Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Was I raped or is it normal?
JustRose Xper 4
I'm in 9th grade (Just turned 15), and this boy is in 12th (Almost 18), and I had a crush on him for a few months before we went on our first date a few weeks ago. I was so excited when he asked me for a third date at his house. I arrived at his house thinking it would be a dinner with the parent thing. But his single dad was gone for the weekend for a business trip. So we were alone at his house for a movie night. I was nervous about it because of all the stories you hear, but he was really handsome and funny and I didn't feel like he would do anything. (I was a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage.) Everything was fine until he started sliding his hands on my thighs, arms, etc. I didn't like that, and I shifted away, but didn't know how to say that I didn't like the touching. I didn't want to be rude, stupid as that sounds. He kept getting closer, so I stood up to go to the bathroom, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down to the couch, laughing. (Um, then he got on top of me... Sorry if this is too detailed but as I'm recalling this I need to express everything. He was still holding one of my wrists, and he sat on my stomach. I didn't say anything, just coughed, because he's a lot taller and thus heavier than I am and his weight was crushing. He told me he could teach me how to have sex, and I didn't say anything. I don't know why I didn't say anything; I was scared, it's hard to explain. It's like I lost my voice. He told me that my lip was trembling. And he took my clothes off, then his clothes, put a condom on, and had sex with me. I didn't move the whole time and I escaped into a daydream to ignore the pain. Afterwards, he hugged me goodnight. That was last week.) So was that rape? What if he didn't know I felt that scared, since I didn't speak? Next week I'm supposed to go on a date with him again. I'm not asking friends/family obviously. I'm just so lost. He's acting like nothing happened, so did nothing happen? I don't want to upset him.
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What Girls & Guys Said
42 39You were raped. You may not go out with him any more.
This is such a weird response. Why even comment if you're gonna be like, "Don't go out with him anymore", as if it's her fault
What happened to her is not her fault at all. He purposely invited her over when his parent wasn't home, he didn't ask her consent (not that a 15 year-old can give it legally), he chose to ignore her awkwardness, he restrained her and he raped her. These are not the actions of a caring boyfriend, they are those of a predator. The fact that she is concerned about upsetting him and that she is even considering spending any more time with him concerns me greatly. I worded my opinion like that because I think she needs to hear it in very clear language. Any accusation you're reading into it is completely self-fabricated.
Not saying anything isn't consent. If you ask someone do you want tea and they don't answer you don't make them tea. Same goes for sex
I feel like he was being pushy and aggressive but at the same time you didn't say "no". What he did was extremely wrong but he may have just thought you were nervous cause you were a virgin. Talk to him and tell you felt uncomfortable about the whole thing and see what he says.
Well, it didn't matter if you consented to sex actually. You haven't reached the age of consent (16), whatever he does constituted statutory rape.
But did you go to the police for evidence? It's difficult to do anything for you without evidence though.
I feel bad for u. But if u want to go again and dont want tl make him upset then im confused like u r about ue feelings. First thing u need to do is tell him u dont want it again. U should have told him already but tell now.
technically you never said no nor did you resist or display protest, so he is clear of all legal obligations if you just "went with the flow", unless you reside in California then i think you can still fuck him over, figuratively.
i actually dont know how else to say the rest of what i wanna say without sounding like a dick so pm me if you want.
bee-tee-dubs, its not normal, but how frequently it happens to people is common.
Naturally I have no idea how your legal system works in America.. Surely though he can still be accused of having sex with a minor (she is only just 15) and as she made no comments to his advances whatsoever, that must surely constitute as rape.
@SolitaireBond im just going off what she said, and she said "almost 18", technicality is everything in a court of law.
I think it was rape. And I'm sure that's what iy felt like to you. But technically, he can not be accused of rape, or arrested for what he did, because you never said no, and never resisted. Plus, you wouldn't have any proof in court since he never hit you.
So yes, it was rape (at least in your mind), but he cannot be arrested for it.
That's ridiculous. He never got her permission.
@shadiamond I agree, it is ridiculous. But that's how the law works. They don't take anyone's word for it. So even if a girl accuses a guy of rape, he cannot be arrested unless there is a visual recording of her resisting, and/or an audio recording of her saying "no". If she has bruises though, and she claims that she got them from him, he will be arrested immediately with no hesitation. The law is really unstable and inefficient when it comes to rape. Especially since a girl can just go home and hit herself in the face to get a bruise, the guy she accuses of doing it will be arrested immediately. I'd say that rape is the most iffy topic when it comes to the law.
Okay if you didn't want it it's rape. Yes you should have said something but also he should have noticed that you didn't want to the obvious pushing away etc... he probably thought he could take advantage of you since you're young. I'd say don't go on the other date with him, unless you want to. But I garnered he is going to try again. And if you do go and he does try again no matter how scared you are to stand up for yourself you say no if he still gets you fucking kick him in the balls and call the cops okay because obviously he's bigger stronger and probably won't take no kindly. But if I were you stop seeing this boy, he sounds like a player and bad news never let anyone take advantage of you again, do not be afraid to voice your opinion.
Honestly I'm like you and if I were in the situation I wouldn't want to be "rude" either but it is not rude to say no to that don't think it is.
It was rape - Tell your parents and police
Guys like this... I hate. Got no game.
Well it was rape and I would suggest not going on another date with him, tell your parents and the police, he'll probably go to jail for a while for raping a 15 year old and he'll learn his lesson in jail and never talk to you again after he gets out which is a good thing for you. He's a piece of shit for raping you.
You should've said something. Its not like you were screaming him to stop, He might've got the wrong signals from you.
Oh, fuck off. She was terrified. She went into freeze mode of fight-flight-freeze. When that sort of thing is happening to you, you're barely able to speak. I've been raped multiple times (the same man) and while, yes, there were times when I was screaming, most of the time I wasn't present in my body. www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/.../...sociation.pdf
THAT was a rape! tell your parents n the police
It's a gray issue legally speaking... here... It is rape. You were too overpowered by him to say anything. I think he planned this whole thing from the start and he knew you were vulnerable. You shouldn't have gone to a guy's house alone. You should have realise that once you stepped in, he got you good, fair and square.
Based on your age it was legally rape. The fact that you didn't clearly give him the go ahead just makes him a horny jerk. However, you gave him no reason to believe you weren't enjoying it and wanting it just as much as him. And I'm not saying you're outright lyung but the fact that you accepted another date after this tells me that you probably sent him signals that you were more than fine with what was going on either verbally or not. Children who are too young to speak up for what they want should not be putting themselves in that situation to begin with. Talk to your parents.
That's sooo rape
Any idiot could have told you were scared and didn't want it by your body language & action ( shift away went to the bathroom) althought u didn't say it out loud , and he still went ahead with it anyway so this is rape. even if u were consent it would be still rape since you're under 16. u sound like you still like him though and this is what I see as very wrong...
You didn't show any resistance, nor you were verbally against that, therefore a guy assumed you're okay with it and continued.
Hence it cannot classify as rape, regardless of what liberals or (even worse) feminists have to say.
If you dislike something, you should make a statement about it, otherwise it's perceived as an acceptance.
She got up to go to the bathroom (weak, but a move away) and he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down, then sat on her stomach. Physical action to keep her from getting away. Most people here are seeing that force as rape. One does not have to be a liberal or a feminist to see rape for what it is. Why don't you forget those rants and deal with what happened here without trying to use her situation to spew your hatred of poeple who care about others?
I agree what Red_Arrow just said. There was nothing to do with feminists or what so ever. It has nothing to do with whether the guy received consent from her or not. Even if she said yes, that still constitute a rape! She is underage!
@Red_Arrow @x8888x As I said, she never expressed obvious resistance whatsoever that would appear as a red flag to a guy. That IS a passive acceptance, but it's still acceptance. Therefore she was neither for, nor against it, more like as she didn't cared much. One can go to a bathroom for whatever reason. Rest of the actions (such as grabbing one's wrist) can be classified as a guy showing a bit of dominance, something that some girls may like (i. e. those cases when a girl says "no" while she means "yes"). In any case, it's hard to classify this case as rape, since neither "victim" (although she's not a victim) showed any obvious signs she's against that, nor attacker saw any resistance whatsoever that would put even remote thought to his head that a girl is against having sex. That's not "hate" (as you put it), that's common sense and logic. Besides, you said "most people in here". Most people in here are feminized liberals, they see anything as rape.
Grabbing her wrist can be "showing a bit of dominance." So that is what you call it? And when he sat on her to hold her there, that was still "showing a bit of dominance"? And if he handcuffed her, you would then call that... wait for it... "showing a bit of dominance." When I mentioned "your hatred" it was the hatred you show to the people who care about others, as you were showing when you got into your all too common rant labeling people who care as liberals and feminists, not your refusal to recognize rape. And that labeling does not show common sense or logic. And then, my gosh, you did it again. Your last paragraph was onto your rant again. (Surprise, surprise)
@Red_Arrow For fucks sake, am I talking to SJW or something? She showed no resistance whatsoever, never said a thing etc, therefore a guy assumed it's either some weird type of foreplay and/or it's one of those cases when a girl wants to see how far a guy would go to get her. She never said "no" even once. Since she also mentioned she had a crush on him for a few months, I personally think she actually wanted sex, but just was afraid of it. This is what people with common sense do understand, just rarely bother to explain it to liberals and rest of SJWs like you.
I don't even know what SJW is. Don't care, either. And there you go on a nonsensical rant again.
@Red_Arrow I guess arguing with a liberal is somewhat pointless, common sense skips them. I've explained myself and explained the situation that happened. Good day.
Yeah, it was kind of rape! But you did not stopped him or hesitated and went with the flow, makes it physically look like sex, but in mental state you think you were raped, So to be honest if you keep thinking it as rape, then you are just Forcing yourself Towards a bad memory, since you said he was handsome, and you liked him, think it as awkward first time, cause you cannot suit a case against him for that or change the past, but you can learn something new from it.
That how to fix future, on next date say first, you were not mentally ready and up for what happened. And tell him how you feel like now, either he needs to do amends or it could be the end.
Saving yourself for marriage : Its old concept and those people who do it end up either cheating in their marriage or a life abstained from sex, since they are rookies in sex.
That is reality, life is not a fairytale or a novel like twilight.
Lesson : if you and your partner are doing anything take part in it actively,
: anything sexual express yourself and communicate a lot, stop = pause =harder =softer =don't stop etc.
Your partner felt like you were nervous about it, and also you did not show a strong sign for him to stop.
My review on him : he is an asshole, cause even seeing that his partner is not up for it or interested he still kept doing it, how even possible he could still have an Erection.
That is rape and you should let your mom and the authorities knows exactly what happened.