Does this count as sexual assault/rape?

Question

I was making out with this guy I've been seeing for a month. I made it clear to him that I don't feel comfortable having sex yet, but I'm ok with making out, and being naked together. After some time, he decided to put on a condom (as a precautionary measure/just in case) during our makeout session. A few min later, I feel him shove his dick inside me without even asking if I'm sure about him proceeding with it. Since he was already fully inside me, I just decided to go with it. After the sex was over, I felt very guilty and like my boundaries were crossed. Does this count as sexual assault?

IceCreamSandwich · Accepted Answer

So you said straight to his face you didn't want to, that was a clear boundary in the situation. And then he did exactly what you said not to. Yeah that's rape.

It doesn't matter—even if you were letting him touch the tip to you or "basically have sex"— you said that didn't mean you wanted actually sex. (And even told him specifically you did NOT want sex. There can't be mixed messages if you tell him that the message does not mean you want sex.) He ignored your explicit boundary and you had a natural reaction to avoid conflict in the moment. I don't blame you, if he was that easy to act against you then there's no good reason to think he would've stopped if you repeated what he already knew. And then it would be much harder to avoid the fact of what happened.

Even if you don't want to or don't feel safe taking legal action here, don't take no action at all. People who break boundaries don't stop. He is very likely to do it again. And do worse. I strongly recommend telling someone you can trust so you aren't isolated, and getting out of touch with him as quickly as possible.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

It meets the legal definition, yes. But from an "actual real life" point of view, voluntarily getting naked and getting into bed with your naked boyfriend, and then saying nothing as he puts on a condom, is an EXTREMELY mixed message, and there's very little chance that he would be convicted.

The reality is that 98% of women do NOT want to be asked every time a guy wants to escalate things another step - that's not romantic or spontaneous - and most people don't assume that's going to happen. I realize that you told him earlier that you weren't ready, but he's going to assume that you'd EVENTUALLY be ready, and by the time you're getting naked, and then letting him put on a condom without stopping him and saying "what are you doing? We said 'no penetration', remember?", you put yourself in a bad situation. I'm not saying the guy was completely right, but you were playing with fire the whole time.

elizamichale1 · Accepted Answer

come on honeyyyy... i know when boys are around for tht only... but u r pushing it seriously... letting him n urself get naked n make out n expect not having sex... who are u kidding really... n noooo its not any assault

Katie1964 · Accepted Answer

"Since he was already fully inside me, I just decided to go with it." Not sexual assualt or rape.

Jessica405 · Answer

Yes. Of course it does. Silence is not consent. He raped you.

Lynnfriend · Answer

Not really something should have been said, when he put on the condom. Then you should have reminded him.

lightbulb27 · Answer

We'll, I don't know by law.

He was wrong to do that, I'm sorry.

I really think you take some responsibility here as well as you are not being realistic and don't understand what you are doing. Getting naked... you gotta be kidding me, I don't know what you are thinking. I know women will blast me for this, but you have to use common sense. Even making out leads to stage 2 which goes to home base fast.

Please learn from this.

summiter · Answer

This guy is an ass. Yes you made it clear to him that you did not want sex. As soon as he put the condom on you should have left right away. Dump him asap.

Berethor · Answer

Maybe as you tole him before, but making out naked with him was sure not a smart idea.

TonyV · Answer

Yeah but also you were sending some mixed signals, not to victim blame, it's just if I was naked with a girl I'd expect she's expecting me to make some kind of move.

I don't think I'd go straight to sex but if she took off her pants while we were making out I'd feel like she's wanting me to at least finger her.

SnowedIn · Answer

Did the last time you asked this question not give you the answers you wanted?

slatyb · Answer

Meh. We're you afraid to tell him to stop?

MementoMori777 · Answer

Yes, unproven sexual assault

Bricealan · Answer

Tough time in any court with that one. I was EATING a girl out, and tried to fuck her afterward, and she crossed her legs. NO fucking, and I had her pants off and full face in her pussy. If I had strangled her and then fucked her the court would STILL have found me guilty of forcible rape.

sheenagwapa · Answer

you didn't interject though he probably thought it's fine to proceed so no. i'm sorry if that's what yoy feel

Drumlin2001 · Answer

You saw him put on the condom? Did you reiterate at that point that sex was not in the table?

douride2 · Answer

Legally I would say yes. As for you why didn't you resist or say no when he went further then you wanted to? Still you said you made it clear you didn't want to have sex before you made out.

UncleBilll · Answer

It's very tempting for a man to want to stick it inside a cute girl.. when he put on the condom he was doing it to put it inside you unless your were going to give him a BJ with a condom. At the point where he's up inside you, at the that point, you should have told him to pull out and bounce, the doors right there, however you said nothing at all, so he kept going, That's like telling an unarmed robber he can only steal 5 dollars and you have over a 20.. Don't feel guilty, you were a good date for letting him bring you pleasure.