Why my boyfriend only wants that I give him oral and anal sex and don’t care if I get pleasure in sex?

[Anonymous]

Hi , I’m with my boyfriend now since one and half year , it used to be very good sexually in the beginning, but now he just want that I give him oral sex and anal, and even the anal sex is maybe one time in a month and vaginal sex one time in 6 months now or never, plus never reaching orgasm, or any at all and no foreplay ! I have been very patient and agreed to everything he said , I tried to have a talk about it to him but mostly about why we don’t have sex as often anymore! He doesn’t like it! We had a baby recently as well so I thought this could be the problem too so that’s why I stayed patient, his arguments is mostly about because our baby is in the same room as us or in our bed, but that is totally understandable, because we can’t have sex when we have a baby in the same room! But the thing is we live in a huge house with 6 bedrooms and 9 sleeping beds in our house, so there’s plenty of room and space in our house, plus all the big sofas and launch places ! I have told him that we could have sex in other rooms but he says he just wants in our sleeping bed and of course that’s impossible! I never experienced this with anyone before him! This is totally new for me! So I started to think that he might not be attracted to me anymore, I tried to dress nicely and sometimes put some nice underwear to make him get connected to me but it’s working! He says he is stressed of work and I should find a way to play and give pleasure to myself! Other than that, he says he loves me strongly all the time and that I’m beautiful and planning vacations for us and all the other things. So I really don’t understand this intimacy part as I have never had any problems before with my previous relationships! Can someone help me out and tell me why he is acting like this?

I would really appreciate it! It is something that eating my mind on a daily basis and I just don’t know what to do and think anymore!

Xxx

Mehry

[SolivagantRises]

First of all, I am sorry that you're going through this. You're still with him as you must love him and I guess that he makes you feel loved too in different ways, just like you said (apart from the sex). Sex is crucial too in a relationship. It seems that he is just making excuses at this point, especially with the baby being in the same room and then sleeping and having sex on the same bed. They are all a bunch of excuses and there might be more. The real issue is something else which he's not telling you. Of course, it could be work stress related or could be something else. Only he can tell you about it. Whether he has lost interest in you and is not attractive to you anymore, I can't make that kind of an opinion based on what you've told me. I would tell you to talk to him about it but since you've already done that multiple times, I would suggest you to take drastic measures since he wouldn't open up to you. There is no way this relationship can continue if one of the partners will remain unsatisfied/unhappy. You can surely prolong it but it wouldn't cause you any sort of happiness.

I would strongly suggest to have one last talk with him, hell, you guys should definitely see a couples therapist about this. And if he really loves you/cares about you, then he wouldn't refuse to get couples counseling because all this is making you unhappy and he is the cause for it. If he doesn't open up to you, then the couples counseling is your last resort. I can only wish you good luck.

[Asker]

Thank you for message, I will probably talk to him but not now because it wasn’t long time ago we had the talk and it always finished by him being upset about the topic, and I’m being selfish and not understanding what he is going through! But the fact is that I understand what he is going through and all the struggles, I learned this and I learned how to be useful for him for my relationship and the kids! And also this is an extremely awkward topic for me to talk about! So we will see if we can go to a therapist but not anytime soon. And I don’t want to end my relationship just because of sex!

[MrOracle]

The two of you need some marriage counselling - from a MALE counsellor. You need a third party to hold the two of you accountable to each other, and perhaps to help him understand what you're going through. You aren't being unreasonable at all. Granted, if he's really stressed, that can make him less interested in sex and less able to perform, but that doesn't sound like the real problem to me.

Some men get freaked out by their wife being pregnant and giving birth, and it creates a mental block in their head. That may be the problem here. That wouldn't be your fault at all, by the way. Similarly, some guys go absolutely sex-wild when their woman is pregnant or recently given birth.

I suspect that getting this counselling will help solve other problems in your relationship as well, and will probably bring you closer together.

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice.. there is a lot of stuff that make these issues for us but he is still seeking pleasure from me and I have nothing from him in bed , but outside the bed he is really a sweet heart and cares about me a lot so that’s why I don’t understand the intimacy part! And If we go to a counselor it will Definitely be a male one for sure 👍

[HelpfulWoman]

-time to tell him either he puts in effort for you both or its time to end things.

No reason to entertain this sort of behaviour anymore.

[Asker]

Yes we had a baby 9 months ago and everything else working well except the intimacy part. I don’t want to give up on him or my relationship just because of sex but it stating to be huge problem to my brain and I just don’t feel I’m desired by him anymore but outside the bedroom he is very lovable person and gives me compliments all the time.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

You know why. He’s selfish. He doesn’t care about your personal satisfaction or well being.

[boggboss]

Just seems he dont care about hoe u feel

[Asker]

This is what feels all the time! I just think he doesn’t get turned on by me anymore! But he doesn’t act like it during the day, sometimes I feel like I’m just spending quality time with just a friend when I’m with him! It’s really hard!

[boggboss]

Yes he will get u to pleasure him so no the issue is not attraction its him not caring how u feel or not caring to make u feel good

[Asker]

This type of thought has crossed my mind so many times plus other type 1000 thoughts that keeps coming in my head

[boggboss]

Its not a thought at this point its how he thinks

[boggboss]

He hasn't stopped having sex he stopped doing thing u like or care about and only does what he wants

[Asker]

Yeah it really seems like this, because if this happens few times, I’ll get it could be stress and many other stuff but as it is every day !

[slatyb]

What to do? End this and find someone capable of caring.

[Indio1375]

I'm sorry that happened to you. But if you're not satisfied you should move along. I think partners should enjoy each other speak to each other share each other's fantasies fetishes

[patrick994]

Certainly stress can play a role, I am sorry you are in this situation, you should try to talk to him and explain your needs as a woman in the couple.

Don't feel guilty, you are a fantastic woman, there should be more women like you, it is he who must understand that he must not neglect you on an intimate level.

[Dargil]

You and he are not a good match. With his self-serving attitude, think about what a marriage would be like. Then hit the road.

[Asker]

As I have not that experience in sex , I have been thinking it’s normal that it is only him should get pleasure when being intimate, but after a long previous relationship that I had for 13 years and never had orgasm, we almost never got intimate, but that was because he was suffering from DE and never did anything to fix it too, so I started to have orgasm disfuntional too because I was extremely traumatized by it. And I didn’t even know that I could give myself orgasms too by certain toys! we are divorced now , but not because of the intimacy part , but many other things. SoAs I am now with a new boyfriend, I’m also experiencing this gain. I’m just thinking, this is going to be like this for the rest of my life!

[Dargil]

An issue with self-centeredness in sex is that it will likely spread to other non-sexual issues.

[Asker]

Like what for example?

[ProbablyClueless]

Lack of empathy. It feels good for him, and he doesn't care how it feels for you.

[David94358]

The fact he is staying away from your pussy after you just had a baby is because he does not want to get you pregnant again, the simple solution is if he wants to switch to only oral for now then he needs to take care of you as well. He goes down on you first before you suck his dick.

Eventually he will go back to normal again

[Asker]

Yeah of course not to get pregnant again! But i always think too that why he never goes down on me or touching me or any other foreplay! It’s just he seems every time in a hurry to have sex and finish and go to sleep after immediately and it’s always anal or oral !

[David94358]

Got to put your foot down and tell him you have needs as well that he needs to take care of if he wants you to take care of him as well

[Asker]

I will do that next time. Thanks for your advice ☺️

[laly520]

he doesn't care about u

[noohair]

You are just a slab of meat to him. Why stay? For love? He does not love or respect you.

[Bobby88t]

You shuold seek another guy and lea e that selfish one

[jjj101010]

How long has this been going on for?

[Asker]

This has been going on for 6 months straight

[jjj101010]

Drop me a follow. Happy to talk it through with u

[Asker]

I did thanks ☺️

[Zlantur2]

Cause most men are jerks and selfish. Find another one.

[Anonymous]

It's just an excuse for him not to have sex. Also his sex drive could be going down hill. But he also has to realize if you're loyal to him And he is not meeting your needs. Eventually you're going to stray away.

[Asker]

Yeah when we had the conversation about this subject and he said that doesn’t have any libido and again our baby is every in our bed or sleeping in the same room! I also have working on my self apart being loyal to him and also to be the feminine ideal woman for him, never complaining, always happy to see him when he comes back from work! Taking care of all chores and our baby at home. Basically being a traditional woman so he can just Focus on his job and his goals. But this intimacy part is a huge problem for me and I’m not even expecting too much because I don’t want to stress him! And also this topic is extremely awkward for me to speak to him so I’m just sitting and waiting basically!

[Opinion Owner]

I totally get where you're coming from. but everybody has a breaking point. If a person is not getting the attention or the love or the desire met at home they eventually start having affairs

[Asker]

Yes I see what you mean! Also I never said no to him in bed or anything in general! Because I feel like as a woman I have this duty to satisfy him n whenever he needs it , but never though I would come to this point and start to search on google why my boyfriend doesn’t want to have sex with me it’s totally new for me and I don’t want to seek other solutions except fixing this. I just wonder all the time in my head why he is not desiring me !

[Opinion Owner]

The more you think about it the more questions you're going to have with no answers. Open communication in a relationship is important. If you satisfy all his needs. As a man, he should step up to make sure his woman is also taking a care of just like. Maybe he has low male hormones.

[Asker]

Yes , he said to me that he has a low libido and he is very tired because he is working a lot and lots of other stuff which I understand totally. I’m going to work harder on this a little more for a while and if this is going to continue, I will suggest to change bedroom and I will sleep in other room. !

[Opinion Owner]

My sex drive is way higher than the person I am with. But the person knows if my needs are met. They eventually know I will start to wander. Even if he has a little sex drive, he can at least do his best to accommodate you.

[Anonymous]

Dump his sorry ass, he only cares about himself.