Sexual Relationships
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I think my boyfriend anally raped me, and I don't know if I can or should get past it? I just need advice?

The other night me and my OH were having a drink with some friends at home, he was very drunk, when our friends left we went upstairs to bed and proceeded to have sex, it was great until he couldn't come. We decided to watch some porn and see if it helped him out, in the end it didn't and I thought we were going to go to sleep and continue in the morning. He had other ideas, he had me on all fours and was having sex with me again, I thought it was working until he told me he wanted anal. I told him no, we have before but he is well endowed and it hurts so normally we are both sober and take it slow on the rare occasion we do. I will also say at this point that we do occasionally have kinkier sex, but no means no. He asked me where the lube was again I told him I didn't want anal and I wouldn't tell him, anyway he grabs my hair and pinned me down so hard that my neck hurt and asked again where the lube was, I told him because he was hurting me. While he was getting the lube I told him I didn't want to do anal, he ignored me and applied it to me and him, I tried crawling away up the bed, but he ended up grabbing me and dragging me down the bed, eventually pinning me on the end of the bed and forcing himself in, I will say the lube made it easier but it hurt so bad I screamed and managed to buck him off me, I immediately broke down in to tears and couldn't stop shaking, he held me and apologised over and over but as soon as I calmed down he tried putting himself back in there, I managed to hit him and get away at this point and he grabbed me and held me again, apologising again and again. But that didn't stop him watching porn for another hour while he tried to come. Anyway since that night he has been nothing but supportive and apologetic. I love him but he terrified me, I begged him to stop and he did it anyway. I just don't know anymore I am so conflicted, I keep getting anxious and crying and my self esteem is so crap now. If anyone can help please do.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Well, yes.

    But I'm going to be a little more forgiving then some and say there are two options:
    1) leave him
    2) he needs to recognize what he's capable of drunk. People will probably say something like 'oh if he didn't want to be a rapist sober he wouldn't be drunk'. They'd like to think that, but sadly, its not that simple. people do get one tracked when they're really drunk. They steal things, or other shit that they would NOT have done. They just aren't thinking through consequences, and can fall into just 'I want x'. None of this is to suggest what happened was okay. It was very very very no okay and the only way he can be sure it doesn't happen again? He can't get that drunk.

    • So ban alcohol then?

    • @candyaurora I don't think that's necessary. Alcoholics shouldn't drink. But I do think that people (male and female) need to be more aware that their ability to detect consent, and their awareness that they need it, and even their desire to have it can all be radically impaired by large amounts of alcohol. The only reason I can even say this is that I remember, decades ago, pushing a female friend to kiss me while I was very, very drunk. Apparently we DID kiss, which I don't remember because I blacked out. I think she may have sort of liked me, but knew I was drunk, I don't know. Anyone I was really pushy. And normally, i'm not like that, normally that wouldn't INTEREST me. why would I want to kiss someone who doesn't want to, it doesn't even appeal? But then, it did. It was just a kiss, we chatted the next day, we stayed friends and life moved on. But I'm aware, looking back, that there are likely guys who do more while drunk. I just don't remember ANY of the anti rape

    • stuff I saw then or now being frank with people that they needed to not get that drunk or they might wake up and found out they've DONE something awful.

  • I want you to remember how he made you feel! Remember in that moment, how he made You feel. He put himself, and his pleasure first despite your protest...

    Now you know what you should do...(leave)
    And here's what you shouldn't do
    -find any reason he's worth holding onto
    - accepting his apology as understanding
    - stay with him

    SIMPLY PUT... LEAVE!!

Most Helpful Girls

  • That's terrifying and traumatizing Jesus fucking Christ!! You need to get out of that relationship STAT. He will abuse you again if you stay!! Whether you want to report to police or not is up to you, and I won't pressure you either way because it's a very tough call to make and it takes a hell of a lot of strength to go through that process - a process I wouldn't wish on or push on anyone. If you don't report though, it would be a good idea to at least tell people about it so that it impacts his reputation and other women will think twice before dating him. He is dangerous.

    • PLEASE DON'T USE JESUS NAME IN VAIN! NO MATTER WHAT! I DON'T CARE WHAT THE SITUATION IS! IT IS NOT RIGHT! SORRY, JUST TRY TO MAKE IT CLEAR TO YOU! :(

    • Oh, yea, and this is just to call you out. @Sara413

    • @JoyGirl when you participate in the real world and the online world you have to expect that people will say things that you do not like. That's part of being a person in a diverse world. When I am knowingly speaking with Christians I do put the effort into ensuring my language is inoffensive, however, in a public space in which religion is not relevant, I don't feel it is necessary to walk on egg shells to avoid offending someone. The words I used served their purpose, which was to add emphasis and emotion to what I was saying. I respect your right to have your beliefs and to speak how you feel is proper, but it is not your place to tell others to reign in their language because you do not like it.

    • Show All

  • Your story terrifies me. Are all boys like that? That is scary. This story makes me want to be single for life. :'(
    Leave him, and find another guy, who will treat you with respect, even when drunk. I don't think drinking is good, but still.

    • no, he was really drunk and crazy already. Although I have heard stories of guys not stopping during sex even when girls say no... just don't be with a douche. And if something bad happens make his life terrible. no reason to be scared though 99% of guys are sane.

  • I'm sorry to be blunt but WTF? He's your boyfriend? Leave him and don't look back. He's got enough problems for 10 psychologists if that. You don't need this shit

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 15

  • It's understandable that you love & care for him, but this dude clearly has alcohol and/or mental issues. Professional help recommended.

  • As others have said, you should leave him. If you do not leave him, you must insist that he stop drinking.

  • Leave him. NOW! End of story.

  • You obviously were forced and should have called the cops if you thought it was rape... by not doing so you kind of excepted it/said it wasn't.

    I'm sorry but girls that defend their asshole BFs, are "conflicted" are just pathetic... WTF is wrong with you girls? I guess you girls just attract jerks like that.

  • Regardless of him being your boyfriend, he raped you in this instance. I say leave this guy NOW!

    You're an idiot if you stay with him after how he violated you like that.

  • Contact Oprah, she'll help you!

  • that's not your boyfriend.

  • We all know that you liked it.

  • You think he anally raped you? didn't u just feel it lol?

  • You're the only one who decides what is and isn't rape. You don't "think" on such things. You're not a minor.

  • Leave him the first time I'm he ignored you in my eyes he intended to do what he wanted to do regardless of the out come. Can you put yourself to have sex with him again?

  • Leave him.

  • He doesn't respect your body or your feelings. Leave him, and let this be a lesson for him.

  • What the fuck
    Ofc that's rape and he doesn't love you, he loves his dick

  • Dont have drunk sex no more one can't reason with a drunk.

  • How did he find the lube?

    • I told him, he was hurting me so I told him so he would get off me.

    • I think you need to accept that it's over.

  • You should bite is cock off then dump him

  • Love doesn't hurt you. What would happen the next time you say no or he is drunk.

  • He sounds like he's got a screw loose.
    You need to understand that if you stay with him thats going to keep happening because he knows he will get away with it.

  • Dump him. That's what you do

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > I think my boyfriend anally raped me, and I don't know if I can or should get past it? I just need advice?