Least painful position for first time sex?

I'm slightly older so yes safe sex, lube, relax etc. I find penetration of any sort (tampons, pelvic exam) quite painful even though my doctor said my hymen is no longer there and that it's just because I'm not used to it yet. So I was worried that maybe missionary is not the best position for first time sex for me since I heard being on top allows me to better control the depth and speed. But I'm not sure if being on top is such a great idea since that angle seems like he would end up going in deeper and I will probably just make me chicken out the minute I feel any pain. Ladies - which position is actually best for first time sex? I don't particularly care about the intimacy of face to face ... I just want to find the least painful position possible.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • For me on top hurt worse at first but what doesn't hurt is do missionary with you on bottom lube will take a lot of pain away and condoms help to but the wider your legs are the less it will hurt because the closer your legs are the tigether your vagina gets during sex. When he "hits it from the back" I don't know if you know that term so your not sexually active but its not being done in the butt or anything its just having sex but him going in you from behind, some people say that doesn't hurt bad but by the time I did I had been sexually active for a while and it was a better sexual sensation feeling so try missionary if it hurts to much try the behind thing. and when your having sex if you wrap your legs around his back that might help to. But my first time trying I couldn't get it in at all and the second time it hurt trying to get it in and a little after but if you take it the first time it doesn't hurt bad after a few minutes and its not even a bad pain its a feel good pain ha ha but it gets better and feels better.

    • Thanks hun :) Yes I understand about doggy style. You mentioned it hurt the second time also - I know every woman is different but just from experience, does it still feel uncomfortable/painful for the first FEW times, not just the first time? And afterward, I'm guessing it is sore and hurts to urinate? My friends said your stomach hurts too but I'm not entirely sure why that would be the case.

    • The first few times for me kind of hurt but felt better after we started going, now it doesn't hurt at all it just feels amazing ha ha and. yeah its sore after not to horrible though it feels weird when you pee but doesn't hurt it just hurts when you wipe a little like it burns a little while wipeing & my stomach didn't hurt after my first time but I've had sex where my stomach hurts after and its just from him thrust or a position of going in deep hah

  • I was on top my first time. Didn't plan to be, but I do think it was good because I had complete control. But I don't think missionary would be any worse as long as you're vocal about if he's going too fast, too deep, etc.

    If tampons are painful, then I imagine your first time will not be very comfortable. But you just have to get used to it and teach your body not to get nervous, so you don't tense up. My best advice is to just go really really slowly, once he's inside you, just stay there and let yourself adjust. And I know you know relaxing is important, but I always have to say it. Relax! Lots of foreplay! Get yourself excited, not nervous!

  • I'll just answer your comment as a new answer, ha ha.

    By all means, if it's truly unbearable pain to the point where you're screaming and sobbing, stop. My friend had a similar issue, and her gynecologist prescribed her a numbing cream. She was able to have sex using the cream. Be warned though that the cream is specifically for the vagina. Don't borrow other friends' numbing cream because there are creams made for different parts of the body. (For instance, I hate needles, so I have a numbing cream for my arms.)

Most Helpful Guys

  • In my experience missionary works best for the first time. You'll probably be stressed and it's best if you don't have to think too much about what you're doing.

    More importantly, remember that this is supposed to be a fun experience, not a stressful one. So don't feel like everything has to be planned like a military operation. You can try one position, and if it doesn't work, try another. Just see what works. And don't freak out if something doesn't work for you.

  • "my doctor said my hymen is no longer there"

    "I will probably just make me chicken out the minute I feel any pain."

    If you feel pain, stop it at once, chicken out without remorse . Or expect link ( link ) and that's not funny.

    Concerning the position, choose one were you'll have maximum control.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I've had sex plenty of times, and I still can't wear tampons. I lost my virginity in the missionary position, with my ankles wrapped around his back. Have him push in a little at a time, and adjust to each push. It will most likely hurt for you, as it did for me, but you're just going to have to grit your teeth and bear it. It's worth it!

    Good luck!

    • Yeah - the doctor said the same thing: to just keep going even if it hurts because that's the only way to get used to it. Not an appealing prospect but I guess there's no other way around it :S But I was wondering if there's a point where it hurts so much that you KNOW something is wrong as opposed to it just being normal pain? I'm not sure if it is actually painful or if it just feels sore and weird and full etc.?

    • "the doctor said the same thing: to just keep going even if it hurts because that's the only way to get used to it." Dump that doctor.

  • There is a condition where the muscles in the vagina for some reason will not relax and in fact try to prevent anything from being inserted into the vagina. I'd ask about this and what might be done about it.

    • Yes I think you mean vaginism (I did a bit of research before going in to see the doctor). Actually ordered a set of dilators online to maybe stretch with but I figure sex the first time will still be painful since I'll be stressed no matter what.

    • You get your stuff and do your stretches and when the time comes and you are ready to get a penis in you just be totally relaxed and enjoy it. It may begin with a little pain, but should disappear very quickly into a world of pleasure. DO NOT be bashful about letting your first time guy in on your problem and he should be a guy you are most comfortable with so sharing such information not a problem. And Good Luck

  • Missionary truly is the least painful position as long as your partner doesn't go rough.

  • I think the spooning position would be it

  • Try doggy style it’s better and he can fully penetrate you and cum deep inside you or spray your behind and back with hot cum if you prefer that instead

  • For the first time missionary would b the best. Its easier plus pain is lesser.

  • Missionary because you can slide/ push yourself away

  • He got me from behind standing up and it hurt...I would think missionary is probably least "scary"

  • missionary is best for first time

    doggy is the most painful because it makes you tighter. so avoid this one

    • I don't think that's necessarily true for everyone (painwise). I took doggy my first time and it was completely painless. My boyfriend took good care of me though so maybe that's it.