When does a crush become more than just a crush?

[Anonymous]

So my friend told me he has had a crush on me for a really long time, which is cool because I have had a crush on him too. After being in a really long relationship, I am finally single so he decided to tell me. He has a girlfriend and they're in an open relationship. We have been talking a lot more, especially about what we're going to do about this. I suggested no-strings sex, except now I'm wondering whether that would be ok. He's had this crush for a really, really long time and I guess I'm just worried that it's more than just a crush at this point because we've been friends for a long time and have gotten to know each other very well. I don't want it to become more and when I told him that, he said things like, he really likes that we're friends, and that he doesn't know where it's going to lead, but that he doesn't want to hurt me either. So when does a crush become more than just a crush? What are some signs that it's more?

[Anonymous]

Make lots of hand motions when talking. Guys will subconsciously mimic your gestures if they like you.If you really want to hook him, wear makeup that makes your eyes appear larger and more prominent. Guys gravitate towards large eyes.people touch their neck, hair, clothing, or lips subconsciously if they like you. And if they can't look into your eyes, it's because they get embarassed, that means a lot. Or if they look too much into your eyes, that tells you that they think that the things you say are interesting, that you are interesting! That means a lot too.Please, please, please be yourself! Don't change to make someone else like you. If they can't love you for who you are, then they aren't worth it.Once you have a reason to talk, do it! Don't just randomly walk up to someone you hardly know and ask them out.When you're talking, look at body language. Read below for specific info.

[ilovelegs]

I'd say that he has more than a crush on you right now. That fact that you could enter into a no-strings attached relationship with him as far as having sex tells me that you still have just a crush to you, but definitely not to him. He already has feelings about getting too attached to you that way, and he's also worried that if you happened to get too attached to him in spite of your desired no-strings attached arrangement, that you might get hurt if he's not available for you as a boyfriend because of your non committed type of arrangement. A crush becomes more than a crush when you start bonding physically and emotionally and depending on each other. As long as you both feel free to come and go with no attached emotions getting in the way regardless of what you've shared with each other, it's still just a crush, a great friend or a FWB type of arrangement.

[JustMe2008]

Lol. Okay. So this guy has gone way more than crush. He really wants a relationship with you. But when he saw that all you want is just NSA sex then backed off saying he likes things as they are and he doesn't want to hurt you. It actually hurt his feelings and he is just hiding his emotions like that.

[Asker]

Honestly, I only said that because there are complications. He's good friends with my ex too, which he didn't seem to care about. And he's got a girlfriend already! I can't see a relationship coming out of this, at least not right now, so that's why I suggested that. How do I take it back?

[JustMe2008]

Open relationships are rarely, if ever, meant to be serious. His feelings for you are more serious than that for his girlfriend. Just tell him what you told us, except this time he may initially show as if he really doesn't have feelings (coz he would feel a little awkward to admit he was hiding feelings that way). But there is a very high chance that he would let you know his true intentions too. And probably he is not thinking about his current "open" relationship too much anymore.

[Asker]

Well, we stopped talking for a bit. I finally got the balls to contact him again, but we haven't talked about it yet. He seems a little off, so I figured I'd just try to make it less awkward. Also, he told me he was thrown off because I started talking to my ex again. We decided to stay friends, except now I get the feeling that my ex is not over the breakup and his friend knows that. I decided that we can't be friends if that's the case so for now no more of talking to my ex.

[JustMe2008]

Thanks for selecting this as the best answer. Well yeah before jumping into conclusions it is always good to find out for yourself what his girlfriend wants out of the relationship. Is she really serious about it? Is she thinking of it as a long term relationship? Are they at all committed? You can give a friendly visit to their place and ask both of them about this stuff and then think about what to do. But ask her before you even let this guy know that you are interested in a relationship with him.

[Asker]

Well I don't really know her. I met her once, that's all. I just know what he's told me about their relationship before and after my ex and I broke up. He had anxiety at first about moving in with her and that's when he asked me about it. I know they decided to move in together over the summer because she was buying a house. That was like a week after my breakup happened. Then he started contacting me randomly, which I thought was odd because we really hadn't talked much at all in the past year.

[JustMe2008]

Haha. So he always had his eyes on you, hunh? hahahaha. That's kinda funny. hahaha. Seems like he got into the relationship half-hearted. Maybe he was a little desperate emotionally at that time. Whatever. Hey can you answer my question on approach anxiety, please. It would be of great help. thanks.

[JustMe2008]

Oh from whatever you say he is a pretty unhappy relationship.

[Asker]

It gets worse and weirder. When we first met (6 years ago), we instantly were attracted and hooked up twice, but he was immature so that's where it ended. I started dating my ex and this guy disappeared. Then, 3 years later he ends up being good friends with my ex because they're in the same classes. He told me that's when his crush started. We did spend a lot of time together, alone, because the 3 of us would hang out but my ex would always end up falling asleep & it would end up being just me and the friend

[JustMe2008]

I told you that there's a lot going on his head. See. haha. I don't know what type of person he is but as for me I can't live with someone if I weren't serious. But from the present situation it seems that that's the situation with your friend and his "GF". It's kind of strange but they were probably having just a short term open thingy under the umbrella of "live-together open relationship". It's kind of strange though but it's true in this case.

[Asker]

So do I continue contacting him every once in a while, or just let it be? He responds, but the conversations are never as lively as they used to be, but still he responds which is a good sign, right? And how do you know that his feelings for me are stronger than his girlfriend? He lives with her which to me is a big deal. I keep thinking how he really went out of his way to talk to me, even though we haven't seen each other since he started dating his girlfriend and we live 3 hours apart.

[JustMe2008]

I said that feelings for you are more than he has for his Girlfriend because he has obstacles when approaching you - i) you were his long time friend. it's kinda difficult to tell your friend that you have a crush on her, risking the friendship. ii) he lives with his girlfriend and he is messing around you, which needs a certain amount of emotional drive to do, especially since you know both of them. You can overcome those two obstacles only when your feelings for this second lady is more than that for your..

[JustMe2008]

Girlfriend. So, I am pretty sure that's the case.

[JustMe2008]

Secondly, the decrease in the liveliness of the conversations means he is trying to get over you and that's never good for you, especially if you are thinking about getting into a relationship with him.

[Asker]

So what am I supposed to do now? Part of me just wants to give up and that's it, but the other part of me doesn't want to quit.

[JustMe2008]

Depends on what you want to be and what expectations his girlfriend has from the relationship. If she is thinking that inspite of being an "open" relationship he would stay as her Boyfriend all the time then you would become a boyfriend stealer if you make the move. However if that's not the case take your shot.

[Asker]

Great! I don't want to be a boyfriend stealer. Lol. Thanks for advice =)