My boyfriend is so possessive, any advice?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is so possessive. We've been dating for 3 years. He's a nice guy and I love him and he loves me. He always does the little things like tell me he loves me, buys me gifts just because, after a long day he will give me a massage and cuddle with me. And I do the same things for him. But lately we've been arguing a lot. He's a professional basketball player so he has a lot of women throwing themselves at him. I trust him so it doesn't bother me... much. Anyways, we were chilling on the couch one day, watching a movie and my phone vibrated. I replied to a text message from one of my male friends and then we continued to watch the movie. My friend kept texting me back and I kept replying which I'm sure annoyed my boyfriend, but the messages were innocent. He got mad and asked me who I'm texting, then he grabbed my phone and start going through it. We argued because he doesn't want me to have male friends. Later we had make up sex, which is amazing by the way! But he will get aggressive and possessive. He'll say stuff like "you're mine" "only I can touch you like this" "only I can make you cum" Now don't get me wrong I love rough sex, but he's so... I don't know, it's complicated. I love this man, he has my heart. But he always think I'm cheating on him when I talk to my male friends. He'll ask me did I have sex with them, when we both know I didn't. I lost my virginity to him. he knows I don't sleep around I don't understand why he's so insecure. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

It will only get worse the longer you are together. Just my opinion after putting up with this for years before leaving. In my case I didn't see the signs while we were dating. It just got worse as the years went by. Then I had four kids which made it very hard to leave. Left four months ago after being married for 20 years. Hard to regret it as I have four incredible kids but I did go through hell and back with his undeserved jealousy.

[Asker]

I love him. I'm sure you loved your husband a long time ago. It doesn't get better?

[Opinion Owner]

I loved him very much. But in my experience it only gets worse. Near the end he said he was better that he was dealing with his issues but even if he didn't say anything I always thought he was thinking it. It's not really something they can turn off. If they're possessive they probably always will be. Question is can you live with that? I couldn't and was way to unhappy for way too many years. A little jealousy is one thing but to get mad about it if you haven't done anything to deserve it is another.

[hanscuit]

Men tend to get possessive its an instinctual thing when they love a woman because they dont want ANY other man to have that girl. he's a bit much based off of what you described but it just sounds like he loves you and wants you only because he cares that much sometimes guys dont express things in a rational or even quote on quote "normal" way, so this is his way of showing he really loves you. I'd be happy if i were you lol

[Asker]

Thanks, I appreciate your advice. I'm happy, but he can be a bit much sometimes

[hanscuit]

Trust me ik the feeling lol

[hanscuit]

But dont be afraid to talk to him about how it makes you feel. Relationships survive on trust and communication.

[Asker]

I get so mad at him sometimes then he will do something sweet and I'll be in love with him all over again lol

[hanscuit]

OMG right? I know this feeling so much lol! One moment you're super pissed ready to never talk to them again in all of eternity, then they do the cutest freaking thing and you're smitten haha

[Asker]

Yeah, we should work on trusting each other more

[hanscuit]

Definitely, when love is very strong, sometimes trust is weak because you're so scared of losing that person you know?

[Asker]

Sometimes when we're arguing and I'm yelling at him, he stop talking and just stare at me, and of course that makes me angrier because I'm not about to argue with myself lol so I yell at him some more and then out of nowhere he will kiss me. I'm already heated so the kiss is passionate and I'm into it until I figure out that he's trying to shut me up lmao. It's sexy tho lol

[hanscuit]

Yeah he's trying to keep you guys from fighting! its so freaking adorable lol

[Asker]

Yeah I know. I'll admit that I'm scared of losing him. He could have any woman he wants but he chose me and I chose him. I hope this gets better

[hanscuit]

Yeah its obviously somthing about you that he really cannot get enough of.. I would hold onto him, fighting is normal in every relationship that exists whether you're just friends or family, or its a romantic one. You two seem very compatible, i wish i had a guy like that im single well its not my fault (crazy mom) but you two will be fine just hang in there girly! :D

[Asker]

You're so insightful, it's refreshing. Thanks a lot and I'm sure you will find a nice guy that deserves you, crazy mom or not lol

[hanscuit]

Really? Thank you very much! I truly hope so! Im glad that i was able to be of any help usually im not but i try to do my best lol

[Pampered]

Creepy possessive! It's hot when a guy says the "you're mine" thing until he starts thinking he owns your phone and shit. Let him feel like a man but do NOT let him treat you like his daughter, thinking he can take away your phone if boys text you. You're both grown & can talk to whoever you want. That's bull shit!!

[Asker]

I hear what you're saying. I was so mad that he thought he could control who I can talk to and who I can't. I don't tell him who he can and can't talk to

[Skadouchebag]

All you need to do is point out his hypocrisy. Point out how many female friends he has, and point out how much you trust him. If he still continues this behavior, THEN you break up with him.

[Asker]

You are so right, he does the same thing, and it's not just his female friends I have to worry about his fans and groupies

[RainRIyadh]

"""he has a lot of women throwing themselves at him""""" <<<<<<<<<<<<he think you could do the same to ur male friends

[Asker]

I've always been honest with him. He knows that I love him and I would never cheat on him

[RainRIyadh]

@asker ikr he is human has ideas he see things and these things give him expectation thats normal at least he care about you

[Realfire22]

There's a true saying my mom taight me and i found this to be true,"If someone is constantly accusing you of something, that means they're actually doing it themselves.

[Asker]

So you think he's cheating

[Realfire22]

Yes he could be. Or he's highly insecure cuz he thinks he could lose u to someone else. But that's less than likely tbh

[Asker]

I haven't given him a reason to be insecure. And I'm always honest with him, how could he think he will lose me?

[Realfire22]

His insecurities tell him that he could be losing u, even though he's not. But honestly, I'm sensing that that isn't the case. He's got to be cheating.

[Asker]

Why are you absolutely certain that he's cheating?

[Realfire22]

It's just my female intuition

[moxygirl11]

Are you sure he is not cheating?

[Realfire22]

That's exactly what's going on. And he's insecure

[Asker]

I'm not going to say that I'm 100% sure that he's not, but I hope he's not.

[moxygirl11]

Okay because guilt sometimes cause for a gut to act like that

[Asker]

Sometimes I think that. He's always on the road, the groupies are everywhere, and sometimes I feel like he might slip up and give into temptation

[Actually16]

Are you dating Lebron James?

[hanscuit]

Lmfao this comment killed me!

[Realfire22]

Lol ikr? That was a good one

[Actually16]

Well if you are he's married so you're a side chick, sorry 😕

[Asker]

LOL No I'm not dating LeBron. Savannah would kill me lmao

[Actually16]

Who are you dating?

[Asker]

I don't think I should say. The last thing we both need is for the media to get ahold of this and distract him while he's in the playoffs. I'm just blowing off a little steam

[Actually16]

Lebron James is in the playoffs

[Asker]

Lol stop

[Actually16]

Is he a starter?

[Asker]

Yes, why?

[Actually16]

What team?

[Asker]

Lol I'm not telling you. I will leave you to your imagination

[Actually16]

What position

[Asker]

He could be a power forward, or is he a shooting guard? Or a small forward or a point guard or a center? Ha ha good luck

[wrish09]

Look if he really loves yu he will trust yu but if he is not doing it thn he dont love yu.

[Asker]

He does love me

[wrish09]

Its upon yu, yu can makeup yur mind as yu like for him but this is a truth that Trust is the roots of any relationship. And if yu dont have that the relationship dosent exists long.

[Asker]

That's true

[wrish09]

Thats the only thing he needs to learn.

[Anonymous]

He's a guy.
He knows that 99% of a girls 'friends' wants to bang her.

[Asker]

Even if that's true, he should trust me

[Opinion Owner]

It's not about you... it's about them other guys. Nobody likes someone creeping around to make moves on his lady.

[Asker]

I understand that because he has female friends and some of them will stop at nothing to get his attention. But I feel like if I trust him, he should trust me. And no one is creeping around. I wouldn't do that to him. He is so possessive. We were at the mall, and one of my friends saw us and he came over and gave me a hug. My boyfriend put his arm around me to pull me closer to him and he gave my friend the dirtiest look.

[Opinion Owner]

Marking his territory. I see it more as protective than possessive. But I get why you feel it's annoying.

[Asker]

Thank you, it is so annoying. Lol marking his territory, so I should just let him start peeing on me to let other guys know to back off lol

[Opinion Owner]

I assume it would work. A girl soaked in piss doesn't sound all that appealing :-D

[Asker]

Lol I don't know about that, some guys are into some really weird kinky stuff