Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health How do I know what my sexuality is?
Anonymous
I've literally been crying for the past few days because I don't know if I'm gay, bi, or straight. My parents are really conservative so I can't say anything to them. I've always thought I was attracted to both genders, but now I have no clue. I'm 18, I've never had sex or been in a relationship. I've gone on like 2 dates with awful rapey men in the past. My friends have all had significant others and have already had sex and I just feel so alone. Like I've talked to them about it and they say "Don't worry about it, you're not gonna find anyone now. So just wait, you'll find someone." I feel like I've heard this for four fucking years and now I'm going to college soon and have no idea what I'm attracted too. I had the expectation that I'd know in highschool, and now I'm having that same expectation for college and I'm thinking well would if nothing happens once again there like in highschool. Like I feel like most people know what they like in college and explore that. But I have zero clue and I am just so frustrated with people telling me. "Oh you're straight probably" or "Just like whoever." Like I just want to know and I'm considering just hooking up with someone on like Tinder because I'm seriously frustrated with myself and nobody else understands.
Updates:
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I appreciate the kind words and help everyone! It really means a lot. :) I'm surprised by the positivity haha
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What Girls & Guys Said
22 72Bait post...
With society pushing a lot of messaging on people having a confused sexuality, it can definitely take an affect on people. I’d say to not hook up on tinder; having sex with some random person is never good and from what I’ve heard; people regret it. Also you might feel awkward about this whole thing because, you haven’t went on a genuine date with someone normal. So I would try to meet a guy (a good guy meaning don’t fall for the “I love you now let’s have sex” guy) try to approach a guy (simply get near him and do a hair flip thing or ask a question and start a convo) because, that takes a lot of pressure off a guy to talk to a girl. See how you feel with going on a date with him. Also if you want to meet someone; try to join a club (this was recommended to me) and meet people because, having a natural environment leads to a natural interaction. Also I would talk to a Priest or spiritual director (even if you’re not religious) they have a lot of wisdom. I hope I helped.
Listen dating is hard. You may be sick of people telling you to just be patient trust me I get it people have been telling me that for like 10 years but that's really what you should do. I can't help much with figuring out your sexuality all I can say is normally you just know. I'm heterosexual, I know this because girls arrouse me and boys don't I couldn't get a hard on for a guy to save my life. Maybe that helps I don't know but I hope so.
Everyone is straight by default. It usually lasts until they feel it's "not quirky enough" for them and they need a bit more attention for their issues.
Ask yourself are you in a position to take care of yourself? If not then you're not ready for for sex.
Focus on school. People are annoying, anyhow. :)
Your sexuality isn't a choice, it's something you're born with, but your sexual orientation is something you have a choice with.
That being said, a sexual orientation is far more complex, in the amount of social, political, and economic factors that go into how you choose to identify with yourself, with your orientation, and how other people perceive you in that regard.
I'm not suggesting that you can choose to be straight or gay, or lesbian or something else, I am saying that the way you feel about your orientation, is something you do have a great capacity for influencing, either in a positive, or negative way.
Whatever you do, don't define yourself, based on other people's standards, cuz you'll never be happy doing that.
You never know until you try, or at least showcase a sense of attraction towards someone. And it’s actually an accomplishment to be a virgin these days you’re definitely an oddity. It’s a good thing take your time truthfully it would be well worth the wait.
You're straight.
Fucking idiot.
Sounds to me like maybe your bad experiences with the 2 guys may have affected you.
You're still young. At college you'll meet all kinds of people, just be open minded and go with the flow. Experiment. Dont worry too much about a label. Just do what feels comfortable and see where that takes you
Does it matter what you are? You are attracted to whoever and it's beyond your control. If you fight it, you deprive yourself of love. I'm hetero, but as I got older I became more attracted to women. I didn't question it because I don't get caught up in labels.
Love does not care what sex you chose, why should you?
Have you considered asexuality?
First of all: slow down and breathe. Look around you. Are you in some immediate danger? Probably not. So no need for this panic.
Many people experiment in college years to find out what makes them tick. So don't rush to slap a label on your sexual preferences. Just pursue what feelings come up, as they come up. If you feel attraction to someone and it feels "right", then trust that feeling.
Most of us don't know. You don't always have to cling to an identity. You just go for what you fancy.
Take a man and a woman and set them side-by-side. Which do you find yourself more attracted to? Or you could just be bi?
Think about whenever you get sexual urges. Do you think of getting penetrated by a penis or pleasuring a vagina?
You're still very immature, barely past childhood. Give yourself time to actually grow into a fully adult woman. Seriously. And quit worrying about it, focus on your studies, and making yourself the very best YOU that you can be.
When you least expect it the right person will come along and you'll click. The sex will come naturally. Quit listening to others, and just do what you know is right for you.
Ah so much pressure! Hit the release valve on this toxic peer pressure and societal expectation!
I remember how it feels though, it was lonely for me too as I was confused for a long time also. I'm still figuring stuff out about my sexuality and other things even now! But I'm no longer anxious about it.
What helped me was realising I don't have to define my self in such a binary way, I thought I did because that's what everyone around me expected.
It's just easier for people when they can label you, because then they know what to expect, say, respond to etc.
I now revel in their curiosity when act or speak in ambiguous terms about sex. I like keeping them guessing 😌
Though I'm not being ambiguous intentionally. Like you my attractions are more complex then most and not always well understood by me. I just try to be real about my feelings in the moment and not over analyse them. If this leads to questions like, "are you gay, are you bisexual" I usually just say, "no, I'm just me" and smile.
There's no perfect answer, but remember that there's a lot more to life than sex or sexuality. Try to relax and enjoy your life by being in moment.
Who is in charge of you? Your body, your mind, or you?
YOU choose. You will deal with the consequences of your choices.
Take courage, choose, move forward. Don't throw it in anyone's face. Just be you.
Seriously and honestly I wish you well.
Jeez that's hard to comment on really, the obvious answers would be if your a girl, your either str8 and like boys, or your bi and your sexually attracted to both boys and girls or your a lesbian and you like girls only.
But then again, when your born now your parents can choose your gender even tho if your a male & your born with a penis or if your a girl you have a vagina, which is so bloody confusing now these new terms they throw around like gender fluid, wtf does that mean.
I'm glad i was born in an era at the end of the 70's where i was a boy and I had a penis.
does that help you out in anyway
Honestly. I'm just gonna say it... society is mainly what created my confusion. Growing up pumped full of lgbtq television, media, etc. Is what made me this way. And it is SO frustrating. If you have/are going to have kids try as best you can to keep them away from that stuff because it seriously screws up your brain chemistry in my experience.
you like girls, you're gay. you like guys, you're straight. you like both, you're bi, you like nothing, you're asexual. pretty straight foreward.