Am I wrong? Is this asking too much? Am I just weird or something?

[t-8900]

I'm a guy who wants to actually wait a bit before jumping in bed. I'd like to have a strong emotional connection and I can develop that slow or fast depending on your personal views. Usually I need between 5-7 weeks of talking regularly and having dates before I feel like I've got a bond with a person. Then I kind of fall hard for them. Yeah probably sounds kinda lame and corny, I don't know. But for me that's just how I work. Weather past childhood trauma played a role in that or something else I couldn't really tell you. I ask that both parties just not engage in sexual activity with other people in that time frame and see what happens.

I buy the dinners, I do all the nice stuff. I just ask for a bit of patience and restraint at the beginning. I'm not against anyone watching porn or using toys if they need it or if they want to sext or RP something on the phone. But physical contact I just would like to be hugs, kisses, hand holding, and cuddling. Is this asking too much in 2021? I hate the stigma that all men are mindless animals just dtf the first thing that moves. No, I was raised differently than that. I still seek a Lady, not a woman, not a girl, a lady. With class, patience, and understanding.

I don't care what her income or level of education is, or how much she paid for her makeup kit or dress. I simply ask for a little discipline. Sometimes I feel like that's a pipe dream just based on my dating experiences. I am not looking down on people who choose a different lifestyle but its simply not the lifestyle for me. Everyone is different right? Surely there is a girl out there for me? Sometimes I feel like people look down on or think less of me for it. Is this just an unrealistic way of approaching this situation? Should I be doing something differently?

[JustAnj]

My husband wanted to wait we were teens and I feel bad for pushing him to do otherwise. The reason I did was because I felt like he didn't want me or something was wrong with me. We were sexual towards each other just hadn't had sex or taken off clothes, also he told me he would have had sex with his last girl but with me he wanted to wait. I didn't have the best example since porn was both of our experience and knowledge of sex. So I thought all guys wanted to but he just didn't want me.

It was still special being it was both our firsts but he still wishes it was more special and not so pushed. Overall we are married now and still just our onlys.

You should wait for the right girl and do you no matter what that is.

[t-8900]

In so happy to hear you two love birds took the plunge and made it. I'm a hopeless romantic myself. The whole star crossed lovers and jazz like that lol. I was raised by Italian men to be romantic I suppose. Men from the Greatest Generation. And let me tell you they really were! The sheer discipline on those men I'll tell ya! I wish and hope more women speak up on this issue. It seems when guys do they just get made fun of and destroyed. I figured women have gotten the sexual revolution down and we have all this LGBT talk, but hetero men waiting for love? Nooooooo they're just weak, pathetic, can't get a lay if they tried (way untrue).

[JustAnj]

@t-8900 Very true and who cares about impressing men or what they think. Your value is with the girl you choose to spend the rest of your life with not just any girl who is willing to be your present girlfriend. I love romance and a lot of girls still waiting too for the right guy. ❤️ Any girl would be lucky to have you, I know cause my guy is a cheesy romantic wouldn't want him any other way, he loves me like no other. 🥰

[t-8900]

@justanj once you become one, when you life for that other person, you breath for them, you feel that burning, yearning, in your chest and that strange feeling in your stomach... you almost sometimes struggle to catch your breath. Yeah I've felt that before for a woman and I've shared special moments, very romantic, very emotional. But damn I'm still waiting for THE ONE that I can lay next to around a campfire and look up at the clear, beautiful, night sky with all the pretty stars and talk about anything, everything, and just go deep into it without ever having to worry about judgements.

[Sam2021]

i dont think you are doing anything wrong, i actually think you haven't met the right person for you yet. i sure would appreciate a man doing all these things you do. so keep being you dont change for nobody.

[SecretsofKB]

Don't do anything different. There is absolutely a girl out there for you who is willing wait and take it slow. There is nothing wrong with that at all.

Don't get discouraged. You know what you want. Don't lower the bar because some people can't handle it.

[t-8900]

I was lowering my bar... and I felt my soul withering away and my heart dying. I can never and will never do that again. There is not time for regrets, only time to make amends and correct myself for someone who will find me special.

[SecretsofKB]

Exactly. Wait for someone who finds you special for the real you. That just makes life and the relationship easier for everyone.

[AmandaYVR]

Don't change a thing. You're doing the right thing.

[t-8900]

all this stuff. the way i'm being made to feel by some makes me feel worthless. like there is something wrong with me

[AmandaYVR]

No.
Girls: Dating 101: True Love Waits ↗

[t-8900]

Reading it all now. Got down from intro to #2 so far. It's amazing thus far. Got to see the one defending guys getting $h*t on for waiting too 😅

[AmandaYVR]

Thanks

[sunshineglow]

😂 Your European heritage is SO obvious here.
Well come to Europe and your approach will be completely normal and expected pretty much in majority of Europe, at least in the more conservative countries.

If you need first strong emotional connection, that is called being demisexual and is completely normal. I find it more humane.

[t-8900]

Great 👍 why haven't we gone out to dinner yet? 🤣

[CrazyGirl2]

No, I think it’s sweet that you are like that.

[whirled_up_girl]

I think wanting an emotinal connection is great, that's how I am too, I don't think it's weird at all.

[RobT312]

Dude, that’s great! Like u said, everyone is different and plenty of women out there like that. My partner and I needed the mental connection first before the physical, we just mutually reached that point much sooner

[Assi2k]

I just block whoever that tries to pressure me. Nobody has time for someone who doesn’t respect bodily autonomy.
It’s just suchh a turn off when a guy EXPECTS to have such an access to my body. It’s almost funny.

[t-8900]

Its sad when anyone is seen as nothing more than an object. Its like a rejection of our humanity </3

[Assi2k]

I’m sooo happy they reject me. I reject them at that point as well. I don’t wanna go through the drama of explaining basic respect to adults which should already know when there’s plenty of others that already understand the concept. And trust me hon, the problem isn’t because they don’t understand the concept.

[t-8900]

I understand. But the fact they dont practice is when you say YOU aren't READY? That's a low tier pig, period. End of story. And yeah you are doing right by yourself. Respect to a stronger woman like yourself!

[Alyssa11]

No you’re not wrong at all. One thing I learned as I got older is that my trauma is really not that special and I’m sure yours isn’t either. EVERYONE has trauma and that person you think is so perfect will act out and shock you when they’re triggered. Embrace who you are and don’t feel pressured to do anything if you don’t want to do it. The person who wants to be with you will make everything work.

[t-8900]

i appreciate your kind words. But trust me our traumas are very umm... very different in nature I think tbh. You kind of confirmed that one by being a virgin. I'll leave it at that. But ty for the words.

[Alyssa11]

You’re welcome! And believe me I have my own trauma too. Nothing is as it seems.

[wittymilf]

This was probably an inspirational short story but I do t have time to read it. I red a book called Who Moved my cheese once, it was helpful

[t-8900]

Eeewww why did you go to a generic a avatar? Was it a creeper? And thanks I will look into it

[bsann2015]

Sometimes a person gets hurt in a relationship and due to the scarring they will hold off on becoming sexual until they know that they're not going to be ditched , dumped or abandoned.

I myself sometimes want to wait until I'm sure I'm not going to be just used an abandoned

[anon1903]

It's unheard of if a guy does this. However, it's the right thing to do.

[t-8900]

am i weird for it?

[anon1903]

Not really

[FinalFantasyBro]

Nah sounds normal there are plenty of people who just isn't sex craze, trust me remember to always find a girl who would put your consideration in to heart.

[t-8900]

i can be a horndog. but i can take care of that issue alone, y'know what i mean. The real deal to me should be emotional, spiritual, and amazing! it should compliment our love but not define it.

[FinalFantasyBro]

Sounds like your normal romantic person in you ask me.

[IronsKev]

No in fact I think it makes for a better relationship

[msc545]

Some women just want sex right now. I can understand that.

[Anonymous]

Please dont change who you are! You sound a lot like me honestly! I made guys wait 3 - 6 months they didn't know how long they were waiting.. I just said im not ready.. honestly if I am ever in another relationship (I am currently in one and things are challenging) I am going to wait until marriage. I dont have any toys, I dont watch porn and I expect my man to not watch it!

I dont even like to watch movies together constantly.. I enjoy walking my dogs together, cooking, camping, fishing, canoeing, playing video games, bonfires, cleaning

Im like an old lady already haha I really enjoy my alone time and reading not have someone assume im mad at them.

I really hate when people are glued to their phone so people that expect me to get back to them ASAP it won't work. I might be a crazy animal lady one day forget about human love.

Your a breath of fresh air! Dont change! Your lady will appreciate you just the way you are when you guys cross paths!

[Opinion Owner]

Also anyone that treats you aweful cause you won't right off.. then thank God that their true colors showed quickly and its their loss! The best is yet to come!

[t-8900]

Wow you're the kind of girl my soul yearns for. I don't want air too much out here but... recently some bad things happened to me and I certainly started to ask "am I just worthless?" Because of how quickly I am either abandoned or cheated on just for simply wanting to wait

[Opinion Owner]

Well your only worth as much as you think you are! So pull your head out of the gutter and be thankful that they showed they aren't worth being kept! I've been cheated on as well and dont fall into the sinking sand that cause they can't control theirselves means your worthless! It speaks all about their character not yours! Most people are honestly shitty its hard to find good people! Im FAR from perfect.. I have had health issues for years and things are finally getting better im so thankful! I wish you nothing but the best in life and love! Maybe get a dog im serious my dog is 11 years old now and he's the main reason I stayed alive through all the troubling times!

[t-8900]

yep had a dog but she passed away 2 years ago. She was awesome though! Died very young from lymphoma (5 going on 6). That was the most devastating loss I ever experienced I think. But yeah my mind is focused on getting my life in order. We have a similar background in some respects. I was very sick too but I'm getting better and getting my life back in order again.

[Opinion Owner]

I am sorry for your loss! May I ask what kind of dog? I am glad your on the mend! May I ask what you struggled with?

[t-8900]

Yeah I can talk about it via message. i'll show pics of her too

[Opinion Owner]

Sure

[Anonymous]

No man wants to wait. Get out of your mamas mindset.

[t-8900]

goddamn it I meant to make sure no idiotic anon posts smfh

[Opinion Owner]

Only a woman would want to wait. For an emotional connection? Oh man

[t-8900]

Or people with some class and discipline...

[Opinion Owner]

guarantee you the btch won't wait for an emotional connection

[t-8900]

depends on the girl. Not every woman is a derogatory word my dude. My lived experience has taught me that.