Sexual Relationships
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Masterbating to your ex’s nudes while supposedly being 💯 in love with your wife?

So current husband had very toxic relationships in the past being cheated on etc. same as me. when we got together we had agreed upon boundaries about the opposite sex. He has always stated that he has absolutely no feelings for any of his ex’s and would never be attracted to them because they were such awful women. He, also from the very beginning states he doesn’t sexually fantasize about other women and that he only has eyes for me etc. and I have asked him several times before getting married even explaining to him that it’s perfectly natural to be attracted to someone else and that if he fantasized about other women, that was natural as long as he didn’t act on it and I just wanted him to be honest and open and transparent about those things. He would always say that he never would do anything like that because he feels that if you’re truly in love with someone that you don’t think about other people and he would be devastated if I thought about other people sexually and we created these boundaries. He’s even stated that he’s not attracted to other women because he’s been burned so many times and he can’t feel attracted to someone unless he knows their heart and if they have a good heart and that’s why he married me because of my good heart and he knows I would never cheat on him. He says he would never act impulsively and that he thinks everybody just acts on impulse these days and the end result isn’t worth just acting on impulse etc. Anyway, I totally caught him masturbating to nude pictures of his ex. He deleted them immediately but if this was something that I knew about him before I said that I would marry him I probably wouldn’t have. I understand and I’m completely open that men are going to be attracted to other women even when they are in love with someone. But to fap to their ex, I just wanna know if all men do this if it means anything or is this a complete dealbreaker and he probably will do other things and lie about other things too?
1 0

Superb Opinion

  • So I am going to be honest here. I think that you have every right to feel hurt and angry. OKay? But.. But but but but... you need to forgive your ex and go easy on him.

    I think it is bad form to masturbate to nudes of your ex girlfriend. I would be hurt and angry. That DOES NOT MEAN HE LOVES HER. It just means he still has a sexual attraction or sexual fantasy of fucking her.

    I think it is good that the pictures were deleted.

    SHould you be worried that he will cheat? NO. I don't think so. I think he still loves you and still has strong sexual feelings for you but also has fantasies sexually. Think about it. YOu can't control someone's mind. If the pictures are gone he still has sexual memories from the past to orgasm to.

    I do think you should be concern and be aware. I think maybe there needs to be greater conversation about whether he is satisfied sexually and what he wants from you. But I would not view some sexual fantasy as a threat unless he still sees her or she is still in his life. Certainly he should not be still messaging or texting her.

    GUys typically do not delete pictures from the past. They view it as a historical record of life rather than an emotional thing. It is also ego to keep past pics in the phone. Women after breakups are emotional and delete pictures. Men are emotional but rather than be angry they are sad and keep pictures. I have pictures of ex girlfriends in my phone. IN relationships from time to time I fantasize about past sexual relationships during masturbation. It doesn't mean I dont love the woman that I am with. However... over time the longer you date a woman SHE SHOULD BE THE MAIN FOCUS of your sexual fantasies.

    In the end. YOu are right to be angry. But don't view this act as threatening to what you have. View it as an opportunity to discuss where you are in the sexual relationship with him. Try out new things and create new sexual memories with him so that he begins to focus only on you.

    • That was very insightful, thank you so much

    • No problem! take a deep breath. give your heart to this man. keep up the steamy sex. he probably masturbates to you as well. Lets not think of this as him only masturbating or orgasming to her. Guys have a spank bank of a lot of past sexually experiences or fantasies but it doesn't mean that they are not wanking it to their girl as well.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I want to start off by saying that I don't want to be a homewrecker. But I think it needs to be said that your husband sounds like a shady character. He says he has eyes only for you, even though you're mature enough to understand that men don't suddenly lose attraction to all women just because they have a partner, and then jerks off to his ex behind your back even though he said he doesn't fantasize about his exes. What's the point of creating boundaries with a guy like that?

    On a side note, I'll say that agreeing to boundaries with the opposite sex is unnecessary in a mature relationship where you trust each other fully. You just need common sense to know what should be allowed and not allowed. Talking and hugging the opposite sex is fine. Nothing more than that.

    My honest opinion from what you've told me is that you prematurely went into this marriage without filtering the dude properly. I think he's a shady dude that isn't at your levelnof maturity. Whatever your choice is... I wish you luck.

    • Thank you. I really appreciate the honesty.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 14

  • How much time has passed between you creating those boundaries and that incident? Sounds like there's been a few years in between that, and people change. Have you asked him why he did it?

    • We have only been married a year. I have not asked yet because I’m afraid of his answer because I feel it will just once again make me feel not good enough. He claims that I’m the most beautiful woman and that he is extremely sexually attracted to me and we do have a very healthy sex life we talk about what we like what we don’t like and fulfill those needs including having sex at least for five times a week. And when I am on that time of the month I want to take care of his needs I give him BJ’s. So when I am at that time of the month he doesn’t think gosh she’s a grumpy you know what he looks forward to it because he gets his BJ’s lol. but also I have an asked yet because I don’t want to overreact I wanted to give it some time to approach him calmly.

    • Are your own needs fulfilled, too? It sounds to me like you are mostly pleasing him and not the other way around. Especially when you say that you're afraid of not being good enough. Do you feel like he might be taking advantage of you?

    • That’s what I’m afraid of. But then again it really doesn’t make sense because he’s never been married before because he said he never wanted to get married to anyone because no one’s ever been wife material and that when he met me he finally found someone that would be a great wife and has a good heart and he even claimed that he wanted to be an amazing husband and he waited his whole life to meet someone like me me. We’ve even paid off our debt together and make a future plans together. He tells me I’m beautiful he’s very affectionate he’s willing to place me as well. so it’s just really confusing because i’m not sure what to think because it was his exes nudes and of all the other things he’s told me claiming he doesn’t look at other women and doesn’t need to etc. but then here’s this thing that he did and I don’t know what to think. Thank you so much for replying.

    • Show All

  • Either he knew he would fantasize about others including her and lied, or he just did not realize that even when married he would fantasize over others. You and he need to figure that out. But as to why his ex, memories of sex with her would be strong and easy, and pictures of her are handy. Just that part I would not worry about.

  • That’s problematic, but not cheating

    • I definitely don’t feel like he was cheating and that’s why the question was so long because it’s more that he lied about his desires and where he’s at in his heart so I guess I just don’t even know how to approach it because I don’t even know if he’s gonna tell me the truth about why he did it or will he do it again etc.. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

    • I meant not cheating sorry typo

    • I think he lied out of shame. Tell him that you aren't going to judge him, but you do need him to be completely honest with you

  • There's one thing of having a picture of your ex girlfriend for memories but there's another thing having her nudes and still keeping them while you have a wife

    • Out of curiosity what would you do if you were in my shoes?

    • I would lay it all out on the line and have a very serious conversation with him asking what the heck are you doing and demand for him to hand those nude pictures over to you so you can rip them up and dispose of them properly

    • Thank you.

    • Show All

  • normal and doesn't mean anything, just getting off

  • Not good. He can jerk off to thousands of other women and he chooses his ex?

  • I’m not married... but I’ve masturbated to old nudes and been 100% about the person I’m with. It’s just porn at that point really. But I will say nudity from people I know is so much hotter than just pornhub. I love having old nudes from people... but I promise it’s not more than porn to me...

  • The thing is that appearance is a major fact6in starting to date someone. If you break up, appearance is generally not the reason. He probably still finds his ex sexually attractive, but doesn't have any feelings for her. The beauty about masturbating is that you don't only do it to people or things you have feelings for. There is a camgirl that I don't like as a person. She's politically a polar opposite of me. I don't care because I use her page to masturbate. I don't have to like her to find her body appealing.

    • And I totally get that some are like that. The bigger issue for me is he lied to me about being attracted to her still. He even lied about needing to have an emotional connection and feelings for someone to be able to feel physically attracted to them or he still has feelings for her and lied, either way he lied and that’s the part that is what I’m upset about. Why dupe me, why pretend to be someone you’re not? Why not just stay single until you’re ready to fully transparent and honest about yourself. Why bring me into a marriage full of lies?

    • As far as you know he lied about seeing an ex as physically attractive. Do you still love him?

  • It’s common but people don’t admit it

  • What you do in your mind is your business. However, if you need a picture of you X to cum, maybe you’re but with the right guy..

  • when I was done with my ex... I was DONE... sounds like he isn't... sorry

  • We feel sorry that you don't have a porn collection from your previous encounters too.

    • I guess it’s different strokes for different folks if I don’t have any emotional connection with someone and my exes were all narcissistic cheaters. Therefore I have absolutely no attraction to them emotionally or physically because for me to be physically attracted to someone I have to be emotionally attracted to them as well but I know that’s not the same for everybody so for me no, I wouldn’t have any type of need for that. I truly am the type of person that I really don’t fantasize about others while I’m in a committed relationship. Can I say that someone is attractive and recognize that absolutely, but that’s as far as it goes that’s just the way I’m made.

  • I definitely do

  • I would be jealous too. But it is probably just because he enjoyed the sex with her and NOT because he still carries a flame. I sometimes still Jack off thinking of one of my ex’s, and I wouldn’t want my wife to find out. But it’s not because I am still in love with her.

  • It depends on different persons

    • So what kind of persons do that and what kind of person don’t?

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