Sexual Health
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Why does virginity matter SO much?

i personally am a virgin but I have a very close friend who tried to commit suicide after having sex because guys made her feel less valued as a person. luckily she is doing OK now it was about a year ago when it happened she's gotten a little better. guys always ask "are you a virgin" it bothers me it shouldn't matter they should like me no matter what. guys tell me "i respect you more for being a virgin" and that actually makes me angry because I am gonna have sex one day, so are they just gonna lose respect for me? its not fair girls have to either be called a prude if they don't have sex. and if they do guys act like they are slutty. when guys are virgins girls think its sweet usually and if a guy is sexually active most girls think "oh good he knows what he's doing". the worst type of guy is the guy who has had sex before but says things like "id rather have a virgin cause they are cleaner, or because they have more class" if in that guys head a sexually active girl is dirty or doesn't have class than he should be to I mean he has had sex also. also guys are called "man-whores" this bothers me cause its implying women are the whores I mean we don't get called "woman-whores" and for the most part the minority of people who fit the description of "slutty" are guys. I hate the fact that society makes it OK for guys to go out and sleep with who ever they want but if a girl has sex with one or two guys she "has no class" if a guy likes me I want it to be for me not because of if I have or haven't had sex yet. no girl likes the "are you a virgin?" question. we don't like being put on the sport like that cause you say "i don't care if you are or arent" well if you don't care then don't ask it! and girls if a guy does ask that you DON'T have to answer its no ones business but your own. I mean its not fair for guys to expect to get a classy girl (in general I'm not talking virgin or non virgin either one I just mean classy i.e. not a "slut" ) if he is trashy himself. if a guy doesn't respect his body then we don't have to settle for him. and guys you don't have to settle for girls who don't either. but I mean so what if she has had sex a few times if she was safe about it, has no std's etc. then why should it matter? sex is a personal decision and if you are safe about it and selective I don't get why guys act like you "slutty" especially when they have slept with more girls than you have guys. one day all us virgins aren't gonna be anymore and we just wanna know that we are gonna be accepted and respected for making a personal adult decision. I mean its not like men need sex more than girls we all need pleasure here and again and I'm pretty sure a study actually showed girls crave it much more. so GIRLS all I ask of you is not to call other girls names like "slut, whore etc." and respect each other as much as you can. and GUYS you need to realize women are equal when it comes to sex and needs before you call a girl something or make her feel bad think about it, thanks
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  • no men and women are fundamentally different when it comes to sex. it has nothing to do with society.

    look at every culture around the world- short of a few off tribes, the gender norms are the same. its how we evolved to be.

  • it matters depending on the individual doesn't it. I was 20 but I'm quite embarrassed to admit that because it's as if other people are likely to say "but whyyyy that long?" then a million other questions would come up such as "are you religious? (no) were you shy? (sort of) ..."

  • You can tell your 16 lol.. like its a cute post and you had good points but it is what it is, and that society so you have to kind of.. get over it and deal with it. I still call girls sluts and whores... because if you are then you deserve to be called that

  • Because you'll remember it for the rest of your life. You'll especially remember who it was with.

    • i also agree with you on that, but I think she's mostly talking about the prejudices of one's virginity, but yeah that's a very good reason that's important, u'll always remember your first.

    • Ahah yeah. I only answered the header question. I didn't read the whole essay.

  • I agree, it shouldn't matter whether a person is a virgin or not. the guys you are talking about are users and abusers and there's no excuse for that type of behavior.

    I am glad to hear your friend is doing OK.

    I think it should just come down to if the guy likes you, he likes you for who you are not if you are a virgin or not.

  • You're absolutely right!

  • actually you will not be as horny statistically as a boy your age till your mid thirties. I would just rather marry and have kids with a virgin a women that gets around is not to be trusted she knows its her baby the man just hopes its his and well I would just like life to be as simple as possible

    • well have you had sex? and when I say a sexually active girl I don't mean a girl who "gets around" I just mean a girl who has had sex within relationships

    • yes I have but as I said before men your age are much hornier then girls your age so a women is more capable of making a wiser choice, also I have not had sex in many years by choice and if a women did the same and never given a blow job I could over look it however people don't seem to be willing to abstain for longer then a few months and I would like a female to abstain for 5 years. if she could do that I wouldn't mind that she had sex

    • it would also just be nice knowing that I am the only man that has slept with the mother of my children especially if am financially supporting her while she raises the kids and is pregnant

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  • I think virginity matters to everyone, but in different ways. For boys, it's the social factor - it's considered taboo to be a virgin, even below 16-18 - and trust me, I know this.. I HATED when my guy friends talked about sex.. I lost my virginity as 20 year old.

    As for girls, it seems to be more personal.. But I have no idea, I'm a guy :)

  • Forget those type of people. Don't waste your time trying to figure it out. My only advice is you should keep your virginity until you find someone you really love who deserves it. And make sure you're not another notch on his belt. I don't know if you agree or not but that's my advice to anyone in your situation.

  • I am the same way. I am a virgin and ONLY want a virgin. It is only fair and mutual that way. Some girl can be perfect in many other ways, but if she is not a virgin, a "piece of the puzzle" is missing and she is incomplete.

  • I really cnt be bothered to read it all.

    I think it matters more to guys than girls.

    It's because of society so were kinda forced to lose it quick.

    I think minimum age a girl shud lose it is18

    • Why should there be a minimum age?

  • It matters. nothing else needs to be said beyond that point.

    • The user that rated me down can go suck somethin =]

  • Everyone wants to buy a brand new car and use it 1st hand, nobody wants a 2nd hand car...
    If it's a 2nd hand BMW or a brand new Suzuki, of course the BMW...
    Brand new BMW or 2nd hand, brand new all day.(and the brand new will cost more...).

    Don't get me wrong I'm not referring to women as objects, I'm just dropping an example out, so people can understand why people give virginity such attention.
    You shouldn't marry someone sorely based on virginity (that would be beyond pathetic), but it is a very valuable quality to a long lasting marriage. (What's the % of divorce in the western society compared to the eastern?).
    Men who tell you they don't care are mostly liars who wants to sleep with you and after some time leave you.
    If you've lost it then it's not a massive deal, but if you still have it, my advice is keep it.

    Don't confuse someone wanting to make you a girlfriend (or any other form of short time partner), to someone who actually wants to put a ring on it.

    The one who wants you for short time won't care, but the one who wants you for the rest of his life will at some extent.

  • Too long - didn't read.

    • Bitches talk too much

    • lol A'men to that

    • nice language. that says a lot about you

  • For most people it just doesn't matter that much. It's a bigger deal in high school because most people are only starting to have sex. By the time you get to college, the majority have had or are having sex, and by the time you graduate college it really isn't that big a deal. For one thing, by then you've done a WHOLE lot more with your life so it tends to be define by things other than what you have or haven't done with your genitals.

    Regarding your friend who tried to kill herself, that's pretty extreme. I'd be hesitant to say "virginity" had anything to do with it. If it weren't that she'd have found something else. She was in a bad place and needed to get help. It happens, but there's usually something much bigger going on than whatever it is that we point to after the fact.

    Don't worry about it. Have sex whenever you're ready to do it.

  • it doesn't matter at all to me, but people who are more conservative about sex believe in virginity as "purity." I just see someone who hasn't had sex for whatever reason. its no big deal to me.

  • This is just a note on the respect thing. You are under 18 right now and there tends to be a lot of pressure in high school for girls to have sex at that time so if you can withstand the pressure and really just do what you want it is respectable. I promise you that if you remain a virgin until 30 you will not get the respect comment nearly as often if at all. you are probably mostly hearing this stuff from guys that are only a few years different than you that are only recently exposed to sex and you will see their attitudes change with age.

    When I was in high school it seemed like a big deal if a girl was a virgin and you had sex with her but at 30 I wouldn't be surprised if my friend never told me if a girl he was dating or had sex with was a virgin.

  • ur 16 stop talking about this WHORE.

    • ooookay, stop over reacting

    • she's talking about her future, learn to read ILLITERATE

    • get a life

  • Because I value it and want sex to be something special. What does virginity really mean to a person who has sex with multiple people and how can sex be seen as special if you have it with more than one person. I'm a virgin but I only want to marry a virgin girl, I am saving it for the same reason I expect her to be saving it.

    But the part you mentioned about girls thinking its sweet when guys are virgins is untrue, many girls want a guy with experience even if they, themselves are virgins because they have this belief that he will know exactly what he is doing in such a 'complicated' task.

  • well, I would love reading the whole thing, but due to my laziness I won't!

    but it's actually a topic that really interests and concerns me.

    especially since I live in conservative country where virginity is a Must for a girl to get married!

    girls here are not allowed to lose it before they get married!

    so I'm abstinent, but I do masturbate though, and I might have lost my hymen which is considered the sign of virginity so technically, I am not a virgin anymore!

    Which is a big problem, I hope no one finds out about it! and I am afraid of confronting the guy I will marry someday about that!

    • look if a guy truley likes you it won't bother him, I mean you lost it to yourself... which physically I guess means your not a virgin but technically you are. there are actually girls who are born without them. so no need to tell him its not like you have actually had sex. just wondering do the guys have to stay abstinent too? if worst comes to worst you could always move when you get older. see different cultures and cities.

    • no guys are allowed to do whatever they want.. which pisses me off ! are you serious about the "girls born without it" thing? if so, that's great! thanks a lot!

    • yeah its true, it happens more than youd think. and there are non sex related ways to it happening too, even horse back riding. and if guys are allowed to have sex and you aren't then that's like restricting womens rights. id think about moving to somewhere more acceptable of girls. do you live in america? cause if not it might be easier said then done.

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