Accidentally outed myself at work, should I be worried?

[Anonymous]

I work an office type job. I'm LGBT+, but none of my coworkers knew this. I know a few people here are allies, but I also know a few are against it. I don't want to worry about that sort of thing at work.

Today I was tired, didn't think during a conversation, and basically casually revealed that I like men. I shrugged it off and ended the conversation before anything else could happen, but now I know that at least 2 people in the office know. And neither of them are people who I know where they stand about it.

So my question is, if you found out that a coworker was LGBT+ would it change anything about how you act around them or talk to them? Or have you seen/heard this happen before (in real life, recently) and did it turn out fine, or become uncomfortable? Nobody that I know of is openly LGBT+ in this office, but the company policy is "inclusive" as most are nowadays. I don't know what to brace for here, if anything. I hope nothing has to change.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, don't stress too much about this. Odds are it's not going to be that big a deal to most folks. Here's what I would think:

- For the allies, obviously nothing changes. They'll still treat you the same.

- Even those against LGBT stuff probably won't say anything rude to your face. Coworkers are usually cordial to each other regardless.

- Most people are just concerned with their own work and lives. Your sexuality isn't really their main focus at the office.

- Company policy being "inclusive" protects you too. Nobody wants HR complaints about discrimination.

- Gossip may happen at first but honestly it'll blow over quick once the next rumor starts spreading.

I'd say just carry on as normal. If they directly bring it up, just say you'd rather keep personal topics personal at work. Chances are within a week no one will even remember or care.

Don't stress man, you got this! People slip up sometimes. If anything at least now you don't have to pretend, right? Deep breaths - it'll all be fine.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

People aren't as anti LGBT as you probably think. I got a close friend who's gay as hell. Many of his friends think it's gross as fuck lol that doesn't mean we don't love him.

The only issue is that many people are probably going to feel uncomfortable not knowing how to act around you now. It's probably gonna be an awkward few weeks there. Some dudes say gay stuff just joking around so they're probably gossiping right now trying to figure out if it was a bad joke or a slip of the tong or something else. People are pretty stupid so you never know.

I bet it's not that big of a deal though, give it time and be honest and I'm sure it will all work out.

Good luck friend!

[Asker]

Thanks, but that's kind of what I'm worried about. People acting nice but gossip and saying I'm gross behind my back. I hate uncomfortable and awkward social situations, I'd literally rather restructure how I talk and act around certain people just to avoid accidentally saying or doing something that could make them uncomfortable with me. Hopefully you're right that it will all work out quickly though, even if it does go bad at first.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Nobody consequential is going to go around spilling slurs behind your back. Guys won't do it because it turns women off. I know a lot of guys have wrong stereotypes about gay dudes too because they don't know many and also have a fear of being

[Telekinetic-Potato]

A picture of arousal to him.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

But you got the fact everyone knows you on your side and if you let more of your personality out slowly and around people who warm up to you the best, you'll discover a whole world of new opportunities. Strong personalities always win.

[jennifer_bloom]

The way I would answer this is the example that you live on the psychology floor of a university dorm and you are responsible for washing the dishes and cleaning their sink. If you discover that your roommate is an economics major but moved to your dorm due to a computer glitch, you would still wash their dishes and invite them to dorm parties, but you would stop talking about psychology around them and no longer go to them for psychology advice or sympathy about bad psychology teachers.

[Asker]

Sorry I'm not sure what you're talking about. I still do the same sort of work as them, that hasn't changed.

[Anonymous]

It would come as a big shock but only to people who don't have gaydar. But if you have genuine folk around you they will show genuine kindness back. How did they react when you outed yourself? There's nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual

[Asker]

I don't know how they reacted, I wasn't looking at them when I said it. I have had a good feeling about one, she seems genuine, but I don't know the other one very well at all.

[Opinion Owner]

Remain calm cool & collected. Are you in America? I am... it's okay to be gay. Now I don't know about other countries (I've heard scary stories) but america companies are somewhat more open to LGBT+... I don't think you have anything to worry about

[Asker]

Yes im in America, and there is an anti-discrimimation policy in our company handbook (I looked for it when I was offered the job). I'm not worried about being fired over this. I'm more worried about office friendships. I know it's okay to be gay and all that, but a lot of people around here don't think so. I lost a lot of friends from college over it, and hated having to finish out my senior year in classrooms with people nearby who I used to hang out with who then suddenly wouldn't even acknowledge we ever knew each other. It's been several years though, and this environment is definitely not overtly hostile like that one was. So I feel like it won't be nearly as bad probably.

[Opinion Owner]

I think if you're normally nice guy MOST people won't be assholes. You gotta live in your truth. I think you're fine

[Opinion Owner]

Not everybody will like us

[Asker]

I hope so. Thanks.

[Opinion Owner]

If they are curious enough they will ask and I'm sure it's friendly

[jasonjk]

I believe all who is going at work are mature human beings. I really don't care what others like or dislike, I only get my gun when they start teaching nonsense in the schools. by the way my co-worker is a Lesbian and she only like girls and I respect her choice.

[RedInnocent69]

Depends where you work. Probably not.

[Anonymous]

If I knew that a co-worker was homosexual, I would continue to maintain a cordial and very civil relationship with them, but I would not be interested in pursuing a friendship and I would not get close to anything that could be misconstrued as a sign of interest.