How many people have you slept with?

Question

So I recently started seeing this guy, and the other night we were laying in bed talking and somehow the question of how many people we've had sex with came up. He told me his number, then asked mine. I was completely taken back, and didn't want to answer seeing as my number is decently larger than his. I ended up somehow changing the subject and he let it go. I've never been aked that before so early in a relationship, and honestly don't feel quite comfortable answering yet for fear of him jumping to conclusions, i.e. me being some sort of whore. I am not so much ashamed by my number because I am almost 21 and I go away to college and hey I've made some mistakes.My question for you guys is what do you think is an acceptable number for our age group 18-24? Are you comfortable telling people your number when asked?

YellowSidewalkChalk · Accepted Answer

wow these answers are really pathetic. calling women sluts is nothing but narrow minded people trying to label a woman negatively for embracing her sexuality. I love sex. I wouldn't lie about my number to a guy even it it was 100 men. you get what you see and if you are some narrow minded, conservative, judgmental prick then we can just stop playing games before things even get serious. like people said, views on sex matter to me and the last thing I want is someone who thinks that something as natural as sex is a negative or something to be ashamed of.

i think you should be more confident in yourself with this and less concerned about this. I'm not saying you have to tell him, I'm saying that I would. do you really want a guy who will judge you on your sexual experiences? and I think its fair to tell him since he told you.

i know it is hard to find open minded people depending on where you come from, but I honestly think that being with a guy who won't judge you on your sexual experience feels so much more liberating and great than dating a guy who you feel you have to maintain a level of innocence for. you'll feel like you are home with him in a way, that something like sex in the past (whether you regret it or not) doesn't define who you are and that your worth is more than how many guys you sleep with. your value is in the person that you are, your way of treating people, especially him, your goals, etc. those are the types of guys you want to find.

the guys who say they would sleep with a promiscuous girl but not date her make no sense. they are assholes. unfortunately a lot of guys are like this. sheep in the herd syndrome, nobody thinks for themselves these days. if society says a girl is a slut by certain standards, then hey she must be a slut. its ridiculous.

you are not a whore honey. you are not trash, you are not a skank, slut, ho, etc. remember that aside from actually being a paid whore/prostitute, these are just labels that have been created throughout history to make women feel bad about sex. simple as that really. don't let it bother you. the people calling you these things are not the people you want to surround yourself with. at least that's my opinion. I don't know maybe you disagree.

I mean I think honesty is the best policy because if he somehow found out one day he might resent you for keeping it from him. who knows he might be okay with it. I do know that a lot of people wouldn't be though.

good luck sweetie!

cun7n1nja · Accepted Answer

I don't think there IS an acceptable number. Or rather, an unacceptable one. If you're being safe and not hurting anyone in the process [i.e. cheating, contributing to cheating, general scandalous behavior, etc.] then who cares? I'm twenty, and I've been with seven people. I'll tell anyone that if they ask. I see no reason to lie or hide that number from anyone because I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. I take proper precautions against pregnancy and STDs, I get tested regularly, I don't sleep with anyone's boyfriends or anyone else otherwise 'off limits', I don't two-time anyone. I have no reason not to be honest.

I think that in a relationship, who you've been with and what you've done in the past, is in the past, and it's in the past for a reason. You've moved on. But that doesn't stop the other party from getting upset about it. However illogical it may be to get upset at you for things that happened before they were even in the picture. I think that you should be open and honest with each other in a relationship. With that in mind, I won't just throw my information out there except where it applies to sexual health, because it's irrelevant to NOW except in that regard. I have no problem discussing my number if the other person truly wants to know. I have a don't-ask-don't-tell policy. People have a bad habit of asking questions they really don't want to know the answer to. If I offer up info, I'm throwing it in their face. If they ask ME, then I'm just being honest because they wanted to know. If they don't like the answer they got, oh well. It then becomes THEIR problem, because I refuse to apologize for having a past. I live for the present. If they understand and are alright with it, then cool, we're on the same page. I just think that if you're going to ask a personal question like that, you should consider whether you can handle the answer or not, before you ask.

ribbonsandlace · Accepted Answer

I'm comfortable telling people my number, but I spent a long part of my youth being ashamed that I hadn't slept with more. So silly, and I'm glad I've grown up in that regard. I think because when I was younger, my friends were all quite sexually experienced. I never lied about my number, but I didn't feel comfortable talking about it.

I'm 24 and I've slept with three guys. I'm happy with that number, and I'm glad that I never compromised my morals just to fit in with the crowd like some people I know. Having said that, I honestly do not judge other people for how many they've slept with. Whether it's 5, 10, 100 people - it's a subjective thing and everyone's threshold is going to be different.

I don't think that you can really quantify an acceptable number. Like, you can't really say "Okay, 10 is the acceptable number for people aged up to 24. Once you pass 10, you are officially promiscuous." If you meet someone who finds the number of guys you've slept with unacceptable, they probably have a different sexual mentality to you.

I know a girl who lies about how many guys she has slept with. Told her boyfriend she'd slept with 2 people, which he was okay with... when she mentioned later that it was five, he freaked out. If only he knew that her REAL number was over 150. The problem that I see there is not the actual number (even though I personally could never sleep with that many people in my entire LIFE), but rather her attitude towards it. Clearly it's something she is ashamed of, so what she has done is put herself in that position where she feels like she is required to lie about her past. Not so cool.

I think an acceptable number is however many you feel comfortable sleeping with. Own it, it's your body, your life, make your choices and get behind them and don't let anybody shame you out of it!

Bizzaro_Elmo · Accepted Answer

18 to 24 you BETTER say any number between one and six. If you don't then be prepared for the consequences. At least with that number he can assume high school factors in there somewhere. But if you number is in the latter teens then there's no way doubt can salvage your reputation. You won't be meeting mom anytime soon, if ever.

The thing is no guy (unless he's an avid Porn Theater attendee) wants to know how big a slut his girl has been. I haven't asked my girl because I don't want to start asking MYSELF questions:

"That many huh? Well then what the hell makes me so special? How do I rate against ALL those other guys? DO I rate at all? Am I just another 'd***-in-passing?' Or am I just the easiest sucker she's found so far?"

I don't care who you are, you want to be special to the person you're with (if the two of you have been together more than 3 months) and I think this is a very "loaded" question to bring up in a relationship. Not before the Ring and definitely not after. Some might not care after because the life together has been built and past boyfriends are past boyfriends, but others can easily let this question destroy what took so long to build.

Think about it before you decide to answer with the truth. That goes for guys and gals both.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm 24 and I've been with two, all I'm going to say on the subject. It's not that big of a surprise that either partner ask a question like how many people have you had sex with.  People wan't to be confident especially guys, allot of guys want a higher number than the girl since they feel they are competing with that many less X lovers for the title of best lover, and with a higher number for themselves, then the depending on the guy they might think well I have more experience under my belt or something along those lines.  Some people are just incredibly passionate about sex.  I knew one girl who by senior year of high school she had sex with well over 400 guys, I'm curving it low because I'm not sure about the true count though I'm pretty sure it was closer to the high 500s.  She even says sometimes she wakes up in a car driving home with a total stranger whom she remembers nothing about, now that's a real issue I wouldn't even say slut, that's a girl with some serious problems.  Numbers are just BS that some people think matter, all that matters is you're happy with the person you're with now, and you can't regret every stupid mistake you make, you live you learn, and move on lol.

thetheme · Answer

No matter what you say as an answer it will be too much for him. It is best not to bring up the past. Just be glad that you are with each other now, that's all that matters... Plus you are never going to know EVERYTHING about a persons past sex life. Questions like that just starts drama and negativity. Sex is not a "mistake" or an "accident".

baffledlady · Answer

i have also dealt with this before. I always feel really uncomfortable saying what my number is because its usually a lot higher than whoever I happen to be with. a friend of mine takes extreme pride in being a one hand gal (5 or less) while other girlfriends think that any single digit is acceptable. for guys I guess most people would say anywhere between 2-30 is acceptable for someone our age but for girls most people think that 2-15 is more than enough. since I definitely fall over the 15 mark, I would hate to be for someone I would be seeing to think of me as some sort of slut and so I prob would not tell them...

Elcristoph · Answer

Hello, Why do some guys feel the need to ask that question?... anyway I ain't saying my number.. :)

LEWnB · Answer

Wow, reading some of these men's answers are interesting and makes me feel a little weird for my promiscuity.  But am 20 and I've been with "X" number of men.  I can say it's a quite a few.  I don't feel like a whore, and I don't feel like a slut.  I just really really like sex.  So, as long as you're careful about it I don't think a number should matter.  There's a reason it's in your past. =]  My boyfriend doesn't care about how many men I've been with, he's been with a quite a few women himself, as long as he's the only one I'm with now and vice versa.  Some will care, some won't.  Honesty is a big part of a relationship and I saw no reason to lie to my boyfriend, and he with me.  =] =] =]

vmw2008 · Answer

Well I'm a virgin. But I get very mad at most guys who have a ridiculous double standard. Guys are "the man" if they've had a lot of sex. And girls are "sluts." They push and push girls to sleep with them, get p*ssed when they don't put out, but then they're sluts. I've remained a virgin because of my own standards for myself, but most of my friends love sex. And I think men need to lose the double standard. They complain that women don't love sex enough, but we're punished if we do? Considered undateable? It's terrible.

josei · Answer

I don't think the number should be too important. If you're worried about it, you could explain to him that you've made some mistakes, but that's only if you actually wish your number was lower. I believe you should never lie in a relationship. I've never liked that question, despite only having slept with three people at 22. I have friends older than me that haven't been with anyone, and when they heard that number they were a little surprised, they thought it was fairly high considering I haven't been in a relationship for the past 3 years they've known me. But there are other people my age that have had sex with way more people and would say, wow just three?

Numbers don't necessarily mean anything. Say someone lost her virginity two weeks ago and has already slept with 5 people? That means about every three days she's gone out and met someone new. Or maybe she doubled up one day. That is totally different than a girl that lost her virginity at 16 and has been in 5 relationships since then. Your number could be really high, because you had sex a lot one year before settling down and deciding to just have sex with someone you have a relationship with. I don't think that should reflect badly on a person, just used as an indicator for what they're looking for when they have sex with someone.

aly-marie · Answer

It would be really hard for me to pinpoint an acceptable number, especially because if I really love someone, I'm not going to judge them if they seem to have a high number.

I'm 18 and I've only slept with 2 people, but that's because I'm really reserved and it takes a lot of time and effort to get me to open up. Plus, intimacy is very important to me, and I like it to be special; higher numbers of partners make it harder for me to believe that someone has a true connection with me.

But I understand that people have lots of different views. The last guy I was with had lost count of his number, but he had given up a lot for me and spent so much time on me that it didn't really matter; I knew I was really special to him, so I didn't judge him for it.

Generally I just don't think it should be something to judge someone by. You can ask someone out of curiosity, but like other people said, just make sure you're ready for any response you might get.

Twitch33 · Answer

I am 21, and have slept with...5 guys before I slept with my husband (before we were married) he lost his virginity to me, so I think that if you just be honest with him...if he doesn't like it, and makes a big deal about it, he isn't understanding enough to let it go, then you deserve better. It is also important that you make sure he knows that the people you have slept with weren't one night stands, and if they were...just let him know the situation...

dreamtime · Answer

i'm 23, I've slept with more women then the years I've lived.

Girls are more sensitive on the subject if they've slept with more then then just boyfriends as they'll assume they'll get called or looked at as if she's a slut, most guys just think she likes to have fun in reality(not counting religious nutjobs).

xBlossomx · Answer

Zero, but I think I will sleep with my fiancé, whenever the time is right. I mean, why rush?

AnaAmira · Answer

Well... How many have you slept with?

He should have asked you before he had sex with you. It is an important question, and frankly, not asked enough.

Honey, don't make excuses for your promiscuity. The more you open your legs to random guys, the more your value decreases. I am saying this to you, not to be harsh, but to try to get you to wake up. I sure hope you are having protected sex.

Word of advice... Men want sex. That is pretty much all they are seeking from you as a girl (college girl). To weed out the players, hold out on the put out. If they lose interest quickly, then you know what they were after. They are not going to put a lot of effort into winning you if all they want is sex. You are 21, not 40. Your number should be VERY low. Girls these days are so naive. Get some self respect, then find a guy that will respect you and your body.

enigma2win · Answer

The past does not matter, and you shouldnt be ashamed of having so many partners.

Ur a human being, and human beings need sex to survive, its a biological need.

As a dating coach and I'm also only 22, I've slept with a lot of women, and I am unapologetic for it.

So, don't worry about people judging you, if you know who you are and what ur values are, that's all that counts.

minnie12 · Answer

In which decade?  the 80s are pretty much a blur haha

r_slizzle · Answer

I have no problem telling someone my number, depending who it is of course. I do have a problem sharing my sexual history with the world, so I will not be including my number here.

If people want to judge me based on how many people I've slept with they're free to do so because I know what's true and what isn't. I really think number alone can't tell you much.

kalg8 · Answer

My experience is that the number isn't a question you really have to answer. Ask him another question... why does he want to know? What will he gain from your answer? The answer to that is probably nothing significant. Questions you should answer: have you been tested? Have you slept with anyone with an STI? Those are the kinds of questions that he should be worried about. Your number is your business!

WhatIHaveToSay · Answer

i always tell people to think before they do something because if they're not careful it will come back and bite them in the ass, it's a natural law of life.

where are all those people you slept with now? do they still mean something to you? does the sex you had with all those people? chances are the answer is no. why did you do it then?

then you have to hide it when the time came, as in many people's (mostly women) cases. one thing's for sure, nobody ever hides/lies about anything they're not ashamed of.

learn your lesson.

spike241 · Answer

Mine's 3 but 2 of those I regret. It shouldn't be really high but I'm realistic. I have a 19 friend who had slept with more than 20 people by the time she was 17 and I'm sure some people have slept with a lot more than that

HumphreyT · Answer

The number you have is acceptable. Be honest with him. By asking what we think is an acceptable number I get he feeling you are going to try to adjust yours when the truth is everyone is different.

As a man I think we should go ahead and accept your number will usually be larger than ours it's not like getting sex is a challenge for a girl.

I've never been with a woman that had less than me.

If he can't accept your number then he is focused on the wrong things. If you aren't comfortable tell him you will tell him later, but as a guy we generally think that means a lot and that you want us to get more attached before you tell us.

For better or worse be honest when you get ready to tell him.

xobrowneyedbeauty · Answer

I'm 17, still a virgin, and proud of it. I don't wanna waste my virginity on someone. So I would be perfectly fine sharing my number with someone. =)

How many people have you slept with?

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