I think my boyfriend anally raped me, and I don't know if I can or should get past it? I just need advice?

[Laura89]

The other night me and my OH were having a drink with some friends at home, he was very drunk, when our friends left we went upstairs to bed and proceeded to have sex, it was great until he couldn't come. We decided to watch some porn and see if it helped him out, in the end it didn't and I thought we were going to go to sleep and continue in the morning. He had other ideas, he had me on all fours and was having sex with me again, I thought it was working until he told me he wanted anal. I told him no, we have before but he is well endowed and it hurts so normally we are both sober and take it slow on the rare occasion we do. I will also say at this point that we do occasionally have kinkier sex, but no means no. He asked me where the lube was again I told him I didn't want anal and I wouldn't tell him, anyway he grabs my hair and pinned me down so hard that my neck hurt and asked again where the lube was, I told him because he was hurting me. While he was getting the lube I told him I didn't want to do anal, he ignored me and applied it to me and him, I tried crawling away up the bed, but he ended up grabbing me and dragging me down the bed, eventually pinning me on the end of the bed and forcing himself in, I will say the lube made it easier but it hurt so bad I screamed and managed to buck him off me, I immediately broke down in to tears and couldn't stop shaking, he held me and apologised over and over but as soon as I calmed down he tried putting himself back in there, I managed to hit him and get away at this point and he grabbed me and held me again, apologising again and again. But that didn't stop him watching porn for another hour while he tried to come. Anyway since that night he has been nothing but supportive and apologetic. I love him but he terrified me, I begged him to stop and he did it anyway. I just don't know anymore I am so conflicted, I keep getting anxious and crying and my self esteem is so crap now. If anyone can help please do.

[Anonymous]

Dump him. That's what you do