Sexual Relationships
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GUYS: i’m having casual sex with this guy and I know he is having sex with other girls and i’m catching feelings what should I do?

i don’t think he wants anything more than friends with benefits
0 1

Superb Opinion

  • Congratulations!

    Your question is today's Question of the Day illustrating that Friends With Benefits is an illusion because eventually one of them will get emotionally involved as if in a couple.

    It's not a question of "if" it's going to happen, but "when".
    If it is any consolation, the same thing happened to me...

    In December 1988, just before I turned 26, I was involved in this intense 2.5 week "F W B situation" (*) with my very attractive nymphomaniac roommate. I was very emotionally involved, but, for her, I was just a convenient lay between "more serious BFs".

    So, was I a stupid fool? Yes and no. I knew better, but I wanted what I got into and paid the price. I learned through The School of Hard Knocks just like you are...
    - - - - - - - - - - -
    (*) This is long before "Friends With Benefits" became "a thing". No one said that in the 1980s let alone thought it because it would be considered an embarrassment to sink to that level. Apparently, being a slut or manwhore doesn't matter in today's "hook-up culture".

Most Helpful Guy

  • This is part of the reason so many people look down on friends with benefits relationships: feelings develop. If proximity doesn't cause it, sex will. (I don't look down on them, but I know I couldn't do it for exactly this reason). It sounds like you have three options:
    1. try to keep it up until it gets to be too much and you have to end it.
    2. end it now and spare yourself further pain.
    3. ask if he's willing to go exclusive.

    If you've reached the point where just the thought of him having sex with someone else bothers you, it's a dicey proposition to try and just back down to be regular friends again; you may get there, but you'll likely need time away to clear your head. So why not talk to him about it? If your current arrangement is on its way out, you don't stand to lose much, and even if he's not willing to give it a try (he might be; sex-causing-feelings usually hits guys harder, but I wouldn't bet on it), you may be able to work out some kind of compromise- and if not, at least you can break off things openly and honestly.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 26

  • You should reconsider your strategy of having casual sex.

    • do you think i should stop having casual sex?

    • Do you want to repeat this mistake?

  • In a lot of cases for me anyway friends with benefits are some of the best relationships I've ever had but I always made a rule the first time you say I love you I need you I want you do we have to end it and to be honest with you it has been better than some of my relationships have a girlfriend boyfriend and even my marriage my ex-wife there's something beautiful and pure about being friends with benefits you have to look at it a couple different ways I mean I think I would want to tell the person how I felt but at the same time if if that person felt the same way they wouldn't be doing other people I don't know that for a fact but that sounds common since to me but I can feel your heartbeat and I feel you probably really need to tell the person how you feel and you know the odds of it coming out good or bad but at least you told him and now he gets to make a choice

  • Have a talk with him and see what he wants out of your relationship. If all he wants is sex then adapt or tell him to take a hike. How often are you two having sex?

    • we talked ab it boyfriend and it’s a friends with benefits and probs ab like once a week bc he has other girls lol

  • What kind of feelings? Like jealousy or attachement?

    • both i hate that he’s sleeping with other girls but i don’t know if i should tell him how i am feeling bc it might change/end things and i don’t want that

    • Do you feel like you have a chance in making him commit to only you?

    • i’m not sure i know our agreement was friends with benefits and ik he fucks other girls and i fuck other guys but it’s not the same w the other guys

    • Show All

  • You should feel fortunate that the only thing you are "catching feelings" and not something else.

  • Either approach him with your feelings and see what he says and “maybe” he might want to pursue a relationship or you’re gonna have to bail on the friends with benefits with him or it’s gonna get much worse on your heart. Short term pain = long term gain.

  • You already know the answer, dump him before he dumps you and hurts your feelings as he basically only wants your pussy from what you've said.

  • I have been in that situation except in my case we were only having sex with each other. Either way... through a lot of pain I would say you need to tell him. Tell him you are starting to have feelings for him and you can't have sex with him anymore.

    Think about it this way.

    The best way to get someone to want to date you or influence a guy is to take away the sex that you have to offer. So protect your heart. Walk away. Then now that he knows how you feel he might realize you are gone forever and actually want to date you. But he needs to realize what he is missing.

    As a girl it is so easy to get sex. I would just find a new fuck buddy.

    • he’s the only guy to make me cum and I don't know if someone else will do it for me lol

    • If he is making you cum then why are you concerned? As long as you are cumming enjoy it! Now with that said it takes awhile of having sex sometimes to build sex chemistry. So... there are other guys out there who might make you cum. But if the relationship is good I wouldn't risk it.

    • so u don’t think i should tell him and instead j keep things how they are even though i’m feeling this way?

  • That's THE major pitfall of Feb. You may want to tell him you want more and take your chances.

    • * friends with benefits

  • Tell him.

  • You should just stop yourself before catching feelings, its sounds like you alr knew that you were just friends with benefits.

  • ask him for a date, he might be non-mono too, so can totally happen and have a relationship while seeing others.

  • Ask him for what you want.

    E. g.: "I am developing feelings for you and want to pursue a committed relationship with you. I would like for us to be exclusive."

    Then, based on his response, figure out your next move.

    • what happens if he completely drops me i don’t think i would b able to handle that

    • Handling it will teach you to handle it.

    • Furthermore, you're a young woman in your prime. You probably have more options than you would know what to do with.

  • Leave him instantly

  • Tell him how you feel. Honesty is the best answer... better do it now before it is too late

  • Tell him how you feel and maybe consider having multiple partners too. Or just move on.

  • Try someone else.

    • i have it’s not the same with other people

    • You can’t just let him use you.

    • maybe it’s my clouded head but i don’t feel like he’s using me

    • Show All

  • Try this: Take stock of yourself, stop what you're doing, and save your body for a more serious relationship (marriage to someone where actual real love and respect are?).

  • A Friend With Benefits is for sex only. When you start getting feelings it’s all over.

  • Ask him what he wants

  • Show More (8)

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > GUYS: i’m having casual sex with this guy and I know he is having sex with other girls and i’m catching feelings what should I do?