT's lol.

[ziva123]

and honey- going with the old : "you're not understanding what I'm saying" - crap : you can't work that on anyone that disagrees with you (like you've done with at leas one poor guy wanting to help you here), just like that. However, feel free to drag that into question as much as you like- and you go do that, whilst I go on and laugh at you till kingdom come :) Thank you for making my day so much more funny! :D

[Asker]

I'm opinionated, if I disagree with what you're saying, I don't think I should just not say anything. That's just not me. I'm pretty sure this whole question was about MY issues with weight, confidence, virginity...lol but okay, sure... That doesn't mean that I won't disagree with anything you say. lmao. Okay, well I have no problem with criticism, but it seems like you have a problem with people responding back to your criticism in disagreement, no?

[Asker]

You claimed to be studying nutrition, but then you turned around and said I'm only making excuses when you know absolutely nothing about me or my lifestyle. You haven't asked any questions, only made conclusions. This is prejudiced and ignorant. That was my point. That's like a doctor telling someone theyre exaggerating instead of taking symptoms seriously - you don't do your job very well if you send patients away, saying they just make excuses, knowing nothing else about them.

[Asker]

I'm glad I could entertain you? That's cool, I guess. I said that you werent listening to what I was saying, not that you're simply not understanding me. You didn't respond back about any point I made, you just said "youre making excuses." This conveys to me that you couldn't give a f*** about what I'm saying, which is 100% fine, but then it doesn't matter that I point it out, does it?

[ziva123]

What are you talking about? I never turned? I made an observation based on how you're talking about your obesity! Your way of talking about yourself, and your way of not wanting to do anything, but to blame this on your hormones, is what made me realize that you, are doing absolutely nothing but to make excuses. My school has clinic hours, and I get at least one of your kind A DAY. And you haven't actually argued anything, but to get personal, which indicates that you've no way to argue, so you

[ziva123]

decide to talk about anything BUT the problem itself, which was you being a fat virgin (and after having this discussion with you, I really can't emphasize how much I understand why no guy has popped your cherry), which I happily can conclude with a new answer for you: It's not because you're fat, nor ugly, but because your personality makes people want to run, far away, in the other direction :)

[Asker]

okay, thanks. at least now you're actually talking about the topic at hand, right? I could see that actually, especially if the people in question are people like you. I can definitely see that. So, two points for Gryffindor! Cheers, hun.

[ALNMAY]

You are a an absolute bitch, ziva123.

[UlsterScot]

I gave you 5 stars for openness.

Kept me out of the game until my 9th grade growth spurt when my weight stopped being fat and started being football.

Fat girls I knew tended to be sexually un-selective and careless so they could get their share. An incredibly bad set of choices. Please don't.

[Asker]

Well thanks for the stars, kid. :) Omg I want a growth spurt! Can I have yours, please ?! Being fat AND 5'4 is not cutting it. Fat girls who are taller look better. I'm still crossing my fingers hoping 5'9 will come my way but at 23 it seems unlikely. Oh yeah, I'm a 23 year old virgin. 23! I'm getting old too! Lets add salt to the wound. Lol excuse my crazy, please.

[Marrryyyyy]

don't be sad :) I honestly think that girls who are heavier set are soooooooo beautiful. I'm a really really rail thin girl (virgin by choice), and I really sometimes wish I had a bigger body. No one likes to feel bones, or hear bones clack while they walk. At the end of the day, if I thought like that 24/7 I'd never get out of bed. Be confident, and people will see that instead of your flaws :)

[Asker]

oh, that's different. :P I think some women who are plus size with a certain body shape, like really bottom curvy with lots of hip action, have pretty beautiful bodies but I don't have that body shape. boo. but thanks. and a lot of people would love to be rail thin, girl! lol @ bones clack. stop it. Thanks for your comments though :)

[apathyslastkiss4]

Hey there,

I appreciate you sharing this. I think that you're not alone.
I would disagree about it being worse for women though. In today's culture, there has been a big push for accepting women's body types of all varieties. There is even a pretty large fetish group for big women. But this does not exist anywhere near the same scale for men. If you're a fat guy then you're just plain gross, and undesirable (in my experience). I've lived a wide range of weight (from 190lbs to 370lbs), and I'll tell you I've had next to no interest sexually/romantically when I've been heavier.

I'm partly a virgin by choice. I've had a few opportunities, but have always refrained because I want to wait until marriage. It gets frustrating though.

[nohomobrah]

I would say that accurately described just about every person on gag.

[DeLish]

Girly, we are buddies!!! I'm a fat 23 year old Virgin as well. I do have insecurities but because I have been fat all my life I have been able to cope with them. I have had 2 major issues with the dating world, 1) guy's are ashamed of liking me (surprisingly a lot of them really do) and 2) they are extremely intimidated by me. Like you, I am very opinionated, and I have the intelligence to back it up (from your comments, I believe you have that intelligence too). Btw, I get best friend zoned all the time by guys I like, and they end up confessing their emotions. It's frustrating for me because it is no doubt the result of our societies view on beauty and women (and also the shallowness of the guys too). It helps to pretend you are confident, after a while, you won't be pretending anymore. While you will run into the issue of men being intimidated by you and your confidence, they will like you back. Hopefully we both meet a guy who isn't so ashamed. Just know your not the only one!!!

[Anonymous]

I was the last person in my highschool class to lose my virginity, and I was always and still am fat. I never had any guy approach me, even for a date, so I always assumed it was because of my weight.
I did end up dating the end of my senior year and I lost my virginity to a guy who was 130lbs, I was 230lbs. We're still together now, 4 years later.
I'm still not confident with my body and sometimes I struggle to be sexual because I'm having a bad body day but I know he loves me anyway. That's really all that matters.

[Anonymous]

More often not an over weight woman will lose her virginity a lot sooner than some of the same age and a lesser weight. She'll do this, because a lack of self-esteem.

[Asker]

That's funny, some would argue that I'm a virgin because of low self esteem lol I guess you just can't win that battle. Better to know yourself and your own reasons for doing whatever you do

[Asker]

And again, I disagree. In high school almost all my thin friends were having sex and my fat friends were pretty much in the same boat I'm in now.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, weight or not you are a beautiful girl, so don't let anyone take advantage of you.

[Opinion Owner]

You have to think like this... "my high school is one of the thousands of schools out there; such a small part of the world, not even 0.5% of 1%." You can't get an average from just your school alone.. that would be such a skewed view of things

[Asker]

Oh I don't. I look at social construction and the psychology that often follows obesity, especially adolescent obesity. The fact that most fat girls I knew not only from my school but all over the state and from other states were not the most sexually active in their schools is just part of the picture.

[Opinion Owner]

Really?

[Asker]

Lol yes :P I know promiscuous fat girls now, but I'm 23, not in high school lol I actually think it's great that the ones who are confident with themselves are confident enough with their bodies to be sexual beings. If I could get to that point, I would be happier. As I implied before, not all promiscuous fat girls are seeking validation or have low self esteem. And the confidence thing even gets in the way of me going on dates, it's just such a problem.

[Anonymous]

Fat women have it easier than guys.

A fat guy can't find a girl.

A fat girl can find a guy, provided she lowers her standards.

It's like what Jo Rogan says, when you see a fat girl at a night club, she's putting it about "I may not be the *best* ride, but I'm a sure thing and there's no queue!"

She'll go home with a guy.

You never see desperate horny girls picking the fat guy instead of going home alone.

[Sovereign1979]

This I 100% agree with.

[Asker]

I completely disagree. Women are valued for beauty and bodies far more than men are. I know more fat guys with gfs than the other way around. Way more. Random hookups, maybe. But they aren't likely to walk around holding that chicks hand.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, that's a whole different question isn't it? Is this about losing your virginity (trivially easy for a fat girl) or about finding a loving relationship? If you only talk about being sexually active in your question, then don't expect the answers to reflect your hidden unspoken need for a loving man who will hold your hand.

[Asker]

Very true. Eh, it's both. I want both. Maybe not at the same time, idk. Well my point is being fat is a whole psychological thing. Depression, insecurity, I won't have sex with anyone anyway. And it's because I'm fat. Or my mental state is why I'm fat...it's a viscous cycle. And if I could only get fat/ugly people to sleep with me (which isn't totally true) I wouldn't have sex anyway. It's not just society, it's my own confidence that is the issue. I was just seeing if others felt the same