Boyfriend wants a threesome even though I’m against it?

Question

For some background, he’s way more experienced than I am. He’s my second partner and treats me way better than my ex. Everything is fine and I’m still learning my sexual boundaries. He’s respected every boundary I’ve set up. We want to spice up our sex life. My only hard boundaries are anal and threesomes. I do want to work my way to anal but I’m still scared. He said whatever I want to do, the ball is in my field. I do want to please him. I know he wants a threesome but won’t ever do it because I don’t want one. I ask him why he wants a threesome and he said he wants me to feel an ungodly amount of pleasure. My ex was terrible at sex. I didn’t feel anything and he didn’t respect my boundaries. My boyfriend said he wants to do ffm, mmf, then with another couple then later fuck me at home so I can go crazy with pleasure. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so fascinated with wanting to pleasure me. I’ve told him that if we did do threesome I don’t want another woman and he’d have to do that on his own. However, he says he’s content with all the things we’re doing now and have yet to do (which is a lot. Currently moving so sex life is on hold). I want him to experience his desires, even though I’m uncomfortable. He doesn’t want me to be uncomfortable and actually agree with it. I feel bad I’m limiting him and not sure how to work around this. Again, he said he’s fine without the threesomes, it’s not necessary for him. I’m not all experienced in sex unlike he is and open to a lot of things outside the threesome and anal rn. I just want him to feel good too.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

You are allowed to have boundaries and limits, and honestly, most people can't handle threesomes if they're in a relationship, so I would set that as a hard limit and stop worrying about it. You seem to be plenty fun and enthusiastic otherwise, so he's really not going to miss it, and neither will you. Honestly, do this and you're going to be much happier.

in my opinion, people need to be VERY emotionally mature to handle a threesome inside of a relationship, AND in my opinion a threesome only works when the two same-sex people want to have sex with each other - meaning, if you don't like girls, an MFF would never work for you.

Again, establish the boundary and stand behind it. He'll be fine.

NamerOfStars · Accepted Answer

If it's a hard line for you, that's okay- really!- and he seems to be respecting that, which is outright good. As Tom suggested above (or possibly below; I don't know how it prioritizes displayed answers), if it grates on you that you're not holding back, you could try and find a way to satisfy his desires without crossing that line- working together to find a compromise that leaves everybody happy is key to pretty much every aspects of a relationship, and sex is no exception.

RobT312 · Answer

It’s only fun if u both want it. Do it when u are ready, and if it’s never, that’s ok too

AviatorTom · Answer

If you don't want to do a threesome, then don't... and he seems to be respecting that.

Since you want to please him, maybe there's a compromise. You could watch porn together of a threesome, and take care of him while he's watching it.

Dargil · Answer

My recommendation? Your relationship is already bankrupt. Best advice?

exitseven · Answer

if you don;t want to do it than you should not agree to it.

Marked_Man · Answer

Sounds like he's a narcissistic disrespectful douche who's trying to break down your boundaries. He knows and doesn't care that you're inexperienced and don't want to do certain things. He's only concerned about what he wants. You should get rid of this guy, but you won't until he's used and abused you. A caring boyfriend would unquestionably respect your desires and dislikes and not challenge your boundaries. He's looking to get himself off and use your inexperience to his advantage.

Iron_Man · Answer

Don’t ever do that never

AydenHazor · Answer

Sounds like he's perfectly happy with you right now, and that's a good thing. Don't try to force yourself to do something your unfortunately with to make him happy, because you already do make him happy

gorydetails · Answer

Why would you disrespect yourself by allowing him to do things you don’t feel comfortable with?

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Get rid of this cuck loser.

Shamalien · Answer

Threesome is a recipe for disaster

Mangospacho · Answer

Boyfriend wants your permission to cheat and is negotiating terms. Find another boyfriend.

Twalli · Answer

A lot of guys have threesome fantasies, but most of us don't feel the need to act on them. So I think it's a fantasy to him, but he really doesn't feel like he needs to have one. If that's your hard limit that's fine. He's accepting it, I don't think he'll feel bad if it never happens if he's truly happy with you.