What are some good ways to let my girlfriend know it's OK to touch?

[Anonymous]

This is a non sexual question... I'm talking about touching as in like pulling me closer to her.. Rubbing my leg or touching my face (which she is doing the face one but slowly) So I'm wondering what's the best way to let her know its OK? What I'm trying now is when I hold her hand I've been pulling it over to me kissing it and setting it on my knee while still holding it.. But the reason I'm asking this question is that I started noticing that when I let go to rub my eye or something her hand becomes tense and makes a loose shaped fist.. Like she's nervous and doesn't think her hand should be there.. She doesn't pull it back but its just nervous I know this is something I do still when I'm afraid to touch a girl even when I know its OK.. My hand tenses up.. Is there anything I can do to let her know its OK? Oh like I said she dose touch my face but again its the kinda nervous poking.. As though she's testing to see if its OK..

[anony84]

Everyone has different tolerance levels for showing affection. She may be OK with leaning against you and holding your hand but she might not be comfortable with putting her hand on your leg.

I think it's best for you to just let her do what she wants. There is no point in FORCING her to rub your leg or touch your face. I understand that is something you want but from what you have described here, it is clearly not something she wants. You said she seems nervous, becomes tense and fists her hands when you make her do that sort of thing. You, as her boyfriend, need to recognize that she doesn't want to do them and stop forcing her to.

[justathought191]

Mirror neurons are awesome. Mirror neurons are responsible for learning by example. If you act comfortable touching her, she'll eventually pick up on it and try. If you're her first boyfriend or the relationship is pretty new she just needs to figure out what works for her. Just like we all look different and have different personalities, we also have different touching styles. So act comfortable and then let her experiment. :)

[CestLolaVie]

Ask her why she tenses up when she touches you, but ask her in the moment, say "hun why are you tensed, don't be" or something to let her know its okay. That should do the trick.

[AustinMan]

You just need to talk to her but preferably not when there's a "problem." When things are calm and relaxed, just tell her you like being touched and that you would like her to touch you and eventually feel comfortable doing it. Showing her by example is part of this process. So is reacting positively when she does it. Keep in mind that in some families, touching non family is a giant no no.

[l-hedoniste]

Have you tried telling her?

[Anonymous]

Use your words. Talk to her.

[Asker]

Obviously.. But some words can make things worse.. Like telling her I've been noticing her being nervious might.make her more nervious because now she knows I've been watching her

[Opinion Owner]

Tell her you'd like her to touch you more, and show some basic signs of affection. Thus avoiding any "I've been watching your every move like a hawk, and I think you're nervous" nonsense.