Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Why doesn't my boyfriend want me sexually anymore?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. The first four months of our relationship we would have sex all the time. 3 times a day at most. when I spent the weekend at his house we would do it everyday, twice a day etc. he always wanted me and made me feel sexy and attractive. after four months of dating we moved in together. (soon I know) as soon as we moved in together it just stopped. it was weeks after until we had sex again. I've mentioned it to him several times over the past few months and in the beginning he said he "didn't feel right" ever since we moved, he has told me he doesn't get erections anymore which is never an issue when we actually do have sex. he has blamed me for not starting it, but he doesn't exactly make me feel like I can. everytime I mention it he shots me down and makes me feel stupid and unattractive. I sleep naked, he touches my body, grabs my butt, my boobs, and still nothing comes of it. I'll walk around in barely anyclothes, he touches me a lot but it's like my body doesn't turn him on at all. it's like sex is the farthest thing from his mind. it's so embarrassing and hurtful when I try and there is no response. or even flat out ask to have sex and he says stuff like "probaly not" there's just no spark. what am I doing wrong? he says he's still attracted to me but I find it hard to believe. I'm 22 and he's 28. he is my first real relationship and the second person I've had sex with. i may be inexperienced but I thought when your boyfriend touches you he would want to have sex? I feel like we're cuddle buddies/friends. I don't know if I can deal with this forever. he's perfect otherwise. we have sex about once every eight days/sometimes twice. we're not busy. we spent the past two days together watching movies and just staying at home cuddling, wouldn't a normal couple have sex? is it me?
Updates:
+1 y
I know he isn't cheating.
+1 y
I have found out that he does watch p*rn . rarely though but he definitely does.
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • This is NOT normal. I mean, sure, most people kind of have "sex frenzy" when they first get together, and after the initial "honeymoon period" it drops off a bit, but nothing like the level you're describing here. His libido just dropped off like a rock.

    Yes, it could be stress - does he have a lot of new pressure? Is he struggling to make the bills, or having problems at work, or something else that would cause him to worry and stress? Because that will kill a guy's libido fast. Also, depression medications are famous for killing a libido, so is there a chance he recently went on depression meds, or changed his depression meds?

    The bottom line is: you need to sit down with him and talk about it, and you NEED to get a real answer. Start by telling him how it makes you feel when he doesn't seem to be sexually interested in you, and then ask him why he thinks his libido seems to have dropped off so much. Hopefully he'll give you a real answer.

    If he can't or won't give you an answer, then you need to face the harsh reality that this is the kind of thing that will destroy a relationship, and so you might have to start re-thinking your relationship and living situation.

    • No meds, no stress, we both work and pay bills with no issues. I will try explaining it to him but everytime I has he gets defensive and acts like there is something wrong with me and I'm obsessed with sex. I hate it. I want to feel wanted. I feel like it will destroy our relationship on my end and he will think I'm just being ridiculous over something as dumb as sex. but it's very important to me.

    • It's completely normal for sex to be very important to you, just as it is for most guys. And not being sexually fulfilled WILL destroy your relationship. You need to tell him how serious this issue is, and how it makes you feel. Try not to make him get defensive, but let him know that if the issue isn't resolved somehow, that it will cause your relationship to fall apart. Again, your desires are NORMAL, and his are not, but that's not really what's important. What IS important is whether you can find a compromise that you can both live with, or not. It's possible that you two may simply not be compatible.

  • He is probably just burnt out on you, not trying to be mean and I dont mean it in a he wants to break up way. He is just stressed. When you are living together you go from being all sex and fun to sex, fun, and a pain in the other persons ass. Try giving him alone time and also doing more romantic things like getting his fav foods or little gifts. Just try to remind him that this isn't all stress. Also try to stop pushing him so hard for it. Play hard to get wear pjs to bed, dont walk around trying to seduce him. Dont let him grab your ass. Also no sex always slows down, maybe not that much but it does. Cuddling and movies sounds fine enjoy it.

Most Helpful Girls

  • He could just be preoccupied. Some guys may have a lot of stuff on their mind. work related, school related. If he really loves you and is thinking about a future with you then he could be thinking a lot about ways he can make the relationship long lasting and is trying to not make the relationship only a sexual one, also he could be preoccupied with thinking of ways he can better himself so that he will feel like he is good enough to have a future with you.

    My fiance told me though that he constantly thinks about how he can be a better person for me and that he wanted to make more money so we can get a house. When guys are in real deep love they may become preoccupied with thoughts about the future. So sometimes we are not having sex a billion times a day.

    Also there are guys out there who may have an std/sti that they do not want you to know about so they will sexually avoid you durring a flare up. Some guys can have an errectile dysfunction. Yes young guys can have errectile issues as well as low libido issues.

    I think you should really tell your bf about your concerns

    • i just noticed that you said he is 28 years old. At 28 years old it is very possible for a guy to not be as sexual as he was in his earlier years. 28 is not old but yes 28 year old guys can have a low sex drive or errectil issues. Also men who live with women just tend to be less sexual than men who do not live with women.

    • he definitely wants a future with me and says he's going to marry me all the time. I wish I didn't care about sex but it just gets to me that he touches me all the time and wants nothing to do with it, and it doesn't help that I barely have any experience so I think that makes me want it even more being that I've never had sex on a regular basis until I started dating him.

    • yeah i dont think that he doesn't desire you. Its just that you have a higher sex drive than he does.

  • Four months is not too soon for moving in together. Actually I think it's just about right at four to six months. Have no idea what's wrong with him though. I'd think a normal couple your age would be having sex at least two or three times a week. Does he watch p*rn and masturbate a lot? If not, then he probably has some sort of problem, either mental or physical.

  • he may feel there's more to a relationship then sex...
    I know someone who had the same issue except she found out her partner had developed a habbit of taking valium which then became addictive but also causedlose of sexual intercourse and the inabillity for her partner to physically get hard

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 4

  • Seems he is hiding something. If it isn't cheating, over watching of p*rn or chronic masturbation issues and work/school is ok, and the relationship is good on all other fronts there is an underlying problem you need to pry out of him. Did either of you gain or lose a lot of weight? Does he work 15 hours a day? Has his mood change when it comes to other things you too enjoy? Does he still compliment you. 8 months is not a very long time to fall into a routine that married couple with kids go through.

  • You know he isn't cheating? Well... why do you want to stay with someone who you know isn't cheating and yet still doesn't want you?

  • Sex with the same person gets boring after a while, thats why i cheat... He is prolly cheating too.

  • it is prolly u

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