Guys, does having sex too early ruin a woman's opportunity to be with you long term?

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering if I should hold off on having sex too early with a guy. I typically don't have sex early on, but I will make out or borderline go there if I fw the vibes.

However, it usually causes problems for me later on. What goes through a man's mind when it happens early? Advice?

[MrOracle]

We all (or, at least most of us, men and women alike) WANT sex early, but for most men, this is seen as a red flag. Why? Because it indicates that the girl doesn't have boundaries - if we can get her in bed on the first or second date, then it means that so could every other guy - and THAT means that we will also have to worry about her every time she goes somewhere without us. Who knows when she's going to run into some attractive guy and cheat? That's why men looking for a relationship (which is NOT all men) will usually "demote" a woman from "relationship potential" status down to "only good for casual sex" status if she sleeps with him too quickly.

This is how the "Third Date Rule" came about: that was deemed long enough to show that she has some boundaries, but not too long for a couple of horny folks to be able to manage without going at each other. Of course, the Third Date Rule is intended for experienced, active daters, and not necessarily people with little dating experience. People with minimal experience usually need to wait a bit longer, and that's reasonable.

[t-8900]

Well you got a good mix of answers down below. For me I was very, very horny at a young age. I was the victim of a sexual predator very young and it hypersexualized me to the point I almost could NOT control my urges. BUT I didn't sleep around as a result because of my religion. Instead I opted to masturbate several times a day throughout the day. Usually 5 times but sometimes 8-9. But I didn't want to break celibacy because of my Christian faith.

However I DID break it once when I was 26 and that just made things worst for me. I wasn't ready. Not with her. I really should have waited and I regret it all the damn time. Honestly if I found a girl right around my body count (2) or a virgin I'd be happier than if not tbh. But that's just me. It does start feeling weird when you yourself saved it for the best girl in the world, your SO. And she was out getting all kinds of strange like it was no biggie. Makes me feel cheap and not that important to her tbh. I'm just the one she latched onto in the end. Does that make any sense?

I'm all for everyone having the right to make their own choices and those choices are the business of the individuals'. But That doesn't mean it would sit right with me if we were in a relationship together. I'm sure some people are gonna think negatively of me for saying that. But what's worst? Saying how I really feel or projecting something that isn't true? What kind of person do you respect more? But I recently almost lost my faith over this topic and realized I can't juggle between the two, I needed to pick. In the end I chose God, not hedonism. I'm no prude just waiting for the right girl. If we aren't married yet and had sex it's after I'm deeply in love with every intention to marry her and would make it known before we did it.

[t-8900]

ty for MHO

[AustinMan]

Wait. You'll be glad you did/

[DaveJord]

Honestly it doesn't really matter to me if it happens too early or later, what's important is if it was good or not. If you put it off to long then tensions build, and so do expectations. Give up to early it seems more spontaneous and less expectations.

So honestly you are ready to have sex with this guy, I would not hold off or stretch it out... guys tend to loss interest and then when finally does happen they expect more.

So to back track a little... by the 3rd or 4th date if there's no sex I am beginning to lose interest, especially if she thinks she is all that and wants the man to really work for it with minimum effort on her part... I am out of there over an gone.

[Bobsyoruncle]

With a lot of guys, I think that it does.

With a guy like me it doesn’t. I ‘expect’ for you to have a sex drive, and I HOPE that it’s a strong one.

It also helps that I’m not shocked to learn that you’ve accommodated your share of men in the past, and that (in some of those cases) you just needed a stiff cock to get off on, and not necessarily to worship at the feet of the great and final love of your life.

I've been accused of not being ‘romantic’, and I can understand why some women might think so.

But most of those same women will concede that I’m nothing if not ‘realistic’ and fair.

[NetSapien]

I prefer women that will engage with me sexually before I consider to make a more long term commitment to her. I have my needs and I'm not the type to 'wait around' for it. I develop a deeper connection with someone this way. But this is not a universally shared perspective.

Some guys would understand and may even prefer if they found a woman that's not so easy to bed to consider for a long term.

It all really comes down to you though and the type of guy you want.

[Romulus8817]

Nope.

In fact, it can be a determining factor early on.

Sexual incompatibility can destroy relationships.

The sooner I know we jive in bed, the better we are.

Plus, we're adults. We can get off, not work, and move on to the next one.

[DonkeyDan]

I don't consider her relationship material if she willing to give it up on the first couple of dates.

[slatyb]

Not at all. Anyway if a guy felt that way, you don’t want him.

[Dargil]

I think it can. Yes.

[bodiesands]

I think it's more about his ability to be sincere and vulnerable.

I think the real 'big secret' nobody wants to admit is not that women get attached (which I think we all know) - but that men do too.

Even scarier than the responsibility which results from the former is the vulnerability which results from the latter. Guys are beginning to feel a bit more responsible, and wary of breaking girls' hearts, but what they fail to realise yet is that they're still going around breaking their own.

Easy as it may be to magnanimously make it seem like we're doing girls a favour by not sleeping around, the real reason we'll at some point learn not to is because it hurts us every bit as much. Eye contact is eye contact - bonding is bonding - oxytocin is oxytocin. The reason religions have always warned against adultery - even of the eye - is because it is painful for everyone involved in the end.

The point of all this being to make sure you are in it 100% yourself, and that he is too, because love hurts and to avoid this both sexes have ways of holding back. Your withholding sex is actually not one of those ways - I'm talking here about emotional distance, hard-heartedness, and refusal to be vulnerable. If you detect these, leave, because you're not going to change him, and he's always going to subtly hedge his bets. But if you don't detect these, and you know him to have a good heart and to be wholly there with you, then being with him physically is a beautiful summation of that connection. So the question is not really 'when' but 'whether' - not when to let him into your bed, but whether to let him into your heart at all, and whether he's fully letting you into his.

[Fireguy17]

I have had long term relationships with someone who aft the end of the first date we undressed each other with our teeth, and with some that took a month or two before we had sex.
It kind of depends on who you are with, and when it is right for the both of you.
If you wait a while it does kind of weed out the ones that are just looking to score.

[Redstang88]

Nope

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes; unfortunately, it may. Because a lot of men are huge hypocrites on this issue, and they will judge a woman having sex even though he's the one doing it to her.

[OfDeath]

No. If anything, it increases the chance of a ltr.

[Wise4myage]

Yes it can, its always best to wait and not be in a rush.

[TheBigGuy9]

Who the heck knows the answer to this question. You just want to find someone who is responsible and dedicated to life

[Twalli]

It doesn't happen early for me. I don't let it.

[Hanrej]

No... Listen. All girls who think "successful relationships" are depending on how long you can hold off sex is doing nothing but trapping. The poor sod that falls for it will stay maybe a few years hoping things will get better but because they won't the relationship was doomed from the start.
You want somthing successful you need to comunicate your longterm plans and finding somone who's compatible with it and who's got a Personality you at the very least tolerate and vice versa.

[SukMuhdik]

No. I still hav sex wit her

[Guardian45]

I've never had an issue with this. Have sex when you're ready and it feels right. And you won't be wrong!

[Waldoe]

all Men are different, I do not feel strongly either way, I was with a girl for 5 years after our first date sex... and also I waited until we were engaged and then dumped another girl after we had lousy sex.