End a 2.5 year relationship because sex is no good?

Hi,
First i'm sorry if I offend anyone with this post. This is awkward for me to come to terms with but I think I'm either horrible in bed or my partner and I are not sexually compatible. My boyfriend and I have been together 2.5 years. I always felt something was off with us in the bedroom because a lot of the time he would just shut down and get really quiet afterwards. No happy glow or cuddling. Most of the time he would finish but a least a couple times a month he could not. We've never had sex very often, about 1 to 2 times a week tops. About a year and a half into our relationship, he couldn't finish and he just blew up in frustration and told me all these things I think he was bottling up for a while. He told me he feels like he either has to be drunk or doing all the work to be able to finish with me. He said it's like I have no idea what i'm doing in bed.
We are both from different cultures. I'm white American and he's black from Africa. Since his 'confession' he has tried to show me how he likes to be touched but I think it's just getting worse. (I was giving him a blow job the other night and he lost his erection) He doesn't even want me to attempt hand jobs anymore. When I'm on top he'll usually take over in less than 30 seconds because I don't move the way he wants me to. My confidence is being destroyed. I've asked him why he's even with me if he thinks I'm so horrible in bed and he said I have so many other qualities he admires.
The other night he left his facebook logged in on my computer and I snooped in his messages. There was lots of heavy flirting with other women which bothers me a lot but I'm not surprised he'd have a wandering eye. One thing stood out most, he was talking to one of his guy friends about how 'a lot of white women are shit in bed' his friend disagreed so he said ' try living with one for a year' He was obviously talking about me. I don't see how to fix this anymore and if he won't end it I think I should.
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Superb Opinion

  • I definitely think you should break up asap. Both of you seems like you would be better of without this relationship. Ngl sounds like your sex-skills is not as good as it could be. Maybe you need some time as a single women to experience and get experience. He on the other hand seems like he is already over this relationship. To me flirting is cheating. Whatever you don’t wanna do with a women in front of your girlfriend is cheating. Like he obviously wouldn’t flirt with another girl in front of you just like he wouldn’t kiss another girl in front of you. Chances are he probably already has cheated, without you knowing. Before you break up, I highly recommend communication. Next time you are having sex, then try asking him what he wants you to do and how to. Let him guide you. Or you can try watching porn to get an idea of how it’s properly done. Ask him what you can do to make it feel better and what you are doing wrong. Practice on him. If that doesn’t work out, then ask him if he even really wants this relationship or if it’s best if you both go your separate ways.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think people who say "what are you waiting for, just end it quick" have no idea what your 2,5 year relationship means in contrast to sex not being great and him flirting a little and talking bad to his mate. Don't just end it without thinking ahead.

    You could take a break like I once did. Sex with my boyfriend wasn't great so we took a break. I experimented having casual hookups with several guys. And actually when that was out my system, I was able to reconnect with my boyfriend, see the sex in perspective and it actually got better since I noticed different things once I cared less.

    Also cultural difference can be a thing. I have been with African men and they tend to be a little more dominant in bed. Try to find a middle road.

Most Helpful Guys

  • To be honest sounds like he's closet gay or chronic masturbator. If you have sex only a few times a week, all you have to do is bend over and let the guy do his thing. There's no way you can be so bad that he loses his erection or can't finish. Those are problems of closet gays and chronic masturbators.

  • Do you think that there were Cultural issues, that he didn't want the closeness and intimacy you did, or was it something else?
    Not JUDGING!! But 'Culture' and 'Religious' things are often a problem in relationships!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Awww... sorry to hear that, thats not a healthy intimate relationship to have with your partner. You are doing just fine by the way, its just you haven't found the righ match yet. End this relationship bc otherwise both of you are going to regret not doing anything about it bc you wasted precious time being in an unhappy relationship that both wanted out, and sex in a relationship is very important if you dont have it, it will destroy your happiness in the bedroom.

  • I mean, I'd end it.

    Especially after seeing those comments.

  • Yes. End it now. Life is passing you by. Find someone who values you.

  • Say goodbye you deserve better

  • I mean I personally woukwoul but I wouldn't judge someone who did. You need what you need and if you're not happy you're not happy 🤷

  • Shit, I’ll end it for you. He sounds disrespectful and kind of a child. I’d dump him just for flirting with other girls. Sure the sex is bad and it sounds like he just has issues that he blames you for. You can find a guy out there who adores you and your body. Don’t settle for this sour attitude of his.

    • Yea... normally flirting like that would be a deal breaker for me but I'm realizing my confidence and self esteem are at an all time low. I think I feel like this is all my fault and why wouldn't he be looking for something better... horrible I know.

    • He’s a toxic person who shouldn’t have this much control over you. Take some time and space for yourself. It might sound selfish but it really helps to separate yourself from the situation to get a little perspective over it all.

  • That's a good reason to end a relationship. And it sounds like you have many other good reasons. You aren't happy, he's not happy, why would you continue?

  • Sexual compatibility is equally important as romantic compatibility. They work together but aren't the same. He's clearly wrong for you, and you know this already.

    **He's disrespected you, which should be a deal-breaker above all else.**

  • Appears shallow but sexual compatibility is one of the foundations of a thriving relationship. Without it, the relationship is unstable. I only ask that you let him go as compassionately as you can.

  • of that relationship cause you can find someone better gurl
    of that relationship cause you can find someone better gurl
  • If that's what you wanna do

    Because at the end of the day you are not satisfied

  • sex is important, sure

  • What took you so long?

  • Dam bitch u r the problem did u farted while having sex with him because that shit is nasty hope he finds other woman better then u.

    • Get a life. And maybe you could learn how to string an actual sentence together that makes any sense while you're at it.

    • Especially since he's the king lol. Ignore him, don't take it personally...

    • @kencu67 Right on!

    • Show All
  • Sounds like you should have done it sooner

  • Not a great reason but that’s ok

  • Only one question : how can you still be with him?
    Clearly, he doesn't respect you and the relationship you have. He keep telling you you're the problem but maybe he is. He just doesn't want to admit it. This is typical male behavior to blame women instead of questioning himself. And now, you got all the proves of his disrespect. It's time to leave and move on good.

  • I think a lot of this problem is down to him and his attitudes. He is obviously incompatible with you, and is dragging you down.

    One thing about relationships is that every one is different. What you learn in one may not work in the next. I feel your guy expects you to be the same as others that he's had. That is unfair. You are not them!

    Call it a day. Duck out and find a more compatible guy. Right now, before he drags you down further.