Virginity??

[Virtuales]

what happened to virginity? i mean I have noticed a lot of girls ashamed of being virgins or shy to admit it I'm not a virgin but I mean if a girl tells me she's a virgin I would have more respect for her what happened? why is it these days that it's better if you're not a virgin I'm not saying all the girls are ashamed of it though

[Anonymous]

I'm not really sure (it's a complex issue) but I think part of it happened as people started separating sex from loving relationships. People are more likely today to have casual sexual relationships often with no romantic relationship at all. And as that happens, I think people get more selfish about their sexuality. It becomes less about communicating love, and more about "getting off." Often, the message sent to women and girls then, is that the only way to get or keep a man is by being sexual. (You can see it in this forum when guys complain about the lack of technique of virgins. In a relationship, that really wouldn't matter as you'll be together beyond the first few awkward times.) Women end up being branded (unfairly) as prudish or asexual if they aren't having intercourse. I am a virgin by choice, and I can honestly say that I have a very healthy sex drive. (There are ways other than intercourse to express sensuality.) The reason I wait is that I personally like the idea of being with only one man, one I love and am committed to, and one who loves and is committed to me. For myself, I can't separate sex from love. (Many people can; I'm just not one.) The prevailing culture though, seems to believe that in order to be a sexual person, one has to be engaging in casual sex. I have no problem with people who make different choices for themselves, but I think it odd that people would assume (if they knew) that my choice implies something dysfunctional. On the contrary, I think sex is really important. All virginity implies for me is that I really value the idea of faithfulness, even to the point of being faithful to a man I have yet to marry. Once I am with the right man, I absolutely expect to have a great sex life! (And I won't have to worry about whether he'll call me again.) At the same time, when I hear guys who complain about having sex with a virgin, it's an easy way to weed them out of my dating pool!

[ndadrnk]

Great ideal/ideals to hold with. One day, a guy will be happy it was you he ended up with. It's hard to find those same thoughts these days. I'm not judgmental to the point that I'm opposed to women who have had sex before, but I would hope that this kind of thinking went into their decision to have sex when they have.

[dx021]

You are awesome

[timberlake]

there's this negative connotation attached to virgins, like we're lame or "too innocent". virgins get this "little girl" stigma and always have this pressure by friends and society to stop being so "religious" and get laid. people automatically slap this label of "shameful" on us because we aren't sexually exuberant like the media wants us to be. actually, virgins can be very sexual without having to engage in sexual activity. look at adriana lima. she was a virgin until she got married and she's damn sexy haha.

and it's just plain intimidating to walk up to an experienced guy and tell him you only know so much about what you're doing. some guys like virgins, some guys get frustrated with virgins... some guys can't wait for a virgin or think the girl will get "too attached" if something happens between them. there's a lot of negative swirling around it. I'm proud I'm not a whore (not saying non-virgins are whores, I'm just saying that I don't get around), but sometimes I wish I didn't have to have that "i'm a virgin" conversation at my age, ya know? ah well, it is what it is.

[jusabarasida]

I see what you mean.. same thing with guys being labeled as 'not sexual or innocent' virginity has nothing do with innocence and experience.. I'm 20. traveled most of the world, had unimaginable experiences and been enlightened.. and I'm a virgin.. honestly, not big deal.. lol. I'm waiting for one girl who is also a virgin and who I can be attracted to mentally and physically.. the negative connotation stems from media but it doesn't affect me, probably because I don't watch much tv.

[jusabarasida]

Wait.. let me rephrase.. "probably because I don't watch trash tv.".. hahah like reality shows and hannah banana or some other bullshhit.

[timberlake]

LOL hanana banana? hilarious. I would love to meet a guy who is a virgin, but I haven't gotten lucky yet. every dude has been just on horny bastard after another and the one guy my friend was dating (she was a virgin) for two years waited and I thought 'great, they exist' until he broke up with her since she wouldn't give it up. that was very discouraging to say the least.

[MissL]

I think the media is a huge part of the problem. The media sends a message that men want women who will have sex and give themselves away. And then when there is a young female celebrity who is trying to be chaste, she gets made fun of and men say how she'll break eventually. It sends a message to young girls that they are fighting a losing battle to keep their virginity and that men want women who are sexually experienced and will put out.

[TheCheshireCat]

Great Answer!

[Hughman]

It's a shame, but I haven't been with a virgin as far as I know. I think it's because the virgin girls past 17/18 are either mighty shy (which I can't deal with, I need an extroverted/flirty girl), mighty ugly, overly religious or ice-cold bitches. Or a mixture of these categories.

I'd like to marry a girl who is a virgin or at most been with a few guys. It's been shown that girls with multiple partners are far more likely to divorce, to have affairs and to have psychological problems. (This correlation doesn't stand as strongly for men)

[Dela1111]

The media promotes and glamorizes sex to the point where if you don't you will never be considered a woman. There is also a common thought that if they don't have sex with a guy he will not stay with her, which is Bullsh*t in my opinion, at least if he's a good guy, which she SHOULD find out.

Don't mean to offend the experienced girls out there but I would only seriously date a virgin, I'm not gonna settle for used.

[Virtuales]

Man I completely agree

[Seenthatmovietoo]

HaHa "settle for used" LOL too funny. Bet that makes your non-virgin girl friends feel better!! ..."used"... wow. I admire that you seek a clean sheet of paper but your description is a bit out there. LOL.

[Dela1111]

Well in this life, you can't please everyone, now can you, lol.

[abracadabra]

So even if you met a really great girl who slept with 1 or 2 guys you will not date her??

[Dela1111]

I think I was pretty clear in my writing.

[Virtuales]

The guy was pretty clear lol "used" hmm I think it's the right word again I agree

[DrJones]

Seriously, "settle for used" is something people in first-world countries say? And this is the "best" answer? Girls are not cars, furniture, or power tools. They don't depreciate when someone drives them off the showroom floor. Why is it "settling" to date someone who's had sex before? If you get off on knowing someone's a virgin, hey, that's your business, not mine. I still think it's a weird fetish, though.

[Dela1111]

I think its pretty pathetic that finding virginity important is considered a fetish. DrJones ur an idiot.

[jacquesvol]

"used"? Some classy car dealer coined the word "pre-owned" XD

[jacquesvol]

"Virginity fetish": https://www.amazon.com/Purity-Myth-Americas-Obsession-Virginity/dp/1580052533/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242417357&sr=8-1 and: https://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2009/05/16/purity_myth/

[jacquesvol]

But she will have to accept a "secondhand guy"?

[Dela1111]

Thats her choice.

[Ceesa]

Hahahaa.. That's awesome ;p

[TheAristocrat0]

Very nice

[jusabarasida]

First of all, +1.. secondly.. Dr.Jones, if a girl doesn't want to be labeled "used".. she shouldn't act like a used car or furniture or power tool.. Anyway, yea I agree with the media's influence but when I eventually become a parent, ill make damn sure my kids aren't brainwashed until their morals go down the drain.. This whole losing virginity thing is only a big deal in america.. there are plenty nice "new" girls in the world who are smarter, more mature and have their priorites straight.

[sweetie523]

Oh that is soo good to hear.

[dx021]

I'd feel like I'd be settling if I ended up with a girl that slept around. there are tons of guys out there that feel exactly the same way. used goods are nasty

[pidgeon]

Because in our society today, they don't have to be. It won't for sure ruin any of their chances in life, for marriage or a career, like it used to.

[Meetmeonthequinox]

yes because you can kill your baby and feel fine and dandy about it.

[pidgeon]

thats if you get pregnant, which is in the category of stupid people. and reeaaalllllyyyyy unluv=cky people.

[drSkabs]

virginity is a personal choice. people shouldn't be judged by whether or not they're a virgin. the reason that it seems to better for non-virgins now a days is because sex is exploited so much. people now-a-days don't associate sex and love anymore. although some still might. I personally don't think you have to love some one to have sex with them, that doesn't make me a slut, but that's just how I think. people do things for different reasons, lots of times people also make mistakes but whatever, let people make their own mistakes. although I guess when it comes to sex, its only a mistake if you think it was. I don't think a girl should be ashamed of being a virgin, but I dnt think she should be praised for it either. its just a decision we make( well sometimes we don't make it ourselves, but you know). oh well just live and let live, don't let something like virginity alter your view of someone, it has nothing to do with you.

[foxydaisy]

The sexual revolution of the 70's happened. O_O

A girl being a virgin is fine if she chooses to be one herself. But society forcing a girl to be a virgin or be shamed (therefore never being able to marry, being called whore, etc) is not okay.

I agree though that it seems to now be swinging over to the other extreme, where if you haven't had sex before a certain age (although no one can agree what that age is. lol) you're considered a prude and unsexy and therefore unable to get a guy. <_<

I'm hoping that more people will start taking the moderate path where it doesn't matter whether or not a girl has had sex as long as she's happy with whatever choice she made. And also that she got to actually make a choice. There are quite a few of these people out there. We just don't scream and yell like people at the extremes do. Heh.

[Jessica258o]

im still a virgin and I'm 21 and all my boyfriends have dumped me because I won't have sex with them in the first week of a relationship. there's many guys that there that don't want a virgin so there's some girls that are ashamed for being a virgin but they don't understand that some of these guys all they want is sex and that the guys that recpect your virginity are guys that really do care about you and love you

[G-Daz]

awsome :P

[selfishstars]

Personally, I don't think that we shouldn't judge a person's worth/value on whether or not they've had sex or how much sex they've had.

Whether someone is a virgin or not does not affect my respect for them in either direction.

[ihatework]

couldn't agree more

[selfishstars]

I reread what I wrote, and that's meant to say I don't think that we should*

[Meetmeonthequinox]

well sleeping around is a measure of responsiblity...im sorry it just is..

[peace-love-couture]

Well,i'm 16 and a virgin.I think virginity is not something to be ashamed of or to be proud of.Everyone is a virgin at some point in their lives,no need to be ashamed or proud.

Society nowadays exudes sex everywhere.You can't look at a magazine without seeing something related to sex,can't listen to music or the radio without sex being related,can't watch tv or movies without sex.Sex is everywhere and sex sells.People have this misconception that being a virgin means you're a prude,or don't have sexual feelings or urges.Not true.I understand sex is natural and healthy.Sex is a personal choice.whether someone choose to or not to remain a virgin is a personal choice too.As for what that guy has said,having sex doesn't mean you have more knowledge about sex.I watch porn,I google if I have questions,I educate myself on different matters of sex.

[Symorg]

I'm tall, fit, ex-army, 24 years old and still a virgin. I've gotten to third base with a couple girls and I'm proud of my virginity. Just waiting for somebody amazing, that's all.

[L-I-F-E]

i wish I'm a virgin lol and I wish I could actually saw my hymen...hehehe wth is with this people now a days..

[jacquesvol]

Would you really need a saw to get through your hymen? :-O8O

[mandaa]

Well, some girls think that if a guy knows she's a virgin, that she'd be bad in bed.. or that she's tight meaning ( she's doesn't do much..ex.. kiss,anything to do with sex) and you seem like a really sweet, there are not many like you.. but girls need to hear that its ok to be a virgin!

[charizzle]

because apparently it's the 'in' thing now to exude sexuality. people think that being a virgin means zero sexuality.

[dave216]

If you have more respect for a virgin girl, I can extrapolate that you have less for a girl who isn't a virgin. First of all I would find it very rude behavior to ask a girl if she is a virgin. That is her business, not yours. Secondly, if she isn't a virgin it simply means that she has a bit more experience and knowledge of sexual matters. She has experienced at least once, one of life's greatest pleasures. It does not make her a different person. It does not make her a less valuable person, unless you are in the white slave business. I would think you would have your hands full managing your own life and morals without taking the time to be judgmental of others. The choice of being or not being a virgin should fall to each individual, and not the pressure of others.

[Virtuales]

That has nothing to do with what I have asked here but since you mentioned it, No, I don't have less respect for a girl who isn't a virgin but I do have less for a b*tch

[dave216]

How is possible too not have less respect for a girl who isn't a virgin when you clearly state you have more respect for her if she is a virgin? If one state is more the other has to be less doesn't it? I'm pretty sure virginity only comes in 2 states, is and isn't. A bitch.? That would seem a very nasty way to describe a girl. I would hope you soon attain the maturity to move past that sort of behavior.

[Virtuales]

So all you're trying to prove here is that if I have more respect for virgins I must have less respect for girls who aren't virgins wow sounds smart if that's everything you can understand from a simple question next time just try to give a simple answer instead of going out of topic

[ILoveCefalu]

Dave, I'm befriending you, just for this. Loved it.

[ndadrnk]

What Virtuales meant is, the pressure of society on virgins to have sex is so extreme that someone who goes against said pressures is so aberrant to the norm as to be deemed extraordinary and receive more respect for doing so. He's saying a girl he's with would deem more respect for being a virgin in this day and age and not be ridiculed for it. I don't think females in general are ridiculed for being virgins unless they are bad sexually. I don't think they are then unless the relationship ends.

[genevieve]

Like has been said below, a lot of girls assume a guy wouldn't want a girl to be a virign. Also if you're dating her she might think it's awkward that she's a virgin and you're not so you wil know what to do and she won't.Makes feel kinda stupid and helpless in a way.
And there are very few guys that would have a relationship without having sex

[MissL]

Good point. Most guys won't stay in a relationship with a girl unless she's putting out.

[is444]

well lets face it, if you told to a guy, "hey I'll wait till marriage to have sex", he will automatically run away, at least in my country its soo like that

im virgin, I'm not waiting to get married but a good guy XD

anyways, its so common nowadays not being virgin between girls, that if you admit it you won't fit, or something like that.. not my case fortunately lol

[jusabarasida]

Not all guys run away. most American guys do though.. virginity is a big thing in America.. like education is in Asia.

[ladylex930]

I was a virgin til I was 18. I wasn't ashamed of it but its not like I broadcasted it either. and why is it that everyone wants a woman to be a virgin? to me if a guy wants a virgin he should also be a virgin. having sex doesn't make you a bad person and not having sex doesn't make you a saint. and why are you worried if they are a virgin or not. I'm sure if they are they would tell you when the time is right

[toothfairysmile]

I think some girls just wanna like, fit in, because really, who doesn't these days? I'm 16 and still a virgin, not really proud but not ashamed, I kinda wonder sometimes what it's like, but I think some girls wanna seem like they have experience. If that makes sense. But that's my answer

[sweetem16]

I'm 17 about to turn 18 and I am still a virgin as well. I wonder all the time about sex and why people around me are so obsessed with it. I am also sad to say that I am the only virgin left in my senior class.

[clevername]

Because people impose their views upon others. I personally think virginity is not at all important or relevant to anything. It is the maturity and knowledge of their sexuality that is important. If you don't want to have sex, don't. If you do, know everything about it first, including all the risks and how you can be safe, and have all the sex you want. Nothing to be ashamed of on either side.

[lylaznfairie]

im not sure I wasn't ashamed to admit I was. but then I know like a lot of girls to that won't admit it... its kinda weird I thought it was important for girls but I guess things really have changed?

[heloiseabelard]

I am not embarrassed to be a virgin. I tell guys that I am and why I am when they ask me out. It would be unfair to us both if I kept it a secret and stupid to be ashamed of it.

[Ceesa]

Hahn, says who? I'm a virgin check all of my comments I keep saying it all the time, but remember with virgins WE DONT LIKE TO TALK ABOUT OUR SEXUAL LIFE ! lol

we are more shy than other ;)

Some hate the fact they're virgins that they didn't get to have sex or something it's like it wasn't an option.

to me it's a total option and I can't be happier!

[jusabarasida]

Yea I'm with you.. there are much more important priorities in life than losing one's virginity.. it happens when it happens.. and I'm not too impatient to wait.

[Ceesa]

To me it's only after marriage, though I totally agree with what you are saying they deal with virginity like it's something that you have to lose ! what? lol.. I mean..it's pure when you're a virgin and it earns you respect!FINALLY A GIRL THAT CAN " WAIT " rather than having sex while she's 13 just to have sex!

[4everbebe]

Well I am a virgin and I am 18 lol I toldthese two girls I was a virgin because they was talking about sex and ask me if I done it, and when I told them they laugh like it was a bad thing, so I got embarrassed. I always get shy when people ask me if I ever had sex, it's not because I am ashamed its because I am just a shy girl in general lol.

My boyfriend of almost 2 month asked me when will I feel ready to have sex and I said I don't know, when ever I am comfortable lol and he always telling me what he'll do to me and I always get shy and don't know what to say.

But all and all I am proud Virgin and I don't plan on having sex until I am ready and when people ask if I am one, I'll tell them yes.

[skerbs]

Dude, I like the way you think. And I think that girls feel ashamed of being a virgin cause they don't know what they are doing during it. But that's just my wild guess

[Lucky1227]

I am a virgin and I am ashamed because all the guys I talk to thinks its weird that I am a virgin so of course its not something I'm gonna be proud of.. its weird and embarrassing

[Virtuales]

Try to see it the other : )

[socalgamehater2006]

Your a girl, it's obviously way easier for girls to get laid than it is for guys

[Lucky1227]

I don't want to have sex with someone I'm not dating

[emzy-89]

im celibate and I don't see why I should be ashamed to admit that. I respect people more if they follow their own values and morals and don't just do something because society says that it is the 'norm'. I know a lot of guys who are also celibate and I have SO much respect for them.

[jacquesvol]

Virginity is just a word, describing the period in human life between birth and first intercourse.

[snackeyg]

I think everyone is ashamed of being a virgin even though weirdly enough everyone appreciates it.

[odanix3]

Hmm, I know what you mean. I think it's when all your friends aren't virgins or most of them aren't and they talk about sex and they are like. "oh you're still a virgin." like it's a bad thing. I used to get it all the time.

[iloveswimming]

Some girls are ashamed of it because of girls like Megan Fox and all those other whores in the limelight. Its better to be a virgin than to be a prostitute

[sweetie523]

I told a guy whom I have been dating for two weeks that I am a virgin. He said that he figured and that it wasn't a bad thing. He said it was rare and that he regretted his first time. I told him I would rather wait for the right person. Now after that night he has been really distant and tells me he has a lot going on now and thinks its best to remain friends. Now I wonder if that's the reason why he won't talk to me is because of what I told him. I hope there are guys out that understand there are good girls out that are willing to wait. The way I see it if he doesn't understand what I believe, he isn't the right guy for me.

[Meedo]

Hey I agree with you .

[Anonymous]

In some countries, it's the opposite.Women are ashamed when they are not virgin anymore.Girls in our family are mostly married virgin.

[Anonymous]

Because of people around who make such a big deal about someone who still virgin is a sucker.! Thought them never been in love, dating someone or even kissing guy. And once I heard they don't want to be with someone who still virgin because they're suck in bed.! Duh!!!

[Anonymous]

I was never ashamed of being a virgin until I started getting older. I'm 25 now, so I feel like a loser because I still have the v card. I'm waiting till marriage to have sex, but I still feel like I'm a loser because I should be married & having sex by now.

[Anonymous]

i agree with the shy and ashamed part - I don't tell anyone I'm a virgin and avoid the subject all together. Only my closest friends know. I mean I'm a virgin virgin (only kissed someone type of virgin) Obviously when I meet a guy I tell him pretty much within the first week or so... and so far haven't found one that has stuck yet. Yet I still have hope that someone will accept me for who I am and bare with me while I learn with them :) of course this is a dream and not all dreams come true. Maybe it is just to much responsibility or the fact that she will be sh*t idk

[AcEMasTeR]

same here.. your're awesome :)

[Anonymous]

sexual liberation. thank god. I'm not trying to be some pure little gift for a man. I love sex and I enjoy it. glad I was born in the time that I was :)

[AcEMasTeR]

ewww go away

[Opinion Owner]

lol :)

[Meetmeonthequinox]

sexual liberation is all about being irresponsible...if you get prego..o no reason to pay the piper and accpet sonsequences...nope..u can get your baby sucked out through a tube and tossed in the trash at planned parenthood...dont worry its just a mass of cells right? well that's all we are...just masses of cells out to satisfy our own selfish desires. humans are truly the lowest animal and we have rejected all the things that kept us civilized.

[Opinion Owner]

lol um who the f*** are you to tell me what I'm going to do to my body? there are a million and one precautions to take against getting pregnant. if you're educated then you know that. your ignorance couldn't be more apparent. sexual liberation is about freedom of mind and thought when it comes to sexuality. you can be sexually liberated without actually acting on promiscuity and you can certainly be promiscuous without being irresponsible. so girls who are married/dating don't get abortions? lmao k

[Opinion Owner]

he'll get it eventually. I know you're a conservative penis. I wasn't talking to you. if you don't like it then don't read it? when someone replies I'm going to reply back if I have something to say. deal with it skippy. keep out of grown folks conversations okay little boy. :)

[Anonymous]

Most girls think that guys don't like virgins

[AcEMasTeR]

well they're wrong

[Opinion Owner]

I think it depends on the guy... some guys might some might not

[Anonymous]

it's really a shame that most cute or pretty girls aren't virgins, it takes away a lot from their attractiveness

[Arena]

Why almost cute or pretty girls aren't virgins What make you so sure about it lol

[venividivici]

this is the most common mistake made by men.

[Opinion Owner]

I've never seen a cute virgin over 16 years old in my life

[Anonymous]

It's really not so much of being ashamed it's just that in today's society it's almost just kind of awkward to not have had sex. A lot of my friends that are girls tell me they think it's cool that I'm still a virgin and that they wish they still were etc. It doesn't stop them from talking about it all the time or the guys they hook up with. I know most guys like the virginity thing but it doesn't keep me from feeling anxious that they'll judge me based on that.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes girls think that guys don't want them to be virgins so they don't want to seem like an innocent little girl. Girls who haven't had sex tend to feel like they're the only ones who haven't and they're nervous to admit it. They also don't want it to seem like no guy wants to have sex with her because she thinks if I make it seem like no one wants me then he won't want me.

[Virtuales]

Somehow that's true and it sucks really

[Anonymous]

girls have no respect for themselves anymore that's why

virginity used to be such a special and precious thing,

but nowadays its being popped at every oppurtunity a girl can get.

[Virtuales]

Very true

[Anonymous]

i wish I was still a virgin but I was raped by my ex boyfriend so I don't believe being a virgin is shameful at all.

[Anonymous]

I am a virgin and I don't want anyone to know that. First because I'm in my 20's and most people won't believe it anyway. Second, so that no one degrades me, I have act like I know something about sex. Third, if I tell guys I am a virgin they only want to be with me so that they could be my first and nothing more.

[Seenthatmovietoo]

Stick to your guns as real genuine 'nice guys' would appreciate your position.

[jacquesvol]

That's because you attract guys with a virginity fetish (like Question Asker)

[Anonymous]

well, it's the 21st century and everyone seems to think that all virgins are prudes and considered old fashioned. if a guy or girl is a virgin I have respect for them right from the start (especially guys because they get a lot more pressure to lose it) and if a guy or girl is not a virgin I don't judge but personally I think a girl should be a virgin - pure and cherished, call me old fashioned, I don't care, I made my decision and I'm going to wait till I'm married to have sex. I just think it's more special that way; having one man be your first and only.

[Virtuales]

I respect that

[sweetem16]

I would be considered old fashioned as well. Sex after marriage is all I've ever been taught.

[dx021]

There's something sweet about that

[Opinion Owner]

I just feel like it's one gift that I could give to show the guy that I am theirs and that they are mine. I've been told that I should stop thinking that way but I don't want to. I like the idea and I wish virginity was cherished by people today, like in past centuries.

[Anonymous]

The term virginity is being "thrown around" nowadays just like the word love. I am a virgin and I think its mainly a complex issue. I mean, if I was to have sex with a guy who was not a virgin, (I believe in abstinence), Id be totally terrified because they are experienced, and I am not. I am totally not ashamed of being one.

[Meedo]

This really baffles me . Why would you be terrified? I am a guy and I seriously think that it is the guy's job to make the sex great . Well not 100% but may be 80% . Besides, if a guy couldn't understand that may be the first or second time will not be perfect then he is not worth it . Every body was a virgin one time.