Sexual Relationships
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Why won't he go down on me?

So I've been with my man for almost a year. I'm 22 and he's about to be 30. We have discussed this topic several times, typically it turns into me getting upset and feeling insecure, I'm a girl, those things happend and then he "understands" and will say "tonight or tomorrow". Well aparently those days dont come. I'm always willing to take it even when I'm not in the mood and give hime head everytime we have sex - thats my foreplay. I've tried all of the basics : - "I had this thought while in the shower of you going down on me and me cuming so hard, it was wonderful. You shoudl make my thoughts a realtiy" - "babe when i get home, all i want is for you to just wrap your arms around my waist and make me cum" - "I know something sweet you can eat" - "my turn?" - "kiss me lower" I'm sure you get the picture. Anyway - to be honest he hardly give any effort into getting me wet. He just expects me to be ready for him whenever he wants it. I'm really trying here. I dont know that this is a deal breaker but it might be. I want someone to want to please me - just me, for once. Any suggestions here would be wondrful. Maybe a way to really talk with him about it would be best.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • - Is it possible that this is a passive aggressive behavior and there is some other issue that needs to be dealt with.
    - You have talked about this and he has agreed with you but then doesn't follow through. This is a separate problem that should also address directly.

    - Yes he is willing to give on his own terms but Is he selfish in other areas? If so, it's likely time to move on, you can't "communicate" you way past that.

    If the selfishness is limited to giving you oral, you likely can train him out of it.
    Here are some ideas of thing you could try to let him know it's important to you and IS a problem. Consider how important before taking action. If it's a deal breaker (and it would be to me) I'd stick to it until he gives in or leaves.
    - Don't give him oral until he give you oral. Stick to it. (maybe you give him oral twice of each time he gives you oral (20 min for 10 min) or whatever. You can ask him what he thinks is fair ahead of time.
    - No sex without mutual oral foreplay.
    - If you're willing to barter. Is their something special or infrequent sexually that he'd LIKE that you could trade for him giving you oral. This one is tricky, in that ideally you should NOT be giving a reward just to receive your due but if he just needs something to get him started this could work.

    Good luck, we'd like to hear back on how this works out.
    It's important for him to be willing to give you the things that you ask for, not just the things you "need". No more waking you up to meet his "needs" until this is sorted out.
    Cheers,

    • Don't get me wrong - there is nothing more I want right now than to have his eat me out. But i find it almost demeaning to beg for it. I want him to want to give it to me, does that make scene? It's like begging someone to hang out with you, you know they really dont want to and you feel pathetic.

  • I will do it occasionally and I'm allegedly good at it but she gives no feedback and I don't particularly enjoy it so I don't do it much. She knows about the feedback issue.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Spell it out for him. "I give you blow jobs so it hurts me that you won't go down on me. Why do you think it's okay to not reciprocate? Why do you think it's okay to not communicate about it? Why do you think foreplay is a step we can skip? Do you realize this makes you look very selfish?"

    Is it nice? No. But you have tried nice. If he doesn't give you real answers and begins to work on these issues, it's time to move on. There is an intrinsic flaw in the relationship when he doesn't respect your body and your enjoyment as much as he expects you to respect his.

  • You have to have a serious talk with him about this beyond just asking for it. If you're feeling sexually frustrated like it sounds and he's not making the effort to help you with that... it's time to consider letting him go if you truly feel it's a dealbreaker. Might as well be straight with him now. Find out why he won't do it and if he's a fixed "no". I don't think I could handle being sexually frustrated.

  • He sounds extremely selfish. Not only because he's making promises he obviously don't plan on keeping, but also because he expects you to be ready for anything with minimal effort put into it by him. I could not stand being with such a guy. You're sexually incompatible and considering that you've tried talking about it on several occasions and nothing has worked, I don't think it will work out.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 26

  • First, is there any cultural barriers? There are some men of certain cultures who are taught not to do that. Is that applicable or not?

    • Will be not do that even when you have a tampon in? never met a girl that didn't appreciate the hell out of that. However, I have friends such as a group of African American Men who won't do it because they were taught not to. They don't talk about it like white guys. Also, lots of Arab Cultures and some Asian Cultures, particularity conservative Japanese for example but there may be a simple reason based on culture. Any suspicion he is a closet homosexual? I've encountered a few girls I didn't have fond memories of going down on them; one broke my nose with her pubic bone orgasming, it literally broke and popped blood everywhere and had to get it reset. Also, one girl used to be really aggressive and nearly suffocate me and was so wet that it looked like she gave birth to me, even my hair and that's just way too much to deal with. Both of those girls I basically had to walk away from

    • No - there aren't any cultural barriers.

    • What does your gut instinct tell you about how he feels about you based purely on behavioral patterns. Not what sweet thing he did that one time, not what he says or said but taking a step back. Based on his behavior, is there anything in your gut telling you something is not right? in confrontation or addressing your needs does he say what he thinks you want to hear? Where I am going with this is wondering why he is not going down on you, if there is a bigger issue here. The reason is, you two have it backwards, the guy should be warming up the girl for sex and speaking from personal experience, the only girls in my past where I just have to show up and pull my pants down, these girls were loved. I liked them but they didn't stimulate me, the dynamic was too easy and predictable and not a 50/50 relationship. Men need to feel challenged even though they bitch they don't like it, it wins respect and interest

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  • I think you might be very unlucky and have a man that is not turned on by pussy its scent or taste as most men are unfortunately. He also sounds selfish sexually. I think you can try to tease and entice him but it will be a waste of your time. There are few men that if asked and begged by a woman to give her oral satisfaction would refuse or even not absolutely desire to give it to her.

  • Your boyfriend is one of those guys who don't do oral sex. If I were you, I would have stopped giving him head, or even walk out of the relationship. He is egoistically narcisstic.

  • If he doesn't want to go down you don't go down on him.

  • This reflects a more important and more pervasive attitude. He only cares about his own pleasure and is not willing to be a true partner to you. Do you really want to live the rest of your life with someone who has this attitude? If not, aren't you wasting your time staying with him now?

  • I think he should make you arouse (like foreplay) and wet first instead of just going on his way.. Sex is a two direction thing, if you get what I mean.

  • Yes I get the picture! Wow. I will be right over to help you.

    jk

    The guy is an ass. He has no plans for giving you what you are wanting, but he has no problem lying and saying he will. The only good advice I can give you is to dump him and find someone that really appreciates you.

  • Why are u even trying? He's a selfish asshole..

    • Because I love him... isn't that reason enough?

  • He sounds very selfish and I don't blame you one bit for being very frustrated by this. As a guy, I can't understand another guy not wanting to go down on his girl. It's not a chore for me; I really like doing it.

  • Maybe he's gay

  • Not every guy is built the same. We all have our hang ups and our desires. Unfortunately it comes down to finding someone who is compatible. Now if you've been open and honest and he still can't or won't fulfill what you need. Then you need to decide whether or not it's a deal breaker.

  • You didn't put in enough loves. I love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, going down on my girl.

  • Well he clearly sucks in bed if he doesn't even TRY and get u aroused. I'd say leave him, sexual compatibility is important and you guys don't seem to be compatible in that department

  • He sounds like a misogynist and selfish person.

  • Pride. A real man, who watches porn, knows better.

    • Oddly, its his favorite type of porn

  • Are you clean, hairy or shaven?

    • I keep myself very well "maintained" for health concerns I do not shave. I've previously asked if that's an issue, I would be willing to reconsider or at least understand.

  • Because he is both selfish, as well as insane

    There isn't a bigger turn on than giving a woman oral sex :P

  • He's just kind a selfish maybe cause he's older he thinks he doesn't have to listen to you. Maybe get with someone closer to your age

  • It's my dream to give oral 😢👅

  • Maybe you can just withhold the sex for awhile tell him your not in the mood and suggest that he tries to turn you on. Relationships are two way street so if one lane is constantly disobeying the road signs it makes it difficult for the user of the other lane to drive if you understand me.

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