Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Hi. I'm 20, so is my boyfriend. We've been together for a little over a year. He's an amazing guy, I really love him and the sex is great, but falls short in some aspects. He likes being dominant but only to a certain extent. The porn I watch is exclusively a rape-like scenario. He's kind of hard to read. He'll say he wants to be more romantic, I agree, then he'll randomly be really rough. Or, the opposite, I want it to be really rough and he's extremely... not.
I very frequently tell him how rough I want it. Sometimes he delivers but that's extremely rare. I'm frustrated because I clearly communicate what I want and he just chooses not to, but will on occasion when he feels like it at weird times.
I'm just kind of confused and slightly annoyed. I'm not sure how much clearer I need to be. I do have a history of sexual abuse and he's expressed worry about my somewhat unhealthy desire to be forced to do things sexually but honestly I dont' really care about that at this point. It makes me aroused and it's not really something I can change.
How can I get my boyfriend to be rougher with me sexually?
plshelpme888 Xper 2
0 3
What Girls & Guys Said
10 24Thats probably because if he goes rough he will orgasm very soon. So he might be avoiding rough sex so that the sex lasts longer.
I think your boyfriend is right that it is not in your best interest to be acting this out. Rape porn might not be a good idea for you. People can start mixing sex with pain for various reasons which is not healthy.
He's trying to be caring toward you. The thought that you can't change at this point could be false thinking. Most people can change a lot if they choose.
if you are expecting really rough he might himself feel like he's being abuser. A lot of men don't want to role play that kind of thing.
Got be more direct then cause eventually you might recent him for it and might leading to cheating my friend she cheated on her ex cause he shrug it off. To point sex just became chore. Always the same.
He doesn't like that.
It sounds to me like you need to be reminded of the fact that it's not all about you. Just because you want him to do something sexually does not mean you are entitled to him doing it, even if you're "not sure how much clearer you need to be". If he's not comfortable playing out your rape fantasies, you should not try to force him to. If you are not OK with that, leave hi and find someone who will rape you.
You have to set up a system of communication that fits the scenario. It messes up the dynamic when you tell him what you want directly, because you're not being a good sub. You're giving orders.
So you set up a system that "rewards" bad behavior on your part with certain punishments from him. Using your hands during a blowjob earns you a slap. Pushing him away earns you a skull-fucking. (Just examples) Its a fun dynamic, you just have to get your signals down so you can play the roles right.
You don't
If he doesn't want to do it, he shouldn't have to. It's actually considered rape, what you're trying to do
I'm not going to force him obviously it's just something I would like him to do
Like i said, if he doesn't want to, lay off of it. If you want a guy who will have rougher sex, break up
Maybe he doesn't like it.
Why do you feel like you're entitled to him doing what you want?
He's not a sex toy.
Just let him be who he is.
You either accept him or move on.
Do you tell him to be rougher durimg sex?
You need to talk to each other about what you like or don´t like, and what you would like to try. There is no other way.