Guys and masturbation?

[Anonymous]

Why do you guys choose masturbation over sex with their girlfriend or wife especially when you have all day to do it but the moment you leave they decide to jerk off instead I know I can speak for all women we all feel like there's something wrong with us in this is your go-to choice instead it makes our self-esteem drop feel less loved less appreciated and all around it just confusing I feel like my man uses that as his go-to instead I don't know why it sucks it feels selfish what about my needs and what I want help here please anybody starting to think there's something wrong with me and I don't know how to talk to my boyfriend about it

[vapido]

I can think of several explanations, both for men in general, and possibly for your man.

My first thought is you're competing with the 'death grip'. It is a rigged competition, since you can't know exactly what he's wanting from one second to the next (unless you're a mind reader), while your competition (i. e., his own mind and imagination) does know exactly what he's feeling and what he wants every second of the experience.

Some men (and women) use this as a reason for saying masturbation is unhealthy and that such men are shameful. I personally disagree. Rather than removing one of the pleasures in a man's life, why not keep the masturbation, while at the same time adding even more pleasure?

How? Such men should try communicating openly with their girl, admitting that sex with her - despite his being very attracted to her - is sometimes lacking in pleasure for him. I can think of a dozen things a girl might do to spice things up for her guy... such as learning to give him the best blowjob of his life, or a handjob, or a footjob, or using a toy on him? How about restraining his arms while teasing the heck out of his cock for 15 minutes or longer until you get him to explode? Let him try anal with you? I know it isn't something everybody is up for (and you need to read up on the proper way to prepare for it), but maybe it is something he dreams of. Maybe the two of you will end up liking it. A lot. (or maybe not... like I said, it isn't everyone's cup of tea).

I recently read an interview with a woman who said she sometimes likes to see how quickly she can make her man cum via a blowjob. On these occasions she is not expecting anything from him in return. She very much enjoys the feeling of being able to bring him to climax in shorter and shorter times. It is a game she likes to play in her own mind. She doesn't do this all the time, and certainly not daily. She says one benefit is that it keeps him incredibly devoted to her, and very much wanting to pleasure her.

Please don't take your current situation personally. If it is as I've described above, it is just the normal ebb and flow of a couple learning to love each other, and then learning new ways to love each other after the initial 6 months of fireworks settles down to a slow burning ember. Also, I'm not saying you need to service his needs exclusively. You merely need to have extra tools in your tool-belt.

[Also, if he's not satisfying you - that should be discussed as well. If he continues to not satisfy you even after your discussion and his changes, maybe you should reconsider the relationship. But this is fodder for a completely different post].

While my answer so far has focused on you learning to give him the most mind-blowing sex ever as a solution to your current problem, there are other possibilities with what is going on. I'm not going to pretend I know 100% what's going on. This reply is just my 2 cents. It may or may not apply to your situation.

[Bricealan]

My opinion only, but masturbation, and why me/you/he/she does it and why, are probably one of the least understood things about sex and sexuality.
Examples:
When I was 20 something and SHE was 20 something, WE BOTH
masturbated all the time, alone, together, on vacation, in the car, at my parent's home, in her car, over the phone. Never a problem, AFTER she knew that I jacked-off a lot, and did it in front of her, AND she finally admitted she 'rubbed-off" since she was about 8 years old... AND we fucked a lot too. It had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with how satisfied each of us was with our 'together" sex.

When I was MARRIED, (I should have married the girl ABOVE) I still jacked off a lot, AND my wife HATED it. She said she never masturbated, and our sex life was ho hum. as I never found her to have an 'honest orgasm" and THAT pissed me off, and alienated me to our sex life.

Later, after our divorce, I hooked up with a college friend, from out of state. She seemed to like sex, masturbated as she wanted, we had internet sex with others, and she had sex with other men, which I did not object to.
We would sometimes fuck for an hour and she would rub-off" while we did and then later she wanted me to "cum, or I'll get irritated".
No easy answer, and I wish I knew what that answer was/is. Don't feel selfish about YOUR needs, but if I had a Good Solid answer to the problem I sure as hell would give it to you, but I am SURE this is a common problem.
I know it is frustrating, but many of us are, or were.
BAP

[Asker]

Thank you for your answer it's not like I would expect him not to do it but it's all the time and that feel s like it's something he does it as an option over me I would never expect him not to do it once in awhile but I feel like it's turning into a problem for him

[Bricealan]

It could be. Just don't be too overanxious about it.

[MTC29]

Good gracious. If I were looking for the definition of a run on sentence, I'd use your post as an example.

In any case, my SO and age 55. Although she looks good for a woman her age, she's not 25! Trust me, it is not difficult for a man my age to hook up with a woman aged 30 and under.

On the occasions that I do jack of, it is never while thinking about a woman my own age... or yours.

[RobT312]

That’s a good question, I agree with u and why you’d feel that way.
I think it’s very rare that a guy would choose masturbation over sex. I know I don’t!

[NathanDavis]

never did that...


and no, you cannot speak for all women

also no... whatever experience you had with one or two guys, it does not represent me nor all other men

[wilxcool]

There are a few reasons it could happen:
1. Sex drive differences
2. Self intimacy thing. They like the private time
3. Could just be emotionally taxing with all of the factors that go into sex

I suggest just asking him about it

[Nmdr3]

Maybe because your not into your partners kinks / sexual needs and they use masturbation to relieve frustration.

[Nmdr3]

Not necessarily though.

[one1wild00]

My answer with no filter - Most of the time its unavailability of the gal and or a sex drive mismatch, Mine off the scale, the gal's nearly non existent, or the gal just lays there being a lead weight pocket, that isn't enough to get me off.

[Wise4myage]

Any dude who does that is addicted to porn.

[Caliguy88]

I hear this all the time. I’ve never not had sex with anyone when they wanted it. That’s just crazy.

[Hanrej]

Stress or depression. Any and all negative emotions that make you feel less sexy and enthusiastic. It could also be lingering animosity towards my partner for a fight or somthing she did that I wouldn't even bother bring up as I know it's just going to backlash if I do.
Trust your gut. If you feel it's got somthing to do with you rather than an emotional state he is in that's likley the case.

[In_Trance]

because it's tighter and faster