Life isn't fair. But that is in fact the choice. The hot bad-boys don't need to commit to a woman - even an ultra-hot or even ultra-pure woman - so they almost never do. If you want a guy like that, you're going to have to share him.
But you also ruin yourself for other men, because a "normal" guy is never going to be able to compete with that. It's like if you grew up with a professional chef cooking your food, or you like wine but - Amber Heard style - you got used to drinking $800 bottles, so even wines that are FAR above average (let's say $80/bottle) just don't taste good to you anymore.
This is one of several reasons that men consider women who have slept around to have a lower value. Let's say a woman sleeps with 5 guys: one is incredibly handsome, one is incredibly fit, one has amazing stamina, one is rich and can provide a high lifestyle, and one has a big dick. Instead of using that experience to learn "hmm... I guess you usually don't get everything all in one package, so you have to learn to appreciate what you get", women do the opposite: they decide that they DESERVE a single man with ALL of those characteristics, and anything less means she's "settling." What she doesn't realize is that a man with all of those characteristics is so incredibly rare that there are maybe 30 men like that in the entire country, and half of them are already married to actresses or supermodels, and the other half bang 500 women a year and have zero plans to stop.
And by the time most women figure out that they have zero chance of getting one of those guys, she's slept with 50 guys who didn't quite measure up, and has tons of emotional damage and baggage, and then, finally, she's WILLING to "settle" with a guy who is "only" an 8/10 (a guy who was completely invisible to her in her 20s), but she'll never really care about him because she's still thinking about the "has it all" guy that she's never even met.
Social media only makes the problem worse: it ENCOURAGES women to have these insanely high standards that even the people portraying them don't actually have (it's easy to pretend on social media). Most women also cannot grasp the fact that if the majority of men only rate her a 6, that she has ZERO chance of getting a guy that most women would rate a 9 - and when I say "get", I don't mean she can't fuck a guy like that, I mean she can't get a RELATIONSHIP out of a guy like that. Just because a man will fuck you doesn't say anything about your relationship value. A high-value man (in the opinion of most women) is happy to dip down in value to get sex, but he's not going to dip down in value for a relationship, because he has far too many options and can demand the very best. That guy, if he gets into a relationship at all, is going to be with a smoking-hot girl who ALSO has other male-desirable characteristics that elevate her attractiveness.
I'm gonna say something you guys aren't going to want to hear.
The nice guy/bad boy debate is what's fucking up your whole dating life.
Most of these people you're talking about are men who have no purpose in life and are not suitable for a relationship. They are lying to you and themselves as they play out a role of a person who they believe is the easiest set of characteristics for them to emulate.
In other words what you described up there are two sides of the same coin. You want to date guys who are confident, not overly arrogent. Considerate, yet measured, powerful, in the sense that they have mastered a level of self control.
These people are possibly a majority of dudes. Nobody is perfect at those things above but the point is, give guys who approach you like a normal person a chance. If you're turning away dudes who want to have experiences with you, basically you're saying "that's too much work/risk, I'm gonna hit up this other guy"
And you're gonna fabricate all these excuses to entertain a guys time for no reason other than his looks/persistence or that he's funny.
1. TL;DR "Bad boy" and "nice guy" are abstractions. They don't exist, at least not in the clear way it's portrayed.
A person with half a brain would be looking for very specific characteristics that would fit their own.
2. Believe it or not, some women can and do in fact stick with a "bad boy" for most of their life, without having the problems the average woman has with them. They are usually his "best friend", the boss bitch who looks even unattractive to the dumb girl who's chasing him. She knows more about him than any other woman and that's the way it will be. Not all bad boys end up alone and sad, like in some women's revenge fantasies.
The problem with women who chase "bad boys" is the same problem with gold diggers who chase rich guys: They don't know themselves and aren't aiming to find someone compatible to help them in their lives. Their choice is based on pure greed.
They are completely blind to the fact that they cannot provide anything that the "bad boy" wants, except their bodies. It's the same with rich men and naive gold diggers.
3. This question reduces relationships to the time two people spend in bed.
a) Relationships are more than sex, even though sex is extremely important.
b) Sex is a skill and bodies can be built with 2 years of exercise. What can't change are your personalities, weltanschauung, and the memories two people create together. (The bad boy might like to fuck you for a month, but he shares key memories and similarities with his long-time best friend who might be married to someone else and casually cheating on her husband to fuck and listen to him).
In the end, I think this line of thought belongs to people who aren't truly experiencing life authentically, who are in dreamland and not in the rough real world. Many people who think this way have very weak personalities and their attempts at chasing "big" things, whether it's money or cock or very big men, is an attempt to cover their shortcomings (like being very bad at sex themselves) and prolong a "happy" and "mindless" state that exists in children.
Many of them are also bad at communication and thinking in general.
Think. Know yourself. Chase a man who can stay with you. Build a goddamned life together.
P. s. I'm not saying all men can think clearly or communicate their feelings well. They're just as confused about themselves and life as the average woman is and that's always half of the problem. But women are the gatekeepers of relationships and in the end, their confusion can cost relatively more.
P. s. s. This opinion doesn't cover all aspects of relationships (cultural, economic, social class, etc.)
My experience is limited but I’ve met at least one guy (my current boyfriend) who is good at sexual stuff and doesn’t cheat
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!because the nice guy hasn't had the practice that the bad guy has had. and normally the nice guy is shy because of the size of his
At the age of 16 all men have their penis measured at school by the careers advisor who then allocates them a social role for life.
you're just looking wrong like every combination exists
We don't lmao
You don't need to choose between the two, but as soon as you've chosen the bad boy, the type of man that has both of those traits (provider, great in bed, loyal and attractive etc) will not go anywhere near you. You probably aren't aware they exist because they aren't so obvious. But any woman that has not fallen for the bad boys, has not settled for a man they don't find attractive and that has other traits such as loyalty, self respect and intelligence will attract these types of guys. In summary, most women don't get the guy that has those traits because they settled for the bad boy.
The problem with many "nice guys" aren't really nice and you're talking a lot about being in bed. A lot of them are only looking for sex themselves. At least a bad boy is honest about what he is after many "nice guys" aren't.
A truly nice guy isn't looking for sex. When you find women who are just letting you have sex with them then they have about the same moral code you do. Most guys just wanting sex will cheat and so will most women who sleeps with any guy who gives her a chance.
So... Maybe drop the sex and look for something more meaningful and sustainable long term and the risk of being cheated on goes WAY down when someone really loves you and you really love them.
Am I saying it does not ever happen? No. But not near as much
I'm not sure you "have to choose!" Maybe you could choose door #3? Really, it's a lose/lose when you have half of what you are looking for.
To paraphrase from Mulholland Falls, you never talked to a guy in your life.
Lol if u think that's your only choice then maybe that is what u deserve
Who says that she does. Plenty of nice men are good in bed and don’t cheat.
Well if the bad guy is cheating then why would you pick him over the nice guy? If the nice guys dick is to small or he doesn’t perform well in bed then teach his ass and talk him into getting surgery to make his dick bigger if that’s really the issue , at least his dick will be loyal to your vagina over a bad boy that just likes to fuck any vagina that will probably give you STD’s and herpes , When it comes to girls I rather have the nice girl that stays loyal to me over some girl that hops cock to cock,
Because a good guy that is 6' tall, strong, and has large size down there too, is loyal, caring, trustworthy, affectionate, family oriented, won't accept a low quality woman and he will have high standards too that she likely won't live up to.
Standards like compatible morals and compatible long term life goals, she needs to have an acceptable past, no tattoos, no history of drug use or heavy alcohol drinking, no promiscuous past, no contact with any ex, wants kids, but doesn't have any already, have some things in common they enjoy doing together besides just sexual stuff, can't have liberal morals, needs to be willing to sign a prenuptial agreement, etc.
A good quality man is possible to find, but often the woman won't be up to his standards. In my experience, she won't even come close to meeting those standards.
But that´s life because not all guys have big dicks and the guys that have know they can play girls like they want because there will always be a girl trying to make him settle down and will fail.
Life´s never been fair and it will never be fair, everybody has to make compromise.
Like guys also argue that they have to choose between a great body that is selfish, greedy and ignorant or a woman that doesn´t look great because she´s overweight or has not that great porportions but is smart, kind, compassionate and a good conversation partner.
What´s the point of that discussion? It just shows to me that people follow idealistic role-models that are shallow and self-centred.
Posts like yours are the reason why I stopped dating because sometimes being single is better than in a toxic relationship each partner solely wants their own pleasure don´t care about the rest.
Ha ha ha ha
I highly doubt those are your only two options and I highly doubt the two guys you described are real
I dunno. Mine is bigger than average, I don't cheat. and I'm nice (and I know what to do with a clit) so we exist.
Why can't I find a nice girl who looks like a huge boobed instagram cosplay model, doesn't cheat, is an atheist, is kind hearted, is drug/alcohol free, and likes the stuff I like for hobbies?
The "bad boy" isn't even really bad - he just has choice and no commitment to give you. Many women will complain about him, that he used them, he never planned to propose, he left them as soon as they started to make "normal" demands. That's why he is called bad, not because he isn't a decent person that cares about the elderly, children, animals, you name it. More often than not they are nicer than the nice guys. They just won't commit to any woman.
Why do you have to chose between a bad boy and a nice guy? Because the bad boy was made into one by women chasing him. And the reason is the destruction of the nuclear family, before, they had to settle with one women at an early age and were out of the market. Now this "bad boys" ride the wave until they are 40 or 50.
What doesn’t seem fair is that you think a nice guy could never be good in bed. If you want him to be good at sex you have to have sex with him. “Bad boys” just have sex with a lot of women so they get the practice in but not everyone wants to do that and I don’t know if you’ve noticed but there isn’t exactly pressure on women to be really great at anything when it comes to sex. You just have to not be bad which really just means showing up. Guys actually have to build skills because you expect it but if you want him to be good at it you probably have to do something for once and tell him what you like.
I'm going to choose to answer non-sarcastically this time.
Basically, the reason for this is pride. People who have a lot of good traits come to realize this and they get full of themselves. So they choose to use these advantages to their own advantage instead of sharing them with a single partner.
If you don't behave around the bad boy like a slut he might respect you. If you don't look at being nice as a weakness, it might make the good guy feel stronger and have better sex with him. Usually it is in your behaviour. Good guys usually don't like to look at the girl friends as whores. They want to love them and respect them. Unfortunately a lot of girls are whores who want to be fucked like whores. Ask yourself are you looking for love or do you want to be a whore. You don't know what you want. If you were into making love and a deeper connection most good guys would be very good at that. But that is not what you want, you want to be loved and cherished from one end and treated like a whore in another sense. The contradiction is coming from you. It is impssible for a man to truly respect a whore and it is also impossible for a man to truly treat someone he loves like one.
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