Do all guys change after sex?

[Anonymous]

I am a little confused because before this guy and I had sex it felt like we were in a relationship. He would take me out on dates, hold my hand and it just felt so real and we would have nice deep conversations and stuff. When we had sex the first time it was awesome and very romantic and again we talked for hours afterwards. Now after doing this a couple of times it doesn't feel the same anymore. The sex is not romantic and we don't really talk much.. he doesn't treat me like a date anymore it just feels like all we do is have sex.

Is this normally how guys behave?

[MrOracle]

You need to realize that, in general, a girl's priority with a guy is to have a relationship, and then do "relationship things", while a guy's priority with a girl is to have sex, and then have more sex. That doesn't mean that girls don't like sex, or that guys don't like relationships - it just means that each sex's TOP priority is DIFFERENT from the other sex.

So, how do you deal with that? With COMMUNICATION and COMPROMISE. You discuss your honest, short- and long-term goals in detail and figure out if you even have long-term compatibility, and if you do, then you set expectations for each other - which usually means you each have to make some compromises, so that, while you don't get EVERYTHING you want, you get your needs met and can live with the bargain. If you can't reach a compromise you can live with, then you aren't compatible, and you break up and you make a greater effort to find a compatible mate the next time around.

The problem today is that almost no one considers compatibility when jumping into a relationship - today, the decision to get into a relationship is mostly based on mutual attraction ("Are we both attracted to each other? Then let's date!") - but mutual attraction, while important, is only part of what makes a romantic relationship possible in the long term. The other keys are Communication and Compatibility - and it's best to set those standards and ask those questions VERY EARLY in the process - before you get too attached, because if you learn that your compatibility isn't very high, or that you can't communicate openly and honestly with each other, then you'll have to break up anyway.

[Asker]

Thank you very true

[izzystreaks]

Wow dude this is like perfect answer. This is helpful to many people guys and girls!

[MissSkirt]

Wow! Perfect answer indeed!

[truthbeknown]

MHO right here!

[CurrentGeneration]

@MrOracle mate, you are like Einstein, everywhere I pop in, you spread a lot of wisdom. Well achieved Thumb Up this is ;)

[kitty71]

Good take very true. So how can make that work between a guy and a girl? And does that change according to age? I mean I knwo the more age you ahve the more difficutl is really to find someoen compatible. What if a guy give a lady all the signs he like her and the lady just play along, but the girls view on getting to know the guy were totally different tan the guy views or getting to know a lady, even if he gave her signs he liked her? The guy believe the lady wanted a relationship while he was not into a relationship and only to be Friends so he told her he was not itnerested in a relationship, but the lady never intented to h ave a relationship with a guy so son becauase they were just starting in the stage of getting to know each other and see what will happen in the future, but the guy did not even give the lady a chance to get to know him and see if things work or not cause he in just after one date months later he told her he was not into a relationship.

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

BOOM!!! Very, very good answer. Proponents of hookup culture might lambaste you. This is also why dating profiles that cater to interest compatibilty, dating within social groups, or through friends of a friend tend to yield better results for LTR as opposed to rolling the dice with complete strangers on the street or on the internet or through speed dating or whatever. It's about being honest with what you genuinely like. And if people don't like you for who you are, all well. It's why catcallers reek of desperation, no interest in a successful relationship really, or at least they don't know how or care to facilitate one. Actually, this explains a LOT of animosity between sexes, even on this site.

[CurrentGeneration]

@kitty71 " I mean I knwo the more age you ahve the more difficutl is really to find someoen compatible. " That's a strange statement. You can find find someone who have more BAGGAGE but you always will find someone who more or less will be somehow compatible with you.

[CurrentGeneration]

@kitty71 Damn lady, I can't read half of the stuff you have said plus there's so many typos, what the hell... just sayin'...

[CurrentGeneration]

@mostwomenshouldstfu So what you are trying to say is that dating a friend of a friend in a Distance Relationship is safer than with someone who you would meet on a street, class or on internet? I think I start smelling a big BS here, yeah sure, you can portray yourself as anyone on the internet but not in real life, just sayin'. "It's why catcallers reek of desperation, no interest in a successful relationship really, or at least they don't know how or care to facilitate one." You can say the same about a hook-up culture, they don't just don't care and want to bang each other WITHOUT putting ANY EFFORT IN. "Actually, this explains a LOT of animosity between sexes, even on this site." You mean those stupid wars Women vs Men?

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

@CurrentGeneration No you retard. You need to reread my post. Here's a summary: you need to get to know someone before engaging in a LTR. They usually means you can't jump into bed right away. And yes, catcallers are f***ing stupid. They look pathetic.

[kitty71]

@CurrentGeneration so far noone had been compatible as i been dateless boyfriendless for my entire life. The one i thought i could work with for the first time in my life 2 years ago and i was a little happy , it did not turn out the way i thought. Even if the guy gave me all the signs he was interested in me and liked me so i just follow his signs but then my signs who first i wanted to be friendly he thought it was coming strong on him and he did not like it

[MrOracle]

@kitty71 "So how can make that work between a guy and a girl?" As I said: COMMUNICATION and COMPROMISE. You need to be realistic about what you NEED (vs. what you want/would be nice to have) and then make sure your partner is likewise realistic about his needs, as well as about meeting your needs. That means you have to be honest with yourself too (something that's hard for a lot of people to do). If this doesn't come naturally to you, then it takes some work, but it's the only way to make it in the long run. "And does that change according to age?" Age changes priorities, but it doesn't change the process. You're still going to be two different people who have different wants, needs, and perspectives - but hopefully there is enough overlap that you can work out a relationship that is a net positive for both of you. But that doesn't "just happen" - you have to work at it constantly, and from the start.

[CurrentGeneration]

@mostwomenshouldstfu "No you retard. You need to reread my post." Stop until you hurt yourself even more 😂 😂

[CurrentGeneration]

@kitty71 So you are saying you are Virgin and Incel? If you haven't found anyone by your age it means that either you don't put enough effort or you don't bother anymore because how could you be boyfriendless your entire life? Even guys who have been single for pretty much entire life had a girlfriend or two in their lives if they put some effort into it. Just sayin'. Have you tried Online Dating? I would consider giving it a shot since you don't have children I presume which usually equals to less baggage.

[kitty71]

@CurrentGeneration I haven't put much effort in what sense?

[CurrentGeneration]

@kitty71 Is that's the best you can say? :/

[kitty71]

@CurrentGeneration effort like in the sex issue? hahaha

[CurrentGeneration]

@kitty71 In general when it comes down to dating and pursuing someone or getting to know them. In general. P. S I swear some women on this website have a reading syndrome where they read and after few seconds later still didn't know what they have read and ask dumb questions...

[kitty71]

@CurrentGeneration wow

[Asker]

Great response thank you.

[mostwomenshouldstfu]

You're on fire, dude. Work smart.

[CurrentGeneration]

Damn, yes, people change after they had sex with some in the meaning of that they become more attached and more feely around with you in public etc however the rest should stay the same.

Tho, what this guy did was to made some advances towards you like dating, showing that he cares about you etc then at the end when he got what he wanted which was SEX, decided to ignore a relationship and possibly forcefully form sexual relationship with you.

This is how it does look like to me anyway. Just move on and find a better guy next time.

[Asker]

It wasn't forceful I enjoyed it just as much as he did. Thanks :)

[wingattebaby16]

yes, this is normal behavior for 99% of the guys out there.

They romance and date you to weaken your defenses so you will have sex with them. Once they get sex AND you get used to it, they no longer have to work hard (romance and dating and funny things) to get sex. To them, once they have sex with you a couple times, they are home free. Most guys I have dated expect that when you get together, you either give them a blow job and/or have sex before you go out. Then during the date or at the end, they expect to have sex again.

Guys think women think like they do. "Guys give the Emotional to get the Physical. Girls give the Physical to get the Emotional".

Sadly, girls seldom get the Emotional once the guy has gotten sex.

You have to tell your guy you NEED the Emotional stuff. If he doesn't want it, then he is only a sex toy using you to get his rocks off. Dump him if he won't change.

There are a lot of good men out there waiting to find a woman they can pamper.

**It is why I decided a long time ago to only date older men (30+) coz they give the Emotional.

I am with a guy my age only to keep away the loneliness and depression. Having a warm body to keep me company goes a long way. My current boyfriend is 23 yo, he takes me out to movies, dancing, dinner, and the beach with his friends. He gave me the Emotional (sorta) and got the Physical. Most the time now, Sex is on his mind 100% of the day. He even texts me pictures of his boner to show me how horny he is and misses me.

Not what I would call Romantic, but I have someone to be with.

[SippingonBRANDI]

You need to learn how to let a guy chase you. Don't give up sex right away so that the guy can get to know you. It's all about mystery. When he doesn't know what you have, he's all the more curious to keep you around. So in that time, he's getting to know you and actually falling in love with you. So when it comes time for you two to actually have sex, he's enjoying himself and wants you just the same after.

[Asker]

I waited like 3 weeks how long am I supposed to wait? Were both adults but you're right.

[SippingonBRANDI]

I waited 3 months

[AleDeEurope]

lmfao

[SippingonBRANDI]

That was also with a guy who I have been best friends with for 7 years and we just got a place together. YOu need to wait. It's worth it.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

I never had sex with my ex, we were together for 3 months and he dumped me. Imagine how messed it would have been if I decided to have sex with him after waiting 3 months. I would have been pumped and dumped. Its better to have sex when engaged or married

[Halfbloodprincess23]

He could've been putting in all that effort to have sex... now that it has happened he feels like he no longer has to make an effort. Generally, I feel like it's normal to see a bit of decline in their efforts after they score if you were really making them work for it, but there shouldn't be a huge difference in how they act overall

[Kitten967]

Some guys act like that if they don't want anything serious or its just about sex to them. He may also not understand the importance of them to you. Talk to him about it if it's bothering you and maybe ask if he wants more than just sex

[Asker]

Thanks I am new to this whole dating thing I have only ever been with one guy so it's just weird to me.

[tinyclit]

Real relationships take time to develop and mature. For heavens sake, please enjoy the sex!

[Asker]

How is it possible for a relationship to develop when all you're doing is having sex?

[tinyclit]

You could be doing anything together and a relationship would develop. It's the being together part that's important. Sex is a good activity. It's a bonding activity.

[CurrentGeneration]

" Real relationships take time to develop and mature. For heavens sake, please enjoy the sex! " That is what would immature 16-20 something guy said to only get sex, lol.

[CrazynKinky]

Sadly yes if you let it.

[underconstuxion206]

No it's not normal, but I don't think it's not common. He probably doesn't feel like he needs to work for the sex anymore. It sounds like you guys have been in a 20 year marriage, except you actually have sex, but soon even that will fade.

[Asker]

im breaking it off with him thanks

[vishna]

Not all men drastically change after sex. You need to communicate with him how you feel and ask him has anything happened to make him change his feelings for you. And you need to clearly establish what you want and what you expect. :) Best

[jemjem2017]

for me i rather to date first than to have sex. why? because i want to get to know that person first what his intention if its just sex? being friends? or a relationship?

[burlen]

Men look for sex to find love while women look for love to find sex. Similarly, men use love to get sex while women use sex to get love. If we pause for a moment and reflect on those statements, they carry some elements of truth.

[MaisGem21]

Only guys that just want sex.

My boyfriend is my best friend and we were best friends for 4 years before we decided to become more than that.
It takes time to develop an emotional relationship as well as a sexual one.

I could suggest talking to him but I imagine he doesn't respond to your texts like he used to.

[Asker]

No he texts me all the time and we still talk it's just it's so different.

[LittleSally]

So he played you... and is using you only for sex?

[Twin2814]

if it changed that dramatically... then no its not normal. it sound like once he got sex from you... now its all he wants.

yes sex is a great thing but to completley change after you recieve it is just ridiculous.

you are not a sex object... like he started to treat you after you gave him sex the first time.

its ridiculous that someone can change so much after such an intimate act.

[Asker]

Yeah it's super confusing.

[Twin2814]

i mean... if he continues to not talk to you like his normal self... then all of a sudden wants sex. dont give it to him. and maybe ask him whats been happening recently. cause thats to weird

[ObscuredBeyond]

I wound up wanting to be romantic all the more with her. Not just because I wanted sex, but because I wanted to get married. I wanted to move forward with my life, at a time when I felt my life was going nowhere. She was the one who just wanted to mess around.

[Asker]

Sorry to hear, there wil be others :)

[godfatherfan]

relationships evolve. Your question makes me believe your young. So you have the typical young woman's view that the "honeymoon" phase is how relationships are always. eventually, you get comfortable with each other. Things even out and become normal. your not going to be the same as the beginning.
I absolutely hate the beginning parts of relationships. I always wished there was a Fast Forward button to get to the 1 year in or more part.

[coachTanthony]

What @mroracle said!

[SovereignessofVamps]

Not at all. If he likes you, then he likes you. Or if you waited to have sex and then he broke up with you right after, he was probably fucking the other girls the whole time.

[WalterRadio]

There are two types of women to date: Sleepers and keepers.

For those whose only value is to sleep with her, it is all about the chase. How to persuade her to have sex. It is like a game, or sometimes like a power trip. After she gives in, then enjoy it while it lasts, then go on to the next hunt.

And I think you know what the keepers are like, and it isn't like how you described your situation.

[Asker]

Thanks

[Jager66]

he probably doesn't realize how important those things are to you.

[Asker]

I am a girl of course those things are important.

[DrTruth]

Yes. In the old days, this type of arrangement is called a booty call.

[cth96190]

Different men behave in different ways.
You may have found that this young man is not the person for you.
If you had been the target of a 'pump and dump' person he would not be around still. In terms of the prospect of an enduring relationship, that is a good thing.
Perhaps you need to talk with him about your respective expectations.
When I was your age, what I wanted most was that one special girl to love. That did not happen for me.
There are, however, plenty of men whose fondest desire is to have that one special girl and hold her close every night.

[es20490446e]

Very easy: before sex having sex was his highest motivation. But after that he started valuing more other things, and he realised he doesn't really want to be with you.

[NahidSattar]

my answer is going to sound very shallow to you, but i will be fine with the sex and most of it. for more :D !

[amphet11]

Like oracle said, a women's main value in a relationship will always be sex. Not her only value, but her biggest value.