Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
For the last two months we have rarely been seeing each other because we both had student jobs during summer and live far away (during vacation we live with our parents), which drives me crazy but he seems to be okay with it 'because it's not the first time he has a long-distance relationship and knows how to deal with it'. Every time he came over my house for a visit, he was really unmotivated in bed (but seemed happy to see me).
Last night I wrote him a message like 'I can't wait to have sex with you' (I just wanted to initiate a conversation about this). He reacted really weird so I asked him if he felt the same way. He told me: 'I don't think about it because it doesn't work anyway'. I answered that if we would keep trying it would eventually work (btw - fingers never hurt, probably the hymen or the lubrification). He told me he was tired of trying. When I then asked him if he knew another way without trying (because let's be real, you can't succeed without trying), he told me he doesn't know one because with others it always worked. I called him to know if that meant that he doesn't want to be with me anymore, but he just repeated that he is just really tired of getting his hopes up and then not succeeding so he has given up on sex, which doesn't really answer my question. Afterwards we talked briefly about something else (me getting his keys for his apartment for a short time), which tells me that he doesn't want me out of his life...
I really don't want to break up with him, does anyone have advice?
What Girls & Guys Said
23 42You are just scared. If you’re that worried about it take a big dildo or a hairbrush and pop your own cherry, who cares
Sounds like you've really damaged his self esteem.
Mmmm I don't know
Speak to a doctor who may then refer you to a gynecologist. They may be able to help you with resolving why it hurts so much (numbing creams for example).
You shoild be married first anyway. If you can't have sex you should go to a professional sex therapist after your married. As far as him beiing sexually frustrated to bad aren't we all. I dont go out lookig for women to bang because of it
My advice is simple... he's a child. Find another boyfriend. No one worth your time says shit like "It doesn't work anyway". Dump him and find a REAL man.
Must look for medical condition, the fear of bad performance, vaginismus may lead or exaggerate the painful sex
Just keep on trying also on your own maybe get some toys, if you continously have problems get your doc gynecologist to look at your hymen for any medical problems. For the girls I have been with It took a while to widen and get comfortable so we played a lot making out and fingering with 2 or 3 fingers and using different toys.
Fingering did the Trick.
Yeah, he should move on and you should talk to a therapist.
Sir, breaking up with someone because it physic hurts them to make love is not a good reason. Although I'm for waiting until your married, not everyone will and so if people are going to do it they can't be blamed if it is a physical issue. I'm a psychology student and it doesn't seem like the cause of her pain is psychological but physical. On my honeymoon my husband was my first man, and so we weren't able to really get too far, it took several tries before he was able to make me completely his. Im sorry, but your advice isn't very helpful honey.
Well... either break up or let him find a side chick. Virgins are great but as a man... It's real difficult not to have sex with a girlfriend.
Go to a sex therapist and maybe a doctor. Once you do it the first few times it shouldn't hurt. If your hymen is still intact a doctor can cut it which should makes less painful.
Have him lick and play with you till its super wet. Then have him be forceful. You have to rip the band aid off so to speak. It hurts because you're probably being just so gentle with it just go fast and pop and it will be over in a blink. There aren't really any other options.
Without being there, this is hard to answer.
Give him a surprise blowjob to creamy finish.
Relax, use a lot of lube and don't overthink it. He will just put a fucking dick there.
I wonder why women are afraid of dick
Poor him (her boyfriend)
Yeah really
It don't sound like he's trying to break up with you, it's just sounded like he had been going through getting through getting his hopes up for stuff like that. And every time he turns around he gets let down with no hesitations without it ever failing him, and it kinda feels that he's in the position he just not trusting that it's gonna happen without the person's words being put into action... just saying
Well you first time its gonna hurt he has to be patient. The next time you try use a lot of lube and also dont just jump right into it tell him to take his time if you have good foreplay you'll be excited and the more excited you are to have him inside of you the easier it will be ok
Maybe his dick's too big for you lol
I had a young, skinny girl once and we couldn't get it in if she went on top lol
IT SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE A REAL CONNECTION WITH A FELLOW THAT'S ON THE SAME PAGE HERE..
I WILL SAY FIRST, GET SOME LUBE! THEY OFFER NEARLY 100 DIFFERENT KINDS AND THEY ARE ALL AMAZING! I AM AN ADAM&EEVE. COM SUBSCRIBER AND EVERY ORDER IS PAIRED WIT A BOTTLE OF LUBE. I DON'T WAN TO GET TOO PERSONAL HERE BUT THERE ARE LOTS OF SEXUALITY RESOURCES IN FACT I HAVE A FOLDER WITH 30 GUIDES IF YOU'D LIKE TO RECEIVE IT ELECTRONICALLY. I UNDERSTAND IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE BUT THEY AREN'T DIFFICULT TO TRACK DOWN. IF ITS SIZE OR PLUMBING ESPECIALLY.. GOOD LUCK AND I HOPE I AIDED IN STRENGTHEN YOUR BOND WITH YOUR MAN!
-V