Do you think "facials" are degrading? Always? Sometimes? It depends?

[Anonymous]

Men and women both; do you think facials are degrading? What do you think their appeal is? What do you think people's hang ups are? Everything I've ever heard is how "degrading" it is and that men who have a desire to come on a chick's face just want to exert dominance. To me it seems more likened to feeling "accepted" when a girl swallows. No? Is it just a power thing? Personally, whether or not I feel degraded and dominated by anything sexual depends completely on my partner and how he treats me in our relationship outside of the bedroom. I've only ever felt like something done during sex was degrading if I already felt like there were issues with respect in general.

[liketopullout]

Personally, I'm kind of like you. I don't find the act of ejaculating on a girl's face degrading in itself. It depends on the context in which it's done. A couple of months ago my wife & I were making love after not being able to for over a week (we had company visiting) and I withdrew at the end (I usually do this) but instead of ejaculating on her stomach like I usually do, it shout out so forcefully that the first spurt hit her in the eye. I wasn't aiming there, it just happened. (that was one of those *great* orgasms you mentioned above) There was nothing degrading about it. I just had to grab a roll of paper towels and wipe her face off afterwards.

I've had it happen during oral sex and breast sex as well. Sometimes accidentally and other times, like with an ex-girlfriend, she was holding her breasts together around my penis and I told her if we kept doing it like that, it would probably end up coming out onto her face, but she said that she was okay with that and not to worry about it. So I didn't. And I ended up shooting about 5 or 6 spurts all over her face. But I cleaned her up afterward. Again, I don't think there was anything degrading about any of those times. If it's accidental, or mutually acceptable, it's not really degrading.

On the other hand, if a guy pulls out early, climbs up and purposely shoots it all over the girl's face while telling her, "Take, that, B!tch!", then that would be degrading.

-Just my opinion...

[Asker]

My boyfriend likes watching my face when he's getting me off. He doesn't make a lot of facial expressions or noise when he orgasms. When he ejaculates inside me, I can barely feel it happen. When he ejaculated in my mouth, I can obviously tell when he comes, but I can't see how much/how far, etc. Coming on my body or face, I can see and/or feel how much and how far it shot. To me, it's not about submission. Its more like when he watches my face or listensto me to see how big my orgasm is.

[MrOracle]

You have it exactly right: whether or not it is degrading depends on how he treats you OUTSIDE the bedroom. If you are respected by him out of the bedroom, then nothing that happens inside it should make you feel degraded (assuming you do those things of your own free will). If you aren't respected outside the bedroom, then of course you're going to feel degraded.

Yes, facials ARE a sign of dominance (and of submission for the receiver), but that's not the same as being degraded. Many people enjoy D&S and power exchanges in their sex lives, and there's nothing wrong with that at all.

You're always going to have some fringe opinions. I talked to one woman who was of the opinion that anything but gentle missionary sex was degrading, and the very idea of doggy style to her was completely and totally degrading to her. Given that doggy style is the answer that the majority of women give as their favorite sex position, her views are way outside the mainstream.

You've got the healthy, open-minded view, which is that it's all about respect, and that respect starts long before you get to the bedroom in the first place.

[Asker]

I see what your saying. I think in my mind being dominant and being the "aggressor" are different. When my boyfriend is the aggressive one, it's hot as hell. But I see "dominance" as "my needs > your needs". Really I guess it's a distinction that doesn't exist in reality and only in my mind.

[samhradh_leannan]

I think it depends on how you look at it. I could look at it two different ways. One way is that the act of ejaculating on someone's face is always technically a "degrading" act, but that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with it as long as both partners enjoy it. Another way is that as long as both partners enjoy it, there is nothing degrading about it.

I think giving a facial IS kind of a show of dominance. Because of that, I think it's easy to interpret it at degrading, but it also doesn't necessarily need to be seen that way. Just because it does signify dominance in a way, does that automatically mean it's bad or hurtful? No, as long as it's totally consensual. It doesn't necessarily represent real dynamics within the relationship, it's just a role-playing type of thing.

I think the bottom line is, though, that it means what you believe it means and what you want it to mean. If you're bothered by it, then that's legitimate. If you enjoy it, that's legitimate too. Just do what you (and your partner) feel comfortable with, and that's all that matters.

[Anonymous]

It's only degrading if the woman isn't into it and I am. It's not any worse then giving a blow job and swallowing. I had to just about beg my last lover to do it he wanted to but he thought it was degrading to me it's quite a turn on though.

[Anonymous]

Not at all...I love it when he cums all over my face and in my mouth

[TylerDurden9087]

God bless you

[Asker]

Can you articulate why you love it?

[Bethany94]

No, and neither does my boyfriend.

[Bethany94]

For the update: Obviously I want to make him feel as good as possible.

[Jonny_]

Meh, I guess they can be... although I never got the attraction behind it. I mean if I was going to finish without much stimulation from her I may as well have done it myself. Yes there's a visual and mental aspect, but visually and mentally it's not a turn on for me. I enjoy more intimate and full contact stimulation. I know it'll be an unpopular view since I've had this discussion before, but whatever. Plus I don't think people understand what I mean at times. To answer your question though, yes it's degrading to an extent because it seems like it's all about him and you're 'on your knee's' at the same time you've got him by the balls at his most vulnerable moment so then again maybe not.

[Asker]

So is it degrading when a man is on his knees and gets a woman to have a squirting orgasm?

[Jonny_]

I don't personally think so, almost empowering... in control of her pleasure.

[Asker]

So why is it empowering for men to give women pleasure, but degrading for women to give men pleasure?

[Jonny_]

Because that's mens attitude towards it, I mean I don't think giving a girl a facial is empowering personally, but other guys do because it's a self serving view. It's all about what they get and what they think about it. It's 2D, they can't see beyond themselves.

[Asker]

So is that a blanket statement for all men in all situations? Or is this more of a "sometimes its degrading because some men are like this" thing?

[Jonny_]

I'd say it covers 'most cases' or most views on it... there are of course exceptions. But you'll find guys don't have deep thoughts about any of it. So I guess it is a blanket statement.

[deWho]

I used to think it was a domineering thing until I was asked to do it...or, maybe it was begged. I used to see it all the time in p*rn and truthful it IS degrading. Man standing over the woman kneeling... I get that. here is where I changed my thought about it: when being intimate with someone, it almost feels passionate and full of emotion. Some woman like their butt smacked. Some guys like being pulled by a chain. It books down to roleplay . It is except upon context. If the woman doesn't want that and she is forced against her will...then THAT is degrading. If it is consensual... then anything goes. right?

[gonyr]

While I'm giving one I'm not thinking about degrading her or anything like that. It's kind of hard to explain. It's just a thing that's really hot.

I ttally get why a girl would find it Degrading though. So it's not a deal breaker.

[kheserthorpe]

To me it is about power and is a dominant thing ... and that's fine.

A -lot- of men and women are turned on by mild dominance/submission things, and its a mild little act of it at a key moment.

I used 'dominant' above as opposed to 'degrading', because people use that word in different ways. Some people will say things like 'nothing is degrading if we have a respectful relationship and its consensual'. I understand (and like) that viewpoint, but to me, it also ignores the fact that some acts are a little bit degrading and that's what makes them hot to some people.

So do I think facials necessarily mean there's a lack of respect in the relationship? No. Do I think they're just about 'acceptance'? No. They are a little act of mild erotic humiliation.

[Cromartie]

Bodily ejaculation is not degrading under normal circumstances. It did use to be a public punishment in Japan in the 12th century however. Though not a genre of p*rn Bukkake itself was very much so an embarrassing thing and generally involved urine instead of sperm but the same applies.

The concept of total subservience also came into play when BDSM came more into the picture. In relation to this subservience a small movement began and never flourished where sexual empowerment was attained through orgasm denial, but the sociopolitical statement fell short when it turned out that this behavior was normal to the BDSM community and essentially fell away into obscurity.

As such modern undertones from that time exist where one's "taking it" is equivalent to absolute subservience ( esp. since it is generally not all that pleasurable to most people ) and with the notion of bukakke itself you had a perfect cocktail for the modern understanding of "facials".

[Asker]

I guess my problem is with the underlying belief that the ejaculation is being done TO the woman or is something she has to TAKE; when in reality male ejaculation is very much a turn on to many women because it's like proof of their desire and whatnot. For so many of us, come isn't something done to us or something we "take", it's something we strive for and earn. My boyfriend feels the same way about bringing me to orgasm. Why is it different for bringing men to orgasm?

[Cromartie]

Well it's actually due to power of the sexes. Conceptually when a male "pleasures" a female to orgasm he has achieved something and won over the mate, in essence she chose him, he produced results, everyone wins. It is considered more of an honor or a matter of skill because of stigma surrounding the male and his sexual presence in any given relationship. The primary stigma is that males will sex ANYTHING, so in turn males have zero sexual power and also a 100% orgasm rate making ejaculate ...

[Cromartie]

worthless. The female orgasm is a "difficult, elusive" thing, it does take effort, but if you were to massage a hard penis enough no matter what it would eventually ejaculate barring any abnormalities of the mind or the body. So when a male ejaculates it's not really something to celebrate which in turn creates the "Conquistador" outlook on sexuality. Males "conquer" because they are chosen, perhaps repeatedly, as sexual partners, which for a male in nature is pretty damn good. With this mindset

[Cromartie]

in place any and all signs or symbols of power become extreme. When a male gets to choose where he ejaculates and does so as a means of this conquering process it is possible to presume that it is an aggressive behavior showing said overcoming. It is a sexually possessive behavior, if you will, that marks proof of value. If she lets you then you did it right and basically you win the prize of the transfer of sexual power, even if temporary.

[Asker]

Again, you seem to have an underlying attitude that this is something done TO women. Like they have no say in it, like their wants and desires have nothing to do with it. Do you not make sexual decisions based on mutual pleasure in your relationships?

[Cromartie]

You misunderstand, it isn't about what I think, it's about what I know. My opinion doesn't matter, you asked a question with a definitive answer so I'm giving you the definitive answer.

[Cromartie]

This is the mindset that humans have across the board on the issue.

[Asker]

Also, while the male orgasm may be "inevitable" as you say (which is a different discussion because so are female orgasms if you know how to stimulate properly), the strength of the orgasm is not inevitable and for women feels like a measurement of their partner's attraction to them as well as her skill in bed. How hard, how far, how much. 'Getting a man off' is quite different emotionally than giving a man an earth moving orgasm. Why do you think girls care about being any good in bed?

[Asker]

Well the fact that I and at least a few other people disagrees with you disqualifies your answer as "definitive" and as being the "mindset that humans have across the board on the issue." Perhaps your views merely reflect how you view women, sex, and relationships.

[Cromartie]

"so are female orgasms if you know how to stimulate properly." > Not comparable. With purely human interaction, so no toys and the like, the expression of "stimulate properly" between the two organs is equivalent to comparing fixing an airplanes engine to connecting two lego blocks. But you're right, let's avoid that sexology for now, so you're really into this. Well, let's see. . .

[Cromartie]

Also, "a few others disagreeing" is not enough to get rid of a general notion. Thus the term "general", or "across the board", but no semantics! As for "women caring" there's a number of different psychological reasons that are really off-base with this subject. If we're talking about the dehumanizing elements of ejaculation I see some problems where certains concepts like the willingness to pleasure females and whatnot on the male part play no integral part ot the argument.

[Cromartie]

So basically how much women care about being good in bed has nothing to do with this. I don't want to drag off to another separate conversation.

[Asker]

Fingers can stimulate just as well as toys. You are clearly no sexologist, despite your clearly elevated views of yourself.

[Cromartie]

Did you just say that fingers can stimulate as well as vibrators? You ... Okay, um ... I ... wow.

[Cromartie]

I can see you've done your homework.

[Asker]

Are you trying to pretend you know what it takes for a woman to have an orgasm better than I do? You know, me - the one with the clitoris. And also, are you saying that if a man ejaculates on his girlfriends face and he doesn't feel like he's degraded her or dominated her, and she doesn't feel that he's degraded her or dominated her, that they are both wrong because you are right? Is there anything you don't know?

[Asker]

HAHAHAHA OMG DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST POST A QUESTION BEFORE ANSWERING MINE BECAUSE YOU ARE BAD AT SEX?! link And then you come in here trying to school me on how it is?! HAHAHAHAHA.

[Cromartie]

Argument of Experience is logical since when? "I'm a woman therefore I know about women" is equivalent to saying that all women are naturally gynecologists. This is so very far from true. The way a vibrator works in relation to oscillations is completely different than the pressure methods of fingers and other such objects. While the two can be combined in a vibrator the human finger will never oscillate that high. The fact that you can work at lower oscillations is not unheard of.

[Asker]

Look, you don't get to post a question about how bad you are at sex and then come tell me I'm wrong about what makes women orgasm. Give up, man.

[Cromartie]

To say they work the same and to say that both work is not equivalent. It's just as bad if not worse than equating the complexity of female orgasm to male orgasm via any form of stimulation. This is painful. Also, personal empty attacks in the face of information is nothing more than a sign of intellectual dishonesty. You've no point whatsoever, it's starting to show, and as off-the-handle as you want to fly I can't really help you fly off that handle.

[Cromartie]

Back to your topic, your appeals to self do not dictate anything, you are still severely incorrect ( link ) though I presume you can't interpret this. What it means is basically much like your vibrator to finger oscillation understandings males and females do orgasm in very different ways with different purposes.

[Asker]

I don't think you should be trying to help anyone with anything when it comes to sex. Wanna know why you're bad in bed? Your attitude toward sex sucks. Your beliefs about sex suck. And your attitude toward women sucks, too.

[Cromartie]

Again with the "Males can't be gynecologists, they don't have vaginas!" logic. Care to beat yourself in the face some more?

[Asker]

How is me saying "your attitude sucks" the same as saying "males can't be gynecologists, they don't have vaginas"? You should employ logic yourself before claiming other people lack it.

[Cromartie]

You asked a knowledge based question. I happen to have knowledge of the history of sexual attitudes. This has nothing to do with how good, bad, or otherwise I am with anything in particular. You asked a question with a definitive answer and I ( to my own detriment ) tried to answer with a historical outlook.

[Cromartie]

By the way you are free to disagree all you want with history. I do not care. It's why I didn't bother sharing my opinion.

[Asker]

May I suggest you adopt a modern outlook on sex?

[Cromartie]

Fourth time is the charm: "This isn't my opinion."

[Asker]

Are you verbally and or physically abusive to the women you date? Just curious.

[Cromartie]

No. I am ( again to my detriment ) pretty reasonable and willing to try and work around the flaws and bad logic and ... ultimately the failures of others. Like yourself. With your empty personal attacks and willingness to talk all kinds of random shit and basically not back your opinions while trying your best to prove some empty point. Should have left a long time ago.

[Asker]

With what am I supposed to back my opinions? They are opinions, after all. I back them with my own experiences. The reason I asked the question is because everyone forms opinions based on *their* own experiences. However you've made it clear you haven't given me your "opinion". You've simply educated me on the "facts". I was actually not seeking facts, I was seeking opinions. That's why my question said "Do you think...?"

[Cromartie]

I'm aware of what your question said but I chose my route simply because you brought up "Everything I hear" which is effectually a questioning of broader attitudes which has roots in history. If I had gotten to the 80s we would have seen an incredible shift in mindset, but I only got to the 60s before you ... whatever you did. As for backing your opinion one usually uses logic, reason, sound facts, and valid points instead of fingerpointing and empty discrediting behaviors. Just sayin'.

[lkjhg69cum]

No, I think it's a very loving and intimate action. I'm sharing the peak of my sexual ecstasy with you and you are allowing me to come all over your pretty face.

[TylerDurden9087]

I don't think its degrading at all. I do think it's a sign of dominance, which in my experience, most girls love. I don't know why so many girls think this act is so degrading!

[GreatnessPersonified]

No it's not. I think people trying to make others feel degraded by calling their intimate activities "degrading" is degrading.

[samhradh_leannan]

I really agree with this, to an extent. But I also think that if someone DOES see it as degrading, then they have a right to feel that way and to choose not to do it.

[Asker]

I think if I feel degraded, that doesn't necessarily mean he was being degrading. But if I feel degraded by it and I went along with it anyway, I just degraded myself. So, if I feel degraded - I've been degraded. If I guy feels like what he's doing is degrading, then he's degrading someone by doing it. If neither person feels degraded or degrading, then other people trying to insist that the act IS degrading is degrading. Yes. Very much yes.

[GreatnessPersonified]

I can agree if the people having sex feel degraded, then it's degrading. But no one from the outside of the relationship(or bedroom) has a say. That's all.

[danielle1995]

I think it can be very hot. As long as the girl's into it, why would it be degrading?

[dolfan13]

depends on with whom you are with, random hook up one night stand more on the degrading p*rn side. with your bf/husband/relationship not degrading and very accepted.

[PrettySure]

At least to me getting a facial always feels degrading because it's like I already let the guy inside me AND I let him cum on the outside of my body. I don't know it makes me feel "conquered" in a way

[Jmmmfi4]

I don't think it's degrading

[Anonymous]

its degrading only if girl dont want it. it is what we learned from porn n some people enjoy it. personally i dont find facial degrading.

[Anonymous]

I've never had my boyfriend come on my face before, but he has come on my stomach many times. I would want to try it, and I don't think it's degrading at all.

[Anonymous]

QA: I see it exactly like you do. It's only degrading if you or he sees it as such. If he treats you with love and respect, who cares what bedroom fantasies you act out?

Sounds to me like you have a healthy attitude about sex. I wish more women would see things like you do.

[Asker]

Is this not a common view? Every single female answerer has said something similar. It seems to be the men with the holdups.

[Opinion Owner]

LOL...I wish the female responders here were representative. They're not.

[Asker]

So what's the typical female like?

[Opinion Owner]

Are you asking what the typical female view of facials is or just being a smart ass?

[Asker]

No I'm really asking. Either just facials or sex in general

[Opinion Owner]

Well I'm a little older than you so my frame of reference is a little different. Certainly the younger folks who are more represented here are more open to things like facials and p*rn, although based on similar questions over the last couple of years I know there are still a lot of girls who consider it facials disrespectful and degrading.

[Opinion Owner]

But, I can tell you that as little as 10 years ago at least 95% of women would have responded to this question with rabid disdain for anything like facials or p*rn.

[Asker]

how old are you?

[Opinion Owner]

I'll be 37 in a few weeks.

[Asker]

meh. I'm gonna be 30 in like 6 weeks. My age bracket is somewhat misleading.

[Opinion Owner]

Then I think you would understand what I'm saying. No?

[Asker]

I think I myself would have reacted that way 10 years ago. I think the shift in my attitude has come with age and life experience, and is not so much just a reflection of societal changes.

[Opinion Owner]

So you think it's just age and not societal changes? Tell me then why so many of the young girls here feel the way you do when that was decidedly not the case 10 - 20 years ago. There has been a huge shit in attitudes of women toward sex during that time. There is no questions about that.

[Asker]

I said I think the shift in *MY* attitude was due to age and life experience. I make no speculation about what goes into anyone else's mindset.

[Opinion Owner]

My bad.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the girl Some get off on being submissive and used in that way.

I don't think that's degrading, if it's for her pleasure.

[Anonymous]

As long as they don't find it degrading if we were to squirt all over their faces.

[Anonymous]

I don't see how it's degrading if they agree to it and like it

[Anonymous]

Not really. It depends on how the recieving person feels after and how the male reacts..