I still want to be friends, just not "fwb" anymore, but I just can't say no to him.

[Anonymous]

This is a little long so bare with me please! OK I'm 19, he is 21. We've been "friends with benefits" for a while now, we stopped talking for a couple months because he got into a relationship with this girl, I get it he doesn't wanna cheat. And I was totally cool with that. About three weeks ago he started texting me again so I'm guessing he's not with his girl anymore. I have gone over to his house about two times since we started talking again both times I told myself not to do anything with him before going but we ended up fooling around at least but we didn't have sex, because right when it come to it I couldn't and I just said no, because I remember that I don't want him to just come to me for that. What should I do!? I still want to be friends just not "fwb" anymore, but I just can't say no to him, when I'm with him ugh I don't know its hard to explain I just always give in a little. Basically I guess I just don't want him to think that just Because we've had sex before doesn't means that I'm going to keep giving it to him. I know he thinks of me as a for sure for whenever He's horny, but I don't want to be. what do I dooo!?the worst part is that I have kind of developed feelings for this guy! UGHHHHH! help me. please!

[malekoniky]

There are lots of similar posts. I read first sentence ... friends in benefits. After that it is obvious what will happen.

So the story: Friends with benefits (after sex brain produces bonding chemicals so you get feelings). That means you are literally teaching guy not to worry about you and come just for sex. Then feelings come naturally. And suddenly you don't want sex you want him feeling something.

You already destroyed that. You give in for him for two reasons. First is habit. You did it before. barriers which protect you from doing it with whomever are broken. There is no reason why not. Second is that you feel something.

This guy cannot develop feelings if he gets sex. It is not possible. Sex is much much stronger at first. Deep feelings come slower and are weak at first. Only after time they will conquer everything. And if you now stop having sex with him ... what will happen? He will go to another. Because he learned that he can have sex without any input from his side.

My advice. Don't have sex with him. Be honest and hope.

[Asker]

i know you're right, I just don't want you to be! but oh well, thanks a lot!

[malekoniky]

I am sorry. If only I could do something. I am not happy about me being right either. But you know what? I am right because I am that kind of guy. And I want to love girl not only have some pleasure. So have hope! Love exists! :D

[pawan_jasoria]

have you talked about it to him, you should talk with him, I know its difficult , because before you do everythign as you want but not now, its hard, hey its really too hard for him, well talk with him about it, I hope he will understand, if he is not understanding ,so he just want you for sex, he is not your friend anymore, forget him.

good luck

[Remy87]

Oh man that's a hard situation to be in because it's doing everything more or less backwards. Guys are used to getting an emotional response from women, so I would calmly/rationally tell him how you feel - but be prepared for the fact that he may not reciprocate. If he doesn't, the best (but also hardest) thing to do will be to walk away. If you sincerely don't want to be used for sex, then that is what you are going to have to do... or he will know that you do not have any respect for yourself - so why should he?

Don't let him put you into a holding pattern in which things have the appearance of progress, but there isn't any. You want more than fwb, so don't stick around or you will not like who you are when you are with him and that's the biggest mistake you can make.

[Allikitten25]

what you just said, ,you don't wanna be the for sure thing, is what you gotta tell him, then tell him if he can't handle that then you guys can't be friends anymore, it's either he loses you totally or he respects you enough to date you. You've developed feelings for him, tell him that. Then he will understand why you are on the fence about seeing him again or not. he will quickly realize that it's either make you his or lose you forever. ps. if he decides against going with you, he wasn't worth it and would've only made you jealous and miserable.

[nadiya]

Have you asked if he's still with the girl? That would be the first step I think. I would ask him that. If he says no, and you think he's over her, ask if he'd like to hang out. Try to push for a date. Just find a way to show that you're not just going to allow yourself to be used for sex.

[nadiya]

Also, if he doesn't want to be more than FWB get out of there. He's not worth it probably.

[Asker]

i know their not together. its hard tho, because its not like I don't want to have sex with him, its just that I don't want him looking just for that. you know?

[nadiya]

You have to be strong. You can't just let him use you like that :[

[Asker]

i know, I think I'm just going to forget about him, its best. I'm going to ignore him compleatly, thank you so much:)

[nadiya]

good luck! I know it sucks :[

[ccrystalnic0l3]

do you know if he's single now for sure? if he's not than I think you should just move on because he isn't taking you seriously and if he is single than I think you should try and explain things to him and tell him how you feel

[Asker]

their not together anymore. I don't even know how to tell him tho

[Anonymous]

if you cnt tell him how you feel face to face send him a text mesage - telling him yu dnt just want to be his booty call and tell him that if that is all he wants from you not to even text back becus if you are alredy developeing feelings nd he is not there is nooo hopee in that relationship

btw NEVERRRRRR BE FWB !-- becus one of you will get more attach then the other

i hope I have helped ;;goodluck tell me how it goes