How can I calm my boyfriend down?

[Anonymous]

Okay so this guy on my bus was touching me. Like in a bad way, but it wasn't that bad. He would just put his head on my lap or on my breast area and then laugh and get up really quick. I think he thought I thought it was funny even though I kept telling him to stop. I told my boyfriend about it, not thinking it would be a big deal. But apparently it was. He got super pissed, and he threatened the kid to beat him up. He then went on to tell me that he was sending a message to the school security to get this kid suspended. I really didn't think it was a big deal. I know that when I'm venting to people I sometimes make a bigger deal about it than it is. And I know I told my boyfriend that I was really mad. But I really didn't consider it that huge of an issue. I don't want to mess up this kid's life so he can't get into college, and I don't want sexual harassment to be on his record because of me. How can I calm my boyfriend down so he won't send the message? Please help me! I'm freaking out!

[4u2nv]

I get what you mean. Like he wasn't touching you badly, so you didn't think it was tht big of a deal but it was bothering you.

Okay, well first of all. I think that he probably gets the hint now that your boyfriend threatened him.

I don't think he should get suspended or anything for it though. It is just showing that he is still immature and thinks that what he is doing is naughty and bad so he is just showing off.

Tell your boyfriend thank you, but I think he got the hint after you threatened him. Tell him you think that is enough and if the busboy does anything like harrass you, then you should tell someone with more authority.

[liv24]

i went through something really similar with my boyfriend

i talked him out of beating the shit out of this guy by just saying if he did it again he could do something about it

i told him I understood why he was mad

and I talked to the guy who was doing stuff to me

he hasn't touched me since

[brightlywound12]

honey, the kid should be suspended. he violated you by not stopping when you asked him to, and your boyfriend has every right to tell security. it's actually his responsibility to do so.

[smith2267]

Only 2 people were involved, her and him, and she wants to drop it. Why is it anyone else's business?

[brightlywound12]

The guy will do the same to someone else, maybe more. i'm speaking as a former sexual abuse victim. its not a joke when someone doesn't respect boundaries, it only teaches that person that it's okay.

[Asker]

I know he violated me. and I'm sorry that that happened to you. I'm having my parents talk with his parents so he won't do it again, but I don't want the school involved. I don't want to wreck this kids future, even though he did something horrible. I just don't know how to get my boyfriend to stop....

[smith2267]

Sorry for what happened to you, but I think your bad experience might be making you over react. JMHO.

[brightlywound12]

It doesn't ruin his life for him to get suspended, and if he's under 18 he's not going to have anything else happen. I actually think you're overreacting to the situation with your boyfriend telling the school. a suspension isn't the end of the world, its just a slap on the hand for bad behavior.

[Asker]

I know......but I just don't want that prohibiting his college apps or whatever. idkkkk. your probably right about me overreacting. I need to cool off.

[John-Bee]

Anytime someone touches you like that & he is not a boyfriend or it is unwanted it is a big deal.

I agree with your boyfriend 100%. Now you can say that you do not want to press or pursue these complaints or charges but be firm that you want him to stop! You can give the list of reasons that you gave here.

I'm wondering why you don't think that this is a big deal? Why would you want some kid who has no respect for you & possibly other girls to get away with this?

I'm upset people (guys) have to learn that it is wrong & disrespectful to make such advances.

[Asker]

Your totally right, and I know he completely violated me. I want this kid to get punished and learn his lesson, but I don't want to wreck his future in the process. He might not get into college if he's suspended and has sexual harassment on his record, just for two seconds of a bad decision. I'm having my parents contact his parents, but I don't want the school involved. I just need to find a way to convince my boyfriend to stop.

[John-Bee]

Simply tell your boyfriend that you admire how much he loves you and is willing to stand up & fight for you. For now your parents are going to his parents to have this stopped, and how you don't want to ruin this kids future. If anything like this happens again than you agree you will go to the school, but for now let the parents handle it.

[Asker]

Thanks. I'm definitely going to do that. :) Thanks so much.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the others, I think if you don't want to pursue it, iut should be dropped.

[Asker]

Thanks. but how do I get my boyfriend to respect my wishes to drop it?