Do your parents know about the sexual traumatic experiences you’ve experienced?

[DizzyDesii]

Every few years, i tell my mom something thats happened because i dont feel like she can handle it all at once. Plus i fear she’ll run into my exes and try to attack them. And i just dont want her to ever approach them cause i know some have joined gangs now and i just want us to remain safe.
In 2020, i told her about the situation with the ex holding a gun to my stomach and trying to make me stay. It broke her heart and she couldnt believe I never told her. Because she kept inviting the dude over for me to get bacj with him.
Well just now i told her about that same ex trying to make me suck him and that i bit him down there to escape. And that when i ran into the house to get away that he chased me and tried to choke me to death. And that she broke it up without even realizing we werent “playing around.”
I also told her about another ex who was raped by his babysitter and then threatened to rape me one day. She freaked that i was raped by a babysitter too bt i had to explain that wasn't the case.
Now she's gone off and is very emotional. She just keeps saying “and to think you were the type who’d tell your mom everything.” But she just doesn't realize, I’ve kept every and anything thats sexual from her. I keep trying to prepare her for the biggest fckup in my life. But I dont think i can ever tell her how my virginity was taken. I just may have to take that one to the grave.
But yea do your parents know about any sexual trauma you may have experienced?
#FeelFreeToList #BadThingsHappen

[Finchie40]

I only had one traumatic experience when I was younger , I was molested by my Mom’s girl friend and I held it in for a long time and didn’t say a word , all I know is I didn’t really know what I felt to be honest , I know it’s crazy to say but I remember feeling nervous and scared but I also enjoyed it the same time cuz she told me not to say a word and the messed up thing is It actually felt good , the things she did to me , so I really didn’t know what to do , Also i was friends with her daughter , we grew up playing together and she was my age , and her and I did sexual things together as well , It wasn’t until I was 16 years old until I finally confessed to my parents about what happened , after my parents told me the mom passed away My parents were only a little concerned and asked me why I didn’t tell them after all this time , My Mom started saying things about her that kind of answered questions I had in the back of my head , that I never really talked about , pretty much why she was divorced from her husband and the abuse she went through , and it kind of answered on why her daughter was probably sexual as well etc.. When I was 20 years old I ran into her daughter again after so many years of not seeing or hearing from each other , and we ended up hitting it off and reminiscing and hooking up and having lots of sex spending a lot of time together , until stupid me eventually confessed to her about what her mom did to me and that pretty much ended the whole thing with us , she stopped talking to me and ignoring me , part of me feels like she was molested as well by her parents , her Dad mainly , but to know for sure I will never really know , I have tried reaching out to her through the years but she ignored me and moved on She is married with kids now and she still looks beautiful and it’s sad that things went the way they did , Cuz I really liked her but I guess things happen for a reason, Part of me feels like that trauma impacted the way I am when it comes to girls and relationships , compared to how I see other guys treat girls and think why aren’t I that way? Basically for me to have sex with a girl I need to feel wanted and respected , and feel deep chemistry and connection, I can’t just have sex with a girl to get off on , I know most guys can do that but I honestly can not , I know it sounds like I am talking out my ass but I am being honest

[DizzyDesii]

Wow im shocked you told the girl what her mom did.

[Finchie40]

Yea , I think cuz I felt comfortable with her and really liked her and I could tell her pretty much everything since we had a great connection and a long history together , on top of that she would tell me a lot about her Mom as well , of the crazy things her Mom did and how much she missed her , so I guess I felt best just getting it off my chest , considering she was really open to me about not keeping secrets , But big mistake I guess , I just really liked her and felt her and I were going to be together for the long haul so I felt that I shouldn’t keep that a secret , So by me Putting It on the table was my way of saying I don’t want to keep secrets from you , Sadly I guess people have too keep dark secrets when it comes down to making a relationship work , But just not who I am , I don’t want to hold secrets from someone I actually love and care about.. But I learned the hard way that sometimes I guess you have too take shit to the grave lol Sad thing is I will always have a place for her in my heart , she is a girl that I just have an instant attraction to , and I know she felt the same way about me , cuz the second we would lock eyes we would be naked and in each other’s arms , It’s just how it was , it’s a crazy feeling , I think it stems down from the history we have together , I did try to reach out to her a few years ago just to see how she is doing and she wouldn’t even respond , it hurts but I realize I just have to let it go., she is married with kids now and crazy to say I still wouldn’t mind having her in my arms cuz she is still beautiful as ever to me , But life goes on and life is a journey

[EnchantressTUA]

I just wanna start out by saying that I think you're so brave for getting through all that a surviving and not giving up on life because of any of it. You inspire me, and I completely understand how you feel about telling your story so that others can realise they're not alone and will be able to get through their situations 💜

I've never told my mum about my abusive ex but I have told my youngest brother some of what happened (explained the psychological and emotional abuse aspects but it didn't feel "appropriate" to tell him about the sexual aspects. I hinted at it a couple of times, saying that "I was forced to do things I didn't want to do" basically but didn't say what those things were). I've recently (over the last 12 months basically) started to tell my mum about the psychological abuse aspects and it was hard and made me feel sick, but I only felt like telling her because I'd wanted to turn to her a lot (I was scared of her getting mad or being like "I told you so", plus how could I care for someone so horrible, you know?). We sometimes discuss my father (her ex husband) and how emotionally and psychologically abusive he was towards mum, myself and my brothers, and I sometimes bring up my ex and how he was similar, almost like I'm showing her how I can relate to how she's feeling whilst also being able to get some things off my chest.

I've not even had an opportunity to open up to my therapist about the "relationship" yet coz covid happened and I didn't want to discuss it over the phone or video, and was near impossible to get an appointment earlier this year when she was able to see patients again, and then we had another lockdown which led to postponing my sessions (we won't be able to see dr's again face to face till mid Oct). It's pretty much just sat inside me festering for about a year now, waiting to come out. The abuse happened 2015-18 but I didn't come to terms with what happened until last year when I started to finally open up about what happened in the relationship and I had a friend tell me that it wasn't okay what he was doing during that time and I started to see what real love and healthy relationships looked like. I'm sure it sounds insane to some people, and some people will probably think I'm bullshitting or looking back and trying to find things to blame on him or something (I don't know) coz "how can it take so long for you to realise".. but when you're "in love" with someone who's abusing you you make excuses for them and it hurts to think they're hurting you so you tell yourself and others lies, and you can't always deal with the shame of admitting to people that your relationship isn't "normal" or isn't "right". Anyways, I just wanted to share my story for anyone who might be in a similar situation or has experienced abuse, and I'd you're reading this and can relate I just wanna give you the biggest hug 💜 life sucks sometimes and people sometimes suck and do shitty things but there are good people out there and things in life worth living for beyond the dark haze

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you so much. I like sharing to inspire others. And did you mom feel hurt since you probably accepted the abuse because she did back then? And no i agree although he and i dated 2009 and 2010 and i broke up with him after that, i still kept taking him back whenever he showed up because i was so uses to him. Took 2015 to close the door for good

[lilyanony1]

I've told my mum of the abuse I suffered with my ex, he hated me so much and I couldn't see it.
He treated me the way he did out of jealousy.
He was trying to bring me down to a level where I am now.
No one wants to befriend me, work with me or date me.

He knew exactly how to play me and my stupid Stubborn ass walked right into his mind games.

I'm life there's noone on this earth we got to prove anything too.
Live for yourself and God.

Anyone pushing you to do something that you're not supposed to, or is a little risky don't do it!

Anyone telling you that you're doing something you know your not, get rid of them. You don't need their paranoia in your life. Any one try to reverse psychology you, tell them they can f*ck right off.

Noone not even your parents can parent you when you become an adult.

You need good clear trustworthy advice get counselling.

Noone can tell you what's right for you but not being clear and offering you the option to chose for yourself, those people can rot!

[DizzyDesii]

Yes girl 👏👏👏

[t-8900]

Well when I was 7 I was repeatedly sexually abused in the second grade and just 2 years ago I finally had to tell my father because it was affecting me so bad and was unresolved along with other issues. I had a.38 revolver in my mouth and I wanted to pull the trigger because I had given up on hope and life. But I knew that if I did that I'd be leaving behind my sick father all alone and an Aunt who still loves me dearly. So for them I didn't do it. A son talking to his father about something like this is the hardest thing in the world to do. You can probably imagine a mother would be more empathetic and understanding to these issues. This is not something men discuss among men but I realized that it's because of our culture that men can't talk about these things and seek the help they need. So I did what I had to do and sought the help I needed. If there is one thing I'm thankful to modern women for it's the normalization that men can have emotions too and they can not feel bad about getting things off their chests.

[DizzyDesii]

Yes men can absolutely have emotions. And im so sorry that happened to you. Im so glad you chose to live another day. And im so glad you were able to talk this out with your dad

[t-8900]

It was the hardest, most painful, most embarrassing thing I ever had to do. My dad was an old school "pick em up by the bootstraps" boomer. He was a good father, kind hearted, even gentle, but when it came to masculinity he was an absolute hardliner on what a man should be. Zero compromises in most aspects of life, put the foot down always, etc. But that's just never been who I am. I'm a sensitive soul at heart and that's why I have a lot of insecurities as a man. I'm always asking if I can really show a woman who I am, how much I care, how much I want to be involved, and how committed I am. I've had a lot of issues in my past and it's why I was a late bloomer and only now getting my life together this past year. Because I had suffered so much emotional and mental trauma not just from this incident but so many others. It's hard to tell people in person "I just want to be held" because then I feel like a woman as it were because of how I was pressured into believing I had to be a certain way.

[t-8900]

I suppose toxic masculinity is a thing and even though my father was a good man, provided for me, was always there for me, he did exude toxic masculinity. But he did it to protect me in his way. He didn't want women taking advantage of me. I can't blame him for that considering how women use weak men. But I'm not blaming this on all women. Damaged people damage people. Bad guys make bad girls and bad girls make bad guys.

[DizzyDesii]

Its absolutely okay to ask to be held. But i dont think damaged people damage people. A lot of people that had a bad experience dont let it effect the next relationship. I dont

[t-8900]

You're right but what I mean to say is. Like the people who got their hearts shattered? A lot of times they shatter other's hearts too. I think the real heartbreakers are the ones who experienced this first hand and became traumatized by it in a sense. Like they put EVERYTHING from their heart and soul into that person to find out it was all a lie. The other person was sleeping around and was already planning to replace them months in advanced. That was the story of my first love. I'm glad she did it though because I wouldn't want anything to do with someone like that again. But it did harden my heart and cause me to have serious trust issues for a long time. This happened back when I was 22. She was older, had more experience and knew how to manipulate my emotions. I didn't truly get over her for about 3 years until I finally had a sit down with men about self worth and how I shouldn't feel bad for losing her because she didn't give me the same energy I gave her. Which basically meant she was a low quality human being and thus a low quality partner with little actual value. They were complete right on this and I was able to make some baby steps in the right direction as a result.

[DizzyDesii]

Im glad you're moving forward and on from her

[katiesmuff]

Never really ever had any traumatic experiences, but no outside of the sudden appearance of grandchildren they know very little about my sexual escapades.

[loves2learn]

I am really sorry you even have to share these with your mom. But you need her support not her making you feel bad. I thankfully have not had a traumatic sexual experience. I am very sad you did.

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you. And yea i dont think she means to make me feel bad but its just how she is

[Flower7]

Some of them, but not all.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea it’ll all be told in time

[dustybiker]

You are made of incredibly strong stuff.. and you get some of that from your mother. I’m so happy for you that you’re in a healthy recovery state now. Keep being that bright light you are.

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you so much :)

[electromagnetic]

My parents know nothing about my sexual life or history. Thankfully I haven’t had any traumas that required me to speak out them. My parents have met all my boyfriends but that’s pretty much it.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea my mom met all my bfs but she also always saw them as innocent because i didn't give her the messed up deets til now

[electromagnetic]

I definitely don’t want to talk about the time I got semen in my eyeball and had to wear sunglasses at my mom’s picnic. Some things I’m just going to leave in limbo 🤣

[Heather06]

Yes they do!

[DizzyDesii]

Thats good. Hope they reacted kindly

[TsundereMatrix]

Only one because my dad had to tell the guy off after he kept trying to force a relationship on me. My dad didn’t like how uncomfortable he was making me so he told him to stay away from me. The other ones my parents don’t know about because they weren’t there and I don’t want them getting worried about me.

[DizzyDesii]

Aww but maybe tell them

[ShadezMcgee]

Nope, they don't. Just something my therapist will learn later.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats understandable. Im glad there's at least someone you’ll talk it out with

[Jaximus-Lion]

I do when they ask me when we will have our own child and i go full asshole jerk person. I can be faul to my parents but they don't accept that we are not gonna have any children. I tell them about how to pull out, sex vacations, sex tapes, sex at any room in the house at any giving time and so on

[just_a_potato]

Not yet I'm scared it'll scare people away if I tell them the sexual baggage I have it'll stay under the rug until the last minute. Not smart but I'm a potato so. I'm sorry about your hardships ma'am ❤

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you :) but no you should tell at lwast someone

[Agape93]

Yeap. The ones that didn't thankfully happen, they essentially called me a liar and ignored it. When violence did occur, they said I deserved it.

[DizzyDesii]

See thats messed up. I think back then my mom wouldve called me a liar. I don't know but i had to wait til now to tell her. And lots of bullies said i deserved it but thats just because theyre not over the things that happened to them too

[Agape93]

And people wonder why my beliefs on such matters are so extreme. If you need to talk I'm here

[DizzyDesii]

Im good now. But in HS, i definitely wouldve preferred to have people like y'all to talk to. Im never goin to that HS reunion for reasons like this

[Agape93]

-hugs-

[Gwenhwyfar]

No..

[DizzyDesii]

Will you ever tell em

[Gwenhwyfar]

No. They both passed away.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh im sorry i didn't realize

[Gwenhwyfar]

It’s ok. Thank you.

[humpbackjack]

Sweetheart I’m sorry those things happened to you and it’s good to hear you’re not letting those losers have power over you for the rest of your life because understandably a lot of women never fully or even partially recover. I do wish you’d start picking from a different gene pool and I’m not talking race I’m talking you need to change the kind of guys that you’re attracted to somewhere in the men you’ve been attracted to there a character trait that the abusive ones shared you need to learn to recognize it and avoid them like the plague and in no way am I saying any of it’s your fault I mean it’s not like you’re going out looking for dudes that abuse women and it’s sad that women need to do such things just so they don’t have to go through shit like that and most likely avoiding that trait is going to be a trade off or maybe take a couple other good traits with it but you’ll find cause you have got a cool as spirit in you and one last thing I don’t really have anything I would consider sexual trauma I mean others might have it if they had my experiences but I felt like I was king of the world being around 15 having some pretty crazy sex with grown women the oldest being 35

[DizzyDesii]

Yea its definitely not race related because i dated every ethnicity of man you can think of. And theyre usually within 3 years of age. However, theyre very good at hiding their true selves. The problems i had with them were not things that could be spotted within a month of dating. True colors show over time. Even their longterm friends didn't know about their true side

[humpbackjack]

I hear you I just hate it when dudes beat on their girls like that I grew up around a lot of it not at home or anything but all my homeboys did they were all a lot older than me and you weren’t supposed to get in peoples domestic shit unless it was family I was looked at as the odd ball because I was quick enough to throw hands with a dude but always walked away from a female except when a female was coming at my wife luckily her old man grabbed her and left cause I was fixing to knock her out nobody puts their hands on someone I love male of female

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i dont respect the abusive stuff. It annoyed me that Easy E and Ice Cube them let Dre and Suge Knight beat on their women. Hey couldve at least tried to stop it. If those women died, thats on them. Fck not being in someones biz. If you hit them in front of me, you just made it my biz. And i dont support a man hitting a woman unless he's trying to defend himself from her getting physical with a weapon. Otherwise, restrain her. Dont hit her

[humpbackjack]

Yeah since I’ve grown up and raised daughters I definitely won’t let some man beat up a woman I definitely didn’t approve of back then but as a kid I couldn’t do much since they were all a bunch of big ass convicts twice my age and the couple of times I tried I caught hell even from the girl on the receiving end anyways there’s just no need for it but I’m sorry to say I been in two situations where I was about to break my rule both times it was to protect my wife luckily circumstances prevent it from happening thankfully

[exitseven]

I never really had any sexual traumatic experiences. I never told my parents anything.

[JosyJosy]

No. My mom would like to but her knowing anything would make matters worse, so I leave her out of it. She's what I call a stress chicken, doesn't know how to cope and she refuses to seek professional help so putting MORE stress on her would be bad in my situation. But having a parent being there for you is one of the greatest things ever, even if it's not a parent, or just a friend. It takes strength to open up about it. Knowing someone's out there brings me comfort.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea mine would definitely make matters worse if she knew all the extra deets i left out

[Anpu23]

No not at all.

[DizzyDesii]

Did they ever ask

[Anpu23]

Nope. Not at all.

[elizamichale1]

Yup they know... my parents have always been very open n supportive n i always share with them specially with my dad

[Phoenix98]

Nothing to tell.

[DizzyDesii]

Even better

[Phoenix98]

Mhmm.

[magiusX26]

i'ld hope so by now seeing as they are only spirits.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh yea they know everything now

[magiusX26]

i'ld figure so too. no secrets left from them including inner thoughts that are as up to date as my breathing is.

[magiusX26]

sorry to hear so many of you had traumatic sexual experiences. a few not so good spots is all i have. no abuse stuff either here. to be fair, quite a bit of it i openly discussed before either died, just not every little detail, mostly my mom though because there was a long stretch there where me and my dad didn't even talk. had only been back in communication a couple of years when he died.

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you for saying that

[magiusX26]

no problem. saddly i see (as statistics gave shown before) its mostly women being traumatized (often actual sexual assault) .

[Jamie05rhs]

I thank God that I haven't ever experienced any sexual trauma.

But I very much sympathize with those who have.

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you. Its best to :)