Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
For the last two months we have rarely been seeing each other because we both had student jobs during summer and live far away (during vacation we live with our parents), which drives me crazy but he seems to be okay with it 'because it's not the first time he has a long-distance relationship and knows how to deal with it'. Every time he came over my house for a visit, he was really unmotivated in bed (but seemed happy to see me).
Last night I wrote him a message like 'I can't wait to have sex with you' (I just wanted to initiate a conversation about this). He reacted really weird so I asked him if he felt the same way. He told me: 'I don't think about it because it doesn't work anyway'. I answered that if we would keep trying it would eventually work (btw - fingers never hurt, probably the hymen or the lubrification). He told me he was tired of trying. When I then asked him if he knew another way without trying (because let's be real, you can't succeed without trying), he told me he doesn't know one because with others it always worked. I called him to know if that meant that he doesn't want to be with me anymore, but he just repeated that he is just really tired of getting his hopes up and then not succeeding so he has given up on sex, which doesn't really answer my question. Afterwards we talked briefly about something else (me getting his keys for his apartment for a short time), which tells me that he doesn't want me out of his life...
I really don't want to break up with him, does anyone have advice?
What Girls & Guys Said
23 42Make sure you have lots of foreplay, you want to be sexually aroused.
Then I suggest you get on top, that way you control how deep you let him inside you.
There will be a little pain, and a little blood, but the pleasure you experience will make it worth it.
Just relax and enjoy the experience.
Try using toys and explore more by your self
Get a few sizes of dildos and lots of lube and slowly have fun use the small ones and lowly make your way up till it’s enough
Well give him blow jobs to hold him over
As a lot have said, you are nervous, its a big step for a woman to give herself to a man for the first time. Try some soothing soft music to help then have him kiss, lick, and suck all of your pussy and to nibble on your clit aswell as sucking it.
He needs to get you so wet and excited, that you will be like Niagara falls. You get on top to control the penetration, then you get to enjoy it.
Have him play with your nipples, kissing, licking, sucking the same as your pussy, start with them first, try yourself to see if you like your nipples twisted or stretched, or both together.
If he is still pissed off after you have done all that, get rid of him.
Have him put on medication lol
I had a girlfriend for 1y and a half, when we first got naked, we didn't really had sex and just kissed a lot, we were really horny but that's all what happened. After that we started rubbing against one another, we went further and further. You should try that and it's really pleasant, even if the guy is frustrated
We do the rubbing as well but both of us feel like it's not enough anymore. Thank you though for your answer.
This right here is a great example of his complete lack of understanding about what you're going through: "he just repeated that he is just really tired of getting his hopes up and then not succeeding so he has given up on sex". I don't think YOU realize how inexperienced HE really is. Just because he's not a virgin doesn't mean he really KNOWS anything about sex (which seems obvious) or how to handle this situation, let alone please a woman. I'd be willing to be he's made NO effort on his own to find out, from a counselor or sex therapist, how to approach this. That's what HE should be doing, not getting all pouty and making it about HIM. It's NOT about him... but he has you thinking it should be or that you are somehow at "fault".
Get him a magazine, and take him in the bathroom. Tell him to start looking at the mag and you get his by now rock hard dick out of his pants, start jacking his dick, pull your hand away and show him your pussy... You know a little finger, let him taste it. He'll cum so quick... Just saying..
First, there are some medical conditions that don't let you have sex and would make that experience really painful so you should ask your doctor if there's a problem
Second, if you don't want to do it, it's okay, you're talking about your own body and it's your decision if you make it or not, so if he has problems with that it should be over that are many guys who don't understand you
Get nasty. My wife will have her ass spread and tell me to fuck it through the park bench. Or she is home fingering and squirting while her neighbor kidbis obviously watching.
You should keep trying
How about oral or a hj?
Girl u better get a dildo and start practicing because if he ain’t getting it from you he’s going to from somewhere else
Not to be weird but is he having sex with someone else?
Can a hymen be cut by a doctor so it isn't a barrier?
reading what you have written it doesn't sound like he is being very understanding if you both choose to try and have sex again try and relax spend more time on foreplay your mind may be telling you you are ready for sex but your body may not be ready
Do like I did, as a skinny bitch. For some time before I moved in with my guy, I used loads of lube and pushed both little fingers just inside. I stretched my hymen as far as I could. No bleeding, but I hope it was enough, as when it came to our first night, there was no pian and no bleeding.
Worth a try. May not of helped me, but I think it did. Might work for you.
Does he ever initiate with foreplay?
He does, but it feels like he is just 'doing his duty as a boyfriend'. Nowadays I'm initiating a lot more often than he does. That is what I meant by him being 'unmotivated in bed'.
How long does the foreplay last? And how good is it (how wet does it make you)? Does he try to passionately put all his love into it? When he inserts it in, does he go slow at first? Does he try communicating with you while doing it? Gimme details cuz I think I can help, my girl was super tight and she could barely fit some fingers, I made her comfortable enough for penetration.
Maybe you could get a dildo and for want of a better expression, break yourself in?
Give him nice blowjob, ask him to go down on you give ample time for foreplay then try for sex
He’s telling you the problem, he’s simply really just frustrated and tired of being disappointed. Probably best to not bring it up anymore unless you both are ready to really make it happen. You’re not crazy that’s a normal observation: fingers won’t be as painful as a penis (speaking from my experience). Maybe he wasn’t fingering you long enough to be aroused and get use to it and was rushing a little. Maybe you weren’t wet enough (women each have their own level of wetness, some less than others). There’s always anal to try. Or if not, then just buy some good quality lube, and FIRST try with yourself. Warm yourself up, and get comfortable to open yourself up, literally and figuratively (brain/mental stimulation and relaxation is crucial in sex also). See what makes you feel good. Once you can get to like 3-4 fingers then you can start to try again with PIV sex.