Am I a lesbian, need sex therapy, or do I just need more time?

[Anonymous]

I’m in my first relationship with a man. We got a little rowdy one night. He is a virgin and has never been in a relationship before, so he was super excited to engage in sex.

I wasn’t super excited, but I wasn’t disgusted feeling his bulge against me. But being our first times in a fairly new relationship, I didn’t want it “out” just yet. So I told him he could grind against me. He begged me to let him take it out, but I repeatedly told him no and that I wasn’t ready. While he was grinding against me, he took his penis out anyway and asked me to touch it.

I was disgusted by the sight of it and the smell made me want to gag. He is uncircumcised, but I know for a fact he cleans himself well. I tried to give him a handjob but the smell was too overwhelming and I did not like touching it at all. I felt like crying and throwing up the entire time, grinning and bearing through it. I cried at home after the experience.

I communicated to him about how I felt and he took it well. So after awhile, I felt ready to try again. The smell was better this time, but still not pleasant. Still disgusted by everything and still felt like crying and vomiting. This time he came and I was disgusted by the semen.

I’ve been able to get aroused from kissing and touching a woman. Although I’ve never touched another vagina. With my boyfriend, I feel nothing when he kisses me or when he touches me. It felt better before the whole sex ordeal with him but now I just grin and bear through everything.

I’m not sure if this is a result of not being ready yet, or simply being a lesbian. I masturbate a lot, and can get aroused by the thought of giving a blowjob and being penetrated. But women are never in my fantasies.

My boyfriend is very sweet and promised me all the time. Personality wise, he is everything I could want. But I’m not sure if I could ever be comfortable having sex with him. Should I go to sex therapy? Or do I need someone different? Am I just not attracted to men?

[ohsheeT]

I don't think you need Sex Therapy I think you just need to make better choices but everything that you described wouldn't make me sick to my stomach LOL there's no way that I could even stick around there and fight my way through that once I'm turned off I am turned off and I'm going to get up and I'm going to leave LOL now what I think would have been very hot is it the guy would have been clean first of all and you made a deal to where you trust each other first of all and anything could be done except for penetration if you would have been making out if you would have rolled you over on top of him and if he would have grabbed a hold of your hips and slowly pulled you forward slowly slid you back slowly pulled you forward slid you back pulled your hair so you had to lean forward as he guided your hips forward and back your clit would be dragging right on top of his cock you would feel the wetness this slippiness until his cock was buried in your p**** and your p**** straddled each side of his cock if you did all this and slow slow motion as he tease your lips your neck your nipples I think you would have had a time that you would have never forgotten but I don't think you need therapy look life is a total experience I believe that we have to experience as much as we possibly can the more we experience it the more we understand it the more we become it the better we get at it they say you can't take it with you I say b******* I say everything that you've done in your life whether it's good or bad everything that you have experience and emotion or that feeling it's going to stay with you it's energy and energy Never Dies you take it with you so experience what you want experience what you need to make you feel a certain way to experience that feeling even is beautiful when two energies can become one it is the most beautiful intense feeling you will ever feel in your life I'm sorry you had to go through that because just reading it made my stomach turn lol but yeah I open the future if you want to experience the same thing this is good for you because there is something very beautiful about everything I just said I even want to experience that again and again and again LOL

[Chill_Thoughts]

Your boyfriend kinda ruined himself for you. I doubt you'll ever feel aroused by him after that. Hygiene is super important for sex. You can't just shower in the morning and have sex at night and hope your crotch is still clean. You wash it thoroughly as shortly as possible before sex. On top of that your first times are important and your boyfriend let his selfishness get the better of you. He didn't respect you and he most definitely didn't try to please you. If you had a man that put you and your needs first, it would probably have gone better.
If everything else in the relationship is great then maybe give it a chance to work itself out in the future. Your boyfriend seems to have respected you since, so he probably go over excited the first time. But he is definitely the cause of your lack of arousal, not being lesbian or lacking drive

[Chill_Thoughts]

"... get the better of him*, ruining it for you..."

[boredgal]

they say you'll never know what you want unless you give each a try. I once dated a lesbian way back in high school, I was confused about my feelings because she was very pretty, she treated me very well and she pursued me for months and I eventually said yes, but all through out our 2 months relationship I realize I'm not sexually attracted to her or to women. Sure I loved her company but it didn't feel right for me. so that's when I knew what my preference is.

[laurieluvsit]

Tell him you would like to explore a relationship with another girl to make sure you are going to be making the right decisions in life moving forward.

Than after that you will know.

Good luck :)

[Bee-Hatch]

You're a lesbian who dates men? You're not going to earn your gold star that way

[RobT312]

Sounds like you just had a bad experience with him, that’s it.
seems like you need to talk to him and get him to pleasure you more, or go experience another guy. At the end of the day if you’re just not sexually compatible with him, then move on

[Gent207]

There is no delicate way to ask this so I'm going to ask it straight out, prior to your boyfriend were you ever sexually assaulted?

I ask because your account has similarities with survivors of sexual assault. In the case of sexual abuse in childhood the individuals mind suppressed the memory but were very sensitive to 'sex-related' smells. Hence my inquiry.

[Britchie]

You probably don't subconsciously see him as sexworthy. There is something about him you think isn't good enough.

[normalice]

have him lie on his back and then you lie on your back on top of him. Then 'masturbate' with his cock. Tell him to hold still. You can watch lesbian porn while you 'masturbate' if you want - whatever you normally do is fine.

Men also generally find the smell of their own cum extremely disgusting, so I wouldn't fret about it too much.

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t think you’re a lesbian if you don’t fantasize about girls. I think you’re just not ready. Maybe stick to grinding for a while.

[FunkyMonkee]

Did you suffer from some terrible psychological event to become a lesbian?

[VikingWarLord]

If his cock smelled then he is NOT washing himself.

I'm uncut too, and fuucked over 500 plus females, never once did they say it smelled, nor complained about it. Tell him to wash his diick

[kellytheman]

Well I don't think you are a lesbian maybe possibly bisexual but unlikely. You just need more time and there are ways to make his manhood smell better like fragrances he can spray or just take a shower right before you give a handjob or blowjob. Usually when a guy kiss's or touch a girl it might be a little rough or rugged while girls they use light touches and soft kisses that girls like. It probably be a lot better when you do it regularly and you get use to it but you just need a little more time till you actually feel ready. If you are really worried than maybe sex therapy could be a option or sadly you and him might not be sexually compatible.

[RuthlessAggression]

you're born gay, just like you're born straight

[Luckycharms12]

Don't think anyone likes that idea

[Gangactivities911]

U need to sit down with ur boyfriend and have a talk that he made u uncomfortable or u need. New boyfriend period. I don’t think u need therapy u just need a guy who is patient and will wait

[JohnK123]

That doesn’t mean ur a lesbian

[Deku2009]

If your sexually attracted to women then men then yes your a lesbian

[B4852]

It's not that you are a lesbian or need therapy. Your boyfriend was just not being respectful and triggered a negative experience to the point that you we hyper sensitive to the smells, touching and sight. And because he gave you such a bad experience you may continue having trouble with him.

But don't mean you're a lesbian or need therapy. May mean you need a more respectful boyfriend.

[Jouth]

honestly, you might be bi, or he just might be the wrong guy.

Keep an open mind and keep your chin up

[jimmy2]

Just be patient it will be good soon

[Anonymous]

I think you're bi, but this guy isn't for you, and/or you're just not ready yet. I think you should be single for now. Also, never let a guy grind on you, even if you "aren't hating it" lol. Because it'll only turn him on more and he'll only want more (it's just a tease and makes him want more naturally). So unless you're open to that, don't even let it happen because this is a guarantee! He will get even more turned on.

[Anonymous]

are you done with the fake bull

[Anonymous]

You don't need therapy. You just need more time.