Can you be in a relationship with someone if you haven't had sex with them?

[wearehere2002]

[btbc92]

A relationship is not about sex nor should it have sex in it. That is a marriage. As I had told every guy, if they are looking for sex, there are plenty of other women they can fool around with. Sex is learned, and you must have something stable and the right intentions. The last thing you want is developing attachments sexually with the wrong people, let alone not knowing WHAT or who you sleeping with.

I can tell a lot about a man and the kind of future I would be having or for my family by how he carried himself and lives. If he is rushing sex, then he should be able to see me as a wife immediately and what to get married to. Even if it's within a week. If he is that quick to pull, back at the thought of marriage. He has already shown his true colors, the mask and the veil of blindness are pulled off. He isn't who he says he is. He is just running through women like paper. Maybe others like getting treated badly by those types of men. Not me. It's why I still have my virginity.

Sex should be with the expression of love between married couples, a man and a woman. If he is not about that, he is about getting his "sexual needs". He is not about love. That kind of person only cares about performance and gaining pleasure. Not love. Your value as a woman gets reduced to a human but fleshy sex toy. If I wasn't celibate, that is no way how I would desire for my sex life to be based on a man. A real man wouldn't even think about doing that or becoming that kind of man.

I cannot be in a relationship however with a man who isn't waiting or seeing the importance and sanctity of marriage and how valuable sex is to God and how it should be utilized between a man and a woman who are again married. Again, my main focus is getting to know a person romantically. Because if you don't like them romantically, you may not enjoy having sex with them. It is the gradual steps, continuous growth, maturity, and development as human beings that are important.

At least for me it definitely should be. You need to learn to be a friend, how to be a romantic partner to a person, and how to get along with each other before even thinking about challenging respects such as sex. Sex is marriage also. The moment you lay up with a person you already married. That's the last thing I want to do is be caught up with the wrong man and now I have to stay with a person who I am not legally married to by law and risk that person having sex (divorcing and then remarrying another woman). I encourage people to please learn about what sex REALLY is before even thinking about just sleeping with anyone, and about what kind of future you want.

[SnakeBoop]

Sex isn't the be all and end all in a relationship so duh

[Bobsyoruncle]

I’ve had several great friendships with women who were beautiful, sexy, smart people, without ever putting the make on them.

In another time, place and circumstance I might have been on them like stink on a monkey’s asshole, but -for whatever reason- that just wasn’t on the agenda.

It DOES need to be mutually understood that what you have going with each other isn’t going to end up with your ‘Tab A’ being inserted in her ‘Slot B’, big disappointments can ensue if it isn’t.

[MrOracle]

Not a romantic relationship. That's like going to a restaurant when you are hungry, waiting for a table, being seated, having your order taken, but ultimately not being served a meal, but still receiving a bill. Who would do that, and what would be the point?

I'm an adult, and I expect to have adult romantic relationships, and that means they include sex. Sex isn't the only important thing by any means, but it's one of several REQUIRED things.

[btbc92]

It's sex. It is not an adult romantic relationship. It is straight-up sex. It is a requirement for marriage, but not a relationship where you are learning and growing in your romance. Sex is not food, and it doesn't matter how "hungry" you are. You develop discipline, or you're just hoping from woman to woman and having no "substance" in your relationships. Perhaps you are into junk food that holds no nutrition at all.

[MrOracle]

@btbc92 You can do whatever you want to do in your relationships. I know what I require in mine, and it's not like this has ever really been a source of conflict for me, because, at least the people I deal with, have the same expectations.

[btbc92]

It is not about doing whatever I want. It is about doing what needs to be done. It is not about being so much of a source of conflict, but what are you teaching others? Your sexual business is yours. But there is a fine line between doing whatever you want because it is whatever you want verse, telling OTHERS what is and isn't a romantic relationship. That is just sex. If your requirement is fornication. That is your business. But you're going to cause a lot of heartache for others who desire more than just sex. Basically what your talking about is not relationships, just hookups. Be if for months or years, it's hookups. Romantica relationships have 0 to do with what your talking about. And being an adult have nothing to do with sexual choices you chose to make. Because now the question is, why is it a requirement for you if it is not the only important thing? Your single. So what are you really benefiting from it? How again is this relationship requirements if your 51, single and still have no partner or stability if your status is true? What then does it constitute romance if romance is suppose to last and be fruitful? What and how is that going to benefit other people? Should not romance be with love and the desire to love? Either I am missing something or your confused? How is sex going to benefit me as a person with a man who requires me to have sex with him? What is the purpose?

[MrOracle]

@btbc92 It's very simple: you and I have different views, and I'm never going to try to date you, or anyone who holds the views you have (which are decidedly in the minority). So why does that matter? What does matter is that the overwhelming majority of people in the dating market would agree with me, and that's what you are up against. That doesn't mean you can't find a man who agrees with you, but they are going to be few and far-between, and you need to be aware of that. You essentially exclude the vast majority of men right from the start - which of course you are allowed to do, but which only makes your search for a partner more difficult. Believe it or not, most women want sex is a relationship too, and aren't expecting to wait for marriage for it. That's why I've never had this become a problem in my relationships.

[btbc92]

That matters because again, you are to set an EXAMPLE. "What does matter is that the overwhelming majority of people in the dating market would agree with me, and that's what you are up against. " And that is all good and gravy. But where's your girlfriend? Where is your wife? So in other words the "majority of people" including you are having little to no results that are stable. Is that is what you're telling me? So what is the purpose of the dating market, and why should people be dating let alone need to be in the dating market? "That doesn't mean you can't find a man who agrees with you, but they are going to be few and far-between, and you need to be aware of that. You essentially exclude the vast majority of men right from the start - which of course you are allowed to do, but which only makes your search for a partner more difficult." Actually, it is not my job to find a man. It is my job to either agree or not agree with a man's advances or be chosen. I have been aware since I was in elementary school. So me excluding the vast majority is not my fault. In fact, all of you excluded yourselves. I didn't do anything. I just can't accept a man who already did those things. So in the end, I never made anything more difficult than you already did for yourselves. "Believe it or not, most women want sex is a relationship too, and aren't expecting to wait for marriage for it. That's why I've never had this become a problem in my relationships." Uh, no. You already said you wouldn't be trying to date me anyway. That si why most women aren't epectecting. You wouldn'tbang them if they told you their real feelings, which is why they never tell you. But they would tell me. Your a man, so you wouldn't get it. It's sad how you assume about women. They eventually think less of themselves while trying to please you be in marriage or not. So they don't see the point of fighting anymore.

[MrOracle]

@btbc92 I'm not about to justify my relationship choices with you, but to be clear, I realized almost 30 years ago that I have no desire to be married or have children personally. I have female partners, but currently no girlfriend - I've spent the last couple of years building my business instead of a relationship. That's also my choice. And one more choice: I'm not interested in being anyone's example, nor do I care what anyone thinks about ME personally. Like me, hate me, ignore me - makes not a bit of difference to me. When I answer these questions, I'm making generalizations about (western) society as a whole, not specifics about myself. My personal decisions are irrelevant - what matters is the MATH - what your LIKELY outcome is. So many women spend so much energy focusing on the exceptions to the rule and completely ignore the LIKELIHOOD of being that exception, and then they wonder why they struggle. Men focus on the odds, because we know we're likely to be among the 95% rather than the 5% of any situation. Women always want to believe that they're special, and they always believe that they're in the 5% who is the exception to the rule. That's the road to disaster.

[btbc92]

And those generalizations hold consequences because it doesn't paint an accurate picture of anyone, let alone what you are saying. Your personal decisions are always relevant because again, somebody will make their decisions based on yours. Always. And you forget you are not the only person on this planet. There are still millions and billions of people. Be if you decided to not get married, have kids or not, be for whatever reasons, or no reason at all is not the point. The point is what the heck are you talking about? That is the point. No, you make it that way and make dating a living hell. It is not about odds, it's about your CHOICES. I care not about math on that level. It is not about my outcome. What matters is who to trust and who not to trust. Outcomes have 0 to do with choices. It is all a choice. And if you pick a person who wasn't going to give you that likelihood of a loving future, that is on you. That have nothing to do with women thinking we're more special or the top 5%. We just want a man to love us. Not all of this stuff your talking about. If you can't love, best to just admit that than making all of these excuses for yourselves.

[btbc92]

So guess what man. Almost 30 years ago, I was but 1 year old. Barely still a newborn. So it's thanks to you, your generation, etc, you made this a bigger mess than it had to be. No. It is not that you are in the 95%. You don't want to put in the work. You pick women based on sex and then are SHOCKED that you have these results. So you cannot get mad at me for something I didn't even do. I wasn't even born yet. That is what you did. Not me. Thanks to your decisions, I'm affected by that.

[MrOracle]

@btbc92 Yeah, no. It wasn't men who changed all that, it was women. Women, not men, control access to sex. Men control access to relationships. Radical Feminism taught women to act like men - to "have sexual freedom" to sleep around, to pursue careers instead of raising families, and to withhold from men all benefits that women used to provide men in a relationship: having children, raising those children, cooking, sewing, and general home-making. Feminism taught women these things were awful, and degrading, and to stop doing them. The side affect of this is that men started to choose against marriage, and even to stop giving women so much non-sexual attention. But Feminism couldn't take away women's desire for male attention, and having nothing else to trade for that attention, women started trading sex to get it. That was WOMEN's decision, and that started happening in the 1960s, well before my time. The girls I grew up with were second-generation radical feminists, already corrupted. I say again: WOMEN control access to sex, and they could absolutely change this - but you and I both know that they won't, because they like it the way it is today. It's what feminism has taught them to want. Sure, it's bad for women in the long run, but they won't figure that out until its too late, and then they'll rationalize and justify and deflect blame for their decisions because it's more important for them to be right than it is to be happy. This is why so many women are in therapy. 25% of all American women are on anti-depressants, and if you look at left-leaning women, that number is 41%. You may be an exception to this rule, but it is your fellow women, not the men, who changed the rules, and who have the power to change them again. Men don't control access to sex, so men can't make this change, and aren't responsible for the change. We can't be responsible for something we aren't in charge of, can we?

[Aerissa_Jade]

No reason you can't, in fact it can be harder to have a relationship you had sex with first. Sex isn't needed for a relationship either.

[sage2021]

It's called a real relationship.

[ChrisMaster69]

Obviously yes.

huge numbers wait until they are married before they have sex

[RobT312]

You don’t need sex to have a relationship, but long term I think you do.

[summiter]

You can but sex can make it more fun!!

[Tamera952]

yes, duh

[SaoirseS]

Absolutely yes.

[Aurora1010]

Of course

[TwistedSukuna]

Obviously lol

[MikeTheBartender]

Of course! It's called a friendship!

[exitseven]

of course you can. Many people do not have sex for various reasons.

[IveGotNoName]

I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year before we went there

[RebeccaBI2000]

Sex is not needed right away. It will happen in time

[Heartache0405]

Or not at all of one of the two are asexual

[btbc92]

@Heartache0405 WRONG. Sex should never be the source or reason to enter into a relationship. If you just want sex, you get a prostitute, not a person who desires to have a relationship. Sex is for marriage anyway. You do not want to have sex with a person you can not be responsible for. Most women are not stupid. If they didn't want to one day experience sex, they wouldn't be dating you in the first place. I mean really. A lot of you men, no offense act very dense if not like a dunce.

[btbc92]

Please stop calling normal and healthy heterosexuality as asexuality or whatever that nonsense is. Before you get called a dog in heat and then feel offended saying it's a man's thing or whatever the excuse is now. And besides, most people presuming or self-claiming "asexuality" is just heterosexual people who may not be comfortable with today's hookup culture and it ave greatly impacted their confidence in who they are as a person. All your doing is condemning a person who they may not actually be. Some even have been molested or abused in the past. Please think before you say such things. Sex is not about performance or just pleasure. It should be about expressing love for one another. If you know you have no desire to love a person, just be honest instead of saying you need sex or want something serious. Serious people do not rush sex nor do they just enter into relationships expecting it. If you are so used to getting cookies out of the cookie jar, that is not that other person's fault you already developed such a "Sweet tooth" and no discipline or cavities. It is not my problem a man didn't wait for marriage to have sex. I am still a virgin. That doesn't mean or make me asexual, it means I am a person who takes sex and relationships seriously. Do not have sex with a person you don't see a future with. Before you may get accused of promising such a future you had no desire in delivering.

[Heartache0405]

@Btbc92, I think you misunderstood what I meant by asexual. For me anyway I don't plan on ever having sex. I don't want to. My ex cheated on me because I wouldn't have sex with her. Actually, two of my exes did. Idgaf of sex = love because if that's true than I don't ever want to be in love. If that's wrong them crucify me.

[btbc92]

@Heartache0405 You just proved my point. That is, not asexuality. Not wanting sex doesn't make a person asexual. That is celibacy like I am. You shouldn't be in love, and you don't have to have sex. HOWEVER, if you have a desire to love a person, love is pure and innocent of the heart. Those girls did not love you. So even though you got hurt, that wasn't your fault! Stop blaming yourself for what those selfish women did. They'll get their just rewards and think back on how they treated you if they never wanted to be treated poorly. Relationships are NOT about sex anyway. It is not that sex = love. But that tHROUGH your love for that person, when you married, you express that in the marriage bedroom. That has to be your personal desire and it must be true, pure, and authentic. It should be natural. Not forced. What you've experienced with those people was not love. It was expectations. Again, you are NOT at FAULT.

[btbc92]

You know who you are as a heterosexual man. NEVER let another person try to turn you into somebody you know God didn't make you be. To have sex and how you develop sexually should be between you and your wife. What you just experienced is another reason WHY you do not have sex before marriage. Because some people sadly will treat you as if your feelings, desires, and concerns aren't important when it is JUST as important as theirs. NEVER assume you're less important. None of that of what you've experienced makes you that. So do not call yourself that. You're normal. Your sexuality is normal. You develop your true sex drive when you are active anyway. Therefore please do not be so quick to lose your virginity over selfish women. They want other men, that's their business. You didn't deserve to be cheated on. A cheater is a cheater. She cheated because you wouldn't bed her, just dust it off. At least you have your dignity and your virginity, right? Even if sadly you are not a virgin anymore, you still have the right when and when not have to sex. I tell men and women the same, don't settle for less. And treat yourself more kindly and trust that God has better plans for you.

[btbc92]

If you are open to another relationship in the future, I pray that you find somebody who would love you for YOU. Not your body or because of your ability to have sex.

[Heartache0405]

@Btbc92, Celibate or asexual, It doesn't matter to me 😅 long as it gets my point across that I'm no fan of sex. Which shocks everybody sense they think, what kind of a man refuses sex? Anyway, one of my exes is "married" (not legally speaking) now and has a kid (she's not even with the father.) I don't blame myself for what they did. I fully blame them. And due to the fact that it happened multiple times, I refuse to go through it again. I prefer to stay single and that's just how I roll.

[btbc92]

Love is a choice and love takes TIME. You have to grow and learn and develop. What they look for sadly is not love. And if it is love, then they are doing it wrong and are seeking love in all the wrong places, besides their perception about love, men, relationships, sex, etc being wrong also. Maybe one day they will learn. But while you are on this journey called life, learn for yourself. You didn't miss out on anything. Matter of fact, you were speared. Because if you had sex with any of those girls, you probably would have been worse off than you are now. And think about it. ONE already cheated. Imagine God forbid you had sex, she still would have done it and you would have risked getting STDs God to forbid because of her. So not to undermine your experiences, but it could have been a LOT worse.

[Heartache0405]

@btnc92, I know right? 😅 I seriously dodged the proverbial bullet.

[BarryLiverstone]

Of course. Why rush sex?

[OfDeath]

Yes. A business relationship doesn't always require sex for example.

[ChiPaPa]

Duh..

[Twalli]

Sex isn't necessary. I was in a relationship for 6 months before having sex.

[LegendaryIcon]

nope

[OddBeMe]

Yes but sex should come eventually (hehe). It’s a big part of getting to know the person.

[Guardian45]

Of course, it's called friendship or relatives!